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Ashes Ashes
by Mari
EMAIL: Ficangel@yahoo.com
RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: The various characters within belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy,
and Stephen King. No profit is being made.
SPOILERS: Vague Season 4 spoilers for Buffy; through `Shanshu' for Angel, though
references will be made to places/events of Season 2. Yup, this one's going old-
school.
PAIRINGS: C/A with a smidgen of C/L
FEEDBACK: The good, the bad, the ugly. I'll take it all.
SUMMARY: A super virus wipes out most of the human race, leaving the survivors to
face a supernatural foe that few are prepared for. Crossover with Stephen King's
`The Stand'.
Part One
"Destruction leads to a very rough road
But it also breeds creation."
-Red Hot Chile Peppers, "Californication"
It was such a silly, stupid illness. A tickle in the back of the throat, an ache behind the
eyes. There were rumors, of course, but this was Hollywood. The city thrived on
rumors, stories, and if there were none to be had legitimately then the people would
begin to invent them.
"Captain Trips," they whispered in the gyms and the restaurants, the bars and the
boutiques. By then the hospitals were the most happening places in town and the
morgues could not keep up with the dead. "It's called Captain Trips, and there's no
cure."
The proper authorities denied that there was any sort of crisis. They always did.
Bland assurances did not quiet the whispers.
"Captain Trips is coming to town," they murmured. "Captain Trips, and you had better
brace yourself, man, `cause it's going to be one hell of a ride."
*
It was standing. It had taken two hours, one smashed thumb (Wesley), three broken
nails (Cordelia), and a small handful of extra pieces that neither of them knew quite
what to do with, but the new case board was up, bright and clean and just waiting for
helpless to be helped.
Cordelia tucked a few strands of hair back into her ponytail and grinned. "Ta-da!" She
turned to Wesley. "I told you `Some assembly required' didn't mean the end of the
world. Between the two of us, we ought to be qualified to tell the difference."
Wesley paused from nursing his injured thumb long enough to answer, "You came
through without injury." But his mouth was twitching as he said it.
Cordelia held up her hand, displaying her ragged nails. "Hey. These are going to take
at least three weeks to grow back. Mock not my pain." She turned to gaze in the
direction of her bedroom with drawn brows. "I wonder if the racket woke Angel up."
After a few seconds of silence seemed to prove her wrong, she turned back, asking,
"Do you think we should be louder?"
"You're actually endeavoring to disturb him?"
"You make it sound like such a terrible thing. I'm as giving as the next girl-" A snort
from Wesley, to which she replied, "Oh, shut up. You know I am. But I have an
audition at three, and I'll die before I show up all sweaty and gross. Besides, when I
offered to let Angel crash in my bedroom during the day, I didn't think he was
planning on using it for, you know, the whole day."
"Hard to sleep through the day with the noise you two were making out here."
Cordelia didn't jump when she heard Angel's voice behind her, and she was proud of
herself for that. She offered up a sheepish grin and Angel returned it with one of his
rare half-smiles as he walked around her. "A dead man couldn't have slept through
it." Cordelia and Wesley restrained themselves from pointing out the obvious-barely-
as Angel paused to survey the case board. "Wow," he said. "This looks good."
"You don't have to sound so surprised," Wesley said, his expression turning offended
for a moment. "Between Cordelia and myself, we do possess some practical ability."
"We possess the practical ability of a retarded gopher," Cordelia corrected. "But
you're right. We done good. Now all we have to do is fill it up with helpless to be
helped and Angel can get on with the Shashuing."
"Because that's going to be so much easier than putting together a dry erase board,"
Angel replied.
"You weren't the one putting it together," was Cordelia's parting shot before
disappearing into her room.
Angel raised his eyebrows at Wesley as soon as she was out of sight. "Has she been
like that all day?"
"Compared to her earlier mood, what you saw was solemn," Wesley said. "I believe
it's her audition. She's decided that nerves are her personal enemy and therefore
must be vanquished accordingly."
"So it's a tough one?"
"National broadcast." Wesley smiled slightly. "Be thankful that you weren't awake
earlier, or you would have been recruited into helping her rehearse her lines right
along with me." Angel's expression changed and Wesley's jaw dropped. "I hate you."
"Can't blame a guy for exercising a little self-protection."
*
Cordelia could hear the guys as they continued to talk in the living room, but with the
door closed it was relegated to a distant background hum. She sang under her
breath as she searched her closet for the perfect outfit with which to knock the
casting people on their collective asses, snatches of a song that she had heard
earlier on the radio.
"Baby, can you dig your man? He's a righteous man...baby, can you dig your man?"
At long last she settled on a strappy red number that showed some curves and hinted
at a lot more. Cordelia grinned as she shucked her work clothes and pulled the silken
fabric over her head, feeling it mold to her body in all the right places. Baby, this one
was in the bag.
*
Forty-five minutes until the next pill. The next three-quarters of an hour stretched
endlessly before him, a highway disappearing into the horizon and glittering with
broken glass; he had no choice but to walk it.
Lindsey lifted his head off the back of the couch long enough to stare at the clock
before dropping back with a groan. Forty-four minutes now. His arm throbbed from
his elbow to the fingers that that he could almost imagine were still there.
Lindsey swore finally and heaved himself off the couch, carrying his right arm close to
his chest. The bandages where his hand used to be were pristine and white, not a
speck of blood to be found. Lindsey tried not to look at them too much.
The doctor at the hospital had told Lindsey not to mix his medication with alcohol. He
had also told Lindsey that he needed to stay in the hospital for another week when
Lindsey had been on the verge of chewing his other arm off to get away. Lindsey
found a glass and had a brief and ultimately victorious struggle with the whiskey
bottle before he was able to get the lid unscrewed. Panting, he stared at the bottle
and debated between the satisfaction of hurling it against the wall and the
impossibility of cleaning up such a mess one-handed, not to mention the torture of
sitting through the next forty minutes unaided. In the end, alcohol won. Lindsey
poured two generous fingers worth of amber liquid into the glass, swearing as his
hand shook and slopped it over the rim, and downed it in one go. He scarcely felt the
burn.
"We'll have you up and at `em again in no time, Mr. McDonald," the perky nurse who
had come to change his bandages earlier in the day had said. Lindsey didn't know
her name; he assumed that Wolfram and Hart hired her and let her do her job without
comment. "The bone has to knit and scar tissue has to form before you can be fitted
with a prosthetic, but by the end of the summer you should be as good as new."
`As good as new.' Lindsey had clenched his fist very hard to avoid striking the woman
in the face. The marks were still visible on his palm.
Lindsey considered pouring himself another drink, but ultimately set the glass in the
sink instead. "Doctor's orders," Lindsey said, and laughed. There was an edge of
hysteria in his voice. He didn't laugh again.
Lindsey sank back onto the couch and passed a shaking hand over his eyes. His lids
felt as if they had been pried open and burning sand forced beneath them. Lindsey
couldn't be sure, but he thought the feeling might be encroaching tears.
Thirty-two minutes.
*
The casting office was packed with women of every race and description: blonde,
redhead, brunette, curvy and dancer-thin. Cordelia saw several pairs of breasts that
hadn't come from good genetics and home cooking. The only common denominator
among the women was their overwhelming beauty.
Cordelia faltered at the sight of so many manicures and masses of shining hair. Her
smile slipped for only a second before she caught herself, making sure that her lapse
in confidence didn't show on her face. Frowning causes wrinkles.
Botox before she was thirty. There was a thought more chilling than any of the
women there.
Cordelia ran her hands over her hips, smoothing a few nonexistent wrinkles out of
her dress and highlighting the fact that a pretty nice body laid beneath it. The
movement earned poisonous glares and not a few interested looks from around the
room. Cordelia made a mental note to use it during her audition.
She ambled past the throng in her best Queen C strut, taking the first available seat,
which happened to be next to a buxom blonde with legs that could make a
supermodel look stumpy. The blonde was ruining her glamorous indifference by
shaking so badly that it was a wonder she kept her seat.
"Hi," the blonde whispered to Cordelia as she sat down. Her voice had a whispery,
kittenish quality that would have made her sound like Marilyn Monroe if she had not
also sounded as if she were coming down with a cold.
`Fresh off the bus,' Cordelia catalogued. `Small town girl dreaming of making it big.'
She felt bad when her next thought was, `I am so going to kick her ass.' But only a
little; this was business.
"Hi," Cordelia said, flashing the magnetic smile that had kept her in free coffee and
muffins for years. "I'm Cordelia Chase."
"Alice Lacey." Alice was worrying her script through her fingers so fiercely that it was
a wonder she could still read it. She gave the room at large a wary glance, like a
soldier who found herself deep in enemy territory without warning. "I didn't think there
was going to be so many people here."
"First audition?"
Alice nodded and Cordelia bit the inside of her cheek to keep her smile from growing
too large. Okay, now she really couldn't help feeling bad. "It gets easier," Cordelia
said. "Never less chaotic, but after a while it's a chaos you'll like."
Relief lit up Alice's face. "Oh, good." She leaned forward. "To be honest, you're the
first person I've seen who doesn't look like an outrageous bitch."
Cordelia fought to swallow her startled giggle before it could become a guffaw, and in
the end had to settle for an unladylike snort. Alice grinned. "You'll get used to that,
too," Cordelia said. "Get most of us away from the casting office and we turn into
human beings. I promise."
Alice smiled and looked much more at ease than she had when Cordelia first walked
through the door. She had even stopped mangling her poor script. Alice opened her
mouth to say more, but her words were overwhelmed by a thundering sneeze.
Cordelia leaned back, turning her head quickly to the side. Alice fished through her
purse for a tissue and found one just in time to muffle two more sneezes, each as
powerful as the first. "Oh, man," she said, wiping at her nose. "I hate summer colds."
Cordelia made sure to look sympathetic without leaning in too close. "I'm afraid we
have the same germs in LA as the rest of the world." Alice's nose was looking
blotchy, so Cordelia said, "You might want to touch up your makeup before you go
in."
"Thanks." Alice swiped at her nose again. There was a pained expression on her face
as she passed her hand over her forehead, as if she were battling a headache.
"Cordelia Chase," a smart-looking woman in a suit that shouted of ambition called
out. Cordelia stood and smoothed out her dress with much less fanfare than she had
the first time.
"Good luck," Alice said. Her voice had begun to take on a foghorn quality.
"Thanks. You, too." If Cordelia wanted to be perfectly honest, Alice was going to need
it. Her face had grown more blotchy during the course of their conversation, not less,
and sometime during the past few minutes her eyes had begun to water. If Cordelia
squinted, she thought she could make out faint swellings rising beneath Alice's jaw.
`Geez, did she look that bad when I sat down?'
Cordelia followed the suited woman into a medium-sized, softly lit room. The woman
nodded towards an X marked out on the floor in electrical tape and went to stand
against the wall, fiddling absently with her clipboard.
Cordelia took a deep breath, smoothed out her skirt one last time, and mentally
congratulated herself on how well she had chosen the outfit. There were two people
sitting behind the table on the other side of the room, one male and one female. The
woman, who looked as if she could have been an actress herself at some point, gave
Cordelia a knowing look.
At the man's nod, Cordelia struck an assertive pose, one leg extended forward
slightly to show off its length. She leaned in as if she were about to have an intimate
conversation with an invisible partner. "Do I look like the average girl?" Cordelia
asked, tilting her head as if she honestly expected an answer before she laughed
and flapped her hand. Whoever the person on the other end of the camera was,
Cordelia wanted them to feel like they were old friends. "Of course not. None of us
are. So why should we settle for average make-up?" Cordelia rolled her eyes; clearly,
the audience should see that the answer was obvious. "Luckily, we don't have to.
Platinum Cosmetics always uses the finest ingredients, so it goes on smooth and
flawless, revealing the better you. After all, who wants to settle for average?"
The grin that Cordelia was using for the imaginary camera grew even wider as she
wound down. She had been perfect, even better than when she had been going over
the lines with Wesley. There was no way that the casting directors could fail to be
impressed.
Except that they were somehow defying the laws of nature and doing exactly that.
The man was all but leering at her. The maybe-actress was already peering at the
next name on her list. She made a small notation. "Yes, thank you," she said, looking
up. "We'll give you a call if we want to see you again. Clarice?"
Clarice, she of the well-tailored and ambitious suit, moved from her position by the
wall and held the door open for Cordelia. Cordelia held her head high and resisted
the urge to cross her arms over her chest.
"You weren't bad," Clarice said, scanning her clipboard for the next name. "They liked
you."
"Thanks," Cordelia said dejectedly. She looked for Alice as she walked towards the
exit, but the blonde was nowhere to be seen. `Probably decided that the whole thing
wasn't worth it,' Cordelia thought. `Good for her.'
Her eyes stung as she stepped outside and she tried to tell herself that it was the sun
in her eyes. Cordelia pulled a pair of sunglasses out of her purse and slid behind the
wheel of Angel's convertible. It took three tries to get the key into the ignition. By the
time she pulled out of the parking space there was a steady stream of moisture
running down her cheeks. A horn blared at her. Cordelia stuck her hand out the
window and made a gesture that definitely would not have acceptable inside.
"I was good," Cordelia muttered as she maneuvered into to the flow of traffic.
"Damnit, I was good." She swiped at her tears, furious with herself for them. There
was mascara on her fingers and Cordelia swore, leaning into the rearview mirror to
examine the damage. It placed her in the unlikely position of watching her own face
react in shock and pain as the vision hit.
Cordelia arched back into the seat as if her spine had been fused with lightning. Her
foot convulsed beyond her control, pressing the gas pedal down to the floor. The
GTX's engine roared as it shot through traffic. Car horns and squealing brakes filled
the air.
*The worms, the worms, the worms, so much death, the worms were the only winners
here.*
Cordelia gasped. Her foot eased off the gas pedal; a pickup truck missed her by
inches.
*"If you worship me," the dark man whispered, reaching out to cradle her cheek. His
skin slid across his bones like taffy.*
Cordelia jerked back in her seat and screamed.
*People dying, bodies rotting, human race just a slip-slip-sliding right off the face of
the planet. Children staggered and clawed at black tubes that had risen on their
necks, struggling for air and spitting up phlegm and blood. Their eyes stared into
Cordelia's with a hideous dejection that was beyond pleading. Crow feathers twisted
on the breeze and the smell of rotting corn was as thick as musk.*
Cordelia shrieked as the Powers finally released her mind. "Oh, God," she whispered.
"Oh, God, oh, God."
She didn't see the sports car, didn't heard the scream of brakes. A short second later,
the pain and the horror of the vision was compressed into a very small corner of her
mind.
***
Part Two
"Maybe someday I'll have the strength to run into the man that I once was
But for now I think I'll walk into a brawl."
Kane, "In The Darkness"
"She's breathing!" someone yelled. Cordelia groaned and tried to turn her head away
from the noise and the fingers that were probing into the crook of her neck.
"Worms," she whispered.
"Don't try to move." Same voice, different volume. The fingers moved from her neck
to stroke her hair back from her forehead, kind and soft. A tacky substance on her
skin was making the strands stick.
`Blood?' Cordelia wondered. Her thoughts were foggy and slow, her brain reduced to
a computer struggling to reboot over and over without success. Her eyelids fluttered
and she tried to sit up. She was still in Angel's convertible, technically, but there was
something horribly wrong with it. The windshield had been reduced to a glittering
constellation; the driver's door bent inwards and was pressing painfully into her
shoulder. There were shards of glass glittering in her hair. When Cordelia shifted,
they fell across her shoulders like diamonds.
"Don't move," the EMT said again. Cordelia wanted to tell him that if it hurt this much
while she was sitting still, then she wasn't going to stand up and dance a polka, but
her tongue felt thick and stupid.
Cordelia gathered enough saliva to swallow and tried again. "Angel," she moaned. "I
have to tell Angel about the birds."
"You can tell her later," the EMT said, his voice pitched low and soothing. Cordelia's
eyelids were slipping downwards. The EMT shouted something at her, but she
couldn't make out the words through the roaring noise that was echoing through her
skull. She gave up after a few seconds and spiraled downward into a long tunnel,
towards a darkness that held and comforted.
*
Angel ran his hands through his hair for the thousandth time in the last fifteen
minutes, turning it more into an arrangement of so many feathers than an actual
style. Wesley took another sip of revolting vending-machine coffee and tried not to
think about what might be going on beyond doors that were closed to them.
"She's going to be okay," Angel said, more to himself than to the lounge at large.
"We would have been told if she were in real danger," Wesley agreed. His face was
white and his lips were compressed into a thin line, hollowing out the confidence in
his voice. Antiseptic lingered in his nose, bringing forth memories of another recent
hospital visit, where Cordelia's prognosis had not been nearly so optimistic.
As if he were reading Wesley's mind, Angel said, "We're spending way too much time
in this place." He glared at the array of magazines on the waiting room table as if they
were the personal cause of his troubles.
Wesley took a final sip of the coffee, grimaced, and set it down on the table as a lost
cause. "Cordelia was in a car accident, Angel," he said, standing. His hand hesitated,
then came down lightly on Angel's shoulder. "One that could have happened to
anyone. It certainly wasn't a consequence of who we are or what we do."
Angel gave him a look of such respect as would have been unheard of even a month
ago, and Wesley glowed under its warmth. "I know," he said. "But she's Cordelia."
"I understand." Wesley's lips curved, just for a moment. He removed his hand and
Angel took up glaring at the glossy people on the magazine covers again.
A doctor approached them, all white coat and stern dignity, and both men
straightened. "How is she?" Angel asked.
"Ms. Chase is going to be fine," the doctor told them. "She has a concussion, a
sprained wrist, four broken ribs, and more bruises than she'll probably care to count,
but all in all she got out lucky. Car accidents of that magnitude normally have far
more serious injuries."
"I'll be sure to let her know that," Angel said in a tight, strained voice. "When can we
see her?"
"She's asking for you now," the doctor said. "But we don't normally allow people in
who aren't family."
"We are family," Wesley responded.
"That's what Ms. Chase said." The doctor glanced at his stack of charts. "317. A
nurse can help you if you get lost." And he was gone without another word.
Cordelia was awake and had the bed reclined up when Angel and Wesley entered
her room. She gave them a crooked smile; the newly split lip she was sporting didn't
make it easy. "Hey, guys."
Angel tried to smile back, but it was difficult. The Seal of Anatole had by far done her
more injury, but its physical evidence had been much less. His hands clenched and
unclenched at his sides, independent of his control.
Cordelia watched Angel's face carefully. "Wow." She reached up to touch her hair.
The blood and glass had been washed away and it hung in damp, listless strands
around her face. "I must be a mess." One eye was swollen nearly shut and was
beginning to turn black. A twilight purple bruise stretched across her forehead, a
souvenir from her head striking the steering wheel. Nicks and bruises littered her face
and arms and her left wrist was engulfed by a heavy Ace bandage.
"You're beautiful," Wesley told her, taking a seat beside the bed.
Cordelia tried to smile again and cringed. "You're a sweet liar."
Angel took Cordelia's hand. "How are you feeling?"
"About as well as I look," Cordelia said. "Definitely non-beautiful." She shifted and
winced. "Hey, guys, don't look so glum. I know all the nurses this time around. And,
not crazy, which is always a check in the plus column." Cordelia snuck Angel a look
around her hair. "I think I killed your car."
Angel made a dismissive gesture. "I have insurance."
"You could get insurance on your car but you couldn't fake enough of a paper trail to
insure our office?" The sentence ended in a squeak and Cordelia laid her hand
quickly against her side. She waved Wesley off as he reached for the nurses' call
button. "I'm fine. Just forgot that broken ribs mean my outdoor voice is not allowed for
a while."
Angel squeezed Cordelia's hand. "You're thinking about money. It can't be that bad."
"That only proves that I'm not comatose." Cordelia tried to rub at her eyes with her
injured hand, winced, and disentangled her fingers from Angel's long enough to do
the job. He was pleased to note that her hand found his again as soon as she was
done. "And you haven't heard why I crashed yet."
Wesley leaned forward. "Witnesses are saying you accelerated through traffic
suddenly without regard for any of the other cars." He waited a moment before
adding in a gentle tone, "There may be reckless driving charges."
Cordelia shrugged off the prospect without any change in expression. Angel and
Wesley exchanged a look. "I had a vision while I was driving," she said.
"Nice to know that the Powers That Be care about your safety," Angel said.
Cordelia's lips twitched. "Isn't it, though?"
"What was your vision of?" Wesley asked, leaning forward in his seat. "Something
immediate?"
Cordelia's brow furrowed and she shook her head once before closing her eyes in
pain. "I don't think so. People aren't dropping like flies on the sidewalk, are they?"
Wesley shook his head. "Oh, good. Then no, nothing immediate." Cordelia drifted for
a moment, lost in the images in her head. "I saw worms," she said at last. "And
crows. Millions and millions of crows, and there was a man who could control them
like he was one of them." Cordelia broke off long enough to indulge in a shudder. "He
wanted me to worship him. His voice...made me feel filthy. There were all these
people around him and...they were dead. Every last one of them. The skin on their
necks had swollen up, all black, like tires. I think that's how they died; they couldn't
get any air. Some of their hands had hooked into claws and there was blood on their
fingers, like..." Cordelia's voice was rising into a whine. She paused and swallowed
before she continued. "Like they had clawed at themselves." Cordelia made a soft,
wet noise. Angel and Wesley had been too wrapped up in the vision to realize that
she had begun to cry.
"Hey." Angel squeezed Cordelia's hand until she looked at him. She couldn't wipe the
tears from her cheeks while her fingers were still entwined with Angel's, so he did it
for her, the barest moment of skin against skin before he pulled away. Cordelia
struggled through a limping version of her famous smile. "Don't worry about it.
Wesley and I will figure out who this Bird Man is and stop him."
"All you need to concern yourself with is resting." Wesley cradled Cordelia's cheek for
a moment, being mindful of the bruises.
"Thanks, guys." Her tone was light, but the expression in her eyes remained hooded.
"I could really use some sleep now."
"We'll let you rest." Angel surprised himself and Cordelia both by leaning forward and
kissing her, whisper-soft, on the forehead. He and Wesley left with scarcely another
word, promising to be back with good news in the morning.
Cordelia watched them go. Her eyelids felt as though someone had tied barbells to
the lashes and her face was wooden, all of her reactions trailing a half step behind
her thoughts. The aches in her body were being buried beneath a warm morphine
glow. Succumbing to the painkillers being delivered into her bloodstream, Cordelia
closed her eyes and dreamed that Death wore feathers in his hair.
*
"Do you have any idea what she saw?" Angel asked Wesley as they walked down the
hallway. Doctors and nurses scrambled about them in a sort of ordered chaos that
they found themselves having to step around several times.
Wesley's brow furrowed. He pulled his glasses off his nose and worked the earpieces
through his hands. "I don't know," he said at last. "There are demons that can
resemble birds and demons who feed on birds, but the ability to control them
suggests a sorcerer, especially if it wasn't crows that Cordelia actually saw, but
ravens. Historically speaking, ravens have long been associated as harbingers of
death, particularly among the Celtic mythologies."
"That's less than comforting," Angel said.
Wesley's eyes grew vague as he retreated into his own world. "I'll have to check the
books when we get back to Cordelia's, of course, but I don't anticipate any great
difficulty. Once you get down to it, you discover that it's nearly always the eve of the
rise of the Dark Lord Something-or-other." Wesley came out of his reverie, realizing
that Angel was no longer with him. He turned and saw the object of Angel's
distraction conversing with a well-groomed doctor further down the hallway.
`Oh, fuck.'
Wesley hurried down the hallway, hoping to intercept Angel before he reached his
target. At the same time, he knew that nothing short of a miracle was going to turn
that hope into a reality.
"Lindsey." The faux-warm tone in Angel's voice fooled the doctor only. "So good to
see you up and about again."
Lindsey jumped, but only for a moment. The look of fright barely had time to register
before the mask of the cool, composed Wolfram and Hart slave-just one of the many
in Lindsey's repertoire- fell back into place. It was only marginally compromised by
the fact that he was dressed in a tee shirt and jeans rather than a suit that cost more
than most people's bedroom suites. A bandage stood out in stark relief where his
hand had been, ruining the faade. Angel's gaze lingered on the injury one deliberate
second too long for politeness, and in response Lindsey favored him with a smile that
would have been more at home on a shark.
"Dr. Richardson," Lindsey said in a voice like honey gone rancid, "I'd like you to meet
an old acquaintance of mine. Angel made me into the man I am today." Ice chips
glittered in his eyes. Angel could smell the faintest twinge of liquor, far too faint for the
human nose, every time Lindsey opened his mouth to speak. "Angel, meet Dr.
Richardson, my miracle worker. He put me back together again after my unfortunate
accident."
"Looks like he missed a piece," Angel said.
Lindsey's smile grew wider, until it was impossible to mistake it for anything other
than a snarl. "No fault of his," he said. "Limbs don't tend to regenerate all that well
when they're severed from the body. They're funny that way." Dr. Richardson looked
as if he wanted nothing more than to slink out of the line of fire.
"I'll see you at your next appointment, Mr. McDonald," he said.
Lindsey nodded, his expression saying that the words were barely registering. His
eyes never left Angel's, and Angel stared back with the same infuriating half-smile
that he had worn when Lindsey walked into his office for the first time. It said exactly
what Angel thought of Lindsey: that he was nothing at all.
Angel may have been going for subdued and enigmatic, but if Lindsey's flush grew
any deeper he was going to burst something vital. His gaze flicked over Angel's
shoulder, to where Wesley was standing with a disapproving expression on his face.
"Who's missing from this picture?" Lindsey asked. "Why, it's the lovely Miss Chase."
Lindsey looked at Angel. "It appears she can land herself in the hospital perfectly well
without the firm's help."
Angel placed his hand on Lindsey's shoulder and enjoyed the way he jumped, the
narrowing of his eyes as he tried to conceal the gesture. Lindsey stiffened as Angel's
hand crept closer to his neck. His thumb ran idly over Lindsey's pulse point and
monitored the beat-beat-beat as it doubled in a span of seconds. To a casual
observer, the gesture looked almost friendly.
Wesley stepped to Angel's side, extending his arm to provide a physical barrier
between the two men. Angel gave the arm as much attention as he would an
unusually colored rock before he turned his eyes back to Lindsey's face. "We need to
go," Wesley said, speaking to Angel but looking at Lindsey.
"Your firm ever interferes with Cordelia again," Angel said in a low voice that forced
Lindsey to lean forward in order to hear him, "and your hand will seem like nothing
more than a warm-up." The two of them locked eyes until Lindsey was forced to look
away. Angel snorted, releasing his grip as if he had touched something filthy. He
stalked past Wesley without another word.
Lindsey's lip curled as he watched Wesley trail after Angel like a well-trained dog.
The stump was pounding out a slow, sickly rhythm, as a distant roar echoed through
his ears. Lindsey was long overdue for his next dose of pain medication, but wouldn't
take anything until he was hidden away in the claustrophobic cave that his apartment
had become and could pass out in peace. In the meantime, his arm felt as if it had
been hollowed out and filled with broken glass.
Biting the inside of his cheek to provide some distraction, however small, from the
agony, Lindsey threw a passionate, hate-filled glance down the hallway and turned to
go.
At the nurses' station, someone was coughing.
***
Part Three
"There is a balance between two worlds
One with an arrow and a cross
Regardless of the balance, life has become cumbersome."
-7 Mary 3, "Cumbersome"
The car Wolfram and Hart had so generously sent to take him to appointments while
he was `under the weather', as Holland had put it with a delicate shake of the head
and a sympathetic smile that may even have been real, was idling exactly where
Lindsey had left it. The driver dozed with his head tilted back on the seat, mouth wide
open. Lindsey's lip curled and the angry knot that had settled between his shoulder
blades extended stealthy fingers up and down his spine, eager to share the wealth.
Lindsey strode around to the driver's door and rapped his knuckles against the
window. No response from the driver within. Lindsey frowned, tried again. Same
result.
The first flickers of unease found kindling in Lindsey's stomach, easy to mask but not
so easy to ignore. He chose to cover them with ire, mumbling a vague obscenity and
jerking on the car door. It came towards him with ease, taking the driver along with it.
Lindsey yelped and made a reflexive attempt to catch the body as it tumbled towards
him. The man's shoulder struck what was left of his right wrist-exquisite, jagged pain-
and Lindsey staggered as the world descended into haze.
When Lindsey came to he was lying on his back, feeling sun-warmed concrete
through the fabric of his shirt. The driver's weight was a solid bulk across his chest.
His arm was throbbing as if it had been dipped in kerosene and then lit on fire.
Lindsey grit his teeth, ignoring old friend pain as well as he was able. More disturbing
than pain was the heat-`No,' Lindsey corrected himself, `the fire.'-that radiated out
from the man's skin. Lindsey squirmed from beneath him with ginger care, allowing
their bodies to touch as little as possible. He could not escape the idea, irrational
though it was, that they would both go up in flames at any second.
"Mister!" a ridiculously young voice called. "Hey, are you all right?" The voice had the
rolling vowels of the deep South, and Lindsey's head turned towards it so fast that his
neck cracked. He rubbed at it with his good hand, staring.
The man that loped up to him could claim the title by technicality only; Lindsey
doubted that he was up to shaving more than three times a week. He skidded to a
stop as he caught sight of the full scene, eyeing first the inert man on the pavement,
then Lindsey's handless wrist. Lindsey realized belatedly that the man had set his
wrist to bleeding again when he had struck it. Crimson roses were blooming across
the white bandage.
"I'm fine," Lindsey gritted, turning sideways to hide his disfigurement as well as he
could with his hip. He gestured towards the driver. "It's him. He was unconscious
when I opened the car door."
The young man knelt with a Good Samaritan enthusiasm that told Lindsey even more
surely than the accent that he had not been in the city of Angel for long. He slung one
of the driver's arms over his shoulders and heaved him to his feet, wincing away from
the fever. The driver's head fell back and Lindsey could see ominous shadows
crouching over his glands. His breath rattled in his lungs, a wet sound that Lindsey
had already heard far too many times in his life. The flickers of unease had long since
turned into a bonfire.
"Gimme a hand here," the young man panted, freezing as he realized what he had
said. "Oh, I'm sorry-"
Lindsey would have preferred obliviousness to the pity. "I can help," he said,
dragging the driver's free arm across his own shoulders. A thick trickle of mucus ran
out of one nostril, which Lindsey did his best not to look at. With a little more glee
than was strictly necessary, he left the keys in Wolfram and Hart's car and the engine
running.
A nurse jumped to her feet behind the reception desk as she saw Lindsey and the
young man enter the emergency room with the driver slung between them like a pig
on a spit. Lindsey thought he saw a wariness to her actions, as if this were a scene
that she had seen played out many times already. The driver roused into a sludgy
semi-consciousness, muttering liquid nonsense as his head lolled against Lindsey's
shoulder. Lindsey hissed and jerked away.
A gurney appeared out of nowhere and Lindsey shifted as almost-memories rose into
his mind like dead fish across the surface of a stagnant pond. "Lay him down here,"
the nurse ordered, jerking Lindsey back to the concrete world. He did as he was told
and inched back in preparation for his exit.
No such luck. The nurse ran her eyes across the young man, dismissed him as a
puppy, and turned to Lindsey in his stead. "What happened?"
Lindsey was hyper-aware of the eyes in the ER and the way they gyrated between
him and the body on the gurney. "He's my driver," Lindsey said.
The driver roused enough to yell, "Devil's in the paperwork! Watch `em!" Lindsey
winced, but the comment would mean nothing to anyone who wasn't already deep
within Wolfram and Hart's belly.
The nurse didn't disappear with her patient as the gurney was whisked away. "He's
your driver," she repeated, drawing his attention back to her. "And?"
"And I went out to the car and he was like that."
"Any earlier symptoms?"
"He sounded as if he had a cold earlier this afternoon, but..." Lindsey shrugged. "It
was nothing."
The nurse nodded in time to Lindsey's words, scribbling down everything he said on
a clipboard. Her ponytail bobbed and caught the light. "Thank you," she said at last,
looking up and capping the pen. She leaned forward, taking Lindsey's wrist and
grazing her fingers lightly across the bandage. Her fingers were cool and very gentle;
too much. Lindsey jumped and pulled away, eyes narrowing. Too late he realized
that the wound had begun to bleed again with enthusiasm, that the people in the ER
had been staring at him as much as they had the driver. His lip tried to curl before
Lindsey caught himself and forced his face back into bland, anonymous lines.
The nurse either didn't notice the expression or was too professional to comment.
Probably the latter. "I'll find someone to redress this," she said. "You should wait until
the bleeding stops before you leave."
"It doesn't-" Lindsey stopped, aware of how ridiculous it was to protest that he was
fine while dripping blood across the floor. Purple and yellow sprites danced at the
edges of his vision. "Thank you."
The nurse's eyes were kind enough to sting. "It's my job." She took Lindsey's elbow-
he hadn't realized that he was weaving-and guided him to a chair. "Have a seat and
someone will be with you in a moment. If the bleeding doesn't stop, we'll have to
readmit you." The nurse sounded doubtful, and Lindsey could see why. He had been
back to the hospital several times since Angel's creative rearrangement of his body
parts. He didn't think he had seen it in such a state of chaos before. "Anyway, sit
tight."
Lindsey tilted his head in the direction that his driver had gone. "What's wrong with
him?"
The nurse tried to smile; it only served to accentuate how exhausted she was.
"Would you believe the flu?" Another twitching smile, and she was gone.
"The flu?" Lindsey repeated, staring after her. Beside him, the young man who had
helped him carry the driver in sneezed twice.
*
Every available space in Cordelia's living room was strewn with books, many of them
so ancient that a careless movement could shred them. Amidst the chaos were cups
ringed with coffee or bloodstains and discarded plates of food. Dennis, trying hard to
be helpful, had continued to bring them out until Wesley and Angel had waved them
off.
Wesley paused long enough to rub at his eyes, waiting until his vision had ceased
doubling before he began again. Demons up demons upon demons, and not a one of
them was interested in ending the world that day, though there were several that they
would have to keep their eye on next week. It lent credence to Wesley's theory that
they weren't dealing with a demon at all, but a sorcerer, and that made their task all
the more difficult.
"Worms," Wesley muttered. Her reclaimed his pen and stared at the legal pad upon
which he had been taking notes. The orderly descriptions of evil that crawled, swam,
and slithered created a bubble of nausea in his stomach, too sudden to be ignored.
He pushed the pad away before he could become ill.
Angel glanced up from his book. A half-congealed cup of blood sat at one elbow;
Dennis floated a stack of books at his other. "Problems?"
Wesley snorted. "An understatement." He pinched at the bridge of his nose, hoping to
ward off through force of will the headache that was brewing. He had had a tendency
towards migraine ever since the explosion, and this felt like one of those storm clouds
as it charged over the horizon. With luck aspirin would be able to ward it off before it
became incapacitating.
Something cool and smooth bumped against Wesley's forearm and he lowered his
hand with great reluctance. A glass of water and a bottle of Cordelia's painkillers
floated before him as faithfully as any dog. It was difficult to send a look of thanks to a
creature that could not be seen, but Wesley tried. He took four aspirin along with a
gulp of water, glanced up to see Angel fixing him with the unnerving look that he
normally reserved for uncooperative clients.
"Are you all right?" Angel asked.
"Fine." More of the stare. "A headache. Nothing of consequence."
Doubt lingered on Angel's face, but he returned to his book rather than press further.
Several minutes passed in which the turning of the pages was the only sound in the
room, until Angel tossed his book aside in frustration. The spine bent and Wesley
winced. "There's nothing in here," Angel growled.
"Could it be-" Angel turned on a tableside lamp and Wesley grimaced. Averting his
face from the light, he missed the expression of concern in Angel's eyes. "Is it
possible that Cordelia may have misread her vision?" Angel fixed him with a look that
brought back the old, uncomfortable instincts of not-quite-enough. Wesley shrugged
a trifle more defensively than he liked and added, "She's suffered a rather severe
head trauma. It is not beyond the realm of possibility that in the stress of impact her
mind may have obliterated some details, added others where there weren't before.
It's something that we need to consider, isn't it?"
The combative expression went out of Angel's eyes, replaced something close
enough to defeat to make Wesley blink. "I was thinking the same thing," Angel said,
rubbing at his eyes in much the same way that Wesley had done a few moments
before. "But we can't give up, can we? Regardless of whether the concussion
confused some of the details, the fact remains that Cordelia had a vision. Something
either has happened, or will happen, that the Powers want up to put a stop to."
Wesley picked up his coffee cup and swirled the cold contents, asking himself if it
was worth it. Setting the cup back down, he said, "We have to keep working with
what we have, then."
The sounds in the room dwindled to the turning of pages and the in-and-out of
Wesley's breathing. The knot behind his eyes expanded rather than dissipating, and
as the night wore on his skin began to feel tight and feverish. Twice he paused to
cough into his hand.
"Damnable cold," Wesley muttered, and turned another page.
*
Cordelia had learned during her earlier stay in LA General that the hospital never
really slept. At any time of the night, doctors and nurses could be heard speaking in
low voices and gurneys trundling along bearing the sick and injured. During the
course of her three-day admittance the sounds had become comforting, proof that
the real world still functioned in spite of Wolfram and Hart's attempts to end it.
But now, as she lay in her bed and stared up at the ceiling, Cordelia felt as though
spiders were running across her belly and up her spine. Gone was the comfort of
rhythm, of routine. In its stead Cordelia listened to the sounds of chaos and pain:
people coughing and sobbing, doctors snapping at nurses and nurses snapping
back, all at a loss as to how to confront the monster looming over them.
The painkillers being fed into Cordelia's arm rendered her sluggish and confused, so
it didn't seem strange immediately when a man's voice began whispering through her
mind. *The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on your
snout.* It was a darkly sweet voice, as alluring as it was rancid, and Cordelia's eyes
flashed open wide. Her breath began to come in shallow pants.
*I can spare you from this, Cordelia. I can spare you from it all...and all you have to do
is worship me.*
Cordelia's hand twitched towards the nurses' call button. `Get out of my head,' she
thought back, her ferocity driven by terror. `GetoutgetoutGETOUT!'
A chuckle that made Cordelia think of rotting meat, and the specter obeyed. All of the
optimism in the world wouldn't allow Cordelia to think that it was gone for good. She
pulled her hand away from the call button, folded it in her lap. It immediately sought
out her other hand and they clasped themselves so tightly together that the joints
ached.
"Worms," Cordelia whispered to the ceiling, which had nothing to offer back to her. In
the hallway, a gurney overturned and someone spit out a stream of obscenity so
liquid-fast as to be unintelligible.
*
`Only monsters live in caves.' The thought slid into Lindsey's mind as he stepped into
the darkened apartment, unbidden and unwanted. He twitched as if he were shaking
off a fly, settling onto the couch and picking up the bottle that was on its way to
becoming a permanent fixture of the coffee table. Not nearly so easy to banish was
the memory of the driver tumbling out of the car, the sight of glassy eyes and the feel
of scalding hot flesh. No one could have a fever that high and live. Lindsey wished he
could chase away the memories of cherubic faces streaked with sweat that were
crawling up on him. His lips thinned.
"I'll call the hospital in the morning," Lindsey promised the air, before remembering
that he didn't even know the driver's name. He would find it, then. Badger every
secretary, clerk, and lawyer in Wolfram and Hart until he found out.
Lindsey retrieved a glass and poured enough bourbon into it to put a disapproving
frown Dr. Richardson's face, had he only been there to see it. Managing the glass
and the bottle at the same time was an experiment that strained his juggling skills,
but he would be damned before he sank so low as to drink straight from the bottle.
Glass in hand, Lindsey sank back into the couch cushions. Bourbon sloshed across
his shirt as he fumbled for the television remote and he swore. Exhaustion and
medication robbed the words of any heat.
"-the police asking citizens to consider suspects in tri-state kill spree to be armed and
extremely dangerous," a newswoman was saying as Lindsey turned on the television.
She glanced down at her notes. "And in our next story, city officials are urging
citizens not to panic in the face of a city-wide flu outbreak. Local doctors are calling
the virus a new strain only slightly more virulent than the Asian swine flu, and urge
anyone concerned to receive a booster injection of flu vaccine at the nearest doctor's
or county heath office. As to those of you already finding yourselves under the
weather, the old cures are still the best cures: bed rest and plenty of fluids." The
anchorwoman flashed her white, trustworthy teeth at the camera.
Lindsey lifted the glass of bourbon to his lips.
*So much despair, so much hate, so much rage.*
The glass slid from Lindsey's fingers. Alcohol sloshed across the carpet, throwing a
stain of amber across the cream. "The hell?" he whispered, most of the air shocked
from his lungs. The voice came from everywhere and nowhere, sliding into his brain
like oil across the surface of water. It made him feel filthy at the same time that it felt
like coming home.
*And ambition, yes, and pain, oh, yes, so much pain. Death has kissed you, my boy,
and you've kissed back. I can use that, if you worship me. Only if you worship me.*
When the phone rang, Lindsey nearly screamed.
***
Part Four
"Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above."
-Edwin McCain, "I'll Be"
Lilah thought of herself as a patient woman. Trials could last for weeks, rituals for
hours, and it was hazardous to her health to appear bored or annoyed during either.
So, yeah, when it came to patience she figured she had more than her fair share
stashed away in reserve. Everyone, however, was allowed to have her limits.
Lilah swiped at her hair as she pushed open the glass double doors that parted the
way into Wolfram and Hart's main lobby. Her fingers came away damp with sweat
from the short walk across the lot. The sun never seemed to give up its hold on Los
Angeles without a fight; it was a wonder the city was able to support such a thriving
vampire population.
The receptionist recognized both Lilah's face and her towering temper and didn't
attempt to greet her as she walked past. The corners of Lilah's mouth tilted for the
first time since she had entered the building. They learned fast.
The wing of the building that Lilah sought was set deep in the bowels that most
people would just as soon forget existed, safe away from prying eyes and the
corrosive influence of the sun. Lilah encountered a few twitchy, harried-looking
paralegals as she descended, but no one else. The paralegals gave her nods that
didn't include eye contact and scuttled on their ways almost before Lilah could nod
back. Wolfram and Hart's own brand of professional courtesy.
The smile slipped as she reached her destination, an anonymous gray door set in a
hallway full of them. The other doors didn't have two armed guards standing in front
of them, though, or faintly glowing keypads that Lilah had to punch a private
sequence of numbers and submit a few drops of blood into before the door swung
open and allowed her entrance. The door itself was over three inches thick, belying
the hotel-suite opulence of the accommodations it kept sealed off from the rest of the
building.
The quarters themselves were every bit as lovely and chill as the woman that they
held prisoner. The furniture was brilliantly preserved, expensive enough to feed a
family of four for years in addition to sending the kids to college, and every piece of it
dated as far back as the sixteenth century. The committee who had designed the
room had wanted Darla to feel at home but had been unable to agree upon which
time period out of the past four-hundred years qualified as "home", so the result was
a hodgepodge, albeit a very elegant one.
The beauty of the rooms went far to disguise the fact that they amounted to high-
class jail cells. Lilah's smile, warm and welcoming in a way that would have made
most of those who knew her well explode into gales of laughter, went even further.
"Hello, Darla," she said. "How are you feeling today?"
Darla was stretched out across an authentic Victorian settee that the decorators had
found on Ebay and claimed for three times its actual cost in the expense report (a
tidbit that Lilah was keeping to herself until she was in need of entertainment). She
had surely heard the door open but didn't raise her herself onto her elbow until Lilah
spoke, affecting a look that managed to be both sweet and malicious at once. Her
smile was as lovely and as sharp as broken glass, and the hair on the back of Lilah's
neck rose. "Lilah," Darla cooed, "how nice of you to visit me." She rolled her neck and
rose to her feet, wobbling for only a second before she managed to cover the error.
Resurrection could do that to a girl. Darla tried to stalk towards Lilah, and the fact that
she was not entirely steady on her feet did little to hamper the effect. "I trust leaving
the safety of the shark tank wasn't too taxing for you?"
`The things I could do to you if you weren't worth so much.' Lilah's expression stayed
warm and professionally false. "Now, now," she chided. "You called me here. If you
wanted someone to be rude to, all you had to do was chat with the guards. At least
they're forbidden to shoot you."
Darla's brittle, contemptuous glare made Lilah look like a little girl playing dress up.
"You stupid little human," she snapped. Lilah refrained from pointing out that Darla
was a mere mortal herself now, perhaps wisely; lingering weakness or not, Darla
looked as though she could hook Lilah's eyeballs out of her head and lick the juices
off her fingernails without flinching. "I didn't want you." Lilah was willing to bet that
Darla had to strain a muscle to make her lip curl like that. "I want the other one. The
one who bled to bring me back."
`Because being stupid enough to argue with an angry vampire is a mark of
distinction. Naturally.' Lilah's face flamed; only the knowledge that Darla was
cataloguing and enjoying it all allowed her to bring her reaction under control. "My
mistake," Lilah gritted. Secretaries ran cheap. She had seen employees killed-had
ordered employees killed-for far less. "I'll rectify the situation personally."
"You do that." Darla tried to affect a graceful slink as she returned to the settee. Lilah
watched the wobble in her knees and thought of the day when Darla's usefulness
would be behind her. "Wouldn't want your prisoner in her gilded cage to grow testy,
would you?"
Lilah didn't bother with goodbyes as she turned on her heel and strode from the
room. She sneezed as she was passing the guards.
"God bless you," one of them said, his mouth lifting into a sardonic smile.
Lilah allowed herself an inelegant snort, but said, "Thanks," all the same. The guard's
eyes were rimmed in red and he sniffed as he spoke. A glance towards his partner
didn't show him to be looking much better. `Great,' Lilah thought as she pulled out her
cell phone. `The whole building's coming down with something.'
*
Lindsey stared at the phone almost without comprehension as it completed its third
ring and switched over to the answering machine. `If you worship me.' Worship who?
And why? Lindsey had an uncomfortable recollection of the last time that he had
been in a church, at his father's funeral years before. Relatives he had not seen
since he was a toddler had taken it upon themselves to point and stare, filing away
for posterity the memory of the prodigal son who had broken his father's heart. That
was when he had still been relatively innocent. Jesus, if he were to walk into a church
today the roof would probably fall in on him.
"I know you're there," a female voice issued from the machine's speaker. "Where else
could you possibly be? Quit pouting and pick up the phone." On anyone else Lindsey
would have called the emotion that marked Lilah's voice worry. Granted, on almost
anyone else he also would have called the owner human.
"Why, Lilah," Lindsey said, picking up the receiver and using the professional tone
that they both knew didn't mean a damned thing, "you care. I'm touched." Glancing
down at his abbreviated arm, Lindsey realized that he was still shaking. He
determined not to look at it again.
Lindsey could almost see Lilah baring her teeth. "A lack of desire to see you lying in a
pool of your own blood does not constitute concern," she said. "You're an investment.
I don't want to be on the same continent if the Senior Partners discover that they've
lost an investment." The bitterness of the second-best was heavy in Lilah's voice. On
any occasion where he wasn't half-convinced that he was losing his mind, Lindsey
would have enjoyed it far more.
As it was, he told himself that he was not bothered by being referred to in the same
language as mutual funds. "You're all heart."
"Sacrificed a few." The line crackled as Lilah fell into a coughing fit. It was nearly a full
minute before she came to a panting, swearing stop.
"You don't sound well." Lindsey didn't try to fake sincerity, knowing that Lilah would
respect him more in its absence.
"I'm fine." Lilah's breath hitched and Lindsey braced himself for another coughing jag.
"Just a virus that's going around the office. You're lucky that you aren't here to catch
it."
Lindsey's spine went cold. "Yeah. Lucky."
"Oh." Lilah sounded as close to mortified as Lindsey had ever heard her. "I didn't
mean it that way." Oddly, Lindsey believed her.
Lilah waited a few seconds before she put forth, hesitant and nearly sincere, "How is
it?"
"It's not there anymore, how do you think it is?" Lindsey snapped before he could
stop himself. An accusatory silence came from the other end of the line. Lindsey
sighed. "Sorry." He wasn't. "Look, you didn't call to inquire about my health, not
unless you've figured out a way to bill me for it."
Lilah uttered a low, dark laugh that would have been more seductive had she not
sounded as if she were building up to one hell of a head cold. "Her Highness
requests your presence."
"Her Highness?"
"Darla."
"Ah." It was, Lindsey thought, amazing how quickly Lilah could radiate between
ruthless professional bitch and insulted teenager. "Why?"
"Didn't think to ask." A T that Lilah Morgan had forgotten to cross. She sounded every
bit as surprised to discover it as Lindsey felt. "Not that it would have mattered. You
know the higher-ups' position. What Darla wants, Darla gets."
"So long as it's not her freedom."
"None of us can have everything," Lilah said. "I'll send a car by to pick you up."
Lindsey's skin turned clammy at the memory of rancid fever sweat and painful,
ragged breathing. "I'll take a cab."
"A cab?" Lilah's shock reverberated across the line. "Why?"
"I have issues." Lindsey hung up before Lilah could respond, to the sound of several
thundering sneezes. The ache in his bad arm being, if not forgotten, at least tolerable
for the moment, he used his good one to swipe at the sheen of icy sweat that had
settled along his hairline. Was this what losing his mind felt like? The certainty that
the rest of the world was moving ahead while he remained in limbo a half-step
behind?
Lindsey prodded at the deepening stain on the carpet with his toe. His mouth twisted
into something an optimist might call a smile. If that was the case, then he had been
losing his mind for years.
`If you worship me.'
Lindsey jumped and spun, fully expecting to see a shadowy figure standing behind
him. The air in his lungs trembled, but he was afraid that if he began laughing he
would not be able to stop. "Get out of my head," he gritted.
Whether the giggle that followed came from inside Lindsey's head or not of it he
could not tell.
*
The air-conditioning licked at Lindsey's grateful skin as he stepped inside Wolfram
and Hart's lobby. The sun had set hours before and the mercury was still standing at
nearly record levels. If it was this bad in June, August was going to be murder.
Lindsey raised his right arm to push his hair back out of habit, scowled and returned it
to his waist as he remembered.
Lilah was leaning against the receptionist's desk, holding the pretence of a friendly
conversation even though the girl was clearly terrified. She looked up in time to se
Lindsey drop his arm back to his side and a look of vicious triumph crossed her face,
turning her as beautiful and as deadly as a sword. Lindsey obliterated the smile
before she could see and revel in that, too, making sure that his smile was every bit
as welcoming and false as hers. Lilah could afford to be magnanimous over the
phone; she had been promoted to Junior Partner after Darla's successful resurrection
and, with Lindsey on sick leave, had no competition for Holland's ear.
`I'll be back by September,' Lindsey vowed. `It'll be a very different story then.' It was
by a supreme act of will that he kept the friendliness in his eyes and the exhaustion
out as he crossed the lobby.
"Lindsey." Lilah tilted her head at an angle that made her seem chirpy and sincere,
an all-American girl whose only desire was to make the world a better place. Lindsey
had seen her use it on judges and juries a thousand times. He wondered why she
was bothering to use it on him now, outside of possible amusement. "So good to see
you up and about."
"I could say the same for you." Lilah's skin was flushed and tendrils of hair had begun
clinging to her temples in spite of Wolfram and Hart's efficient climate control. "Are
you sure you should be at the office?"
Lilah's apple pie exterior dropped away at the suggestion of weakness, her spin
stiffening and her eyes sharpening into flint. Lindsey thought that she was going to be
bare her teeth at him, and in response he felt a twinge of satisfaction. `There's the
woman I know and plot against.' "It'll pass," Lilah snapped. "In the meantime..." Miss
America came creeping back. "Someone has to keep up with your share of the work,
don't they?"
A million retorts danced on the tip of Lindsey's tongue like razors. He swallowed them
back, one an all. Lilah's surprise when he failed to rise to her bait was almost as
satisfying as her ire would have been, and the entire spectacle was made better
when he responded in the mildest of tones, "I believe you called me here for a
reason?"
Storm clouds moved across Lilah's eyes and it was by years of training that Lindsey
was able to keep his face blank, even courteous. "Yes," Lilah bit out. "I'm afraid
Darla's feeling a bit pushy today. Wouldn't take no for an answer."
"It's going around." Lindsey extended his good arm in an `after you' gesture. "Lead
the way." Lilah did so, coughing once into her hand. The receptionist looked glad to
see them go.
If anything, the lack of windows and questionable clientele that frequented the bowels
of the building led to Wolfram and Hart's lower levels being kept even cooler that the
lobby and offices above, but Lilah continued to cough and sweat as the elevator took
them down. They were the recipients of curious looks from the other, healthier
lawyers, and more than once Lindsey thought he was going to have to grab Lilah's
elbow to keep her from falling. `Wouldn't that be something,' Lindsey thought. `The
cripple saving the TB victim.'
Lilah paused and frowned at the lone guard as she brought them to a stop in front of
Darla's door. "Where'd the other one go?" she demanded.
"Home," the guard replied. "Was sneezing so much he couldn't see straight."
"And why hasn't a replacement been sent?"
"Ma'am," the remaining guard, who was more than tinged with green himself, said,
"there was no one else to send. Whole office is coming down with this bug."
Lilah didn't look pleased, but it was rather difficult to argue with the logic when she
was struggling to stay on her feet herself. Lindsey eyed her with enough concern to
surprise himself as she entered the necessary code into the keypad and fed it the
required drops of blood. The door whirred softly before the sacrifice was accepted,
then sprang open to reveal the elegance hidden within Darla's quarters. It was all
very impressive, and Lindsey felt a momentary glow of reverence for this building, for
this company and all that it could give to those who were willing to put in the
sacrifices.
Darla was lounging once again on her settee as Lilah and Lindsey entered the room,
her limbs sprawled as to make her look as lovely and decadent as possible. She
glanced up from the magazine that she had been leafing through with a disinterested
expression when she heard the lock snick, dismissing Lilah and turning a smile like
the moon's purest light onto Lindsey. His heart stuttered and doubled its pace in a
span of seconds. Lilah rolled her eyes, but, red-rimmed as they were, the effect fell
short of what she had intended.
"My brave knight," Darla breathed, rising from the settee with ageless grace. Her
earlier weakness may as well have never been. Darla's voice was kittenish at the
same time that it also managed to be very adult, suggesting all manner of things in
three little words. Lindsey had to forcibly remind himself that a lady of Darla's past
would have long ago learned the knack of promising the world with a look and
meaning none of it.
"Darla," he greeted her, inclining his head and striving for a tone of no more than
professional courtesy. "I saw you once before, but I doubt if you remember it."
"Ah, yes," Darla intoned. "During my fascinating sojourn in the packing crate. I was
trying to forget that, actually." She flicked her gaze over Lindsey's shoulder, to Lilah.
"Oh. I didn't realize that you were still here." All of the layers of silk in the world
couldn't conceal the knife in Darla's voice. Lindsey bit his tongue until he tasted
copper to keep his expression neutral. Lilah's eyes turned to diamonds.
"I can see that you want to be alone. Lindsey, if you can remember that you're here
as a civilian?" `Hands off the merchandise,' Lilah's stare said, and Lindsey felt a flush
trying to start on his neck.
"I'll try to control myself," he replied. Darla laughed, a delicate, bell-like sound that
Lindsey wanted to hear again.
Lilah made the noise, half-growl and half-huff, that she normally used to tell Lindsey
that there was going to be hell to pay later, but exited without saying anything more.
Lindsey watched her go, and it was on the tip of his tongue to warn Darla that
annoying a woman as clever as Lilah overmuch might not be a wise idea. Darla,
however, was also watching the door, and there was a small, conspiratorial smile
playing about the edges of her mouth.
It had been so long since Lindsey had laughed that the sound which first emerged
from his mouth sounded harsh and unnatural. Darla looked startled for only a second
before her smile broadened, turning into a beam of golden radiance that sent warmth
cascading across every inch of Lindsey's skin. He told himself that the smile was
uncalculated. "You enjoyed that."
Darla crinkled her nose at him in a way that made her look more cute than worldly. It
was this version that made Lindsey take the seat that she offered next to her, though
it didn't stop him from giving the elegant world traveler an appreciative once-over
when she returned. Darla noticed and pushed her hair back from her shoulders. "I
have to get my amusements where I can. Do you think that this-" She gestured to the
magazine and Lindsey could hear the sneer that she was not allowing to show on her
face. "-counts as riveting entertainment?" Her lip curled. "Really, if I was so important
your little group of pencil pushers, you would think I'd merit better treatment."
Lindsey extended his arm to indicate the palatiousness of the room and Darla
laughed, brittle and flinty and nothing like her earlier girlish sound. "You are young.
Power isn't things, Lindsey. It's knowledge. And right now that's flowing distinctly one
way." Darla placed her hand over her heart, her expression hard. "To go to all the
trouble of bringing me back from the dead, bouncing and healthy and above all
controllable, just to use me as a conversation piece? You can see where my
reservations are arising from." There were, Lindsey was learning, many shades to
Darla's smile. He imagined that she had worn this one in her days as a vampire to
frighten the lambs before she drained them dry. A shiver ran up his spine, not quite
killing the ardor. "I don't like being kept in the dark." Darla settled back in to her seat.
Lindsey could think of only one reason for Darla to say all of this to him rather than
Lilah. He also found that he didn't care that much, and perhaps he should have been
disturbed by that. "I'll see what I can do," he promised.
Disappointment and maybe-rage ran across Darla's face like insects, gone as quickly
as they had appeared. Lindsey wasn't sure that had seen them at all. Darla's
expression became serene and trusting again. "Thank you," she said in a tone which
suggested that Lindsey had promised far more than a few scraps of information.
Blood suffused his face again. Lindsey was only glad that it was choosing such an
innocent location. "It's late. I'm sure you're very tired." Darla glanced towards the
bandaged remains of Lindsey's wrist, the first reference, oblique or otherwise, that
she had made towards Lindsey's injury since he had stepped through the door.
Lindsey schooled his face into bland lines, but Darla's eyes showed no traces of
mockery or its far fouler cousin, pity. Lindsey found himself feeling grateful towards
her for it.
However, he could still take a hint. Lindsey stood from the couch, carefully ridding his
posture of all signs of exhaustion or pain. Darla's gaze strayed back to his wrist,
becoming fixed there, and Lindsey tried to tell himself that it was no more than
curiosity. He ought to be used to that by now.
"That must have hurt a great deal." Darla made no move to rise from her seat, but the
raptness of her expression captured him.
"Yes," Lindsey allowed, not sure where Darla was going with it.
"And my Angel did that to you?"
He could have done without the "my". "Yes," Lindsey said again, trying and failing to
keep the rasp out of his voice.
"My, my," Darla purred in a way that made Lindsey's skin grow warm. "I suppose we
both have a great deal to pay him back for, then, don't we?"
"Suppose we do." Lindsey turned to leave, but not so quickly that he missed Darla's
dark, promising smile.
After the business with Darla was attended to, there was nothing that Lindsey wanted
more than to escape the building without seeing another face that he recognized or
that recognized him. The shadows of his apartment tugged at him, ill-advised
comforts, possible madness, and all. He nodded thanks to the lone guard, who raised
a lethargic hand in return, and proceeded towards the elevators that had taken him
down in the first place. Lilah was nowhere to be found; either the siren song of
billable hours had pulled her off or she had given up and gone home to nurse her
head cold. Either way, Lindsey was relieved to find himself in solitude.
Thoughts of relief became the last thing on Lindsey's mind when the elevator doors
slid open before he could touch his finger to the button. Lindsey didn't step back
when Holland Manner emerged, but it was a near thing.
"Lindsey," Holland said, paternal warmth mingling with the surprise that colored his
voice. A clammy, skittering feeling broke out across Lindsey's skin, as if he were
being crawled over by rats. "You shouldn't be up and about already, should you?" His
eyes wanted to know what Lindsey thought he was doing there."
Lindsey's lips parted. He was aware that his smile would have fooled nobody and
even more aware that he did not care. Holland had said it himself: Lindsey's sacrifice
had made him the firm's fair-haired boy, at least until the next big thing came along.
He liked the feeling that came from that kind of power. "Paying a social call, sir,"
Lindsey said.
Holland's eyes passed over Lindsey's civilian clothing. "Yes, I can see that. Darla?"
Lindsey nodded.
"Just the woman I was going to see myself." Holland moved to go on his way,
clapping Lindsey on the shoulder as he passed. Once, such a fatherly gesture would
have pleased Lindsey by assuring him of his place. He wondered at the slow
simmering, too soon in its infancy to be called hatred, that rose from his gut in its
stead. "Get some rest, Lindsey. You've earned it."
"Yes, sir." Lindsey watched Holland go before he entered the vacated elevator.
Confident that he was finally alone, Lindsey leaned back against the wall, letting his
eyelids drift downwards. His wrist beat out a sick, torturous tattoo that echoed
through the rest of his body; he did not think he had been on his feet for so long in
one day since getting out of the hospital. And yet-
`I used to be happy here,' Lindsey thought.
*
Darla let her posture slump as soon as the door closed behind Lindsey, hurling
herself back against the seat and digging her nails into the fabric. As a vampire she
would have been able to smash the settee into kindling with a small fraction of her
strength; as it was, she couldn't even tear a hole in the furniture's covering. It was
pathetic. She was pathetic, reduced to a powerless plaything, the one thing that she
had sworn she would never be gain.
`If you worship me.'
The voice slid into her head like butter, smoother than the snake, and Darla leapt
from her seat as if she had discovered someone setting it on fire while her attention
was diverted. "Who's there?" she called, hating the way her voice trembled at the
end, hating the humans who had put her in the position to feel such fear. Pathetic.
When the voice spoke again, Darla's eyes widened. Barely rising over a whisper, the
words tumbling over each other like water cascading from the edge of a cliff, the
voice told her of promises and threats, painted pictures of life and death across the
delicate matter of her brain. Of power within her reach if she was only willing to
extend her hand and take it. Though her infant soul trembled, in the end Darla was a
survivor.
The door behind her opened with a sound whoosh of air, and Holland Manners
stepped in.
***
Part Five
"Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste.
I've been around for a long, long years
Stole many a man's soul and faith."
-Rolling Stones, "Sympathy For The Devil"
Cool fingers shivered across Wesley's cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He grunted
and turned over, whining as the small demon that seemed to have taken up
residence in his head realized that its victim was awake and ready for more
punishment. Wesley swatted at the intruder, only opening his eyes when his hand
encountered cool, empty air. The light seized his eyes, gleefully grinding broken
glass into his retinas. Wesley hissed and tried to roll back over. An invisible force
stopped him from one side; something cool and solid bumped against his shoulder
blade from the other. Wesley gave in to the force, whatever it was, and sat up,
swearing and shielding his eyes. Cordelia's curtains hadn't seemed nearly so thin
when he had lain down for a nap earlier, or her apartment so hot. The light coming
through the windows was muted with the blush of twilight, and still it stung him.
Wesley dragged his hand across his streaming brow as the cold object bumped
against his wrist. He opened his eyes.
"Dennis." The ghost floated a glass of water inches before Wesley's face. Hovering
behind it like a docile dog was a large bottle of aspirin. "Thank you." The glass dipped
in welcome as Wesley took it. The water felt like heaven's ice as it slid down his
scorched throat. Wesley had to stop and remind himself to take the aspirin before he
drank it all down. Gel-coated though the capsules were, they still felt like swallowing
golf balls. Wesley experienced a dizzying moment of panic in which he wondered if
he would be able to get them down at all. It would cause quite a chuckle back at the
Council when the news broke that it was not a demon or a sorcerer that killed him,
but an over-the-counter analgesic. He forced the pills past his swollen glands with a
supreme effort and sank back into the couch cushions, gasping. Cool fingers trailed
across his cheeks like tears. "Just a cold." Wesley wondered if he was hallucinating,
or if Dennis had found a way to make the very molecules of the air seem reproachful.
"I promise."
Whatever reassurance he might have given Dennis was spoiled by an attack of
coughing that came on without a breath of warning and drove knives up into his
ribcage. Wesley gripped the edge of Cordelia's sofa for support, flinching back from
the black spots that danced before his eyes. As the fit wore on, Wesley's lungs began
to tighten and burn. His throat was filled with cotton batting, and the panic made its
swift reentry back into the room. The rasping noises that worked their way from his
throat became more urgent as the dark fairies cavorting before his eyes multiplied
instead of abating. "I can't breathe," Wesley realized, and with realization came
terror.
The fairies joined forces, becoming an all-encompassing shroud, and Wesley's body
was just beginning to go slack when there came a thump to his shoulder blades far
stronger than anything a human being could have delivered. Wesley was knocked off
the couch and onto his knees by the force of it, and the wad of Jell-O lodged in his
throat was jarred loose. Wesley gagged as it entered his mouth, spitting a shocking
amount of bright yellow phlegm onto the floor. He could breathe again, in a whistling,
painful fashion. How much it had cost Dennis to become that corporeal Wesley did
not know, but he was grateful for it.
"Thank you," he rasped.
The empty water glass dipped in acknowledgement, then floated with the aspirin
back into the kitchen. A moment later a dampened dishtowel made its way out along
the same path. Wesley tried to take the towel away from Dennis and clean up his
own mess but was pushed, not unkindly, back among the cushions. The telephone
rose from its receiver and stood at attention by his shoulder.
"I don't need to call a doctor." The dishtowel made an abrupt gesture towards the
phlegm on the floor. If Dennis had been possessed of eyebrows, Wesley was sure
they would have been touching the ceiling. "It's a cold." Wesley scratched at the
stubble on his cheeks, winced away as his fingers brushed against the hard lumps
that his glands had swollen into. "All right, perhaps something more, but we have
larger issues to attend to.
The jerky rise and fall of the telephone could have been intended as either
admonishment or assent; Wesley could not tell. "I'll call in the morning," he promised.
"Angel will be back with Cordelia soon. One invalid at a time is quite enough."
Dennis' attitude-what Wesley could detect of it-was brightened by several shades at
the mention of Cordelia's return, but he bobbed the phone once more before place it
back into its cradle. Wesley shook his head, rubbed at his eyes, and reached for
another book.
*
Cordelia sat up in her hospital bed, wide-eyed, and listened as chaos reigned outside
of the door. In the forty-eight hours since she had been admitted, the noise had gone
from a dull roar to a nearly constant freight train. `I saw this,' Cordelia thought. `I saw
all of it.' She wrapped her arms around herself.
Angel's dark, comforting bulked some of the light from the hallway as he entered the
room. "Hey," he said, putting a smile onto his face even as he cast a worried look
over his shoulder. Down the hallway, a woman screamed in grief. "How are you
feeling?"
"Strangely like I've been in a car wreck." Cordelia forewent Angel's attempt at smiling,
fingering her swollen lip. "Where's Wesley?"
"Feeling a little under the weather. He thought he would be more useful organizing
the welcome home party with Dennis." Angel was good at a lot of things. Hiding his
emotions wasn't one of them.
A dreadful sense of cold stole over Cordelia's body. "Is he going to be all right?"
"He says it's just a cold." Angel kept his tone light for Cordelia's benefit, but she could
see the worry in his eyes and knew the same must be reflected in her own. "Are you
ready to go?"
The change in subject came too quickly to serve as any kind of comfort. Arguing,
however, would only delay her getting home, where she could assess Wesley's
condition with her own eyes. "I'm ready." Cordelia swung her legs over the side of the
bed, having plucked out her IV and changed back into civilian clothes some hours
before. A nurse had stuck his head through the door to scold her, but the others were
too busy to bother.
Another shriek erupted from the hallway, followed by a metallic clatter as a gurney
tipped over. Cordelia's eyes widened. "It sounds like the end of the world out there."
Face grim, Angel replied, "Wait until you see it."
"I've been sneaking peeks. It's like a bad disaster movie." Angel took her bag from
her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as he led her to the doorway. The
view took Cordelia's breath away.
Fro the past two days, Cordelia had allowed morphine to be dripped into her arm and
had clung to her bed, emerging only for quick, torturous trips to the bathroom. Under
those circumstances it had been easy to tell herself that it was the drugs, it was
paranoia, it was the vision and maybe even encroaching insanity ping-ponging
around the inside of her skull. It was not as bad as the glimpses that Cordelia had
allowed herself; it could not possibly be.
Cordelia was right. It was worse.
Chaos was too kind a word. Gurneys lined the walls and stood in the center of the
hallways, people having long since begun to skirt around them rather than move
them to the increasingly scarce patches of empty space. Cordelia's stomach lurched
as she took in the sheer number of the sick. Some of them appeared to have only the
hacking, sniffling symptoms of a nasty flu bug, while others-Cordelia's heart made a
committed attempt to crawl down into her ankles-were obviously ringing the bell at
death's door. They struggled for breath around black swellings that puffed up their
necks like spare tires. Failure, Cordelia discovered, tasted a lot like rising vomit.
"It wasn't like this when I came in," Cordelia managed at last. "It wasn't even like this
a few hours ago."
"It's called Captain Trips," Angel said. His voice held a grimness that Cordelia had
never heard before. "The whole city is coming down with it, but this...I was shocked
when I came in. The rest of Los Angeles still looks almost normal."
"Angel, I saw this." Cordelia pointed to a man moaning on a gurney a few feet away.
The black ring around his neck had risen so high that every breath was a marathon.
"These swellings. They were a part of my vision."
Angel's eyes could have belonged to a shark. "I know." He gave her elbow a tug
gentle enough to belie the expression on his face. "Come on. No sense in exposing
you any more than you have been already."
Cordelia, numbed by the sheer mass of the dying, allowed herself to be led. "But I
feel fine," she said, her voice only a few octaves above a whisper. "Not even a
sniffle."
Angel wasn't paying attention. He pulled Cordelia close to him, as if he would protect
her from the virus with the weight of his body. The look in his eyes as he gazed over
the sick was distant, and Cordelia knew that in all likelihood he was visiting other
places of death from his past, in which his presence had not been nearly so
benevolent. She slid her hand into his. The answering pressure that he gave her
squeeze was more comforting than any number of words.
"I think we have to sign out," Cordelia said to interrupt Angel's train of thought.
Angel's arm around her shoulders tightened. "I don't think today is a day for following
protocol." A threat had entered his voice. Cordelia looked up.
A man in a National Guardsman uniform was conversing with a doctor at the end of
the hallway. The soldier's face was blank. The doctor's was furious. Beyond them
Cordelia could see several more military personnel standing in a cluster as they
awaited orders. Every single one of them was armed.
"Yeah," Cordelia said in a faint voice. "Authority is not our friend."
They made an abrupt U-turn and, moving as swiftly as Cordelia's broken ribs would
allow, bolted for the elevators. "Are they setting up a quarantine?" Cordelia
whispered.
"Of the hospital? Doubt it. Half of Los Angeles has Captain Trips by now, and the
other half knows someone who does. There would be no point." Angel paused to
eyeball a passing soldier. "I wouldn't be surprised if they were monitoring the flow of
information out of the hospital, though.
Cordelia looked at Angel askance. "You seem to know a lot about this."
Angel's expression was weary. "Seen a lot of plagues."
"Guess so." Cordelia slipped out from under Angel's protective arm as they reached
the elevator. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes as disaster swirled
around them. Her temples pulsed.
"Are you going to be all right?" Angel's voice.
Cordelia nodded without opening her eyes. "I just want to go home."
Angel found and squeezed her hand as the elevator dinged open. A swarm of nurses
piled out, none of them giving the pair a second glance. Several appeared to be
infected themselves.
Angel placed his hand against the small of Cordelia's back to guide her into the
elevator, but she twisted away when he tried to take her elbow as well. Off Angel's
hurt/confused look, Cordelia said, "I don't like to feel like an invalid.
"It's all right to be injured," Angel chided in a gentle tone, pressing the button that
would take them to the ground floor and freedom.
"Still."
"Still," Angel agreed. "I know what you mean."
A silence fell over the elevator, born of two people who knew each other well enough
that they did not need to feel the air with hollow words. Cordelia let it wash over her
for a few minutes before she asked, "Did you and Wesley find out anything about my
vision?"
"Not yet." Angel's words were a promise made for both of them. "But we're not going
to give up."
"I saw this sickness, Angel. Everything that's happening right now, the Powers That
Be told me about it." `And about crows, and a man who answers to the name of
Death,' Cordelia thought but did not say. `If you worship me.' Her lips shaped the
words as maggots crawled up her spine.
"I know." Angel's hand crept up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. There were dark
circles under his eyes. Cordelia felt bad for not realizing sooner that he was teetering
against exhaustion so great that it was becoming incapacitating. "Wesley and I
scoured every book that we have-nothing. Wesley contacted some of his old
colleagues, including Giles, but none of them have gotten back to us yet. The world
beneath the streets is as terrified as the world above."
"Wesley." Cordelia's body was enveloped in cold. Wrapping her arms around herself,
she asked, "He has the sickness, doesn't he? Captain Trips."
There was a long moment of silence before Angel answered heavily, "I think so."
"God."
"We'll figure it out. We'll stop it."
"Yeah. We will." Cordelia's ribs twinged and she winced. "I'm one huge bruise, aren't
I?"
"A very stylish bruise." Cordelia's lips twitched, but that was all. The elevator
descended into another silence until Angel said, "The police report came back."
Cordelia winced again, this time from pain internal rather than external. "How much
hot water am I in?"
"Do you like taking the bus?"
"Fabulous."
The pocket of calm they created between them evaporated as soon as the elevator
came to a halt and the doors slid open. The emergency room was filled to the outer
limits of its capacity with feverish, gasping people. The constant influx of new people
through the doors was overwhelming the doctors and nurses who were struggling to
sort it out in spite of having a high rate of illness among their own ranks. Scores of
hostile, frightened eyes turned onto Angel and Cordelia as they exited the elevator.
Taken together, the stares were nearly enough to constitute a physical blow.
"This is what you saw when you walked in?" Cordelia asked.
"Yes." Angel's eyes were rendered into unreadable pools and his nostrils flared.
Cordelia decided that she didn't want to know.
A doctor rushed past them, heading for a gurney that was being wheeled through the
ambulance doors. A middle-aged man was lying on it, moaning and covered in blood.
As far as Cordelia could see, the man bore all the signs of having been in an
accident and none of having been infected with Captain Trips. He could be helped.
The majority that were beyond help were not pleased by the doctor's diverted
attentions. A woman with the telltale swellings already rising on her neck lunged to
her feet and grabbed at the doctor's arm as he passed. He shook her off; she tried
again. Words were exchanged, and the woman's face contorted into an angry,
spitting mask. With her face glowing bright from the fever and her face rapidly being
eaten up by a tube of darkening flesh, she barely seemed human. The doctor jerked
himself out of her grasp again, speaking rapidly enough to spend spittle flying from
between his lips, his own face twitching in exhaustion and frustration. His hand rose
from his side with the fingers curling into a fist.
"Angel-" Cordelia began, but Angel was already moving.
Angel grabbed the doctor's wrist before he could swing, lowering his head so that he
could whisper into the other man's ear. Second by second, the tension eased out of
the doctor's arm as Angel spoke. He nodded to Angel as he was released. Angel
helped the sick woman back to her seat before returning to Cordelia.
"I want to leave now," Cordelia said in a small voice. Angel nodded and replaced his
hand on her back. It was all that Cordelia could do not to break into a run as they
headed for the door. The sickness slipped off of Cordelia's arms like a misplaced
shroud as they stepped out into the early night. She wrapped her arms around
herself, anyway, just to be certain that she was still alive, and whole, and not one of
the walking corpses clustered inside. "Is the rest of the city turning into that?"
"Not yet," Angel said, pulling the keys to Wesley's car from his pocket.
Cordelia exhaled. "Good."
They reached Wesley's car and Angel unlocked the passenger door for Cordelia,
holding it open so that she could slide inside. He got into the driver's side after he
had assured himself that she was secure, but sat for several seconds without putting
the keys into the ignition. "I'm worried."
"We've been worried before," Cordelia said, "and we've always beaten it. Besides,
the Powers aren't going to let anything happen to you until you become human,
remember? I'd say that implies some pretty heavy confidence in your world-saving
abilities." Cordelia flinched and tugged at her seatbelt as it dug into the deep scrape
on her collarbone that Angel's car had put there two days before.
"Are you in pain?" Angel asked, apparently choosing to exchange the worries that he
could not control at the moment for the ones that he could.
"A little. I have some pills to get me through the next few days, but I didn't want to be
loopy for my own homecoming."
"Then we'd better get you home." Angel started the car and backed out of the space
with care that said he probably wasn't going to be plowing into any sports cars on the
way back to the apartment. Cordelia grimaced. Angel's convertible had been really
nice, too.
`You know where this is all going to end, little girl.'
Cordelia's spine became the consistency of mercury and she sucked in her breath.
Angel threw her a concerned look. Cordelia forced a pained smile onto her face and
gritted, "Bump in the road."
"Sorry. I'll try to be more careful." Angel returned to his driving.
`Don't call me "little girl",' Cordelia snapped back.
`My apologies. You certainly aren't, are you?'
`What do you want?'
`What any human wants, of course. Worship. I didn't think an actress would need to
be told that.'
`Go to hell.'
`My memories are a little fuzzy on the subject, but I think I may have created it.' The
mercury in Cordelia's spine spread throughout her entire body. `As I was saying. You
know how this will end. I would spare a few, though, if they would let me. It's such a
small thing, after all. You pay more attention to your television set than you do the
heavens, so what's one more idol to throw into the mix? Especially when the reward
is so great.'
`You're evil,' Cordelia thought back with a fury that surprised her. `You're evil, you're
sick, get out of my HEAD-`
"Cordelia?"
She gasped, jerked back to the present like a fish being hauled into a boat. Angel
was staring at her closely in concern, his face etched with fresh worry even though it
already spoke of two many burdens. In fact, he was watching her so closely-
"Angel, look out!" Cordelia screamed.
Angel tore his eyes back to the road. He swore and slammed on the brakes, working
the wheel hard to avoid rear-ending the minivan in front of them. The car jerked to a
stop half in the lane, half out of it, and partially blocking traffic. Horns blared and
hands stuck out of windows.
"Your insurance company must hate us," Cordelia managed when she could
unclench her jaw. She pressed her shaking hands into her lap.
"Sorry." Angel seemed more than a little shaken himself. He didn't take his eyes off
the road again as he said, "You muttered the word `head'. I wasn't sure if you were all
right."
"I did?" Cordelia asked. "Um, I have a headache." `Also, the devil might be talking to
me.' Angel would want to know about that teensy detail. But, on the other hand, the
voices in Cordelia's head weren't normally known to come with a lack of excruciating
pain or glorious Technicolor.
`So, either I'm being communicated with by a being or ultimate evil, or I'm-`
*
"-going crazy." Lindsey dragged his hand through his hair and grimaced. He needed
a shower. Hell, at this point he needed a lobotomy.
`If you worship me.'
"Get out," Lindsey muttered, raising the beer can to his lips. Too much of the hard
stuff-the good stuff-would usher him straight into the arms of a blackout. The horrors
that had been painted across the insides of his eyelids over the past two days were
more than enough to convince him that sleep would not be the best of ideas when it
came to preserving his long-term health or, for that matter, his sanity.
Beer, though. Back home, if you couldn't put away a twelve pack and still drive
yourself home at the end of the night by the time you were a junior, well, you just
weren't a man. He could buzz on this redneck shit all night long without passing out.
Lindsey licked foam off his upper lip as he turned the can over in his hand.
Budweiser, his daddy's old brand. The irony of sitting on his couch with nowhere else
to be, drinking his daddy's beer at a rate that wouldn't be much longer in sending him
over the line from buzzed into drunk, Oklahoma sensibilities or no, was not lost on
Lindsey. At least the surroundings were nicer. "Fuck you, Dad," Lindsey whispered.
The phone rang. Lindsey ignored it. His wrist burned, uneasy reminder that it was
time to take another dose of pain medication. He ignored that, too.
Another slow sip of the beer. No warmth of whiskey coiling through his body like a
well-fed beast, but that was all right. Heat wasn't something he particularly wanted to
think about at the moment.
`It's not as if you get any mileage out of that pesky soul of yours.'
Not with the devil whispering in his ear.
The answering machine clicked on and Holland's paternal `tell me anything' tones
filled the apartment. "Lindsey. I hope you're not already sleeping." There was a faint
reproach in his voice. It would appear that even injured employees were still
expected to be at Wolfram and Hart's beck and call. Lindsey set the beer can down
on the coffee table exaggerated concentration, stretched, and lifted his middle finger
in the direction of the answering machine and Holland's plummy small talk. In some
alternate universe, he was sure, a wiser version of himself was applauding.
After several minutes, Holland got to the point. "We seem to be running into a
problem with the Darla project."
Lindsey leaned forward.
"She's become...very ill. Delirious. She's been asking nonstop to see you." Holland
didn't sound so well himself. His voice was nasal and phlegmy, and several times he
interrupted himself to sneeze.
Lindsey listened, brow furrowed, but made no attempt to rise from the couch. Darla
was nothing more than a bottom line to his superiors. Surely they wouldn't waste time
indulging her mercurial moods the way that Lilah was forced to. No matter that-and
Lindsey's heart gave the kind of pleasurable jump that he hadn't felt in a long time-
Darla seemed to have taken a liking to him.
"She says that you're the key to all this." There was no need for Holland to elaborate
on what he meant by `this'. An ambulance wailed on the street beneath Lindsey's
living room window.
For several seconds Lindsey knew what it was like to be a vampire, as his heart
stopped beating and showed no signs of starting again. When it finally resubmitted to
the will of the rest of his body, Lindsey was in no position to be relieved. He lunged
off the couch, weaving at first as his alcohol-addled legs had to pause to remember
their function. A crazed-clown giggle resonated through his head. Lindsey couldn't
tell if it was coming from himself or that...other thing.
Holland was still speaking. "You can see why this would be of interest to people in
certain circles, Lindsey. Stockholders are growing nervous. They don't like all this
entropy unless they have a way of profiting from it. So why don't you come down to
the office and we can talk it over." `Fuck you.'
Emotional alchemy turned fear into anger in less time than it would have taken most
people to flick a light switch. How dare he...he actually expected Lindsey to show up
voluntarily to a `discussion' that they both knew would end with Lindsey on a
dissection table...how dare he...
`That's my boy. Give it all you've got.'
"Fuck you." Out loud this time, and resulting laughter which echoed through his head
was enough to make Lindsey jump.
"You had better be the devil himself," Lindsey muttered as he walked into the
bedroom. "Because I have worked to damned hard at staying sane to go crazy now."
Lindsey felt strangely calm for someone who was contemplating defying the most
powerful law firm on the planet-again. If trapped between one destruction or another,
he would at least take the one on his own terms.
Lindsey shoved a duffel bag full of clothes and all the money that he had in the
apartment, hurrying as much as he was able with only one hand and a sense of
nausea that wasn't just the beer talking. Strictly necessities, all of it, until Lindsey
stumbled across his guitar while searching for his boots. He hadn't touched it, had
barely brought himself to look at it, since the accident. `No accident,' Lindsey
amended. `Since Angel fucking crippled you. Call it for what it is.' Since the fight. A
fuzz of dust was already gathering on the wood that he had taken such meticulous
care of. Slowly, as if he were moving underwater, Lindsey reached for it. It wouldn't
hurt to take one more thing.
`Do you want to wait here and die?' the voice crackled through his mind. `Leave it. It's
not worth it.'
Lindsey swore and jerked back before his fingers could touch the instrument. "Do that
mean you actually have a plan?"
`Run.'
"I'm hooking up with a brilliant strategist." Lindsey fumbled for his keys, remembered
that he could hardly be expected to drive one-handed and drunk at once, and let forth
a long stream of obscenities. Most of them concerned Angel and what Lindsey was
going to do to him as soon as the opportunity presented itself.
`Feel better?'
"Marginally." Lindsey bolted for the door, not bothering to lock or even fully close it
behind him. Let thieves take his things. If Wolfram and Hart had their way,
possessions were going to be of little use to him, anyway.
`Take the stairs.'
"What?"
`Unless you want to die right here in this hallway, old hoss, you'll do as I say.'
It was delivered in a psychic shout that belied the deadpan tone of the words
themselves, nearly driving Lindsey to his knees and setting his ears to ringing as if
head been trapped inside the bells of Notre Dame. Nevertheless, as communication
tools went it was very effective. Lindsey turned away from the elevators, opening the
door to the stairwell and thanking random deities that he had made at least a passing
attempt at keeping in shape before Angel had maimed him. His apartment was on the
sixth floor.
`I'd hate to have to explain the definition of "run" to you,' the voice said as Lindsey
clattered down the stairs.
"I'm moving as fast as I can," Lindsey grunted. What was left of his wrist flared and
he swore, nearly losing his balance. "I forgot my medications."
`Forget about them.'
"Easy for you to say."
`Do you think of me as the best of a bad situation, Lindsey?' The voice did not wait for
an answer before it continued. `I'll bet you've even wondered if you were going
crazy." And it...tittered, a sound so devoid of humanity or even basic sanity that the
hair on Lindsey's arms and the back of his neck stood up as one motion. `I'm much
more than that, though. Do a few simple things for me, a few little chores, and I'll see
that you're well taken care of. It's better than what your current bosses are offering
you.'
Indignant shouts echoed from the floor immediately above them, Lindsey's floor.
Lindsey had barely identified the voice as that of his neighbor across the hall, a
retired businessman who always seemed to have an apartment full of grandchildren,
when a shot rang out. The gentleman's shout was cut off; his wife's scream replaced
it. Lindsey's blood ran as cold as the beer that he had been drinking moments before.
`You may want to move a little faster,' the voice advised. Lindsey could feel the giggle
that lurked beneath its surface, like a crocodile wearing a clown's grin. If he was
losing his mind, then he was doing it with style.
"He visited me when I came out of the hospital," Lindsey grunted, redoubling his
speed though his lungs were beginning to protest. "He didn't deserve that."
`You still think people get what they deserve. That's almost cute enough to be
believable. Save your breath; you'll need it.'
Lindsey obeyed, marveling at how little he was protesting the invasion. Holland
should have invested in telepathy years ago. It would have done wonders for
employee morale when the threat of execution just wasn't getting through.
Lindsey's legs were turning into pillars of Jell-O barely held in place by the barrier of
skin when he reached the street. The sudden influx of night air turned his stomach
and he doubled over, balancing himself on his knees and scarcely holding onto the
beer. He straightened when he was sure that it wasn't going to come up on him,
swiping his hand across his mouth anyway. `You're not out of the woods yet, my boy.'
The way it said `my boy' made Lindsey feel the way a rabbit must when it saw the
shadow of the hawk looming overhead. `There's a motel ten blocks from here called
the Sunset. Go there for tonight.'
"You think they won't search every motel within a thirty block radius?"
`They won't search this one. Trust me, Lindsey. All you have to do is trust me.'
The hawk swooped down.
*
"I'm home!" Cordelia called to her apartment as she stepped through the door. She
did her best to sound as if she was returning home from two-day jaunt in Acapulco
rather than vision-induced mayhem. The words were duly swallowed by the silence
that the apartment threw back. A frown marked Cordelia's face.
Angel mirrored her expression. "Wesley couldn't have left."
"Couldn't. Not wouldn't, but couldn't. Feeling the big optimism there." Cordelia forced
her tone to stay airy in spite of the worry that was reshaping her shoulders into rigid
lines.
Angel nudged her out of the doorway so that he could enter. "Wesley?" he called, his
voice tinted with the same worry that Cordelia was fighting to keep out of hers.
"In here," a voice called from the bedroom, sounding sleepy, confused, and not well
at all. There was a second of silence, followed by a crash and a muffled curse.
Cordelia's stomach clenched as she and Angel rushed forward.
"I'm fine," Wesley rasped, meeting them at the bedroom door. "I laid down to rest my
eyes for a bit, but I'm afraid I knocked over the lamp when I woke up. I don't think I've
broken it."
Cordelia was aware that she had clapped her hand to her mouth, but only dimly. Her
eyes burned. "Oh, Wesley," she whispered.
It seemed against the laws of nature that someone in Wesley's condition could even
walk, let alone give protests of health. He looked as if he had lost at least twenty
pounds since Cordelia had gone into the hospital. His eyes were hollows, his
forehead was obscured by a sick sheen that slicked his hair to his skin. Although his
neck showed no signs of the death black markings that the ill at the hospital had
worn, his glands were still swollen to nearly the size of golf balls. Cordelia could hear
his breath rattling in his chest from where she stood.
"You need to be in bed." Cordelia was the one to say it as both she and Angel moved
forward to take Wesley's elbows, herding him back into the bedroom. After a few
steps it became apparent that Wesley had used up all his strength in getting to the
door. By the time he reached the bed, his friends' hands were the only things keeping
him on his feet.
Wesley protested, "No, I need to wait until Giles calls back-"
"Cordelia and I can answer the phone and do the research." Angel's voice was a few
octaves deeper than normal. Cordelia thought she could hear something close to
panic jigging beneath the everything-is-dandy exterior, which set her own interior
panic demon to dancing.
"Exactly," Cordelia piped up. "We can read just as well as the next bunch, you know."
Wesley arched his eyebrows at her. The effect was more sad than funny, and
Cordelia's voice sounded shrill as she said, "And you can shush with the sarcastic
eyebrow talking, too. I'll have you know that I practically have my PhD in research by
now."
Wesley offered very little resistance as Cordelia and Angel helped him to get settled
in the bed and tugged his shoes off. Cordelia ordered her face blank, but her hands
trembled independently of her control and she was afraid that she would drop
anything that she tried to hold. Wesley's wheezing was the loudest sound in the
room.
He broke into a sudden coughing jag, wet and phlegmy, as Cordelia was setting his
shoes beside the bed, and something inside of her broke. "I'm sorry-" She fled the
room at a near run, knowing that Angel was staring after her and feeling terrible for it,
but unable to stop herself. The air in the kitchen was infinitely sweeter than that which
circulated in the bedroom, untinged as it was by what Cordelia's mind was insisting
was decay rising off Wesley's skin. Cordelia gripped the edges of the sink until her
knuckles flared protest, struggling to breathe around her hammering heart and the
taste of vomit in her throat. Dennis' disapproving presence compressed the air
around her, nudging her back towards the bedroom with an insistence that was
nearly paternal.
"I know," Cordelia muttered. "It's a shitty thing to do." She dragged her hands through
her hair and over her eyes, both mortified and unsurprised to feel them welling up.
Unseen hands rubbed at her shoulders, easing the gooseflesh that was rising there,
and the threat of tears became the reality. Cordelia sniffled, ducked her head, and
swore violently. Dennis' "hands" evaporated in shock. Cordelia swiped at her eyes
and swore again. "I am not doing this," she declared. Cordelia turned on the faucet
and splashed cold water across her tears until no trace of them remained. "Screw this
damsel crap."
"Amen to that."
Cordelia spun. Angel was leaning against the door jam, watching her with hooded
eyes. "How long were you there?" Cordelia asked.
"Long enough. I didn't know you had that kind of vocabulary."
Cordelia raised her chin. "Before Daddy decided to unleash his inner creativity on his
tax returns, my family had this maid, Louisa. Sweet woman. Foulest mouth you ever
heard. I can do it in Spanish, too."
A tight, forced smile played with the edges of Angel's mouth. "That's my girl."
Cordelia flushed and, turning her back to him, raised herself onto her toes to retrieve
a glass from one of the upper cabinets. Her hands were trembling so badly that she
could scarcely close her fingers around it.
"Here, let me." Angel's voice tickled the back of Cordelia's neck, startling her so badly
that she did drop the glass and only Angel's preternatural reflexes saved them both
from a mess. His arm brushed against hers as he retreated with glass in hand,
sending a frisson of heat through Cordelia's skin.
"Thanks." Cordelia's voice was hoarse; she cleared her throat and tried again. "So,
um, Wesley's going to need aspirin, and lots of water, and does that chicken soup
thing actually work?"
"Cordelia," Angel said in a low voice.
"You need to move back," Cordelia whispered. "I'm getting smooshed against the
counter." She didn't turn around until she felt Angel comply. His eyes were impossible
to read. "Soup and stuff. I don't know ho much ice I have, do you think we should run
to the store for a few bags? In case we need to fill the tub?"
"Cordy," Angel said. The husky note was gone from his voice. "He's going to be all
right."
Cordelia paused, caught midway through opening the freezer door to check on the
ice. Her eyes were bright as she looked over her shoulder, but not a tear fell. "Of
course he is. Don't be silly." She returned to the freezer, emerging victorious with an
ice tray a few moments later. Cordelia accepted the dishtowel that Dennis levitated
towards her and marched off towards the bedroom. Angel trailed after her, her silent,
protective sentinel. Neither one of them so much as glanced towards the books in the
living room.
*
The Sunset was an inspiration of cheesy stucco and aging Southwestern dcor that
reminded Lindsey, oddly endearingly, of all the worst places that he had stayed at
since first setting foot in Los Angeles. It was a fading relic of a bygone era, urging its
visitors into forgetting or refusing to acknowledge that most of its guests would be too
young to remember Hollywood's golden age and, more importantly, not particularly
inclined to care. It was the perfect place to hold negotiations.
The night clerk threw only a cursory glance over Lindsey and his belongings before
he accepted payment for the room and slid the key across the counter. If battered
men who appeared to be holding muttered conversations with themselves were
something to be alarmed about, he didn't show it. Within moments, he had forgotten
Lindsey's face altogether.
Lindsey found his room without any undue difficulty, set the duffel bag at his feet so
that he could insert the key into the lock. `Terrible handicap you've got there.'
Lindsey's mouth twisted and he said nothing as he stepped into the room. `I can help
you with that, if you ask nicely. Repairing the damage...and giving a little of the same
back to the one that did it to you.'
Lindsey went rigid. The throb in his wrist was suddenly far more insistent than it had
been even a moment before. "That so?" he queried. "And whatever would I owe you
for this generosity? My soul, as I am sure you are aware of, is spoken for." Faintest
taste of bitterness on his tongue, too slight and familiar to translate into his voice.
`Nothing so dramatic as that. Just a few small errands, and in return I can give you
everything that you've ever dreamed of wanting.'
Lindsey's lips pursed and he stared down at the bandages where his hand had once
been, where his hand still should be, if it were not for Angel and his boundless
hypocrisy. Apparently Slayers who delighted in killing, practically licked the blood
from their fingers while it was still warm, were worth putting out an effort for, but
heaven have mercy on anyone with a dick or a law degree. Bile rose thick and heavy
in the back of Lindsey's throat.
"Okay," he said. "Let's talk."
***
Part Six
"'Cause maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me."
-Oasis, "Wonderwall"
Cordelia awoke with the smell of corn lingering in her nostrils and the twang of a
guitar flirting with the edges of her mind. `You come see me, Cordelia Chase. Bring
that double-talking friend of yours, too. Seems to me that he could do with a bit of
straightening out. Just ask anyone around these parts for Mother Abigail and they'll
point you at me. One hundred and seven years old-"
"And she still makes her own biscuit," Cordelia finished in a sleepy mutter. She
propped herself up on her elbows, mewling as bruised muscles protested the
thoughtless treatment. A ringing noise echoed through the house, jangling and
discordant. Cordelia preferred the guitar.
Angel reached past her and rummaged beneath a pile of research tomes until he
liberated the phone. The ringing noise became much louder.
"Whoops." Cordelia rubbed at her cheeks, which felt like plastic. "I swear I was only
resting only my eyes."
"They looked like they needed it." Angel pressed the `talk' button and brought the
phone up to his ear. "Hello? Giles? Good to hear from you. Cordelia and I have hit a
wall here, and it's getting worse. Has anyone in Sunnydale-?" If there had been any
blood circulating through Angel's face, then Cordelia would have been witness to it
draining away. Angel's expression went blank and he sat down on the couch like a
puppet tossed away by a bored, careless child. Cordelia pulled her feet out of the
way just in time, scattering books to the floor. The spine of an exquisite fifteenth
century diary cracked as it struck the floor, but neither person in the room so much as
glanced down. Cordelia's eyes were fixed onto Angel's face, and she saw death
written there.
"I see," Angel was saying. His tone, slow and overly controlled in the way he adopted
when he was on the verge of bad guy induced violence, coupled with the clenching
and unclenching of his fists, said that he did not see at all. The stillness on his face
Cordelia want to scooch back. "I'll be there as soon as I can." Angel terminated the
call and rose from the couch like a sleepwalker.
"What?" Cordelia tried to scramble up from the amongst the couch cushions, yelped
in pain, and settled for a slower, even less dignified ascent. "Angel, where are you
going?" When he didn't look at her, Cordelia lunged forward and grabbed at the
sleeve of his shirt. He shook the fabric out of her grasp as if she were not even there.
"Angel!"
Angel didn't stop moving, but he did at least glance her way. "It's Buffy," he said.
Short, clipped, macho. Cordelia could only imagine what emotions were running
beneath the surface. "She has the virus." Cordelia gasped so hard that she felt dizzy.
"Giles doesn't think that she has long. I have to go to her." Cordelia was once again
relegated to the status of mayfly as Angel turned towards the bedroom, where he had
been keeping a few things until he could find another place of his own.
"Go to her?" Cordelia wanted to shout, but Wesley was sleeping peacefully for the
first time that night, so she settled for a stalk and a hiss instead. One part of her,
small and mean and just loud enough so that it could not be easily ignored, swore
that Angel was counting on this. "Hey, in case you haven't noticed, we have an
apocalypse of our own to be dealing with here, and so far we're not batting the
greatest average in the stopping it game."
Angel turned long enough to give her an incredulous look. "It's Buffy," he said, as if
that should answer every objection.
In its own twisted, codependent way Cordelia supposed that it did. Destiny, tortured
love, right, all that bodice ripping stuff, but... "What about me and Wesley? And, while
we're at it, the world? Aren't we supposed to matter, too?"
The blankness dropped off Angel's face like a party mask at midnight. With the
frightening stranger gone, it was the Angel that Cordelia had come to know and care
for over the past year that stepped close and cradled her face between his palms.
The energy that sparked from his skin to hers was a long stone's throw away from
brotherly. "Hey," Angel said, his voice pitched low. "I am not running out on you guys.
I'll see if Giles has any ideas about what's going on, pick up some books that we
don't have. I'll do what I need to do," Angel's breath hitched for the barest of
seconds, "and then I'll come back. I promise."
Cordelia's gaze ticked towards Wesley, and she knew that she and Angel were
sharing a thought. Buffy may not be long for this world, but Wesley's chance weren't
looking like the winning horse, either.
"Tomorrow night," Angel said. "I won't be any later than that."
"I'm going to hold you to that." Cordelia's tone tried for light and came to a rest
somewhere around `boulder'.
Angel's mouth twitched into a maybe-smile. He leaned forward and kissed Cordelia
near chastely, the barest flicker of his lips against hers before he pulled away. They
were cooler and firmer than Cordelia expected, a long way from being unpleasant.
She felt her jaw drop.
"I'll be back," Angel promised again.
"Okay." Cordelia struggled to find something self-assured and witty to say, but all of
her thoughts seemed to have bled away into Angel's mouth. She watched in silence
as Angel gathered his things into a bag, touched Wesley's forehead with the same
gentleness with which he had cradled Cordelia's face, and left. Several minutes went
by before Cordelia realized that she had forgotten to say goodbye.
Wesley died later that night.
*
Cordelia sat on the couch with her knees pulled as close to her chest as she could
manage before agony set in, her eyes closed and the phone pressed against her ear
tightly enough to cut grooves into her skin. The steady beep-beep-beep of the busy
signal had long since descended into a background noise keeping her tethered to the
real world by a thread. Dennis' anxious hovering penetrated not at all.
"We're sorry, all circuits are currently in use...beep-beep-beep...we're sorry..."
`I should just hang up.' The thought struggled through treacle to blossom across the
surface of her mind. `No one's going to answer.' Cordelia wondered if there was
anyone left alive who could.
`There's a dead man in your bedroom.' Sly thought that slunk through the back door
of Cordelia's consciousness, piercing her haze. Cordelia threw it out whenever she
caught it, telling herself that this was absolutely the last time that it was permitted
entry, and then settled back to await its inevitable return.
"...beep-beep-beep..."
`He's probably gone stiff by now.'
"Fuck!" The word exploded out of Cordelia's lungs like mustard gas, deadliest poison
that she had to expel from her system or risk it tainting every thing. She hurled the
phone against the far wall hard enough to make bits of electronics rain down on the
carpet. Dennis' suffocating presence vanished, frightened, as Cordelia covered her
face with her hands.
Her sobs lasted for longer than fifteen minutes, smearing snot and tears across her
face and sending her ribs into a protesting cacophony. Cordelia didn't try to halt
them, and when she finally wound down she felt, not better, but sharper. "There's a
dead man in my bedroom," Cordelia said aloud, testing the words. They hung in the
air. "His name was Wesley Wyndham-Price, and he was my friend." Cordelia took
one deep breath, then another, staring at what was left of her phone. How long had
she been trying to call 911? The clock said it was nearly ten in the morning. Hours,
then. "I'm probably going to have to bury him."
Getting to the toilet meant crossing through the bedroom, where-
-the corpse-
-Wesley lay staring peacefully at the ceiling-
-as peacefully as a person could look with their skin swollen like that, oh God, how
painful was it to choke to death?
Cordelia vomited into the kitchen trash can instead. Dennis gave her a damp
washcloth when she was done. Cordelia took it gratefully and wiped the tears and
mucus from her face before she rose to do a more proper job. She was spitting a
mouthful of water down the kitchen drain when the doorbell rang.
Cordelia froze mid-rinse. She could feel Dennis hovering around her shoulders and
knew that if he had eyes they would be locking gazes in identical caricatures of
shock. "Everyone that I know is dead," Cordelia whispered, not knowing why the
prospect of a new face was seizing her so. Dennis rattled the coffee cups and
otherwise did a spectacular job of not making himself useful.
The person on her porch grew impatient and switched from ringing the doorbell to
beating on the door with their fist, boom-boom-boom, in the exact same tempo as the
busy signal. Cordelia clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle either a giggle or a
scream and nearly retched again. So the person wasn't going to go away if Cordelia
ignored them. Cordelia pulled a steak knife from the knife rack, cradling its weight in
her palm with an assurance that would have made Buffy proud, and walked to the
door. Cordelia raised the knife into a strike position before she opened the door to let
in sunlight and the sounds of the day.
The sun shone directly into Cordelia's eyes as the door swung open, dazzling her,
and prevented her from recognizing the figure before her. This probably worked in
Lindsey's favor, as he saw the knife before Cordelia saw him and had time to take
the necessary steps to put himself out of range. "Cordelia?" he asked.
"Lindsey?" Cordelia's eyes adjusted to the rush of light and she lowered the blade. A
little. "What are you doing here?"
If she hadn't been taking lessons from Angel in contemptuous and surly, then
Lindsey would swear himself to a life of piety. "Looking for Angel," he said. Always
best to keep it simple.
"He's not here," Cordelia said. The way her fingers tightened around the handle of
the blade as she spoke made Lindsey feel as if a few feet of distance between them
were not enough; several miles might not be enough.
The carefully neutral expression that Lindsey had worn when Cordelia opened the
door dissolved into shock. Cordelia's lips twitched and she was glad that she didn't
have anything left in her to throw up. "What do you mean, he's not here?" Lindsey
demanded.
"I mean," Cordelia enunciated as she would to a mentally deficient child, "that he's
gone. As in, somewhere else. Much like you would be right now if we lived in a
perfect world." A low ringing sounded through her head and her fingers twined tighter
around the knife's handle.
Lindsey winced suddenly and rubbed at his temple, dropping his eyes down to
Cordelia's welcome mat. Before Cordelia could ask for explanation or, the more likely
option behind Door Number Two, unleash a scathing comment just to see if it would
piss him off, the veneer was back, shiny and brittle and about as human as the polish
on Cordelia's nails. "Well, I need his help."
Cordelia stared. Her jaw did an interesting little dance before it decided to stay a part
of her face rather than making friends with the floor. One, she could throw the knife at
him and hope that it hit something painful. Two, she could gather her new personal
growth around her and hear him out. A voice somewhere in the middle, still trapped
with the cooling meat in the bedroom, suggested that she burst into tears again and
be done with it.
Cordelia slammed the door in Lindsey's face and decided to call it a draw.
Great for the morale, not so much for the common sense. Cordelia lowered the knife
and turned away from the door, trusting in basic decency to rebuff Lindsey in the face
of such obvious refusal. She should have known that that would be giving him too
much credit.
Lindsey entered the apartment without bothering to knock again. Cordelia whirled on
him. "In case you haven't noticed, the world has a slight case of going to hell in a
hand basket out there."
"I've noticed," Cordelia said, her tone stiff. "That's why I want you out in it." Lindsey
made a sour face and Cordelia thought she felt better.
"Look, I brought your paper in for you," Lindsey said, holding out the LA Times as if it
were the twenty-first century's answer to the olive branch. "There's an article on the
front page that you probably want to look at. It pertains to the current situation."
The absurdity of a world in which one of her best friends could die in her bedroom
without even the benefit of an ambulance, yet the morning paper could still arrive on
time, caused both giggles and bile to crawl up Cordelia's throat. She snorted,
pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. Lindsey took a small step backwards,
male apprehension of approaching hysterics registering like a neon sign across his
face. Cordelia waited until she was certain that she was not going to be sick across
her own shoes, realized that she was still holding the steak knife, and allowed Dennis
to pluck it from her fingers. Lindsey's eyes widened for the barest of seconds, but he
said nothing. Probably had a few ghosts of the evil rather than Casper variety on his
client list.
Thoughts of clients led to a sharp reminder of who Lindsey was and what he stood
for. Cordelia folded her arms beneath her breasts, lowering her chin and glaring. "I'm
not interested in whatever new con you've come up with," she said. "There's the
door. I think you already know how the rest of the saying goes."
"Or you'll call the police?" Lindsey offered up the smile of a wolf that has tasted
lamb's blood, ensuring that Cordelia would not forget who he worked for again. She
wondered if it was too late to have Dennis bring back the knife. "Stick your head out
the door. Law and order is becoming a thing of the past."
"I've been in the hospital," Cordelia gritted. "Not a lot of time to catch the evening
news."
"Look at that. We have something in common." Lindsey melted a few steps closer
and Cordelia was even more sorry that she had given up the knife. For the first time
she noticed the bandage that ended Lindsey's right wrist and the way that he kept it
tucked against his side, as if in fear of further injury.
Cordelia's pointed stare halted Lindsey faster than the knife would have. "That's
where the similarities end." Frost could have risen from her words. "See this?"
Cordelia held out her injured wrist, still wrapped in the Ace bandage. "I was in a car
accident because I had a vision while I was driving. A vision that was supposed to let
me help people, if that's not too foreign a concept. You, on the other hand," Cordelia
laid a malicious stress on the word and watched Lindsey's eyes narrow, "got yours
while trying to kill me. I'd say that makes us very different."
Something flickered across Lindsey's face, there and gone again too quickly for
Cordelia to quantify before it was overtaken by storm clouds. "Right," he said, a
suggestion of bared teeth entering his voice as well as his eyes. "You and Angel,
your white hats, ya'll-" Cordelia blinked. "-are all saints, nobly standing your ground
against us sinners. Never mind that once upon a time ol' Angel could make every
vampire in Europe wet himself by the very mention of his name. And you." Lindsey
curled his lip in a way that destroyed his face, rendered it into something cold and
nearly feral. "Yeah, I know all about you."
"And we all decided to change. What's your excuse?"
"Must be an elite club." Lindsey was already turning away, heaving the duffel bag off
his shoulder and setting it down beside the couch. He surveyed the room with a
proprietary air that made Cordelia's blood switch from a simmer into a full boil. "When
is Angel going to be back?"
"Soon. Can't say he'll be all that happy to see you. I'm always up for entertainment,
though, especially when there's nothing good on TV." Cordelia glanced towards the
bedroom, wondering how long it would take to get rid of Lindsey; more importantly,
how much longer after that before she could muster the strength to do what needed
to be done. Lindsey followed her gaze and a look of triumph transformed his face.
"Not here?" he asked, shouldering past her.
"No!" Cordelia cried, grabbing for Lindsey's arm and missing. She hadn't been able to
enter the room since she had discovered Wesley dead in it, hadn't been able to do
much of anything other than cradle the phone to her ear and wait with stupid faith for
civilization to begin putting itself back together again. If Lindsey opened the door then
it would have to be real, no pixie dust panacea, and Cordelia didn't think that she
could-
"Don't," she said again, and hated herself. Lindsey ignored her.
A violent shudder wracked Lindsey's body as his hand encountered the knob, as if
gale-force winds were shoving him back. Cordelia loved Dennis more than she had
loved anyone else in her life. Lindsey pressed his fingers to his temple, shivered, and
pushed through. The darkness beyond the doorway consumed him like a lost soul.
Cordelia pressed her fingers to her mouth and closed her eyes.
She didn't hear Lindsey again for several minutes.
He shut the door behind him with a gentleness that he hadn't so much as hinted at
before. If it was possible for a person to express contrition through their very aura,
then Lindsey needed no words for his regret; Cordelia didn't need to open her eyes.
She felt Dennis settle around her shoulders like a cloak and knew that he had
followed Lindsey into the room to ensure that the sanctity of Wesley's body was
preserved. "Thank you," Cordelia whispered. The presence about her shoulders
tightened in Dennis' non-corporeal version of a hug.
Cordelia opened her eyes to see Lindsey looking embarrassed and genuinely upset,
two emotions that she never expecting to see caressing his face with any kind of
sincerity. "I'm sorry," Lindsey said. "If I had known I wouldn't have-"
"Come here?" As long as the acid supply to her tongue was still working Cordelia
could pretend that she held the reins to her own sanity. "Feel free to correct that at
any time."
"Spoken ill of the dead," Lindsey finished.
Cordelia blinked, turned her face away to hide the glitter-sharp sting of tears. "So you
know that Angel really is gone," she said in a low voice. "Think you can manage to
show yourself out, or would you like all the other rooms for painful personal matters?"
The contrition again. Cordelia really wished he could stop doing that; it was messing
with her head. "I-" Lindsey stumbled into the word, ran a frustrated hand through his
hair, tried again. "Funny thing. You guys were basically my Plan Z on this. If Angel's
not here then I don't know what else to do."
Cordelia raised her head, telling herself that the time for crying was sometime other
than when Satan's favorite son was standing right in front of her. "Plan Z?"
Lindsey jerked his head in the direction of the front door. Cordelia could hear
someone laying on their car horn. "For fixing that. All of the resources I've been able
to find at Wolfram and Hart are tapped out, everyone who hasn't called in sick with
Captain Trips is showing symptoms-"
"You aren't," Cordelia interjected quietly.
Lindsey cut himself off to look at her, an appraisal written into his eyes that made
Cordelia feel like an uncooperative witness. "Neither are you," he said. "Imagine that.
Anyway, I figured that if anyone would have up to date information on why the world
wants to end this week, it would be you guys." The shrewd expression did not fade as
Lindsey took in the piles of books scattered about the living room. "Though it doesn't
seem as though you're having much luck."
"I don't think it's supernatural." As soon as the words were out of Cordelia's mouth
she wished that she could take them back, stuff them away in her head again so that
they could chase each other in fruitless circles. Supernatural nastiness was
something they had a chance of stopping. "There's not so much as a footnote in
anything we've looked through here, but crack open a history book. Chock full of
plaguey goodness."
"So there's nothing you can do."
"You catch on quick." Cordelia rubbed at her aching eyes and wished that she had
some aspirin and a nice, dark place in which to lie down and forget for a while.
"There's nothing for you here. You can be on your merry way, sacrifice a few goats to
some dark lord, and hope it gets you a primo spot in hell."
The smile didn't enter Lindsey's eyes as he said, "Very little of modern law deals with
goat sacrifice. Bad for public relations." Cordelia was still trying to figure out if that
had been sarcastic when Lindsey gestured towards the bedroom with his wounded
arm, before he tucked it back against his side, as if he were afraid of her stare. "Look,
you're going to have to move Wes-the body before too much longer." Lindsey
nodded towards the shattered remains of the phone. "And I'm guessin' that means
you've already tried to call 911."
Cordelia took her hand away from her eyes. "Stress must have driven one of us
crazy. You can't possibly mean what I think you meant."
"It's the middle of June," Lindsey said, not unkindly. "You still have electricity and air-
conditioning keeping things cool, but there's no guarantee of how long that will last.
You can't leave a body in your bedroom."
"And what am I supposed to do?" Cordelia's voice became shrill. "Dump him in the
street?" Lindsey looked at her steadily until Cordelia made a disgusted noise that did
little to keep the encroaching hysteria at bay. "You're sick."
"They're dumping bodies in the ocean."
"Who's `they'?"
"Military. City officials." Lindsey jerked his head towards the newspaper. "In garbage
barges." Lindsey tried to smirk and failed. There were dark circles beneath his eyes
and an unhealthy waxen look to his skin that all the arrogance in the world could not
mask. "Trying to cover up the problem even as it kills them. Good old human nature,
huh?"
"Not everyone is like that," Cordelia felt required to point out. "Most people are worth
saving."
Lindsey almost flinched, turning it into a sneer at the last possible second. A muscle
in his jaw ticked and he looked off for a moment. "Point remains," he said in a low
voice, his voice threaded through and through with tension and more than a
suggestion of anger, "you can't leave a body to rot in here all summer, not unless you
want to make yourself sick, too." Lindsey waited a beat before he added, "It doesn't
mean that you loved him any less."
Cordelia could have dealt with sarcasm far better than Lindsey's stuttering attempts
at sympathy. She turned away. "He's not a dead goldfish," Cordelia said. Her tone
was laced with acid. "And I'm not going to treat him like one." She started to walk
away, made it two steps before something drew her to a halt again. "You can stay
until Angel gets back," she said. "Whether he hears you out or kills you on the spot, I
don't care any more after that."
Lindsey nodded, very serious. "Thank you."
Cordelia snorted and stalked into the kitchen.
Angel didn't come back that night. Cordelia paced until dawn, then threw one of
Wesley's books against the dent left by the phone and burst into a tirade of profanity
and angry sobs wound together so tightly as to be indistinguishable. Lindsey watched
from the couch but made no move to get up and comfort her. Cordelia was grateful
for it.
They moved Wesley's body the next morning.
Lindsey disappeared as soon as the sun peaked enough over the horizon to
discourage any vampires that might be growing concerned about their dwindling food
supply and returned mid-morning at the wheel of a battered red truck. Cordelia didn't
know how he managed to drive it without two good hands. She told herself that she
didn't care.
Lindsey entered the bedroom first to deal with the body and Cordelia made no move
to stop him. The last time that she had seen Wesley's body it had been pliant and
warm, practically still breathing. The thought of handling his corpse as it was stiff and
bloated and inescapably dead made Cordelia's scant breakfast roil in her stomach.
She waited by the door.
Dennis followed Lindsey into the bedroom, presumably to ensure that Lindsey
treated Wesley's body with the respect that it deserved. A miasma of ectoplasmic
displeasure was left hanging in the air behind him. He didn't like Lindsey being there
and was taking every opportunity to ensure that Cordelia and, more importantly,
Lindsey knew it.
Bedclothes could be heard rustling for several minutes before Lindsey called out, "All
right." His voice was strained.
"I can do this." Cordelia opened her eyes, pushed her hair back from her clammy
temples, and stepped inside.
Lindsey had taken the most expedient course of action and wrapped Wesley in the
bed sheets for a shroud, obscuring his face. Her closest friend in the world reduced
to so much meat in a sack. Cordelia felt the laughter bubbling up in her throat, hot
and acidic like the time she had had too much to drink at the frat party that was never
to be spoken of again, as she thought of how the employees at Bed, Bath, and
Beyond would react if they knew their pricey sheets were being used to hold a
corpse. Lindsey didn't look particularly shocked or horrified when the laugh escaped
Cordelia's mouth and hung in the air like a burp at a dinner party, and somehow that
made it worse.
"Are you going to be able to help with this?" he asked her in a low voice, as if
speaking too loudly might offend the dead.
"Yes," Cordelia whispered back, wishing that Lindsey would stop acting so human. It
was throwing her off.
Lindsey sucked in a deep breath, nodding, and echoed Cordelia's words as he
looked at the bed. "We can do this."
Moving Wesley proved to be one of the easiest and one of the hardest things that
Cordelia had ever done. Lindsey stunned her by behaving as the gentleman and
taking Wesley's shoulders, hissing as he slid his injured arm beneath the groove of
Wesley's neck. Cordelia took several deep breaths before she was able to work
herself up to taking Wesley's legs, cringing away so that as little of the sheet was
touching her skin as possible. They felt like the legs of the mannequins that Cordelia
had been charged with setting up during her brief stint as dress saleswoman, and
that was what Cordelia tried to convince herself that they were. It help enough that
she was able to bend her knees and hoist at Lindsey's nod. `I'm so sorry,' she
thought in Wesley's direction, wherever he was now.
A grunt escaped Lindsey's lips and he staggered back as they lifted, his face paling
to the color of unbleached paper and his lips compressing into a line so thin as to be
invisible. "I'm fine," Lindsey responded to the curious (it was not, she told herself,
concerned) lift of Cordelia's eyebrow.
The crab-walked the body to the curb, heaving simultaneous gasps of relief as they
levered it into the bed of Lindsey's truck. Cordelia rubbed at the hard pebbles of
gooseflesh that had risen on her upper arms and wondered if they would ever go
down again. Lindsey had managed nearly twice the breakfast that Cordelia had; he
looked as though he were regretting it.
Lindsey tried to speak, halted as his gorge rose visibly. After a few seconds he tried
again. "That wasn't so bad." He cradled his right arm beneath his opposite armpit as
he spoke, but not before Cordelia saw the flush of new crimson.
Cordelia shot Lindsey a look of deepest poison and, unbelievably, he smiled.
Cordelia's palm itched to, begging her to smack Lindsey across the face. Only a
vague, terrifying sense of civilization slipping away by the minute and the need to
hang on to what was left as long as possible stopped her. "Let's just get this over
with." She shoved past Lindsey and into the truck's passenger seat. Lindsey was still
wearing the faint, infuriating smile as he slid into the driver's seat and, after a bit of
fumbling, managed to fit the keys into the ignition.
The answer to how Lindsey managed to drive a standard shift while injured and in
possession of only one hand was simple: he was the worst driver that Cordelia had
ever seen. Deep read roses first blossomed and then became a field across the
bandages on Lindsey's wrist as he laid it across the gearshift, slamming it forward
and back with nearly double the force that was actually necessary. Cordelia winced
with every change in gears.
"I can drive," she offered after the first block.
"I don't need help," Lindsey's voice was chipped from the same ice that made up his
eyes. Cordelia didn't offer again. Privately, she thought it was a good thing that the
streets were mostly empty.
Lindsey spun the truck around a corner hard enough to make a driver's ed teacher
despair; a thump came from the back. Cordelia tasted bile in her throat. "This is
wrong."
Lindsey laughed for the first time in her hearing, and the sound which cavorted
through the interior of the truck was worse than any sneer, about as human as the
laughter of a robot or a madman. Cordelia could smell the blood from his arm.
"Darlin', the whole world has gone wrong," Lindsey said. "Or hadn't you noticed?"
"Don't call me `darling'," Cordelia snapped. The smile that touched Lindsey's mouth
was like the edge of a knife. "Just drive the damned truck."
"I live to serve." There was a snarl to Lindsey's voice that hadn't been there over the
past day. Cordelia set her mouth into a thin line and glared out the window.
There was a park near Cordelia's apartment complex, with trees that dangled their
branches over the walking paths and offered the perfect blend of sunlight and shade.
Wesley had never been there that Cordelia knew of, but it seemed like the kind of
place that he would like. She wanted to bury him beneath one of the trees
themselves, until Lindsey pointed out gently that the roots would make it too difficult
to dig a deep enough grave. His face remained blank and courteous, the perfect
courtroom expression, and Cordelia imagined that it would remain that way even if he
were proposing murder. They chose a place that was away from the roots, but would
still be beneath the shade. "He bitched about sunburn all the time," Cordelia said,
tears shining in her eyes. Her mouth trembled.
Cordelia dug the grave itself, using a shovel from the back of Lindsey's truck. Her
wrist turned it into agony and Lindsey offered to help, only to be driven away with a
pointed inquiry of how he planned to do it with no wrist at all. Lindsey kept a quiet
distance after that, on the pretext of making sure that she wasn't disturbed. Cordelia
wanted the job kept to herself, anyway, as a gift that only she could give Wesley even
when she couldn't give him anything else. She dug until dirt coated her skin like
pancake makeup, marked clean only when sweat drove curling little paths through it,
and most of her ponytail had escaped into a wild cloud about her face. Her wrist and
ribs promised that there would be hell to pay later.
The grave was inches over three feet deep when Cordelia's body declared that it
would take no more and she had to retreat, sniffling and clutching her arm to her
chest. Lindsey came back and they levered Wesley's body into the whole together,
smears of deep crimson standing like exclamation points against the white of the
shroud. "I'm sorry, Wesley," Cordelia whispered, a sub vocal litany that only she
could understand. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
Lindsey filled in the grave, being able to turn shovels full of loose dirt with one hand
far more easily than he could dig new ones. Cordelia watched the first shovel of dirt
fall, then walked away to sit down on the grass, fold her arms across the tops of her
knees, and cry. Lindsey was long done by the time she had finished.
She took the keys away from him for the drive home, declaring that he had come
close to killing them often enough for one day. Lindsey didn't argue.
Without Wesley's fate weighing on her mind, Cordelia had time to appreciate the rot
that was overtaking the city, block by block, on the way back that she hadn't before.
The caustic tang of smoke coated the air, overlaying a sweeter reek that Cordelia's
unconscious mind recognized even if her conscious one did not, and made her want
to stand under a shower until the skin was worn off her body. A police siren wailed in
the distance, whoop-whoop-whoop, without ever changing location. Cordelia didn't
want to think about what that might mean. And laid over if all was the ghost-town
emptiness of the streets, so desolate that it hardly seemed real.
They didn't speak again for the entire drive back. Cordelia took the opportunity to
sneak glances Lindsey's way, noting the pasty tone of his skin and the convulsive up-
and-down of his Adam's apple. His eyes were closed and he winced every time the
sunlight struck the closed lids, as if the very presence of something not touched by
shadows hurt him. The bandage around his wrist was a bloody mess that left smears
of crimson wherever it touched. She wondered what he was thinking.
Cordelia braked the truck in front of her complex and cut the engine. For several
seconds the only sound was that of it ticking as it cooled. "Thank you for helping me
with Wesley," she cut the silence with, surprised by how easy it was to get the words
out. "He deserved better, but you were right. There weren't any other options."
Cordelia stared out the windshield. "It was better than letting the military dump him
into the ocean." There was something deeply skewed about a world in which she
could discuss such a choice in the first place.
"You're...welcome."
Cordelia pulled the keys out of the ignition and handed them back to Lindsey. "I'm
grateful. Now get your stuff out of my apartment and don't come back." She pushed
the door open and climbed down from the cab without another glance towards him.
Silence reigned for nearly a full minute before Lindsey exploded out of his side of the
truck, which Cordelia attributed to shock. "Wait a minute here. I save your ass and
you think you can dismiss me?" His voice had lowered into a growl, turning him back
into the lawyer stupid and arrogant enough to think that he could stare down an
enraged vampire and walk away unscathed.
"That's exactly what I think." Cordelia was still tugging her apartment keys from her
pocket when Lindsey was in her face, moving faster and more quietly than Cordelia
had thought him capable of. Lindsey was only an inch or so taller than Cordelia, so
that she was staring directly into his furious, iceberg eyes.
"We had a deal," Lindsey gritted. "Not to mention that if it weren't for me you would
still have a body rotting in your bedroom."
Mention of Wesley made Cordelia's lips pull back from her teeth. "Deal's off.
Yesterday was a very bad day for me. I'm amazed that you were the only crappy
decision that I made. This morning has put the whole tried-to-kill me business back
into Technicolor perspective."
Lindsey shrugged. "That was business. Certainly not pleasure." The nonchalant tone
with which he said it did nothing to help his case.
"I see." Cordelia's eyes glittered. "I wouldn't want you to waste your time following
around a failed business transaction."
"We need each other," Lindsey said, his voice returning to a cool impartiality, as if
they were discussing dinner plans. "Simple as that. As long as two remains safer
than one, then we have reason to stay on each other's good sides."
Cordelia glared until the blood pounded in her head and the world swayed in and out
of focus. The fact that Lindsey was right did little to soothe her. "If you're still here
when Angel gets back, he'll kill you."
"He's had his opportunities before and he's yet to make good on them. Anyway,
that's a chance I'm willing to take." An explosion sounded several blocks away,
making the glass in the windows rattle. "That sounded like a gas station going up."
Lindsey's eyes were hooded, giving nothing back other than Cordelia's own
reflection.
Cordelia tilted her head and flashed Lindsey a smile to match his very wickedest.
"Angel may be one to pass up opportunities, but I'm not. One wrong move." She
unlocked the front door and stepped inside, leaving it open so that Lindsey could
stand on the porch or enter as he wished.
"You're quite the hostess." Lindsey stumbled as he walked inside, catching himself
on the doorframe with his injured arm and swearing explosively. The princess paused
in her haughty stalking away gig long enough to look over her shoulder and inquire,
"Don't you have medication for that?"
"Had to leave it." Lindsey straightened, counting beneath his breath until the world
stood still again. Twelve seconds. Not good.
For about half a second Cordelia looked as if she might care. "There's aspirin above
the bathroom sink." She sniffed at the reddish stain that Lindsey had left on the
doorframe, turned, and stomped into the kitchen.
"Thanks for the help," Lindsey muttered to her retreating back. The presence of
Cordelia's pet ghost hung heavy around him, clinging like a layer of slime across his
skin. "Relax, Casper," Lindsey snapped. "I'm not going to steal the silver." The ghost
didn't vanish entirely, but it did pull back so that Lindsey didn't feel as though he were
sucking ectoplasm down his throat with every breath. "Thank you." Casper pulled
back altogether. A ghost with manners. Wonders and miracles.
As it turned out, Cordelia didn't have one bottle of aspirin in her bathroom cabinet.
She had three. Lindsey pulled down the one marked `Extra Strength', frowning a the
remaining two. It would appear that Angel's seer was experiencing more pain from
her visions than the firm had realized. Interesting.
Pulling a bottle of aspirin down from a shelf with one hand proved to be far easier
than opening it. Lindsey pinned the bottle to his chest with his bad arm, struggled
against the cap with his good one. He may as well have been a toddler arguing
against a child proof cap for all of the good that it did him. Meanwhile, the nerves in
his wrist felt as though they were being ground into a bowl of broken glass. Lindsey
swore and only just restrained himself from hurling the bottle into the sink. It was too
bad that Angel wasn't here to see him now. That would have been the icing on an
extremely bitter cake.
"Fuck you," Lindsey whispered, closing his eyes and seeing Angel's sanctimonious
face, hearing heavy, disembodied promised murmured into his ear in a hotel room
that had been made for secrets. "You don't get to beat me."
A draft of cool air wafted across Lindsey's face before he felt the aspirin bottle being
tugged from his hands. Lindsey opened his eyes to see it floating in mid-air before
him, the cap turning of its own accord. "Yeah, thanks," Lindsey muttered as the bottle
was returned to him, trying and failing in his attempt at sincere gratitude. He dry-
swallowed four pills in quick succession, wincing at their acrid taste.
"You all right?" a feminine lilt from behind him asked. Lindsey turned.
"Oh. You."
A line appeared between Cordelia's eyebrows. "Who else would it be?"
"I didn't recognize your voice when it wasn't either crying or yelling."
The line deepened. "I'm going to pretend that was the pain talking." Cordelia stalked
forward, placing a first aid kit nearly as large as a suitcase onto the counter. "Move
over. You're in the light." Lindsey stared at her until she sighed. "You're bleeding all
over my apartment. It's gross. Now, give me your wrist."
"Look, I can-" Lindsey began.
"Change a complicated set of bandages one-handed? Please. I'll bet Dennis had to
open the aspirin bottle for you." Lindsey didn't answer. "It's not a big deal, okay? I've
patched Angel up dozens of times after he's gotten the crap beaten out of him from
doing the hero thing. Your manhood is safe."
"I am not worried about my manhood." There were better ways he could have
phrased that. Lindsey pinched at the bridge of this nose. "I prefer to deal with it
myself."
Cordelia lifted her head and gave him a frank, measuring look. Lindsey thought he
preferred it when she was spitting fire and brimstone into his face. "I'm only going to
say this once," she said, taking his wrist and undoing the bandage in a few brief,
efficient movements, "but you're right." Lindsey was too stunned to pull away. "When
you said that two were safer than one. I need you. That means you also need me,
and we're not going to be any good to one another if you bleed to death or get an
infection or something." Cordelia's face blanched as she got her first lengthy look at
Angel's handiwork. Lindsey didn't need to look down. He had long since memorized
the gruesome riot of half-healed flesh.
Lindsey stared towards the wall, a muscle jumping in his jaw. "Pity, then."
"Practicality, you bonehead," Cordelia corrected, snapping the kit open. Something
very close to amusement danced in her voice and, when Lindsey glanced towards
her, her eyes. It complimented her, and Lindsey felt a brief sorrow that he was not in
the position to see it more often.
Even with the brace restricting her range of motion, Cordelia rebandaged Lindsey's
wrist with an expert's ease, her touch so light that he scarcely felt it. Lindsey
wondered how often she had bandaged Angel's wounds from the same kit. It was not
a thought that comforted.
"That'll do for tonight," Cordelia said at last. "I'll need to borrow your truck in the
morning to get more supplies."
"That's fine." Lindsey examined his wrist like it was a recurring nightmare that he
would rather forget. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Cordelia packed everything into its proper place again and
snapped the lid closed. As she reached the bathroom doorway, she paused. "I like
you better like this."
"Bleeding?"
"Human." Cordelia left, taking Dennis' presence with her.
Lindsey watched her go before he turned to view his reflection in the bathroom
mirror. He recognized the face that stared back at him the way some people would
recognize a Halloween mask, one they tried to throw away but always wound up
taking back again.
*
Sweet strumming a guitar, a sound so pure and good that it made Lindsey's ears
ache in anticipated loss just to hear it. Lindsey's hand twitched by his side in memory
of the movements required to make such music. His right hand. Lindsey held it up
before his face, staring in awe at whole fingers and unblemished, peach-colored skin.
"Impossible," Lindsey whispered, and prayed that he was wrong. He looked around.
He was standing in a field of corn days away from being ready for harvest. It bobbed
against Lindsey's shoulders in sleepy waves whenever a breeze passed through it
and stretched as far as he could see. Lindsey filled his lungs with as much of the rich,
sweet smell as they could hold. It wasn't quite the same as the wheat that he had
grown up with, but the proximity to so many living, growing things brought back a
pang of homesickness the likes of which he had not felt for years, shocking in its
intensity. Lindsey let his fingers trail against the corn's silken heads, settling them all
to nodding, and a smile touched his lips.
After a brief pause, the guitar's owner began playing again, and the melody drew
Lindsey along as surely as if he had been an amiable puppy on a leash. Lindsey
allowed himself to be led with a smile on his face. His granddaddy had been able to
pull magic from the notes like that. Old timer's skill, he had called it. "It's no good
while it's still green," he had told Lindsey when he was a child, handing him the guitar
and allowing him to blink at the strings. "You got to let it sweeten with time."
The corn broke at long last, revealing a clearing with a log cabin, a porch, and the
oldest woman that Lindsey had ever seen. She looked like a doll carved from the
surface of a walnut, wrinkled and wise and kind. The old woman hummed to herself
as she sat in her rocking chair, gnarled old fingers picking out a tune so sweet and
graceful that it made Lindsey want to weep. She stopped when she saw Lindsey,
setting the guitar down beside her chair and smoothing out her skirts. "Well, now,
well, now." When she smiled, Lindsey saw that there wasn't a tooth left in her head.
"You should've called out, boy, `stead of jes letting me ignore you."
"Play on if you want," Lindsey said, sounding more shy than he had since his first
school dance. "It's a beautiful sound."
The woman chuckled and Lindsey thought he saw a blush creeping up her leathery
cheeks. "Jes a little twanging," she said. "These old fingers don't move like they used
to. But, my, don't it feel nice to create music?"
Lindsey's smile was bittersweet. He stared down at his hand, flexing his fingers and
curling it into a fist until the tendons popped. "I'm dreaming."
The old woman nodded her head. "I imagine so. But you can't dream forever, boy.
Sooner or later you're gonna have to wake up and go about makin' some hard
choices. When you get to that point, you come and see me. I imagine the two of us
could have one interesting conversation. Abby Freemantle, at Hemingford Home.
Just ask anyone around Polk County way for Mother Abigail and they'll get you
pointed in the right direction." Mother Abigail was going to say more, but something
made her suck in her breath sharply and stare at a point beyond Lindsey's shoulder.
The kindly grandmother was gone, leaving something like a human vulture behind.
"Weasels in the corn!" she exclaimed, reedy voice quavering with outrage. "On my
land!"
The dusky-sweet smell of the corn turned sour and foul, and a chill rose in the air.
Lindsey know, using the same terrible certainty which had let him know that there
were monsters under the bed when he was a child and let him know now that hell
would greet him when he died, that what he would see if he turned around would
drive him insane. Fear seized up his insides in a vice. "Don't try to claim what isn't
yours, old woman." The voice wasn't deep or rough like those of the demons that
Lindsey had dealt with. Instead it was high and shrill...like a weasel's.
Mother Abigail drew back her lips and bared her gums at the specter behind Lindsey,
the personification of every wicked witch in every fairy tale ever told. To Lindsey she
said sharply, "Don't call him `Master' if you can't stand to look him in the face, boy."
"Yes...'boy'." The voice sounded terribly amused, and Lindsey was sure that he was
going to die. "Look me in the face." A hand came down on Lindsey's shoulder and a
dry, wheezing sound exploded from Lindsey's throat. The hand was far too soft to
belong to anything alive. He knew just as surely as he knew that there was blood
pounding through his veins that it was his hand, his real one, and that it had been
claimed by a monster. The dead man's hand spun him around-
The scream lodged in Lindsey's throat, strangling him. He shuddered as he
swallowed the sound, opening up his lungs for a deep gasp of air. The smell of corn
and death lingered, inescapably intertwined, in his nose. Lindsey shuddered again,
drawing his wounded arm close to his chest.
A few feet away, Cordelia twisted and moaned as she slept on the couch. Neither
one of them had wanted the bedroom. Cordelia's pretty face was taut, and she made
warding-off gestures with her hands hooked into claws. Sweat had slicked her t-shirt
to her body. She wasn't wearing a bra, and Lindsey did the gentlemanly thing by
averting his eyes.
Cordelia cringed back from her imaginary menacer, letting out a cry so loud that
Lindsey wondered how she managed to sleep through it. The shout dwindled away
into a choking whimper. Lindsey could imagine what she was dreaming of, and he
knew that the kind thing to do would be to wake her up.
"If I worship you," Lindsey murmured. He stayed where he was.
***
Part Seven
"Say a prayer for the pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender."
-Jackson Browne, "The Pretender"
Two weeks later-
The power failed at just after two in the morning. The VCR clock flickered and died as
Lindsey jolted awake from what was rapidly becoming a rarity, sleep without dreams,
and rubbed at his eyes. Lindsey tilted his head to one side, listening for the sound
that had woken him to come again; the apartment threw nothing back but silence.
With the forces of law and order decimated by Captain Trips, some of the survivors
had taken to roaming the streets like animals escaped from a zoo, breaking into the
homes turned tombs of plague victims and scurrying away with whatever useful
baubles they could find amongst the ruins. Thus far, Cordelia and Lindsey had been
powerfully luck in going unmolested.
Adrenaline soaked Lindsey's blood as he continued to listen, making his heartbeat
the loudest sound in the room. It was several more minutes before Lindsey realized
that it was not sound that had woken him, but the absence of it. The hum of the air-
conditioning was such a fixture of modern life that Lindsey hadn't noticed it until it
was no longer there.
"What's wrong?" Cordelia asked from the couch. Her voice was breathy, not entirely
awake.
"Power's gone out," Lindsey told her.
"Oh. That's all." Cordelia turned back onto her side, fully asleep again within
moments.
Lindsey remained sitting up, head cocked, waiting with bated breath for a sound that
he already knew would be a long time in being heard again, if ever. The electricity
didn't come back on and Lindsey exhaled his breath in a whistling sigh. The hope
that civilization might yet find a way to arise, phoenix-like, from its own ashes had
been growing weaker by the day, but it still died hard.
Cordelia's breathing had returned to a slow, even rhythm before Lindsey rose to his
feet and began struggling into his shoes, muttering barely audible obscenities
beneath his breath as he fought with the laces. The skin across his wrist, stretched
shiny-pink and scarcely healed, sent road flares up his arm as he accidentally
bumped it against the coffee table. Lindsey exhaled and dug the nails of his
remaining hand into his palm to prevent himself from making a sound. The jingle of
the truck keys as Lindsey snatched them from the coffee table made Cordelia turn
over in her sleep, but she did not wake. Lindsey slipped into the night noticed by
Dennis alone.
Movement at the end of the block drew Lindsey's eye as he unlocked the truck, but a
closer inspection proved it to be nothing more than a forlorn, ill-fed cat. The cat
meowed plaintively while Lindsey was at a distance, only to hiss and become one
with the darkness when he drew close. Lindsey wondered if the cat had picked up
the behavior from watching the few humans that were left, or if it had been the other
way around.
Lindsey gave up on the cat and slid behind the wheel of the truck, still smelling the
hay and sunshine that bled out of the seats. His fingers trembled, just for a moment,
as he slid himself the keys into the ignition. Lindsey told himself to stop being weak
and pulled away from the curb.
For a city in which the dead now far outnumbered the living and the smell of rot was
fast becoming all pervasive, the streets that Lindsey drove down had remained
remarkably clear of corpses, even those of animals. It would seem that in their final
moments, most people had preferred the dignity of their homes to the soulless
vastness of the sky. The glass glittering on the sidewalk from broken shop windows
was the only sign that Lindsey hadn't stepped onto an unused movie set.
He encountered only one other person during the course of his drive, an elderly man
who stumbled in front of the truck as though he were not even aware that it was
there. Lindsey stood on the brakes and the vehicle screamed to a stop with so little
room to spare that the old man could have bent and kissed the metal. He stared at
Lindsey with dinner-plate eyes before making a cawing sound not unlike that of a
crow and whirling away into the shadows. Lindsey smothered the oath that had risen
in his throat and drove on.
The Wolfram and Hart were dark and somehow sad-looking as Lindsey brought the
truck to a halt, a fairy-tale villain that had been vanquished and then left to rot.
Lindsey jangled the keys in his hand as he climbed down from the cab and
approached, feeling very much as Jack must have as he approached the cooling
corpse of the giant: mostly sure it was dead, but watching for movement all the same.
The great glass doors that led into the main lobby were securely locked and defied
the odds by unbroken by looters. Yet. Lindsey scouted about on the street until he
found a broken piece of curb large enough to serve his purpose, hiked his arm back,
and released it in a pitch better than anything he had done since high school. The
glass shattered as the rock passed through it, sounding much louder than it actually
was by contrast to the stillness. Lindsey waited for alarms-who knew what kind of
generators the building had supplying it in this dimension or another-but the silence
which echoed back was almost worse. Wincing as a few stray bits of glass snagged
at his arms, Lindsey shrugged off his nerves and stepped into what was left of the
most powerful law firm in Los Angeles.
There were no bodies, and Lindsey could not say that he was surprised. Wolfram and
Hart may claim their employees' souls in both this life and the next, but it was a still a
painfully lonely place to die. Lindsey's footsteps echoed on the floor like half-
remembered voices and he stepped a bit faster, bypassing the sulking, useless hulks
of the elevators in favor of the stairs.
Wolfram and Hart had been more familiar to him than in his own apartment over the
course of the past five years; he hardly needed light to pick his way through it now.
Nevertheless, Lindsey paused by one of the guard's stations long enough to pick up
a flashlight before he began his descent, and the thin light dipped and bobbed in front
of him, creating as many shadows as it abolished. The air was cool, slightly musty,
and utterly without movement. Lindsey had felt air like this while standing inside
tombs.
Of the two bodies that Lindsey encountered in Wolfram and Hart's entire building,
one of them was slumped in a boneless heap beside the door to Darla's quarters.
Lindsey crouched onto his heels in order to view what was left of the guard at a
closer range, wondering at the horror that he did not feel. The body was still wearing
its uniform, had dark hair, and appeared to have once been a man. Beyond that,
everything that Lindsey came up with was based upon guesswork. The guard's face
was swollen and black, his flesh rising in a tidal wave above the fabric of his collar. A
mess of blood, spit, and snot had run down his face, coagulating into a solid veneer
across his lips and chin. Lindsey wiped his hands as he stood up, in spite of the fact
that he had not actually touched the body.
There had been so much reliance on electricity and technology to keep Darla inside
her lovely cage that the door handle turned easily beneath Lindsey's hand. Or maybe
what was left of Wolfram and Hart's movers and shakers had decided that she simply
wasn't worth the effort any longer. All the same, Lindsey hesitated a moment before
he stepped inside the room, like he would before entering a hospital room, if not a
morgue. Fading wards shivered across his skin.
The exquisite furniture that made up the room still glittered in remembrance of better
days, in spite of the fact that its mistress was very dead. Lindsey thought that for that
reason alone he was going to smash a few pieces before he left. Darla was lying on a
bed large enough to sleep four people with ease and was hooked up to so many
lifeless, motionless gadgets that she seemed more machine than human. Lindsey
half expected her to rise from the bed like a mad scientist's experiment gone berserk
as he approached. She had already begun to rot, veins desiccating and collapsing in
on themselves with the IV lines still protruding from them, and the horror and despair
that Lindsey had failed to feel at the body of the guard began making up for lost time.
His kneecaps turned to water. "Oh, Darla." Lindsey sank into one of the chairs beside
her bed. The ghastly black swellings that were the telltale sign of the superflu had
risen on her neck, but no further. Some power above or below had spared her face,
leaving it as porcelain-lovely as it had been the first time that Lindsey had laid eyes
on her. Her eyes were closed, faint purple shadows marking the lids. Lindsey
extended his arm to run his fingers through the corn silk that fanned out around her
head.
`LINDSEYLINDSEYLINDSEY, DEAR LYING LINDSEY.'
Lindsey startled hard and jumped backwards from the body, knocking the chair over
in the process. His entire body felt as though it had been hooked up to a car engine
with a pair of jumper cables.
`I'M GROWING IMPATIENT, LINDSEY. I GAVE YOU A JOB TO DO, LINDSEY. I DO
NOT LIKE DILLY-DALLYERS, LINDSEY, AND YOU DO WANT ME TO LIKE YOU.'
The voice rose into a volume high enough to make speakers explode and drove
Lindsey to his knees. He may have moaned, screamed, or even passed out; the
passage of time was rendered fluid by the shriek. When he could open his eyes
again, it was to see a slow puddle of blood being lapped up by the carpet. Bloodied
nose. Lindsey sank back onto his haunches, wiped the blood off his face with the
palm of his hand. He had viewed far greater quantities of his own blood. It didn't
make sense that he should be so nauseated now.
"You didn't have to do that," Lindsey muttered, knowing how much fire that he was
playing with and finding in equal measure that he did not care.
`WE HAVE A DEAL, LINDSEY. YOU DO UNDERSTAND DEALS, DON'T YOU,
LINDSEY, WITH YOUR CONTRACTS AND YOUR COURTROOM AND YOUR
PRECIOUS RED TAPE?'
"I understand," Lindsey said, slurring his words as through he was half-drunk. The
roar in his head was making it difficult to think. "And I understand what the
alternatives are. It will be done."
`I WANT IT DONE NOW.'
Lindsey nearly passed out. "Now," he agreed. "All right. Whatever you want."
`I KNEW YOU WERE A MAN OF YOUR WORD, LINDSEY. WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE SUCH A PALAVER, YOU AND I, WHEN THE TIME COMES.'
The final echo was louder even than pain and Lindsey did lose his grip on
consciousness then, tilting onto his side in a boneless heap. Blood rushed onto the
carpet.
*
On the hard-packed dirt of the Mojave, a man was levitating. As his heels drifted back
to the earth, he smiled a smile fit to make the damned scream.
*
Cordelia was woken by the fingers of the dawn curling through the living room
window. She stretched, wincing with a particular blend of pleasure-pain as her
muscles groaned, and glanced over to see that the pallet Lindsey had made for
himself on the other side of the coffee table was empty. Neither one of them had
been eager to enter the bedroom again except for necessities.
Cordelia sat up and rubbed at her eyes, going from half-slumbering to fully awake in
a span of seconds rather than by her old method of degrees. Dimly, she could
remember waking in the middle of the night and Lindsey telling her that they had lost
the electricity. A tiny snake of unease unfurled its tongue in Cordelia's stomach, one
she tried to tell herself was foolish. There were dozens of perfectly legitimate reasons
for Lindsey to be gone. It had touched ninety degrees the day before; he may well
have driven off in search of battery-powered fans or even a generator. But somehow,
Cordelia didn't think so.
`I still don't trust him,' Cordelia admitted to herself, `and I don't like it when he's out of
my sight.' Not entirely correct. They were in the shadowy place between suspicion
and trust, where the ground was slick and there were no clear road signs.
"He needs my hands," Cordelia said aloud. "That's enough to make him honor the
agreement until Angel gets back." A frown line appeared between her eyes and she
swung her legs over the side of the couch, pushing her rumpled hair behind her ears.
The little snake became a cobra in the second between one stomach gurgle and the
next. Angel would be back. Something dire in the `Dale was holding him up-
Cordelia's mind refused to contemplate the direst possibility of all-and when that was
taken care of he would return. They could begin the business of putting the world
back together then. Cordelia only hoped that Lindsey wouldn't mouth off too much
when he did. Two pretty, angry men determined to roll around like Greeks may seem
fun at first, but eventually there was going to be blood. The world had seen enough of
that to last for several generations.
The fact that Angel had gone two weeks without a telephone call hung heavy and
sour in the back of Cordelia's mind, surprising her from around corners.
Cordelia opened the door to her bedroom and crossed the floor in a few quick strides,
taking pains not to glance in the direction of the stripped bed. She threw on the first
pair of jeans and top that her fingers came in contact with at record speed and slid
out again. If she couldn't give Wesley a memorial, then she could at least respect the
sanctity of the room in which he died. Not even Lindsey entered the bedroom without
good cause.
Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. Lindsey was walking through the front door
as Cordelia was leaving the bedroom. He was jingling the truck keys in his hand in a
distracted gesture that Cordelia could not remember seeing him make before, and his
face was pale. "Hey," he said, giving her a once-over that made Cordelia doubt if he
was really seeing her.
"Lindsey?" Cordelia's nerves warred between taking a step closer or one back. "Are
you all right?" That was not worry in her voice, thank you very much.
"Fine." Lindsey dragged his hand over his face, through his hair. The stubble on his
cheeks looked very dark in comparison to the bloodlessness of the skin beneath.
"Just doing some thinking." A little more of the color and the inborn arrogance came
back into Lindsey's face, and Cordelia was glad. That, at least, was the man that she
knew how to deal with. "We need to be thinking about leaving Los Angeles, sooner
rather than later."
Until he went and said things like that. "Or how about we not. I told Angel I'd wait until
he came back. I have a way of keeping promises like that."
Lindsey snorted and spun, a short, choppy movement that made Cordelia take a step
back and rendered the past two weeks nonexistent. The softness in his eyes, not
precisely kindness, but close enough to be mistaken for it in a dim light, jangled
against the abruptness of the gesture. "Oh," he said. "Oh, Cordy." Cordelia started,
wishing that he wouldn't. "Angel's not coming back. I thought you knew."
Cordelia twitched, hard, and Lindsey's eyes tracked every movement. Two weeks
worth of doubt, denied power through her own voice, came alive with Lindsey's. "I
have to give him that chance."
Lindsey made a faint sound that nevertheless managed to convey a monologue's
worth of disgust. "The city is dead, Cordelia. We have no electricity, a water supply
that's tied to our power, and a limited supply of food. If we stay here we're going to
die." He pronounced the last word with a savage kind of triumph.
Cordelia set her teeth, pulled her lips back in a gesture more often seen on dogs than
humans. "I can't," she gritted.
Lindsey pinched at the bridge of his nose, a gesture of frustration that Cordelia was
sure he wouldn't have stooped to in court. That he was willing to make it with her
came accompanied by a strange sense of power. "Have you been having dreams?"
Cordelia's heart stopped in her chest before it began beating again, double-time.
`Smell of corn and the twanging of a guitar mixed always, inescapably, with high,
cruel giggling, light and dark married so closely as to be indistinguishable.' Her voice
stammered for a moment as she said, "Everyone dreams."
Lindsey nodded, but his gaze had become distant. "Not a normal dream. An old
woman and an...other." Lindsey's voice as he pronounced the word `other' held an
impression of slime, and something else that Cordelia couldn't identify. She folded
her arms over her chest. "Either way, both voices are saying to head east."
"Why east?"
Lindsey emerged from his reverie long enough to flash her a dazzling smile. It turned
him into a different person. "We're running out of west, darlin'." The flash of humor
vanished, leaving not even a ripple in its wake. "The plague may have been man-
made. Hell, I'm even betting on it. But somehow I'm thinking these dreams aren't."
"Not the most ringing of endorsements." Cordelia already had her arms crossed over
her chest; she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and resisted the urge to
look at the floor. "Historically speaking, I mean."
Lindsey's mouth curved, just for a moment, and Cordelia decided that she didn't want
to know what memories were running through his mind. "The Other." The
capitalization was evident in his voice. "How does he make you feel?"
"He scares the living shit out of me." No attempts at varnish.
Lindsey nodded, his face turned towards the window so that Cordelia couldn't
immediately see his expression. "Me, too." He shifted to face her. "Frankly, I think
we're safer with the old woman than on our own."
He made sense, and that's what made it terrible. Cordelia shook her head. "I have to
stay, at least for a little longer," she said. "I have to give Angel that chance."
Lindsey didn't lift his lip into his customary curl whenever Angel's name was
mentioned. The tangle of emotions that crossed his face was too complex and fast-
moving for Cordelia to decipher. "Whatever you say."
*
They were attacked that night.
Cordelia sat bolt upright, the mingled sounds of glass breaking and Lindsey's cry of
anger and alarm making up a soundtrack in her head. Mother Abigail's opposite
number, the one with the cowboy boots and the burning eyes, still danced through
her mind's eye, slicking her body with sweat and making her veins thrum with
adrenaline. In the dim half-light caused by the moon she could see two people
struggling, hear Lindsey swearing as he defended himself with the hand that had
been left to him.
Cordelia rolled off the couch, dropping into a crouch and cocking her head to listen.
No glass fell from her hair or clothing as she moved. Lindsey's attacker must have
broken through the window in the bedroom rather than the one behind the couch.
Wesley's sacred space. Cordelia blew out her breath through gritted teeth and
fumbled for the industrial flashlight that she had placed beside the couch before
falling asleep. It made a satisfying weight in her hand, but she hesitated at turning it
on. Lindsey's curses were increasing in volume and creativity, but he had yet to call
out her name or otherwise give any indication that he was not the only person in the
apartment.
They were thinking along the same page. Good.
Cordelia scuttled/crouched in Lindsey's direction, avoiding the coffee table's sharp
edges by memory and preserving the advantage the darkness gave her. If she could
get in close enough to flick the flashlight on in the intruder's face, she could maybe
blind him long enough to swing the flashlight around and get in a few stunning blows.
Not bad as far as plans spurred forward by adrenaline went, and it stood a good
chance of working until heavy fingers wrapped around Cordelia's neck, jerking her
backwards off her feet.
Cordelia tried to scream and could manage only a whisper as the air that she tried to
draw into her lungs found itself lodged in her trachea with nowhere to go. Her chest
heaved and her lungs began to feel as if someone had tried to pour hydrogen
peroxide into them, while she could feel vessels breaking across the skin. She
hooked her free hand into a claw and raked it back against her attacker's face,
drawing strips of flesh away beneath her fingernails. Cordelia would have gagged if
she had had the breath for it. A voice that could have been male, female, or any of
the strata in between shrieked pain, but panic was carrying Cordelia away far too
swiftly for her to care. If she had been able to see roe than a few inches before her
face in the gloom, she would have registered the black spots twirling their own crazy
dance before her eyes. Her neck had chafed beneath the intensity of the second
person's grip, rivulets of fresh blood making her slippery and difficult to control.
Nevertheless, her limbs were growing heavy.
`You're supposed to be here!' Cordelia thought in a haze of panic, barely coherent
even to herself. `You promised!'
Fear and fury roped themselves around each other so tightly that they became one
emotion, lending a final burst of strength to Cordelia's oxygen-starved muscles. She
surprised even herself by the power with which she swung the flashlight over her
shoulder, striking where she thought her attacker's eye sockets would be. There was
a shriek, a crunch, and a popping sound like an egg exploding in a microwave that
made Cordelia want to be ill. The fingers didn't fall away and Cordelia didn't stop
swinging. Twice, three times, more, and she tried to tell herself that it wasn't a dark
triumph that kept her moving long after the need for it had passed. Two weeks of
grief and worry built into a scream like a lead weight in the center of Cordelia's chest;
she scarcely noticed when she had the air capacity to let it out. The sound of glass
breaking stopped her as quickly as she had begun.
The only sound in the apartment was that of Lindsey's breathing, coming a shade too
quickly to be written off as exertion alone. Cordelia's whistled like a tea kettle in her
ears. "I hope you weren't too attached to that lamp," Lindsey said.
"Not particularly." Cordelia frantically rubbed her sticky fingers against the rug. "I think
I broke my flashlight."
"I have one." A beam of salvation cut through the darkness. Lindsey flicked the light
over Cordelia's shoulder for only a second before he turned it away again, all the
confirmation that she needed. She put her head between her knees.
"...out the living room window," Lindsey was saying when Cordelia came back to
herself. "Probably won't be coming back for a couple of days after what happened to
his friend. Still a risk we don't need to take. Is there anywhere that you and Angel
both know of where we could-"
"Angel's not coming back," Cordelia interrupted, her voice low and lusterless, muffled
by her hair. The hair she swiped behind her ears, smearing a mixture of blood and
silent tears across her cheeks.
"I'm sorry." Lindsey's voice made it impossible to tell if he was sincere.
Cordelia pushed herself to her feet, leaving the gummed over flashlight on the floor.
Her throat throbbed and her voice had descended into a husky, blues singer rasp.
"There's a hotel not far from here, unoccupied before the plague. Probably no bodies.
We can be there in fifteen minutes if we take the truck."
"All right." Lindsey's tone was soft, mindful of sharp edges. "Is there anything from
here that you want to take with you?"
"A few pictures." Cordelia thought. "Nothing else." The rest of her possessions meant
very little, now. "When can we be out of the city?"
"Tomorrow, if you want."
Cordelia thought of corn, of an old black woman with some of the kindest eyes she
had ever seen, and a world that had gone made. A world where she had just
bludgeoned a person to death. "I want."
Cordelia made it outside before being violently ill across the sidewalk.
***
Part Eight
"This world can turn me down
But I won't turn away.
I won't duck and run
`Cause I'm not built that way."
-Three Doors Down, "Duck and Run"
The hotel that Cordelia had in mind was a gorgeous relic of Hollywood's glory days, a
quietly aging skeleton that inspired awe rather than sadness. Through the flaking
paint and overgrown shrubbery, Lindsey thought he could still see the gleaming
smiles of actors on their way to the top. "Nice choice," he said.
"It's been abandoned for ages," Cordelia said, staring past him at the building.
"There's always talk floating around about turning it into a historical site or something,
but..." Cordelia shrugged. "Funds." Her lips spasmed as she realized what she had
said. "Though I guess it doesn't matter now."
"It'll do for tonight," Lindsey said. He almost felt bad as he broke the glass in the front
door, and the building seemed to give the faintest of shudders, like a soap bubble
popping. Lindsey waited a moment, head cocked to listen, before gesturing Cordelia
in behind him. Her expression wavered between blank and nauseated, and Lindsey
knew that her mind was still at the apartment.
The sound of their footsteps crunching across the broken glass was very loud in the
absence of street noises. Lindsey strode down the steps into the marble floored
lobby, playing his flashlight across furniture covered in dust and ravaged by time. It
seemed that most of the original fixtures had been left behind by the last occupant,
rendering the building into a time capsule.
Lindsey was nearly half way to the registration desk, wanting to get a closer look at a
marble countertop that would not have been out of place in the Wolfram and Hart
offices in the present day, when he realized that Cordelia was no longer behind him.
"Cordy?" he asked-how easily the nickname that he hadn't earned the right to use
floated past his lips-, turning to see that she hadn't budged from the top of the stairs.
The moon was setting behind her, rendering her features into unreadable shadow.
The taut set of her shoulders did for facial expression. "We can't stay here." Her voice
was a flat, mechanical tone that Lindsey couldn't remember hearing before.
Lindsey felt his mouth twitch, his face shift into a disbelieving expression. "Cordelia."
Her threw his arms out to indicate the lobby in its entirety, forgetting for the moment
to tuck his wounded one out of sight against his side. "There's nowhere left in LA that
we might not be attacked. We're not going to find a better place to crouch down until
we get some supplies together."
"I'm not worried about being attacked," Cordelia said, and because Lindsey was
feeling generous he didn't bother to correct the lie. He had used the remaining
flashlight to scan over Cordelia's wounds before driving away from the apartment.
Her neck was ringed with rising bruises in the shape of fingers, dark as secrets and
oozing blood where the skin had been scraped away. Cordelia had frequently taken
one of her hands off the wheel on the drive over to touch at her throat, as if forcing
herself to acknowledge them as real. The silhouette of Cordelia wrapped her arms
around herself for a few seconds before dropping them back to her sides. "Something
here...feels wrong."
"It feels wrong." Lindsey didn't laugh at her, but it was a near thing. "Cordelia, I think
you need to get some sleep."
Shadows prevented Lindsey from seeing Cordelia's face, but he could feel the look
that she was leveling at him. "I'm not sleep deprived," Cordelia snapped, "and I know
what I'm talking about when I say there's ick in the air here. Don't tell me you can't
feel the evil."
It was on the tip of Lindsey's tongue to tell Cordelia that she was spouting dialogue
from a fantasy novel when he could feel it, sleek, insidious darkness that trembled
from the air itself. From the far corners of Lindsey's mind, places that he tried not
acknowledge, let alone visit, he heard whispers so faint that they may have come
from ghosts. When he tried to focus on the words, though, they disappeared into a
paranoid whiff. Lindsey exhaled a breath that he didn't know he had been holding.
"It's a lovely night," he said at last. "Seems a shame to waste it."
They slept in the courtyard.
Los Angeles had enjoyed a spate of rain a few days before, filling the dormant
fountain in the center of the courtyard. Cordelia used it to rinse the blood from her
skin without so much as a glance towards Lindsey. She stretched out beneath the
jasmine and fell asleep, or appeared to, without another word.
Lindsey wasn't so blessed. He took a seat with his back braced against the stone
fountain, watching Cordelia as her breathing became regular and slow. Cordelia
turned her head from side to side and issued the occasional moan for the first hour or
so, until the Walking Dude was chased away by dreams that left a smile on her face
the tugged the worry line off of her brow. Lindsey would have bet anything that she
was standing beneath a butter-yellow sun and hearing an old woman's dusky laugh.
"Evil, be thou my good," Lindsey murmured as he watched her sleep. Even devils
had to accept what they were eventually, he thought, dragging his hand across his
eyes. Nevertheless, sleep was a long time in coming.
Lindsey dreamed of whispers that night, vague mutterings that he could not
remember, outside of the impression of scalding hot lips pressed close against the
curve of his ear. Promises made and oaths sworn in blood and bile before a man
whose face could only be remembered when he wished it so. Lindsey awoke with
nausea rising in his throat and a small, hard object clenched in his palm.
He was gripping it so tightly that his nails had begun to cut into his flesh, and Lindsey
experienced the curious sensation of having to will his own fingers to open. Unease
settled like a cage around his ribs.
The object was a highly polished black stone scarcely larger than Lindsey's
thumbnail, with a hole drilled into one end that a silver chain had been passed
through. Lindsey stared at the stone for what seemed like an eternity without moving,
until the dawn's early light had begun to peek over his shoulders. The Dark Man was
issuing both a reward and a leash, and wanted Lindsey to understand the threat
implicit in both.
`Not like the point of no return wasn't three exits back, anyway.' But he still didn't feel
like eating anything after staring at the stone. Lindsey glanced towards Cordelia, who
slept with an easy expression, as if she were in the presence of a trusted friend.
"Even devils."
Lindsey slipped the chain over his head and felt the stone glow against his skin.
*
The sun was nearing its zenith when Cordelia awoke, feeling achy and tired in spite
of the hours of sleep. She had been dreaming of Mother Abigail, and Abigail had
been telling her something very important about Lindsey. In the gleaming light of the
day, though, the words evaporated from Cordelia's grasp. Of the dead person she
didn't dream at all, and Cordelia didn't know if this was a good thing or a bad.
Nevertheless, she knew where she needed to be.
Cordelia sat up, dragging her fingers through the tangles in her hair and wishing that
she had remembered to bring a hairbrush. Jasmine blossoms had fallen into her hair
while she slept. Cordelia pulled them out of her hair one by one, setting them
carefully to the side, and felt a flicker of a smile pass over her face as she turned to
look for Lindsey.
The man was nowhere to be found, though a patch of disturbed dust in front of the
fountain suggested that he had slept at some point. Cordelia pulled the last of the
flowers from her hair and stood, doing her best to pretend that it wasn't worry that
was causing her skin to prickle and the first threads of adrenaline to go spiking
through her system. Cordelia turned, staring towards the double doors that led back
into the lobby. Surely he wouldn't have...Cordelia remembered the vague, barely-
audible sounds of whispers coming from half-rotted throats and shuddered.
He had. Lindsey was in the center of the hotel's lobby, his head tilted back and his
arms stiffened at his sides as if he were bracing himself against the very worst kind of
pain. His back was turned towards Cordelia so that she couldn't see his expression,
but sweat had turned his shirt nearly translucent. Cordelia could count the muscles in
his back.
She lunged against the door handle hard enough to send throbbing pain all the way
to her elbow and didn't care, knocking the door against the far wall in a flurry of
plaster. "Lindsey!" The panic in her voice at first shocked and would later worry her,
but at the present there was no time. Lindsey reacted to her voice with a flinch of the
shoulders that a casual observer would have missed.
Cordelia sprinted across the lobby fast enough to put her on the track team had she
still been in high school, feeling the hair on her arms and the back of her neck stand
up the way they would have after being subjected to a low-level electric current. A
cacophony of voices rose in her head as she neared Lindsey. `Killed him without a
second thought, didn't you...felt good...murdering bitch.' Cordelia flinched back from
Lindsey with a sound that she refused to admit was a yelp rising in her throat.
"Lindsey," she gritted again, pushing through air that felt like pudding to grab at
Lindsey's sweat slicked shoulder. His reaction was electric. A wheezing sigh slid past
his lips and he spun, instinctively attacking with the right fist that was no longer there.
Cordelia doubted that he even saw her. She squeaked from low in her throat,
managing to both duck and scramble backwards at the same time. All the dance
lessons that she had had as a child still couldn't turn it into a graceful move, but it
gave her opportunity to both get out of the way and duck under Lindsey's arm,
grabbing his elbow before he could try again. "Lindsey, stop!" she shouted.
A shudder heavy enough to knock Cordelia's hand away ran through Lindsey's body.
He blinked once, twice, at least staring at her with something that resembled
recognition. The expression in his eyes was not pleasant.
"Well, I've had a lovely stay," Cordelia said.
"Best night of sleep I've had in years." Only the presence of the other kept either of
them from running as they exited.
Cordelia lay her head against the sun-warmed metal of the truck and drew in harsh,
ragged breaths until the feeling of slime had evaporated from her skin. Behind her,
she could hear Lindsey breathing as though he thought all the air in the world was
going to be taken away and bottled for sale. As bad as the voices had been for her,
she could only imagine what they said to Lindsey. It was not a comforting series of
images.
Cordelia lifted her head from the truck and swiped at her face. "I think I understand
why that place stood empty for so long."
"Jesus," Lindsey muttered. He dragged his hand over his face. "Nebraska is looking
better and better."
Cordelia lifted her thick hair off her neck, allowing a breeze to soothe the fear sweat
that had gathered into a puddle at the nape. "How soon can we leave?" Lindsey slid
her a sideways look and she said, "Our track record in California is getting worse and
worse, and so are the dreams. We'd be better off in Nebraska." With a bitterness that
rose out of her before she even realized it was there, Cordelia added, "It's not like
there's anything left here."
Lindsey stared back at the hotel with a distant, bleak expression. "Cordelia, as long
as it's out of this godforsaken city, I don't care where we go." His face seamed into a
shadow of his old, vicious smile. "Don't know how well a city girl is going to do in farm
country, though. Boutiques tend to be few and far between."
Though she had known it was only a matter of time before his true colors showed
themselves again, Cordelia felt a flush of color blooming over her cheekbones.
"Being a city girl isn't much use when all of the cities are dead." She cast a deliberate
glance at the gleaming mass of scar tissue that capped Lindsey's wrist and saw his
expression darken. "Adaptation, Lindsey. Dealing with what life does to you."
Lindsey's lips twisted, and he turned to look back at the hotel before answering. "So,
anyway. We're off to see the wizard." Cordelia didn't think she was imagining the hint
of nervousness that underlay Lindsey's voice.
"I don't think Mother Abigail is the judging type," she said, forgetting for the moment
that she was supposed to be annoyed with him.
Lindsey's laugh was short and bitter, and hung in the air like an accusation between
them. "You'd be surprised," he said. "Even the heroes can fail." Cordelia said nothing,
but an uneasy line appeared between her eyes as she climbed into the truck and
started the engine. Lindsey turned away so that she wouldn't see him fingering the
small lump beneath his shirt, or the sudden deadness in his eyes.
***
Part Nine
"You don't know what you're looking for
Coming right now knocking at your door
Surrender, pretender, bow down now on your knees and pray
You don't know what you're looking for."
-Econoline Crush, "You Don't Know"
The remainder of the morning and the largest portion of the afternoon were spent
gathering supplies. Standard trade was long gone, as shop owners became to sick or
scared to open the shops themselves, and the fractional remainder of the population
simply raided for their needs. Cordelia and Lindsey were only making themselves a
part of the overwhelming trend. Outside of a camping store that advertised everything
from tents to concentrates, Lindsey scouted about until he found a brick that had
already been used in the fine art of breaking and entering at least once. He reared
back with a familiarity that made Cordelia think he had surely played baseball in high
school or college, hurling the brick forward and shattering the glass, creating a
satisfying stain on the stillness. It faded away much too soon.
Lindsey stepped carefully over the remaining glass, extending his hand back to help
Cordelia. She gave them both a mild shock by taking it. "What do we need?" she
asked, getting herself resettled and peering about at the semi-darkness.
Lindsey stepped further into the store, brow furrowing as his eyes ran across the
shelves. "Tents and sleeping bags, unless you want to sleep in the truck." Cordelia
made a face and shook her head. "Bottled water, canned food." Lindsey poked at a
shelf full of packaged food concentrates; it was his turn to make a face. "We'll save
this stuff for emergencies. Penicillin if the pharmacies haven't been gutted already.
We're getting a later start than most of the people heading out."
Cordelia ignored the note of reproof in Lindsey's voice and asked, "You think one of
us is going to get pneumonia?" She looked over her shoulder as she dragged a pair
of sleeping bags off the shelves.
"Infection." Lindsey held up his wrist, allowing scar tissue to gleam angry and pink for
the briefest of seconds before he returned it to its proper place tucked self-
consciously against his side. "I was terrified that this was going to turn even nastier."
"Oh." Cordelia threw another look over her shoulder, longer and more measuring.
"You hid it pretty well." She rejected the original pair of sleeping bags for two with
heavy goose down stuffing. Seemed the city girl knew a thing or two about camping,
after all. Or maybe she was just taking the two that would have been the most
expensive, Lindsey thought, cutting off the respect before it could become too
intrusive.
Cordelia was already working down the aisles in search of their next necessity. She
paused in front of a stack of K-rations, pursing her lips. "These look nasty, do we
actually need any of them?"
"Couldn't hurt," Lindsey said. "I had an uncle who was in the military. He kept a bunch
of them in his truck in case it broke down on a back road. You get far enough into the
boonies and God only knows when another car will go by. They're edible enough,
good quick energy if you can stomach a lot of salt and grease."
Cordelia's face remained doubtful, but her tone was game as she replied. "Are you
kidding me? Those are the great American foodstuffs." Cordelia grabbed an armful
and dumped them into the pile they were creating. Coming back, she gave Lindsey a
look that made him feel for a moment as though she were reading every thought in
his head. Her tone, however, held a note of reluctant respect rather than horror as
she said, "You're good at this survival thing."
Lindsey shrugged, and the gesture was tighter than he would have liked. "Grew up in
the country," he said. "Comes with the territory." Doubly so if you grew up in the
country and happened to be piss-poor at the same time.
Cordelia either didn't hear the shortness in his tone or was choosing to ignore it.
Lindsey's less charitable instincts, admittedly the majority, were pointing towards the
latter. "Really? Where?"
"Oklahoma." Lindsey stalked off towards the tents rather than look Cordelia in the
face. "It was a long time ago." Cordelia took the hint, finally, and rustled some
packages rather than follow him.
The tents were displayed at the far end of the store, giving him a good amount of
time to calm down before he got there. Lindsey paused among the forest of nylon
and canvas, resting his forehead against a shelf and feeling his jaw clench and
unclench beyond his control. If Cordelia hadn't known where to find all his buttons
before, she certainly did now. `Way to put your weaknesses on parade, Lin.' Lindsey
sighed and dragged his hand over his face, feeling the rasp of stubble against his
palm. First chance that he got, he was picking up another razor to replace the one
abandoned at Cordelia's apartment. Bad enough that eh was behind the wheel of his
brother's hand-me-down truck again and watching his wardrobe make its return to t-
shirts and jeans, there wasn't a power in the universe that could make him take up
the time-honored McDonald tradition of going unshaven for days at a time. Not even
an apocalypse.
Lindsey searched amongst the tents until he found one small enough to be set up
without too much fuss and large enough to afford some measure of comfort. Finding
the tent was easy, wrangling it down another matter entirely. Lindsey curled his
remaining fingers into the seams of the cardboard, tugging it from the shelf and
attempting to catch it in the crook of his bad arm as it fell. His aim was off and the
edge of the box caught against flesh newly healed and unprepared for abuse. Pain
like knitting needles being driven into his skin flared all the way into his shoulder.
Lindsey jerked back and swore, bringing his box and several others besides onto the
floor. The racket echoed through the aisles.
Though Cordelia had to have heard the commotion, she raised no cry of alarm or
concern from the front of the store. The gratitude that Lindsey felt towards her for her
discretion only made it worse. Frustration s thick it was choking rose in Lindsey's
throat and he kicked at one of the boxes, relishing the dent he made and the way it
skittered across the floor as though it were running from him. He panted, feeling for a
moment as though the walls were trembling and about to fall in, and the vow made
weeks before felt more like a noose than a lifeline.
Cordelia was kneeling by the supplies, her lips moving silently as she counted, when
Lindsey returned several minutes later, a tent under his arm. She raised her eyes to
him. The legitimate concern there nearly set Lindsey off all over again. "Hi." Her voice
was so soft that Lindsey had to strain to hear it, threaded through with a terrible
kindness.
The blood still pounded hot enough in Lindsey's ears to make reason a tenuous goal.
He set the tent box down with exaggerated care. "I don't like to talk about what it was
like at home."
Cordelia shrugged and returned her gaze to her counting. "No big deal." She was a
better actress than most sources gave her credit for; the only thing that betrayed her
was the line of tension in her neck. "When I was a kid, I wished I could run off to live
in the country." She glanced up to catch the full force of Lindsey's stare. "No, really. I
read Anne of Green Gables when I was, like, twelve. Puberty was much easier when
I could fantasize about taking off and hiding whenever I had a fight with my parents."
Cordelia flashed him a smile. "Until I discovered the joys of taking off across a mall
with Daddy's AmEx, anyway."
Lindsey made a soft sound that was half snort, half reluctant laugh and, unbelievably,
felt a measure of the tension bleeding out of him. "Anne was far too girly for me. Huck
Finn all the way."
Cordelia's grin was dazzling enough to send an arrow straight into his gut. "Good to
know I'm traveling with a frontiersman." She finished her counting. "I'm going to start
tossing this stuff into the back of the truck."
"There are a few more things I need to grab, then I'll help you." Cordelia nodded and
began to gather supplies into her arms. Lindsey watched for a moment, his nerves
tingling with an odd note of anxiety. The old order of things had been swept away; it
was the ultimate clean slate. He and Cordelia could simply bypass Lindsey's original
plan altogether, head straight for Nebraska without any detours along the way. She
could go right on believing in whatever it was she saw in him.
Except that nobody knew the power of a contract better than Lindsey did. He had
promised the Dark Man a seer (`Dark Man, Walkin' Dude, Hardcase, he has many
names, Lindsey, and you know that the only one which matters is damnation.'), and
seer he would deliver to him. Anything that happened afterwards was none of
Lindsey's concern.
Survival of the fittest, and Lindsey didn't think he was imagining the gorge that rose in
his throat.
Bile wasn't the only thing that rose into Lindsey's esophagus when Cordelia's shriek
rose from the front of the store. Lindsey forced his heart back down into his ribcage
and sprinted through the aisles. He tried to tell himself that it had been `Cordelia' and
not `Cordy' that he had mumbled beneath his breath in the first moments between
panic and action.
Cordelia was sitting on the sidewalk outside the store, surrounded by glittering shards
of glass like diamonds around a queen. Her expression completed the image of
furious, injured royalty. Cordelia's breath came in pants and she was clutching the
largest portion of glass in her hand. Ruby rivulets trickled, serpentine, down the skin
of her wrist. Lindsey didn't think that she noticed. She jumped when she heard
Lindsey's footsteps, scrabbling to her feet and dropping the glass as if she had
caught herself holding something dead and half-rotted.
Cordelia started to swipe her hair back with her injured hand, grimaced, and dropped
it back to her side. The drops of blood that splattered across her jeans gleamed very
dark in the sunlight. "Son of a bitch," she spit, and Lindsey realized that emotional
alchemy was already turning fear into anger. "Did you see that?"
"I was in the store," Lindsey said, drawing to a halt and giving her an once-over.
Physically, the wound to her hand seemed to be the worst of it. Psychologically, he
was not so sure, not after what she had done the night before. `And it's none of your
concern, anyway. Focus.'
"Tried to rob me." The sound of her laugh was reedy, bitter, and told Lindsey
everything that he needed to know. "As if I have anything that he couldn't break into a
store and get on his own." The corner of Cordelia's mouth was bleeding, but Lindsey
decided that this would be a bad time to mention it. Cordelia stared at the stains on
her jeans as if she had never seen anything like them before. "God, I hate this world."
Her voice quavered for only a second before being overtaken by an ice that Lindsey
was more familiar with in his own. The bruises on her throat had darkened to the
color of twilight.
As soon as the chance presented itself, Lindsey picked up a handgun.
*
Cordelia understood now why there was so little chaos marking the streets.
Acres upon acres of gleaming metal stretched before them, covering the highway
from bumper to bumper like steel cockroaches. Cordelia doubted that it was possible
to wedge a bicycle between the vehicles, let alone Lindsey's truck. The stench of
death that had been largely absent before was overpowering, sickly-sweet like rotting
candy. Cordelia rolled down the window in case she needed to vomit.
"Jesus," Lindsey breathed from the driver's seat. His face had gone the color of raw
linen.
"He doesn't seem terribly interested in us at the moment, no." Cordelia leaned out the
window and craned her neck. "How far do you think it goes?"
Lindsey shrugged. The outburst of anger or disappointment that Cordelia was
expecting from him had yet to make its appearance. "Miles, most likely." He imitated
Cordelia's gesture in order to better see over the crush. "Looks like our golden boys
in the military were doing more than just dealing with bodies. What do you want to bet
there's a nice, far roadblock waiting for us up there? Or was?"
Cordelia slid back into the cab. "But that doesn't make any sense," she said. "Captain
Trips was all over the national news, never mind how sanitized the stories were. Why
go to the bother of enforcing a quarantine that they knew was going to be useless?"
"Sometimes it's not the secret that matters, but the act of keeping it," Lindsey said.
Cordelia pressed her lips into a thin line and didn't look at him. "Not everyone's like
that."
Lindsey turned his head and smiled at her. When Lindsey smiled for the act itself
rather than to cajole or wound, he was beautiful. Cordelia decided that she hadn't
seen him smile that way nearly enough. "No," he said, "not all." There was a raspy
note to his voice that made Cordelia's stomach muscles tighten. She looked away.
Silence fell across the cab. Lindsey took his hand off the steering wheel, running it
through his hair and letting the breeze that came through the open windows tease
the sweat off the back of his neck. Getting long. Holland would not approve. The
corners of Lindsey's mouth quirked, threatening to turn into a grin that would destroy
the careful picture of affability. Holland was an anonymous corpse moldering in the
gutter while he, Lindsey, was alive and calling his own shots. That thought alone was
nearly enough to jettison Lindsey's doubts straight into the grave along with the old
man.
`I wouldn't call serving the hardcase calling your own shots.' Lindsey had been
ignoring that purely interior voice for years. It was amazing how much easier it got
with the passage of time.
"Now, what we have here is a problem," Lindsey said, allowing a hint of drawl to curl
through his voice like honey through tea. "And I, for one, will choke before I spend
another night in this city."
"Amen." Cordelia's face was uncertain as she said it, but a touch to the bruises on
her neck smoothed out the wrinkles. She dropped her hand back into her lap.
"So what we need here is a solution." Lindsey remembered making this trip in reverse
a decade before, armed with this truck, a scholarship, and a slit-eyed determination
not to do it again. One of the few promises that he had managed to keep-to himself
or anyone else-since leaving the red dirt behind him. Trips back home since then had
been few and far between, made on increasingly plush airlines. Cordelia, still staring
over the dead vehicles, missed the flat note in Lindsey's voice, certainly didn't catch
the sagging in his face and shoulders. Reading choices or not, Cordelia was still a
city girl. She didn't understand that Mother Nature had teeth and, without human
wardens to maintain her crisscross muzzle of asphalt, metal, and plastic any longer,
she was going to be far more eager to use them.
`He'll have to find another way,' Lindsey thought, not knowing if it was relief, fear, or
defiance that straightened his spine. Most likely a combination of all three. `He'll have
to find someone else.' And Lindsey's lips crooked into a smile, far more bitter and
real than the one that had charmed Cordelia moments before. Well, now. That
changed the power dynamics a bit, didn't it?
The stone hanging beneath Lindsey's shirt, cool no matter how long it lay against his
skin, became ice that bit and tore. Lindsey grit his teeth and bent over, clutching at
the stone as its temperature dropped so fiercely that it felt as though the surrounding
skin was going to slough off. A car horn flared. Lindsey barely heard it, and could not
have said if it came from him leaning against the truck's or from somewhere else.
Cordelia yelled his name.
`I want what I want what I want what I want.'
Cold became heat quickly enough to pull a hiss, cry of pain smothered too swiftly to
escape as anything else, from his lips. It took Lindsey several more seconds to
realize that the stone was as cool as it ever was, and only seemed warm now by
comparison. Lindsey straightened, twigged to the fact that the car horn was being
caused by his own forearm lying across the wheel, and pulled away. His ears rang in
the stillness.
Cordelia looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes widened to nearly the size of
hubcaps. There was a line between her eyes, a tension to her shoulders that hadn't
been there seconds before. She held his gaze for long enough to make Lindsey
wonder if he had spoken anything that he would regret before she turned away.
Or, more likely, she was concerned by the lemon yellow Hummer that had pulled up
on the other side of the guardrail, the idling of its engine one of the only sounds
breaking the afternoon. One of the largest men that Lindsey had ever seen honked
the horn and waved at them. The cold that spread from Lindsey's scalp down into his
shoes had nothing to do with amulets.
In other words, problem solved.
Cordelia broke off staring at the Hummer long enough to give him another look, her
eyes clear and searching. Lindsey could see the questions that buzzed on her
tongue, could just as clearly see himself giving her every one of the answers. .
`Do you hear that? I could spoil your party right now.'
If the conduit was still open, then the Dark Man didn't care enough to answer.
The man driving the Hummer, who resembled nothing so much as Santa Claus in
late middle age, flung open the driver's door and scrambled down with the joy of a
puppy. Cordelia slid out of the truck and went to meet him at a more sedate pace, her
back stiff. Lindsey knew that the attacks of the last twenty-four hours had to be
weighing heavily on her mind. Lindsey's hand trailed to the revolver, tucked between
the seats with the safety on. Not like the hunting rifles that his daddy had taught him
how to use by the time he entered middle school, but it didn't require two working
hands. Lindsey's fingers lingered on the metal for a moment, then, reluctantly, he left
it behind.
Santa Claus was grinning at Cordelia as if the very fact that she was alive and
breathing made her the finest thing that he had ever seen. The smile didn't so much
as flicker when he caught sight of Lindsey, but there was a shadow in the other
man's eyes that Lindsey didn't like. He wondered how much of his movements had
been visible before exiting the truck. "No need to be nervous," Santa Claus called.
"There's two of you and one of me, ain't there?"
"That implies an interest in fighting fair. You'd be surprised how little that gets you."
Lindsey could hear the drawl crawling back into his voice. He took a protective step
towards Cordelia.
"Good point." Santa Claus shrugged the threat implicit in the words off like a dog
shaking water from its coat. He looked at Lindsey's abrupt wrist and Cordelia's
bruised neck in turn, a dry clinician's stare that catalogued rather than pitied. It
jangled hard against the rest of him and made Lindsey's adrenal glands tingle.
"Though it looks like the two of you have been playing the odds for a while. I'm
Whitney Horgan."
"Lindsey McDonald." It wasn't only his injury that kept Lindsey from extending his
hand in introduction. He and Cordelia were standing closer to one another than ever.
Lindsey was reminded of dogs that he had seen that afternoon, waving their tails in
slow, stiff greetings as the truck had driven past but unwilling to approach.
"Excellent!" Whitney wasn't going to take no for an answer on the business of
shaking hands, and he only hesitated over the mechanics of it for a moment. Whitney
grinned the entire time, while Lindsey had to struggle to do the same. It wasn't until
he noticed the small bulge beneath Whitney's shirt that he understood why.
Whitney turned towards Cordelia after he released Lindsey, his smile turning into
something that could have fooled the best politician. "Cordelia Chase," Cordelia said
in cultured tones, extending her right hand. "Pleased to meet you." Polite formality
made it impossible to gauge her emotions.
If Whitney noticed, then he did not care. He glanced back and forth between the two
of them, regaining some of his ebullient expression. "From the way the two of you
were staring at that interstate as though it was the last drink of water and you came
to the party short a glass, I'm guessing you want to head east."
"That's right," Cordelia said. "Nebraska."
Whitney glanced at Lindsey. "Well, Stephanie-Ann and I are only going as far as Las
Vegas, but we can certainly take you that far. Who knows, you might decide that it's
more to your liking than cornfields."
Cordelia curved her lips into a polite smile. "I think we're pretty dead-set on
Nebraska, actually. But if you can get us as least part of the way across the desert..."
She glanced towards Lindsey, eyebrow raised. He schooled his face into lines of
absolute neutrality. Let his decision, at least, not be left up to him, and he would let it
serve him as a sign.
Cordelia turned back to Whitney. "We'd be delighted to."
Whitney's grin turned up another notch; Lindsey thought that he was in danger of
hurting himself. "I guess you both know how lonely it's been since this whole thing
started," he said, helping them as they began to transfer their belongings from one
vehicle to the other. Lindsey pulled the bullets from the gun and shoved it to the
bottom of his pack before handing it off. "Outside of meeting Stephanie-Ann last
week, you two are the first pair that I've seen to still remember that you're people."
"What do you think caused it?" Cordelia asked.
"The plague, you mean?" Whitney set a duffel bag full of canned goods down at his
feet and straightened. The affability bled out of his face, and in its absence Lindsey
could see the man who would wear Flagg's stone. He wondered if he appeared the
same, what the hell Cordelia was doing with him if that was the case. "God, the Devil,
simple evolution, maybe. Hell, the Black Death and the Ebola virus both popped up
their nasty little heads without any outside tinkerings. But I'm betting level money on
the government." Whitney shielded his eyes with his hand and nodded towards the
point on the horizon where the cars converged into a single dot. "Before the press got
slapped with a collective muzzle, there were reports coming in of whole cities being
quarantined at gunpoint, as if it weren't so far out of control by then that nothing short
of massive genetic shift was going to put a halt to it. I'll bet you the Hummer and
everything in it that we'll find just that kind of quarantine attempt going on down there.
People don't try that hard to keep a secret unless they're the ones that caused it in
the first place." Whitney's face darkened further; the expression of grim determination
reminded Lindsey of Angel. "Frankly, the think-tank that got careless with their plague
jars and managed to think the whole world straight into the bone yard had better be
glad that they're dead. `Cause I'm not in the mood to be nearly so kind as Captain
Trips."
Lindsey glanced towards Cordelia, expecting a protest. Her face was troubled, but
her eyes were flinty. Cordelia didn't say a word.
The kindness came back into Whitney's face like dawn gliding over the horizon.
"Good thing I didn't decide to go into politics, huh?" he asked, helping them carry the
last of their things away from the truck. Lindsey's eyes widened as he opened up the
Hummer's cargo area. Whitney had paid a visit to a gas station sometime before the
electricity had gone: covering every inch of available floor space were cans upon
cans of gasoline. He glanced towards Whitney, who said only, "She doesn't run on
water, you know." Lindsey nodded and loaded up the last of their gear, trying not to
stare too much at the bulge beneath Whitney's shirt. He wondered if Whitney was
doing the same to him.
There was a small, fluffy blonde sleeping in the front seat, looking very much like the
puppy that Whitney's mannerisms strove so hard to imitate. Whitney lowered his
voice to a whisper as they climbed inside, though if Lindsey's honking hadn't woken
her earlier, then a normal-pitched conversation wasn't likely to. "Stephanie-Ann. The
Hummer was her brother's." Whitney gave the steering wheel a fond pat. Lindsey
saw Cordelia lean forward to avoid resting her back against the seats.
*
The deadlocked traffic lasted for more than fifteen miles. It seemed as though every
soul that had still been well enough to attempt an escape from the city had done so
at one point or another. The reek of death in the air was nearly thick enough to touch,
seeping through the air-conditioning and swirling around them like a wraith. There
was no way that Cordelia and Lindsey could have made it without abandoning the
truck and landing themselves in more trouble than they were walking away from. The
Hummer, by virtue of being road-optional, trundled along easily. "Guess someone
was really looking out for you guys," Whitney called over his shoulder.
`Someone certainly was,' Lindsey thought. He decided then that he didn't like Lindsey
very much.
A coyote jumped eagerly at the open window of one of the cars, getting a few inches
closer with each panting effort. The animal threw the Hummer a disinterested glance
as it trundled by before renewing its task with vigor. Lindsey looked away to avoid the
moment when it succeeded, only to lock eyes with Cordelia. She held Lindsey's gaze
for only an instant before she went back to watching the animal, her face a blank
marble mask.
Towards the back of the traffic jam, al of the dead were victims of the plague. At its
origin the story took a very different turn. Bodies hung halfway out of the car windows
and stretched out across the pavement, savaged by both animals and the elements.
The damaged was not so severe that it hid the lack of Captain Trip's tell-tale black
swellings on many of the corpses. Bullets holes told a tale all their own.
"My God," Cordelia whispered, her voice beginning to quiver. Lindsey turned and saw
that what he had mistaken for tears was some of the rawest anger that he had ever
seen. Cordelia's face blazed with it. "How could they do such a thing?" Cordelia's
voice rose towards a shout, causing Stephanie-Ann to turn over and mumble in her
sleep. Whitney glanced at them through the rearview mirror but said nothing. "Half of
these people looked like they were immune!"
"Cordelia." Lindsey put his hand on her arm. "You're beginning to yell."
"Maybe someone needs to." Cordelia lowered her voice, but her eyes continued to
gleam with emotion. It was like sitting next to a small sun. "They were supposed to be
protecting people, not lining up to join in the slaughter." They rolled slowly pas the
killers. From the look on Cordelia's face, it was a struggle not to roll down the window
and spit. In marked contrast to the civilian corpses, only one or two of the military
showed evidence of a violent death. Lindsey surmised that they had been the
isolated few who had stood up in favor of their humanity. He struggled to imagine
what that was like.
"The world tends to stop being black and white when you stop being a Champion,"
Lindsey said, watching as a crow fluttered down to land on the body of a young man.
The bird cawed and hopped towards the eyes.
"Tell me you're not defending this!" Cordelia's voice was more than shocked; it was
betrayed.
Lindsey turned away from the window, leaving behind the corpses and his reflection.
"Of course not," he said, adopting the friendly, confident tone that he had worn closer
than skin for the past two weeks. "I'm just saying...these men were scared. By the
time people began trying to flee the city, the situation up top had probably gotten
really bad. Orders coming through intermittently when they came through at all, CO's
dropping like flies...they clung to the ones that were the most familiar."
"The fact that shooting civilians was the most familiar doesn't work as a mark in their
favor," Cordelia said, flicking a disgusted look over him. It was the same look that she
had given him when had showed up on her doorstep, one that he thought he was
well on the way to never seeing again. It was kissing cousins to the look of contempt
that Angel had worn the first time that Lindsey had walked into his office and every
meeting between them since. Lindsey felt the old fury rising in his cheeks and looked
away so that Cordelia would not see it in his eyes. Familiarity wrapped him in its
comfortless cocoon.
***
Part Ten
"If I could take it all back, think again."
-Nickelback, "Breathe"
Luck was on their side and the group found a town to stop in for the night. The silent
cadavers of buildings, quiet soldiers bearing dark gifts, unsettled everyone but
Whitney. He went so far as to begin whistling a pop tune as he and Lindsey
wandered the town for wood that could be broken up and burned. A low throbbing
had set up shop in Lindsey's temples, and he wished that Whitney would stop.
"I've been outside of cities a grand total of five times in my life," Whitney told Lindsey,
pausing to test some tree branches before deciding they were too green, "and each
time I couldn't pass the minutes fast enough until I was back in one. Country-western
singers can keep their wide open spaces."
Lindsey nodded, staring out at the wide expanse of desert that peeked through the
holes of civilization. A breeze moved through the forlorn grass almost as it would
wheat, and Lindsey felt a wave of homesickness that was as powerful as it was an
intrusion.
"So, how much is the woman worth?" There were no words in Lindsey's vocabulary
to catalogue how wrong the words sounded coming from Whitney's gentle, you-can-
trust-me face. It was like watching a Madonna prepare to devour her own child.
Lindsey stared, and Whitney's face split into a grin that suggested a belly laugh
would soon be on its way. "Stephanie-Ann and I have been having the dreams, too. If
your girl's determined to head towards that black bitch across the mountains then she
ain't one of the Walkin' Dude's." Whitney touched the stone lying against the center
of his own chest. "And there are quicker ways to get to Nebraska than by going
through Vegas."
Lindsey shielded his eyes from the setting sun and stared back in the direction of the
vehicle. Back-lit by the disappearing light, Cordelia and Stephanie-Ann were
rendered into anonymous silhouettes. "Cordelia has...talents that make her unique,"
Lindsey said, turning back to Whitney. Secrets. "Beyond that, I don't make a habit of
asking questions with irrelevant answers."
Whitney's grin turned salacious and Lindsey's hand curled into a fist. "I'll bet. Guess
the Walkin' Dude's not so different from other men, after all."
The house before them had the kind of white picket fence rarely seen outside of
Norman Rockwell paintings. The picturesque occupants and their 2.3 kids were likely
moldering inside; at any rate, Lindsey didn't see them. The wind or passing vandals
had knocked a portion of the fence down, so that pieces lay scattered across the
dying lawn like teeth after a barroom brawl. Lindsey turned the pickets into a mental
image of Whitney's white, oft-showed teeth, pictured how easily they would explode
from his mouth like confetti with one good swing of a fencepost. Lindsey bent over
and gathered a few pickets into his arms. He had done worse things.
Lindsey straightened, handing the wood off to Whitney. "You can carry it better than
I," he said by way of explanation. He had done better things, too, and none of them
involved pissing off a master with the ability to invade minds.
Whitney accepted the wood with no knowledge of how close he had come to being
beaten with it. "Man, I thought the plague was bad," he said. "But then the dreams
started, of that woman. Old bat was scary as hell. She have that effect on you, too?"
"Yes." The ache had moved from Lindsey's temples to behind his eyes, sharp little
ice pick jabs into his brain.
"The Walkin' Dude, though." Whitney's breath made a whistling noise as he sucked it
between his teeth. "Going to be a whole `nother story once we get onto his turf. Not at
all like the old bitch. She yelled about weasels every fucking time I dreamed of her,
like a goddamned broken record."
`They both scare the hell out of me.' Lindsey flashed Whitney a glitter-diamond smile
and said, "Why don't you do me a favor and shut up?"
Whitney's wounded expression came too quickly to be wholly real. The monster that
lay beneath was exposed to the light and gone again before Lindsey could be sure
that it was real. "Easy there, Lin." Lindsey's eyes narrowed, but he held himself still.
"There's no need to work yourself into a fit." Whitney's lips quirked. "We'll be in Vegas
tomorrow. Smooth sailing after that."
Lindsey gathered the wood and said nothing.
*
Cordelia listened to Stephanie-Ann with half an ear as the older woman bounced
around, picking up cans, scanning the ingredients, and then setting them down
again, fretting all the while about the lack of fresh food. Cordelia's offers to help had
been rebuffed with a quick, "We all have our coping mechanisms. I'm afraid cooking's
mine," and now her primary task was to marvel at a level of domestic energy that
made her tired just to watch. Stephanie-Ann had awoken as the Hummer was pulling
to a halt for the night and hadn't stopped moving since. She was a lot like Whitney in
that regard, and in other, less quantifiable ways. Being in her company made
Cordelia's spine go cold at odd moments, all the more troubling because she could
not figure out why, much the way Lindsey had when he had first showed up on her
doorstep. The way that, if she was going to be perfectly honest with herself, he still
could with a careless word or gesture. A line appeared between Cordelia's eyes and
something tingled at the edge of her mind, darting away when she tried to grasp for it.
Stephanie-Ann ceased her monologue long enough to pick up a final can, sigh, and
say, "Ravioli it is, then."
"Did you guys pack any bowls?" Cordelia asked. "Lindsey and I didn't."
Stephanie-Ann flashed her a smile that nearly succeeded at being charming. Would
have succeeded, if it were not for the low-level unease that was escaping its
quarantine in Cordelia's spine and spreading through her entire body. "How do you
feel about a little breaking and entering?"
`The same way I feel about walking into a tenanted coffin.' "'S not a problem."
Cordelia hopped to her feet. "Be right back."
"Thanks." Stephanie-Ann switched from reading cans to organizing supplies, her
brisk movements scarcely slowing down. `Still something off,' Cordelia said. `And I'd
give anything to know what it is.' For the first time since the superflu-since her
spectacular failure, if she really wanted to rip the bandage off-Cordelia wished that
the Powers That Be would send her a vision.
Whitney and Lindsey approached camp, surrounded by coronas of dying light. The
shadows were not so thick, however, that they hid Whitney's customary grin. Cordelia
got a bad feeling whenever she saw that monochromatic smile, matched only by her
distrust of the man behind it. Mayor Wilkins had often worn a similar expression.
Whitney had yet to show any hint of scales, but they didn't have to be on the outside.
Lindsey trailed a few steps behind Whitney, appearing distracted and irritable. A
good portion of that was likely self-consciousness about his hand-Whitney was the
only one carrying firewood-but there was something else coiled beneath the surface,
waiting and running its tongue across its teeth. Something that made the roof of
Cordelia's mouth go dry and her heart change rhythms. She hadn't grown up in a
town that boasted more vampires, demons, and man eating snakes than a girl could
shake a stake at without developing a certain sense for when ugliness was about to
erupt across the surface. That sense had begun to do an excited jig in her belly and
up and down her spine, complete with the occasional pirouhette.
Stephanie-Ann was speaking, but in her reverie Cordelia missed the words. "I'm
sorry, what?"
"I asked if you had any lighter fluid in your pack. Whitney and I were so eager to be
out that we completely forgot to bring any."
"I'll get some when I go for bowls," Cordelia said, barely glancing at her. She had
begun walking off before Stephanie-Ann could answer. Lindsey halted as she
approached, his face becoming marble. She hated it when he did that. Ignoring
Whitney completely, Cordelia took Lindsey's arm and pulled him off to the side. "I
need to talk to you." A light glance towards Whitney made the implication clear.
"Ah." Lindsey turned back towards Whitney. "I'll catch up with you in a minute."
"Sure." Whitney resumed his walk towards camp.
"What's wrong?" Lindsey waited until Whitney was out of earshot before asking,
searching her face with eyes so blue they deserved a warning label. The look was
earnest and kind, and if there was ever a moment when Cordelia hoped that her
paranoia was way off the mark, it was this one.
"I want to leave," Cordelia told him, giving his face the same searching look that he
was giving hers. "Tonight."
Confusion rippled across Lindsey's face, so close to being real. Cordelia began
cursing herself for an idiot. "Leave?" he asked. "Why?"
"Call it bad mojo, woman's intuition, whatever," Cordelia said. "But I have a bad
feeling about going through Vegas. For the both of us." She told herself that she
wasn't throwing Lindsey a lifeline. She told herself that she didn't care one way or
another if he took it.
The worry on Lindsey's face became the faux-confident look that made Cordelia want
to clench her fists and scream. Anything at all could be going on behind his eyes
when he wore that expression.
"Cordy, that's ridiculous," Lindsey said. "What are we going to do, take off with no
vehicle and no supplies?"
"Someone's bound to have left their keys lying around," Cordelia argued. "This town's
full of cars, and there are plenty of other routes to Nebraska. Faster routes, even."
Bingo. A shadow passed over Lindsey's eyes, and what had previously been
guesswork based upon gut feeling became ugly fact. "Would you quit lying to me
already?"
Was that betrayal that glowed in Lindsey's eyes, white-hot, before being smothered?
Cordelia was too busy dealing with her own to tell. "Cordy-" Lindsey began.
"If this is the choice you're going to make," Cordelia said, measuring out each word
and injecting it with a malice that surprised her, because she had thought herself
beyond it, "then I don't think you should call me `Cordy'. That's only for people that I
trust." Bitter, savage stress upon the word, and it scorched her tongue to say it. "I'm
not stupid, Lindsey. I've heard you muttering in your sleep. I was only hoping that you
weren't stupid, either. Yay, Dark Man, huh?" Lindsey leaned back, just by a fraction,
and Cordelia realized that it was the first time that she had spoken his name (one of
them, anyway; Cordelia had the feeling that he was the sort of creature with a
moniker for every occasion) out loud. Doing so felt good, like it reclaimed her power
over him. Cordelia decided to do so as often as possible from there on out. "I
watched how you and Whitney reacted the first time you saw each other, and I
noticed that each one of you wears one of these." Cordelia snatched at the chain
hanging around Lindsey's neck. He caught her wrist, too slow; the stone hung
between them, a black accusation.
"Nice." Lindsey was gripping her wrist hard enough to leave bruises on the skin.
Cordelia was riding on emotion too high to notice until later. Her voice sounded as
though it were coming to her from a great distance and she had the feeling that if she
wasn't yelling yet, she would start soon. "Someone really needs to tell this Dark Man
that giving all of his bootlickers identical necklaces? Only slightly smarter than
making them get matching tattoos. Does Stephanie-Ann have one, too, or this a boys
club?"
"Cordelia, you're talking nonsense." But there was a hollowness to Lindsey's words,
as if he knew that she was beyond convincing. He reached out to touch her shoulder,
and Cordelia slapped his hand away.
"Nope, I think I'm making sense for the first time since I let you into my apartment
instead of kicking your ass all the way back to the curb." Cordelia made her tone
casual, sweet enough to cut even though she was so angry that her vision had begun
to throb at the edges. "Should've known that you wouldn't waste any time in jumping
from one pit of evil into another." Cordelia's snort was as weary as it was disgusted.
"Beats taking a stand and thinking for yourself, doesn't it? The saddest thing is, I
thought for a while that you might be a better man than that."
Lindsey's eyes were dark and grim, his expression the same one at the end of her
tirade as it had been at the beginning. "And that," he said, "is where you made the
biggest mistake of all."
*
Lindsey said nothing to anyone as he and Cordelia walked back into camp, taking a
seat on the Hummer's bumper and running a hand over his haggard face. His eyes
stared out at everything and took in none of it.
Cordelia was thick with the kind of sympathy that wasn't.
She hovered over her bedroll, not trusting herself to look Lindsey in the eye without
bringing on a screaming harpy explosion but rating her chances of maintaining her
temper with Stephanie-Ann and Whitney even less. Especially Whitney.
Cordelia folded her arms over her breasts, staring through the gaps in the coffin-
houses to the desert that lay beyond. The Dark Man was in Las Vegas. The Dark
Man wanted her in Las Vegas. No good could come of this. She was outnumbered
and, due to her fantastic rant session, the bad guys knew that she was on to them.
`Now that I think about it, maybe not the best plan that I've had today.' Cordelia
turned her eyes towards the sky. "Kinda flying blind here," she whispered, unsure if
she was speaking to the Powers That Be, and old woman across the mountains, or
both. "So any time you want to send a vision my way, I'm all brain cells."
The brain cells were silent. Cordelia sighed and dropped her arms back to her sides.
In other words, time for her to take her destiny back into her own hands.
*
The fire had burned down into embers before Lindsey was able to nudge himself
over the line into sleep. He tried to tell himself that he was making sure that Cordelia
didn't run off, knew it to be a lie even before the sentence completed itself. If she
tried, he wasn't sure that he would stop her.
The Dark Man-Randall Flagg, he was named, though Lindsey could not have said
how he knew this any more than he could have said how he knew that he was also
called the hard case-came to him immediately.
"What do you know. I had my doubts about you, I'll speak plain and honest about
that, but you came through in the end."
"Guess I did." The bitterness hung in the air long after the words themselves had
faded. Lindsey looked around him, taking in cornstalks that stood high all around
them, making a sound not unlike the hissing of snakes as a night breeze moved
through them. The plants were dead or dying, corn falling to the ground in rotting
clumps. The hot, nearly sweet smell reminded Lindsey of an aging jungle.
"Where are we?" he asked, turning towards Flagg. Discretion made him avert his
eyes towards the ground at the last second. His mouth twisted, but it wasn't enough
to make him raise his gaze.
Flagg chuckled. The sound was high-pitched, almost a giggle. "We're in the carnival,
of course. My carnival, and all the rides are ready to roll." He giggled again,
producing a sound like glass on steel. A hand that was too cold and soft to be alive
stroked Lindsey's cheek, so gentle and so soft. The skin slid about on the bone like
an ill-fitting glove. Lindsey fought an extended battle with his gag reflex and won,
barely. "I know you've been dreaming about that nigger bitch, Lindsey. I know the
treats she's been trying to lure you away from my party with." Holland's voice had
sounded like that, kind and reasonable and above all regretful, before he had ordered
Lee killed. Lindsey imagined that he could feel the blood splattering against his cheek
all over again.
A second later Lindsey yelled and jumped sideways, because he could feel it, as real
as the dying corn and hot enough to blister. The pain was as brief and intense as
orgasm, shocking Lindsey into forgetting who he was conversing with. He raised his
eyes.
Flagg beamed at him, looking far less like a devil and more like a man than Lindsey
would have liked. His hair was brown and wild, framing a face that could be forgotten
in seconds at the same time that it would leave an impression for life. When he
smiled, he revealed teeth that were very even and very white. "Expecting one of your
demons, Lindsey?" he asked.
"It crossed my mind," Lindsey said, scanning Flagg for the trick, the zipper, the red
eyes hiding beneath the hazel-colored contacts. "Deals with the devil seem to be my
specialty, after all."
Flagg laughed, making the starlight bounce off the dozens of buttons on his jacket.
Vertebra by vertebra, the solidity returned to Lindsey's spine. "That's my boy," he
said, putting his arm around Lindsey's shoulders, where it burned hotter than blood. It
was so easy to forget how cold it had been moments before. "All you have to do is
give me the woman, and then I can give you everything else." Flagg took the fingers
of Lindsey's hand-his right hand, clean and pink and whole, and with the corn
disintegrating around him he had no way if he was imagining the reek that rose from
the flesh-and closed them around the stone that hung from Lindsey's neck. When he
allowed Lindsey to open his fist again, a small red flaw glittered in the center of the
black. "Small price, after all."
Flagg led him away through his decaying carnival, and though Lindsey listened hard,
he couldn't hear the faintest twang of a guitar.
*
Lindsey jumped awake, going from flat on his back to sitting up before his eyes had
time to fully open. For the first time since the onset of the superflu, there was no
sweat slicking his temples. Cordelia twitched in her sleep, rolling over and issuing a
liquid murmur of nonsense syllables, and Stephanie-Ann appeared to be having an
outright nightmare. Beyond that the camp was silent, even the insects cowed quiet.
Lindsey watched Cordelia battle Flagg in her own mind, wondering what kept her
from taking the chances for escape that presented themselves, slim though they
might be. Meanwhile, the stone around his neck shivered like a live thing. Lindsey
pulled it out from beneath his shirt, holding it up to the starlight. There was no red
flaw in the center.
But there would be someday, that and so much more if he could just do this one
thing, this small thing. All the old religions required sacrifice of one sort or another,
and the gesture was often more important than the belief.
Lindsey lay back and stared at the stars.
*
The corn was thick and lush, so close to harvest time that the heads had begun to
droop towards the ground. Cordelia took in deep lungfuls of the unique perfume. Her
family, she decided, had not taken nearly enough visits to the Midwest while they had
the chance.
"Hello, child."
The voice came without any rustle of stalks to mark its owner's approach, and
Cordelia jumped. She broke into an embarrassed laugh when she saw that it was
only Mother Abigail. "You scared me."
For the first time that Cordelia could remember, no gentle smile graced Mother
Abigail's face. The deep, weather beaten lines seemed harsher without gaiety lying
beneath them, and they lent Mother Abigail an aura of power that Cordelia couldn't
begin to fathom. "It's going to be getting dangerous from here on out, Cordelia
Chase," she said.
`It wasn't before?' Cordelia wondered, but thought it wisest to keep her silence.
Her eyes glittering with sorrow and something that may have been the beginnings of
anger, Mother Abigail continued, "I had hoped that he would choose better than this. I
suppose there's no fool like an old fool."
"Lindsey's fun Stockholm games had me convinced, too," Cordelia said, feeling the
hot ball in her stomach being lessened a few inches by commiseration. "He's good at
showing people what they want to see."
"A waste of a fine mind." Mother Abigail made a shivering motion, as if she were
physically throwing off her disappointment. "But no matter. Whatever vengeance God
does not mete out, mankind is always more than willing to provide. Lindsey
McDonald is not the reason that we're here." Though none of the kindness faded
away, a skewer developed in Mother Abigail's eyes. "We're here about you, Cordelia
Chase. You've been floating along, letting the world turn you this way and that `stead
of the other way around. That ain't the woman that you were meant to be."
"Can we talk some more about why Lindsey sucks? `Cause I think I liked that part
better, actually," Cordelia said. Mother Abigail intensified her look. "Okay, point made.
With the coasting comes the badness."
"The devils imp wants you, Cordelia." Mother Abigail lifted her hands up, carefully
cradling Cordelia's head between them. They felt strong enough to hold up the world,
even as the skin over them was stretched as thin as cellophane. "For what you have
here. The power."
"My visions," Cordelia whispered. She shook her head until Mother Abigail pulled
away. "I haven't had a vision since the plague began-and that one was hardly what I
would call an overwhelming success, I might add. The Dark Man's wasting his time
on a dead battery. The Powers don't care."
"The ways of God are different from the ways of man, and aren't always for those of
us trapped on earth to understand." Mother Abigail ignored Cordelia's arched
eyebrow. She leveled her finger at Cordelia's face. "The Imp, now, his desires read
loud and clear. Unless you want to get swallowed up by them, you'd best get to
standing your ground." Cordelia was silent as Mother Abigail took her elbow, leading
her deeper into the forest of corn. The leaves whispered as they passed, masking the
sound of Mother Abigail's urgent words.
*
Cordelia awoke with a gasp and a jolt, staring about at the campground. Everyone
was asleep save for her, even Lindsey. She lay back down in her bedroll, staring up
at stars that for the first time in weeks seemed to be winking at rather than mocking
her, and let out a delighted peal of laughter.
***
Part Eleven
"Here comes the payoff.
What are you made of?
You're empty,
You're hollow,
You're sinking fast."
-Econoline Crush, "Sinking"
Lindsey's mood was foul enough the next morning to discourage all conversation,
though Stephanie-Ann at least gave it an honest attempt. She fell into a sullen
silence when her innocent inquiry into how Lindsey had slept earned her a barely
human snarl. Whitney and Cordelia did not even bother to try.
Cordelia, by marked contrast, was buoyant to the point that Whitney asked her about
it. His manner remained as friendly and slightly suffocating as the day before;
Lindsey, apparently, had not told him that Cordelia now understood that she was no
more than goods to be delivered. There were implications there, powerful ones, but
Cordelia had neither the time nor the inclination to analyze them. She stretched her
face into an Oscar-winning smile instead, setting down her coffee cup to hide how
badly her fingers were trembling to dump the scalding liquid over Whitney's head.
"What's not to be happy about?" Whitney slanted his eyes to indicate the empty town
around them. Cordelia shrugged her shoulders and put on an expression of regret.
"And there's not a thing that I can do about that. I'm not going to waste my brain
space worrying about the things that I can't change." Lindsey, sitting a few feet away,
made the smallest of involuntary movements. Cordelia pursed her lips into a line for a
second, the only sign that she gave of noticing. "Besides, I've always wanted to go to
Las Vegas. Do you think it lives up to its reputation?"
Something of a death's head flickered through Whitney's eyes, only for a moment.
Cordelia got the impression of cockroaches scuttling away from the light. "Lost
Wages or Sin City?"
"Both."
Whitney returned her grin. "Baby, I sure hope so." He returned to packing up the
gear. Cordelia whished that there was a shower that she could stand under.
"You didn't run." Lindsey's voice was coming from just beyond her shoulder,
raspy/dangerous and falsely warm, like whiskey going down the throat. Given the
amount of muttering that he had done in his sleep the night before, Cordelia wasn't
surprised. She didn't turn her head to look up at him.
"I'm not the running type." Cordelia picked up her coffee mug and drained it before
pouring herself a fresh cup. "Besides, there's a nice old lady who would like me to
deliver a message for her."
"Cordelia, I'm-"
"You have no idea how much I want to beat your head in with the coffeepot," Cordelia
interrupted in a chirpy voice that didn't match the gleam in her eyes. "Might want to
think about that before you begin offering up meaningless apologies." She still
couldn't look at him. "You are not sorry, Lindsey, and that stone still around your neck
is the proof of it. I hope that Flagg," Cordelia spit the name out as though it were a
bullet, "gave you your silver in advance, `cause guys like him? Tend not to be big on
the keeping of promises." Cordelia slammed the mug down hard enough to shatter
the bottom out, showering the earth with steaming coffee, and stalked off to help
Whitney. Lindsey stared down at the half-moons of scarlet that had welled up in his
palm.
*
They were in Las Vegas before noon. Whitney and Stephanie-Ann's chatter grew in
volume and diminished in content, nervousness that they wouldn't admit to swirling
around them thick enough for any outsider to see. How much they actually knew
Cordelia was unsure of, but she was willing to bet that it was a significant chunk.
Lindsey himself was silent and impassive, staring at her with eyes that reflected back
only what Cordelia put there. She pretended that he was nothing more than an ugly
lawn statue, one that she would be smashing with a hammer as soon as the
opportunity presented itself. The fantasy, welcome distraction through it was, came a
little too vividly for the strictest amount of comfort. Cordelia stared at her hands and
imagined that she could still see blood there.
And then there was Flagg himself, seeming to fill up the road even though he was
physically no different from any other man. Whitney could have run him over with no
more than a twitch of his foot on the gas pedal. Gasps of varying volume rang out
across the Hummer's interior, and Cordelia told herself that she had only looked
away for a moment, that Flagg had a car and people with him and men didn't just
appear out of the air. The cold prickle that had broken out along Cordelia's hairline
belied rationalizations, telling her that the world had taken a change for the primal
several weeks back and it was time that she got with the program if she wanted to
survive to see the other side of it. `Stand on your own two feet, girl. They're all that
you can depend on in the end.' It wasn't real, but imagining Mother Abigail's voice
was soothing all the same. Cordelia raised her chin and schooled her features into
those of a queen as the Hummer rolled to a halt.
Lindsey's hand had barely touched her elbow before Cordelia jerked her arm away.
"Cordy," Lindsey began, watching Whitney watching them in the rearview. The
mirrored glass over his eyes lifted and then descended again too quickly for Cordelia
to be sure of what she saw behind it. She forced her hand, slowly, to uncurl from its
fist.
"I thought I told you not to call me that." Cordelia flashed him a politician's smile as
she spoke, the kind that was really no more than an excuse to bare her teeth. "What,
are you afraid that I'm going to embarrass you in front of your new boss? Don't worry,
Lindsey. I'll be a good girl." She stepped down from the Hummer unaided, with the
grace of royalty.
Flagg was there before Cordelia's feet had touched the ground, with that eerie sense
of both moving and not that he had used when appearing in the middle of the road.
Ooh, and from the moment his skin touched hers, Cordelia knew that all the girl
power in the world wasn't going to control the deluge of sweat that ran down her
spine and into the waistband of her jeans.
"Here's the lady of the hour!" Flagg exclaimed, grabbing her hand before she could
gather her wits enough to pull back. He was wearing the sort of expression that was
unsafe to leave small children alone with. "The very woman that I've been waiting for!
And I hope, I truly, duly hope, that the trip wasn't too difficult for you?"
"Company could have been better." Cordelia's hand was returned to her. She
resisted the urge to wipe it against her jeans. "Congratulations on a successful
apocalypse, by the way."
Flagg displayed teeth that reminded Cordelia of bleached-out corn. "Not my
apocalypse, cutie-pie," he said. If she survived this, Cordelia vowed, the next person
to call her `cutie-pie' was going to be in a world of hurt. Not that they wouldn't be,
anyway, but she was retracting her warning shot. "All yours. I would never be so
presumptuous as to claim an accomplishment that wasn't mine."
Cordelia took a page from Giles' book and directed her answer in the form of a glare.
Lindsey walked up wordlessly to stand behind Cordelia's shoulder; she only knew
that he was there by the nod that Flagg directed towards him. "Down to the very letter
of the law," Flagg said. "I always knew the jokes about lawyers weren't true." Cordelia
refused to turn around and view Lindsey's satisfaction.
"How long?" she asked Flagg, and didn't need to elaborate in order for both of them
to understand.
"The entire time." Lindsey's tone was calm, cultured. He could have been ordering
drinks or an execution.
Cordelia turned around at last. If her eyes narrowed any further she wasn't going to
be able to see. "You're scum." Lindsey's lips curved into the faintest of smiles. He
had brought his jacket out of the vehicle with him, though Cordelia didn't know why. It
was already blistering. She took a deep breath and focused very hard on not hitting
him instead. Unfortunately, this brought about the immediate problem of keeping
herself from hitting Flagg.
The wider Flagg grinned, the less his teeth looked like chips of corn and the more
they began to look like the teeth of a rodent, something small and dank that scurried
and fed on the flesh of fallen predators. A rat or a ferret...or a weasel. The knot of
infant terror that Cordelia was keeping locked away in her stomach contracted,
pushed to the side by a dangerous bubble of laughter.
The amusement dropped off Flagg's face like the sun disappearing behind a cloud,
leaving behind a petulant almost-child in the negative space that remained. Cordelia
had the feeling that she wouldn't like this toddler's tantrums, though. "What is it?"
Flagg snapped.
And yet, she just couldn't seem to help herself. "Have you ever been to Nebraska?"
Cordelia asked, her voice candy-shop sweet. "There are some people out there who
would love to meet you. They have the neatest ways of exterminating vermin."
Flagg's eyes were brittle and cold, promising all measure of payment later on.
"Lloyd," he called over his shoulder, "do me a big favor and make sure that Cordy
here gets to my office safe and sound. We're going to having ourselves a nice little
palaver after I take care of some business here."
A young man, slight of build and the with the sort of lank blond hair that was always
going to look as if it were in need of a good shampooing, stepped forward. Around
his neck was a stone identical to the ones worn by Whitney and Lindsey, save for the
fact that his had a key-shaped flaw set into its center. His fingers as they touched
Cordelia's elbow were oily and nearly apologetic. "Ma'am," he said in a voice that had
only stopped cracking a few years before, "if you'd come this way." A car with tinted
windows idled at the curb. If Cordelia got inside, she knew that her chances of
making it out of Las Vegas were going to dwindle so small as to become nonexistent.
A soft weight settled around Cordelia's shoulders. She whirled on Lindsey, raising her
hand to knock off the jacket that he had the gall to drape around her shoulders as if
they were a couple on a date. Lindsey caught her wrist, ducking his head until his lips
were millimeters from her ear. "Just take the fucking jacket, okay?" His breath was
hot against her skin and panic twirled through his voice like smoke. The lopsided
weight of the jacket, however, was very real.
Cordelia's eyes widened in realization, and oh god Flagg was watching, there was no
way that he hadn't seen-Lindsey leaned in closer, blocking Flagg's view of her face.
His mouth covered hers before she could pull away.
As far as kisses went, it suffered from being hot and panicky on both sides, and oh
yeah, the minor detail of Lindsey turning into her own personal Benedict. For
shocking Cordelia back into her senses, though, it worked like a charm. The cracking
noise made by Cordelia's hand across Lindsey's face was louder even than the
sound of the car's engine, and the second one was even better. Lindsey rocked
back, grinning, and the sunlight glinted off the silver chain around his neck. Cordelia
dragged her hand across her mouth and spit onto the pavement.
"I have a thing for damsels in distress," Lindsey told Flagg. His tone was cruel.
"Going to get me in trouble someday."
"Won't be finding many of those here." Those teeth again, and a shudder ran down
Cordelia's spine. Flagg nodded towards Lloyd, who stepped forward again and took
Cordelia's arm. Cordelia pulled her jacket closer around her and went, glancing back
just once.
Flagg had his arm thrown around Lindsey's shoulder in a brotherly gesture, mouth
angled so that he could speak directly into Lindsey's ear. Lindsey had his head
dipped to listen, but his eyes flicked up to meet Cordelia's. Of his performance now or
the one that he had been playing out over the past few weeks, Cordelia could
honestly not say which one was better.
***
Part Twelve
"Baby girl, stand up and fight
This is not some paradise
Oh, it's just where we live."
Our Lady Peace, "Story About a Girl"
Lloyd, as it turned out, was not a conversationist. He answered all of Cordelia's rapid-
fire questions with grunts, his hands clenched tightly enough on the steering wheel to
turn his knuckles into pearls. `I am ditz, hear me roar,' Cordelia thought, watching a
muscle in Lloyd's cheek jump. She only wished that the panic were more feigned on
her part.
"So, evil," Cordelia said, injecting a special viciousness into her tone. "That seems to
be working well for you guys."
Lloyd took his eyes off of the road long enough to flick a glance over her. Rather than
being smug, his expression was tense and even a little pitying. "Lady," he said, "if I
were you I'd shut up and save my voice. You're going to be talking your ass off soon
enough."
Cordelia slid her hand, hidden from Lloyd's sight by the rest of her body, into the
pocket of Lindsey's jacket. The tips of her fingers brushed against cool, slightly oily
metal. `Probably not even loaded,' Cordelia thought, her mouth twisting for a moment
before she regained control of herself. It counted for something that Lindsey had
given it to her, but after landing her in a mess of life-threatening proportions Cordelia
wasn't sure what. Possibly a high-heeled kick to the kneecaps instead of the head.
If Flagg had the ability to sense lies, then Cordelia found that she still had it within her
to hope that he killed Lindsey quickly.
She had been silent for too long. Lloyd's guard was going to be going back up.
Cordelia cleared her throat, turning in her seat so that she could face Lloyd more
fully. Her fingers parted from the gun with great reluctance. "Why are you here?"
Cordelia asked, wishing that it was someone else she was asking. "The big evil?
Typically not known for being the most stable taskmasters on the planet."
She didn't get a glance this time, but an outright stare that lasted until Lloyd was in
danger of driving off the road. He swore and corrected himself. "You gotta be kidding
me."
`That hit a nerve. What do you know, he has some.' "Nope, not so much." Cordelia
lifted an eyebrow and gave Lloyd a critical once-over. "If the best you can get for your
soul out of this guy is a car and a half-way decent suit, then I'd be petitioning for a
refund."
A lazy smirk slid across Lloyd's face. He was too young for it. "Flagg's been saying
you were part of some kind of truth, justice, and the American way army back in Los
Angeles. Is that true?"
`Hardly an army,' Cordelia thought, but nodded anyway. "Yes."
The smirk was chased away, so that Lloyd could replace it with an outright smile. It
was like watching a snake twist across his face. "And how's that army doing now?"
He didn't wait for an answer before he pushed on. "See, the thing about you white
hats is that you get up in your little towers, making self-righteous plans, and forget
about everyone who exists in the margins entirely. Now the margins are fighting
back."
`You poor homely idiot.' If Cordelia felt any pity for him, then it was swallowed up by
anger too quickly to matter. "Great. Your entire defense boils down to `I'm doing it
because the popular kids were mean to me.' Do you have any idea how pathetic that
is?"
Lloyd laughed. "And yet, I'm the one driving the car and wearing the half-way decent
suit. You really think that old broad in Nebraska is going to be able to take down
Flagg?"
"I think that you flinch every time you talk about her, and for now that's good enough
for me." Cordelia's hand slid back into the jacket, feeling the gun's weight against her
palm. She was soothed by it as much as she was repelled. Cordelia flicked the safety
off and coiled her finger around the trigger. "We popular kids might just be in the
mood to come down from our tower and start rat hunting." Her voice sounded
predatory and cruel to her own ears.
Lloyd appeared more annoyed than threatened. "It'll be quite a show either way,
won't it?" He braked the car and cut the engine.
Cordelia, startled out of her thoughts and feeling her skin crawl with just how close
she had come to actually shooting, looked out her window. Her lips parted.
"Someone has a high opinion of themselves."
"The rent's cheaper than you would think." Lloyd exited the driver's side door, coming
around to Cordelia's side and placing his hand beneath her arm to help her emerge.
The stone he wore around his neck swung on its silver chain, nearly striking Cordelia
in the cheek. It twisted, the flaw beginning to look more like an eye than a key.
Something in Cordelia's mind snapped and she wrenched her arm out of Lloyd's
grasp, never mind that she had to lose her grip on the weapon in order to do so.
More of Flagg's followers were coming out of the building's entrance, watching her
curiously. She wondered if Flagg had been making common knowledge of her, if she
was quite the Cassandra that they had been expecting.
Lloyd straightened, arching his eyebrows at her, and just for a moment Cordelia
glimpsed the man that Flagg saw. The baby-face veneer was already being worn
away by hard use, like the gold plating on cheap jewelry.
Cordelia exited the car under her own power, barely deigning to look at Lloyd as he
took her arm again. She wondered in Lloyd had a gun. She wondered if she should
draw her own, and to hell with the crowd. Of all the things that Cordelia wondered,
whether or not she would be able to pull the trigger no longer numbered among
them.
Cordelia held her head high as she stepped into the lobby of the MGM Grand, now
lowered into serving as headquarters for a creature that couldn't call himself human
on a good day. Cool air chased the heat from her skin and Cordelia gasped,
swiveling her head up to look at the bright, beautiful, and above all fully functioning
fluorescent lights. "Electricity?" she gasped, forgetting for the moment that she was
supposed to be doing stony and heroic.
Lloyd made a faint sound of amusement. Cordelia decided that it wasn't worth her
energy to twist around and glare. "Generators," he said. "What, Mother Abigail hasn't
thought of it?"
There was a fine line between bravery and stupidity, and she was walking tightly
enough on it already. "Probably not," Cordelia looked over and at Lloyd and, self-
admonishments or not, couldn't resist widening her eyes a bit. "Gosh, do you think if I
sell my over my soul like you guys I can get a hot tub?"
"If I were you, I'd be more worried about what I was going to say than what I was
going to get." Lloyd directed her to the elevators and Cordelia discovered that Flagg
even had the tinny muzak up and running again. A truer evil never walked the earth.
The gooseflesh on her arms lessened, just for a moment.
"Here," Lloyd said as the elevator came to a smooth halt at the top floor. Of course.
"Only the best," Cordelia murmured.
"Just tell Mr. Flagg what he wants to know," Lloyd told her before he allowed her to
exit. "It'll be easier for you."
Cordelia, her mind already fixated on the world that awaited her ahead, had no time
for eloquence. "Bite me." From the corner of her eye she saw an ugly, hungry look
cross Lloyd's face. A vampire look. In all of his shades of rage and nastiness, she
had never seen that look on Lindsey himself.
Not important now.
Cordelia strode past a lovely secretary's desk with a lovely print of `Around the Fish'
hanging above it. She was sure that the secretary herself was making a lovely corpse
wherever her body had been dumped. Cordelia put her hand upon the door to the
office beyond, twisted the knob, and came face to face to Randall Flagg himself.
`How the hell did he get up here so quickly?' Cordelia thought, as her eyes widened
and her entire body felt as if it had been dipped in dry ice.
Flagg noted the reaction and smiled, his eyes taking on the light of a small child's
when they had a big secret that they couldn't wait to tell. "Thank you, Lloyd," he
called over Cordelia's shoulder as he took her hand lightly, possessively in his own.
Any human with a body temperature that high would have had their brains cooked
inside their skulls days before.
Lloyd nodded, his face wiped as clear as a dry erase board of emotion, and
disappeared back into the elevator. Cordelia felt more alone with him gone, soulless
rat bastard that he was. He, at least, had been definitively of this world.
Flagg was grinning at her when Cordelia turned back to him. She was suddenly sure,
by that terrible look alone, that there were maggots squirming and pulsing beneath
the surface of his skin. As soon as she thought it she could feel it, and with a squeak
of distress Cordelia wrenched her hand away, so fast that she nearly left skin behind.
Bile surged hot and sour into her throat.
Flagg made a soft clucking sound from the back of his throat. "Now, now, none of
that," he chided. "The time has come for you and I to talk of many things, and it's best
if we start out as friends, don't you think?" He moved aside so that Cordelia could
step into his office. "Come into my parlor."
"Said the spider to the fly," Cordelia supplied under her breath, loud enough to
ensure that they both heard.
She was expecting an office full of decadent, light blocking brocades, deep cherries
and mahoganies, furniture designed to impart a sense of awe and power. A lair, in
other words. In its stead gleaming metal, crisp blacks and whites, and a breathtaking
view of the city beyond greeted her. Shelves of jade figurines lined one wall; Cordelia
saw several wolves scattered throughout the menagerie and an entire flock of crows.
There was a desk with chair in the room, but it had been shoved back against the
wall and, save for a heavy marble paperweight in the shape of a softball, was entirely
bare. The whole package seemed strangely refined for a man who wore a denim
jacket and dusty cowboy boots.
"Love your interior decorator," Cordelia said as Flagg stepped up beside her.
"It has a certain flair," Flagg said and, seeing the way that Cordelia's eye was being
pulled towards the window, asked, "It's lovely, isn't it? And to think, all we had to do
to cope with that nasty little pollution problem was shuck off the race that created it."
Spell broken. Cordelia stepped away from him, curling her lip. "Small price, huh?"
"A joke, my dear." Flagg inclined his head. "Perhaps done in poor taste, but well-
meaning all the same."
Cordelia turned her eyes back towards the window. They was a sky was a crushing,
merciless blue without a single cloud to break it apart. "What do you want from me?"
Flagg bobbed his head, looking pleased. "And now we get into the heart of it." He
moved out of Cordelia's line of sight. She could still hear the muted clump of boot
heels as he passed behind her, but she refused to turn her head. Flagg's fingers
wound their way through her ponytail, across the nape of her neck. They fluttered to
a rest at her temples. "You've been talking to that witch and her god," Flagg
murmured, his voice barely audible over the air-conditioning's discreet hum. "And
what did you talk about, I wonder? What did she tell you?" The butterfly pressure
turned cruel, denting the skin downwards. Cordelia cried out and felt tears of pain
spring into her eyes. "How long will it take her to pay you another visit?" He worked
his fingers even deeper into the delicate hollows above Cordelia's temples.
The pain was blinding, scorching, and Cordelia heard an incredulous shriek of
laughter roll out of her lungs, anyway. Cleansing her. The weight in her head ceased
as abruptly as it had begun, halted by Flagg's releasing her and stepping away.
Cordelia's brain cooed. Her knees sagged and she grabbed at the desk chair, barely
saving herself from a fall as it tried to roll away from her.
"What's so funny?" Flagg snarled at her. The mask of geniality had been banished
far, far away. Naked in his fury, Flagg was fearsome, yes, but he was also ridiculous,
an angry tinpot dictator throwing a fit because no one would play his games any
longer. `That's all he is,' Cordelia thought. `All this time, and I've been afraid of a
wannabe.'
`Still got teeth, girl,' she could imagine Mother Abigail saying. `You remember that.
Just when you think they're down for the count, they always got teeth.'
Cordelia felt the peals of laughter continue to ring out of her, anyway, watching as the
stuff of nightmares turned a rather interesting shade of purple. "Answer me, you
stupid bitch!" Flagg roared, lunging forward and grabbing Cordelia's ponytail. He
twisted her head up with it, and squeaking pain drew Cordelia's jaws together with a
clack so hard that she nearly took the tip off of her own tongue. "What's so fucking
funny?"
"Oh," Cordelia gasped, giggles still escaping in spite of the tears that ran freely down
her face. "Oh, you." Flagg released her hair and Cordelia slumped to the floor.
Laughter continued to bubble out of her in dangerous little spurts. "Do you actually
think my visions work like that? That I have a nice little chat with the Powers
whenever I feel like it? God is one of us?" Cordelia doubled over, braying, and it was
several seconds before she could continue. Flagg's rage filled the room like fever.
"You idiot," Cordelia wheezed. She regained control enough to look up into Flagg's
face. "I don't control when I receive my visions. I don't have control over what's in my
visions. They come whenever the Powers That Be want me to have them, and show
me whatever the Powers want me to see." A fresh fit threatened to overcome her.
Cordelia pushed it back, but she could not stop her smile. "And I haven't had a single
one since the plague started. The Powers The Be don't even care enough about you
to put a blip on my radar screen."
"Lying cow!" Flagg roared, striking her across the face with what felt like all his
strength. If he had more in store somewhere, then Cordelia did not want to know
about it. Her head snapped back until her head squealed at the point of breaking, the
rest of her body following in an ungainly arc that deposited her several feet away.
The air wheezed out of Cordelia's lungs on impact, leaving her feeling as if a full-
grown man had sat down on her chest. She was too stunned to draw more.
Flagg's boot heels as they stalked towards her made the loudest sound in the room.
*And, oh, the light, too bright, searing her eyeballs away. Cordelia gasped, turned her
head, made a futile attempt to protect herself. The light retreated from retina-
dissolving brilliance slowly, resolving itself into the silhouette instantly recognizable to
anyone born into the twentieth century: the mushroom cloud. Cordelia's awareness
whooshed down into the base of the cloud, forcing her back a few seconds in time.
Her ears throbbed with the roar of explosion even as she could still hear Flagg's fury
from outside of her head. The Flagg within the vision howled with pain and fury as his
attempt at immortality was burned away-not dead, never dead, but he got his ass
kicked good this time around-and the Las Vegas skyline dissolved. Cordelia was
drawn further in, barreling past disintegrating buildings and melting flesh. To her
horror, she could still make out the faces as they screamed and writhed in the split-
second before oblivion, caught in an eternal freeze-frame so that she could watch
them again and again and again.
The face that she sought more than any other was not there.*
Cordelia was thrown out of the vision only to feel a pair of hands grabbing her about
the shoulders and shaking her without care for comfort or injury. The back of her skull
rebounded off the floor with every jounce. More head traumas on a noggin that had
already taken its fair share, not really helping her to get her equilibrium back.
Cordelia groaned and rolled over until Flagg released her. Her eyes rolled towards
the ceiling. "Your timing sucks," Cordelia croaked.
"What did you see?" Flagg had reverted back to his sociopathic toddler with ADD
stage. "Tell me what you saw!" He grabbed Cordelia's shoulder to roll her back over.
Cordelia dove her hand into the pocket of her jacket, found the gun.
*The corn made a sound like bolts of silk rubbing against one another as Cordelia and
Mother Abigail walked through it-even this place was not impervious to violation-but
Cordelia heard every word.
"It won't be more than a small window," Mother Abigail said, "but, God willing, it will
be enough."
"How will I know?" Cordelia asked.
Mother Abigail shook her head. "I'll be pushing as far as I can go to give you this
much. You'll just have to know."
Cordelia exhaled her breath in a huff. "I think you have the wrong girl here," she said.
"I'm not the hero. I'm the Gal Friday with occasional seizures to the hero."
Mother Abigail gave her a smile that both the saddest and the kindest that Cordelia
had ever seen and took Cordelia's hand in her own. "Child," she said, "there ain't a
one of us left who's not in the middle of becoming something that we never thought
we could be." She released Cordelia's hand and rubbed at her head a if it pained her.
"So little time," she muttered, her eyes growing distant.
"Mother Abigail?" Cordelia ventured.
Mother Abigail startled as if she was surprised to find that Cordelia was still there.
"You goan now," she said, "You give the devil his due, and then you come find me in
the new place. We'll make our stand together."*
"Guess you're not a dead battery, after all," Flagg said, his face lit up into a devil's
rictus. "You're going to tell me, oh, you're going to tell me every little thing that you
saw."
Cordelia had never fired a gun before. She thought she should be alarmed by how
easy it was.
At that close a range it was impossible to miss. The report echoed through the room
and Flagg staggered back, staring at the bloodied hole left in the flannel shirt that he
wore. Not nearly enough blood as there should have been. He began to grin. "You
stupid cow," Flagg said, "haven't you figured out by now-"
"Shut up," Cordelia said, and fired again.
The second shot staggered Flagg back further, and the third threw him off his feet
entirely. Flagg fell backwards into the shelves of jade figurines, collapsing them. The
statuettes shot off the shelves like animals escaping from a zoo as an unseen wind
blew through the room, rocking the remains of the case back and forth. It teetered,
seemed to debate with itself for a long moment, and then fell forward onto Flagg's
body. Shards of jade flew like knives.
Cordelia flinched backwards both to protect her face and to put herself further away
from the source of the dangerous anger that was filling up the room like a burgeoning
storm. `I'm not supposed to be able to hurt him like that,' Cordelia thought.
Satisfaction rolled into her fingers and urged her to pull the trigger again. `I'll bet he
didn't even know it was possible.' As far as miracles went, Mother Abigail didn't do
half bad.
Cordelia tucked the gun, warm enough to be mistaken for a live thing, back into the
pocket of Lindsey's jacket. She had no illusions that she had killed Flagg, not with her
head throbbing like a sore tooth and the vision echoing in glorious Technicolor
through her brain. She had bought herself a few minutes of time; that would be good
enough. Someday soon, someone was going to take Flagg and his whole rotting city
back down into the mud they had come from. Cordelia wanted to have something to
look forward to.
Cordelia didn't bother with stealth as she blew out of Flagg's office and into the
elevator, breaking into a run and not caring who saw her. The angry, wounded god
that she had left behind wasn't going to be in the mood to be gentle when Mother
Abigail's mojo wore off. Cordelia was grateful enough for one miracle; she didn't
expect a second.
A man that Cordelia didn't recognize made to step into the elevator just as she was
stepping off. He had the look of security, though, and his hand was diving towards his
gun even as the look of startlement was still working across his face. By virtue of an
adrenaline rush that was making the entire world seem acidic and fast, Cordelia beat
him in the race. The shot echoed and reechoed as the mystery man did a slow slump
onto the floor. The hole that Cordelia had opened up in his chest smoked for a
second before blood extinguished it.
"Oh, God," Cordelia moaned, nearly dropping the gun. Her conscience gave a short,
strangled squawk before it decided that the entire situation was far too much to cope
with at once and retreated into a shocked silence to think things over.
He would have died in the nuclear explosion, anyway. Right. That made it so much
better.
Cordelia cringed and forced herself to reach beneath the man's jacket to retrieve the
weapon that he had been planning to use on her. Lindsey's revolver had only two
shots left. If Cordelia had had the luxury of introspection, she would have been
appalled by how quickly she was adopting the cold, efficient mechanics of survival.
As it was, she was only glad that her heart was still beating.
Cordelia tucked both guns out of sight and slid along the wall until she could blend
into the crowd being drawn towards the sound. The first waves of panic carried her
out the door.
***
Part Thirteen
"Come on, now, something's teasing.
Your conscience can't decide.
She kept your will from breaking,
But left you paranoid."
Our Lady Peace, "Potato Girl"
The curb was still warm from the sun as Lindsey sat on
it, an open bottle of whiskey taking up the space next
to him. Not that the patch of curb was being wildly
jostled for, anyway. The people that he had seen had
taken one look at the bottle and then turned their
eyes away, looks of mingled fear and embarrassment
wiggling across their faces like worms before Lindsey
became as invisible to them as a homeless person would
have been in the old order. Apparently, good old
Flagg frowned upon his people hitting the hard stuff.
The fact that they were frowning upon whiskey while
people dangled off fucking crosses above their heads
only served as proof to Lindsey that he was not nearly
drunk enough.
A crow lit atop the freshest one, surely dead no
longer than a few hours (God, the poor man had
probably still been alive when they had driven into
the city), helped itself to a nice filet of bicep.
The bird tilted its head back to swallow the morsel,
its strangely sentient eyes flickering to rest on
Lindsey as it bent its head for more. Well, they were
brothers of a sort, after all. Lindsey tilted the
whiskey bottle towards the bird in salute and took a
healthy swallow. The burn branded his esophagus all
the way down, contrasting nicely to Flagg's stone,
which was now too cold to be worn inside his shirt.
The hum the alcohol was creating in his head was
almost enough to make the situation comic rather than
macabre.
The crow gave a caw of what sounded like pleased
acknowledgment and dipped its beak back towards its
meal. Lindsey wanted to tell himself that he was
imagining things, but with bodies dangling from
crosstrees all around him his imagination was a bit
taxed. Small wonder that the Romans had been so
fascinated by orgies, Lindsey thought. You'd have to
return to something simple, something that boiled down
to sweat and lust and skin, in order to cope with this
on a daily basis.
And he had lined right up to sign his name on the
dotted line. The lower the amber line in the bottle
descended, the funnier the joke became.
Tiring of dark meat for the moment, the crow gave up
on the man's arm and hopped along the horizontal beam,
shiny button eyes fixed upon the victim's neck.
Lindsey's stomach twisted, but he didn't allow himself
to look away. After fighting so hard to make it to
the Walkin' Dude's city, he had no right to turn his
eyes to the side.
The crow made a sound that was nearly a coo as it dug
its beak into the dead man's jugular, pulling out a
long strip of the vein itself. The bird tossed it
back the way a man in a bar might a handful of
peanuts. Lindsey's stomach clenched again and he set
the whiskey bottle back down, lest he should lose what
he had already drank across it.
Blood poured from the wound that the crow had created,
not dark and sluggish the way a corpse's should flow
at all. "Oh, fuck." Lindsey lurched to his feet with
all of the speed and less than impressive grace that
he was capable of at that point. The blood was bright
red and still oxygenated, exiting the wound in thick,
ropy spurts. The man wasn't dead, and as soon as the
realization hit Lindsey was doubling over. The
whiskey felt like battery acid as it clawed its way
back up his throat. He knocked the bottle over with
his heel, sending its contents running away into the
gutter.
Other than the whisper-shush of cloth rubbing together
on bodies, the only sound on the street was that of
Lindsey retching, without even the patter of footsteps
to break it up. Corpses on crucifixes were difficult
enough to deal with in the daylight; the trauma
doubled at night. Lindsey heaved until his ribs ached
and his stomach threatened to turn inside out and come
sliding right up his throat after the booze. He
braced his hand against his knee when the worst seemed
to be over, dragging his hand across his mouth and
spitting out as much foulness as he could.
Self-disgust tried to cut a hole through the buzz that
he had been cultivating for himself, and Lindsey was
sorely tempted to let it. He had been sickened by a
contract since he was twenty-five, and even that had
been conquered by the next bank statement.
That sobered him more than any amount of purging.
The crow pulled out and swallowed another strip of
blood vessel, fluttering off a few feet when its
feathers were in danger of becoming sodden in the
spray. It returned when the blood had slowed to a
drip-drip-drip onto the pavement below. Lindsey had
never heard a sound that could induce madness so
quickly. The bird pulled out a final morsel of meat
before fixing Lindsey with a look of avian disapproval
and uttering a soft croak, as if it really had
expected better of him than this. It ruffled its
feathers for a moment, shaking off the droplets of
gore that it had been unable to avoid, and launched
itself from its perch with a final caw. Backlit
against the novelty of electric lights, it looked more
like a bat than a bird.
If that had been a test, then it was the first one in
his life that Lindsey could remember being glad to
fail.
Revelation, as it turned out, hurt a hell of a lot
more than the vomiting had. Lindsey turned away,
swearing, from the corpses of the other people who had
had the misfortune to arrive on Flagg's bad side. The
bodies, some of whom still had eyes left to stare, did
nothing to stop the shaky, epiphany-shaped thing
trying out its newborn legs in Lindsey's mind.
Lindsey's moment of getting metaphysically smacked
upside the head was interrupted by a low growl,
registered less than a second before a vise-worthy
grip came down on the back of his neck and nearly
jerked him off his feet. Lindsey stumbled, caught his
balance by the barest of margins, and felt his adrenal
glands begin making up for lost time as a stream of
cool air blew across his cheek. Vampire. Lindsey
almost laughed. They had to be feeling the loss in
population even more than the remaining humans. That
such an attack was happening to him now was proof
positive that the Powers That Be did in fact exist,
and they were constantly pissed off.
"Lindsey," the vampire's voice drawled into his ear,
"it's always nice to see you in good health."
Of course. Lindsey closed his eyes as the feeling of
being the center of a universe-wide practical joke
intensified. "I'm a survivor." The slur in his
voice, he was pleased to note, was only obvious to
those people who happened to have the remotest sense
of hearing at all.
Angel's thumb explored downward, into the delicate
curve where Lindsey's jaw met his neck. When he
pressed down, Lindsey's knees sagged. "I'll just
bet." Lindsey had never heard a voice that addressed
him with such a delicate malice before. "It's ironic,
really. There's so much death, and yet a waste like
you manages to walk out on the other side."
Lindsey wheezed out a sound that may have been a
laugh; the increasing pressure that Angel was putting
on his neck was creating a roaring sound in his ears.
"It must sting," he said. "'Waste like me'. But I'm
higher up on the cosmic food chain that you're
precious Slayer, aren't I?" Oh, he was begging for
Angel to hit him.
The beautiful thing about Angel and Lindsey's
relationship lay in the fact that they rarely
surprised each other. Lindsey saw the fist coming
with no time to duck, felt an impact that threatened
to torque his jaw into new and interesting shapes.
Lindsey staggered back, stumbling and catching his
head a healthy whack on the building behind them.
Swirls of yellow and purple invaded his vision. Angel
grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him close.
"Where is she?" Angel growled. Though his forehead
remained smooth, there was a glint of gold in his
eyes.
A trickle of blood ran into Lindsey's eyes. He shook
his head, trying to rearrange Angel's words into an
order in which they made sense. "The Slayer?" he
asked, trying to shove Angel away from him. He may as
well have been trying to push at a stone wall.
Oh, there were the forehead ridges. Lindsey felt the
ground grow more stable beneath his feet. "Not her,"
Angel said, enunciating carefully. Violence rode on
his words. "Cordelia. Where is Cordelia?"
"Wish I knew." Lindsey tried to probe at the cut on
his head, only to be shaken hard when his attention
wandered.
"You're lying." Angel's voice was slipping into the
low, controlled tone that he had used just before
cutting off Lindsey's hand. Lindsey experienced a
Pavlov's dog reaction of momentous proportions,
tension invading his entire body and jump-starting him
into a fight or flight response. Option one seemed
decidedly unwise, and all of the fountains in Flagg's
palatial hell would freeze over before Angel saw the
second. Phantom pain tingled beyond the end of
Lindsey's stump and he glanced down, nearly expecting
to see the regrowth of pink, gleaming flesh. A sneer
was twisting Angel's face when he looked back up. "I
can smell her on you."
Lindsey watched the crosstrees behind Angels'
shoulder, hearing the words exit his mouth before he
could pause to weigh how wise or foolish they were, or
even if Angel would know who he was talking about.
"Flagg has her, but I don't know where." One of the
people on the crosses was a woman with long dark hair,
dead for so long that Lindsey could only tell her sex
from the daisy-yellow dress that she wore. Her head
bobbed slowly on the breeze, making all that hair
sway.
If the widening of Angel's eyes was any indicator, no
explanations as to Flagg's identity were going to be
necessary. "She's with who?" His grip tightened to
the point of cutting off Lindsey's air supply. "Do
you have any idea what kind of monster he is?"
Lindsey managed a smile in spite of the tightness in
his chest. Blood trickled down to his lips, flooding
his mouth with copper. "Of course I do."
Angel sucked in a gasp of air that he didn't need as
Lindsey watched suspicion turn to certainty before his
very eyes. Beyond that, he could have been a ghost
for all the noise that he made as he drew his fist
back. The punch was a hell of a lot more solid than
anything that a ghost could have delivered, though,
whipping Lindsey's head around and filling his head
with a grating noise that he thought might actually be
the sound of his jaw cracking. He stumbled back
against the wall, dazed and clutching at his mouth.
Blood slicked his teeth orange-pink when he spread his
lips into a grin. "He's after her visions," Lindsey
said. Dj vu rolled over him, and yet he still
couldn't stop himself. "Wonder if he'll crack her
head open like an egg to get them?"
"Son of a bitch-" Angel drove his boot like a piston
into Lindsey's gut, hurling him to the ground, and
this time Lindsey knew that the sound filling his head
was that of breaking bone. He gagged, managing to
avoid vomiting again only by the fact that he had
nothing left to lose. `Come on, you bastard,' he
thought as his vision alternately doubled and tripled,
`get going if you're going to finish it.' When no
third blow came, Lindsey looked up.
Angel had backed up a few paces, his face tense, his
fists clenching and unclenching themselves as if he
were imagining Lindsey's neck trapped between them.
His expression was that of a man who had just been
whispered a secret and, far from knowing how to handle
it, wished that he hadn't bent his head to listen in
the first place.
"Great," Angel said, staring skyward. "That's fucking
lovely." He snorted, returning his gaze to Lindsey.
"Lovely. Get up," Angel said, grabbing Lindsey by his
bad arm and hauling him to his feet. Pain lit up
Lindsey's sides like a carnival ride and he swallowed
his gasp behind a slew of obscenity, all of which
Angel ignored. Lindsey's kneecaps seemed to have
taken themselves elsewhere and his stomach couldn't
decide if it wanted to descend to take their place or
rise up into his throat and choke him. It was sincere
but wounded resistance that Lindsey was able to offer
as Angel propelled them both back into their natural
element, the thick black shadows.
Lindsey's back impacted brick and he couldn't control
his wince as those oh-so-recently broken ribs
ratcheted up their performance from a dull roar into a
screaming cacophony. Angel's grip softened, sliding
down Lindsey's arm until he was holding the remains of
Lindsey's right wrist between his fingers, his touch
light and gentle enough to make the hair on the back
of Lindsey's neck rise. If Angel had wanted his
undivided attention, all he had to do was ask. The
look of reluctant revelation was gone from Angel's
face as if it had never been, and Lindsey was
convinced that he had been imagining things as he
yanked his arm away. Surprisingly, Angel let him.
"So how did it work, Lindsey?" Angel asked, his eyes
coffee-dark and way too close. "How long did it take
Cordelia to trust you? Or does she even know?"
Releasing his arm had been the only concession towards
Lindsey's comfort that Angel was willing to make; they
were standing so close to one another that if Angel
had breathed, Lindsey would be drawing the same air
into his lungs. It was always better when they stayed
close enough to see the mirror images of each other,
Lindsey thought, loathe as he was to admit it. It was
when they shouted at each other from across crypts,
when distance allowed them to view each other as
impersonal abstractions, that things went pear-shaped.
"She was abandoned," Lindsey spit. "All I had to do
was step into the void." A muscle in Angel's jaw
ticked, but Lindsey wasn't in the mood to heed
warnings. "Cordelia waited for you until the city was
rotting. Even then, she nearly had to be killed
before she would leave." His smile was tight,
glittering; he unleashed more poison through the
gleaming of his teeth than he did through his words.
"She has you to thank every bit as much as she does
me."
Angel's hand flexed and Lindsey was reevaluating his
theory of closeness equaling relative safety when that
look passed over Angel's face again. He snorted,
visibly shaking it off, and replaced it with the glare
that put them back onto familiar ground. "C'mon."
His hand returning to the back of Lindsey's neck
didn't leave him with a tremendous amount of choice in
the matter. Lindsey stumbled and Angel threw him a
disgusted look even as he moved to support him. "The
first fountain we see, I'm throwing you in it," Angel
muttered. "See if that sobers you up."
"This is more the head trauma," Lindsey replied,
trying out his knees. They agreed to take him back on
a trial basis, with no guarantees made for the future.
Angel's eyes and his smile jangled discordantly
against one another. "Then I guess it'll just be
fun." He dragged/led Lindsey deeper into the shadows,
where a Nova sat blanketed in the darkness with its
engine turned off. Angel and old cars. Of course.
"Get in."
Lindsey braced his hand against the passenger door but
remained standing, looking at Angel over the hood. "I
already told you that I don't know where Flagg is."
"I do," Angel said. His expression had grown blacker
than Lindsey could ever remember seeing it. "You got
Cordelia into this, you're going to help me get her
back out."
"Like hell." Lindsey started to back away from the
car.
"One more step and I'm going to break your other arm."
Angel's voice was calm and devoid of any theatrics,
coated with a sincerity that made Lindsey still almost
immediately.
"I don't know if you happened to notice out there on
the street," Lindsey hissed over the top of the car,
"but the people who piss Flagg off have a tendency to
wind up hanging off crucifixes."
"Then the goodness of your heart will want to keep
that from happening to someone else, won't it?" The
stare that Angel directed towards him was enough to
make Lindsey wish for the days when Angel told him
with a look that he was nothing at all. This one was
jagged, complex, full of too many possible meanings
for Lindsey to possibly dissect them all. "You ever
want to start proving me wrong," Angel said, "now's a
good place to start."
Lindsey swore and stared off in the direction of the
street. Nearly a minute passed before he made a fist
of his hand, brought it down on the roof of the car
hard enough to send pain all the way into his elbow,
and slid into the car. He told himself that it was
for no other reason than the look on Angel's face,
which Lindsey planned to play on endless mental loop
for the rest of his days, and never mind the chunk of
lead that had dissolved from his gut the moment his
body touched the seat.
Unnoticed against his chest and gone before Angel
could glance over, Flagg's stone began to glow.
***
Part Fourteen
"You thought I was a little girl.
You thought I was a little mouse.
You thought you'd take me by surprise.
Now I'm here burning down your house."
-Garbage, "Not My Idea"
The desert surrendered its blistering heat as soon as the sun went down, dropping at
least fifteen degrees in a matter of only a few hours. Lindsey's jacket was
transformed from sweltering but necessary hindrance into a valuable barrier against
the chill, and Cordelia shivered faintly as she pulled it closer around her. Her hand
hovered continually over the pocket where she was keeping the weapons, trying to
return to her talismans against the Dark Man's eyes. It was a superstitious, automatic
response that Cordelia laughed at even as she couldn't stop herself from doing it, like
the caveman clinging continually to his flint as he peered into the shadows. Nine
hours and counting since she had escaped from Flagg, and Cordelia was under no
illusion that she was avoiding his third eye on luck alone. Seemed that the Powers
That Be, Mother Abigail, or some combination of the two were taking a renewed
interest in their Gal Friday turned star of the show. Cordelia pulled the jacket a little
closer around her, not from cold, and felt her lips pressing into a line. So kind of them
to realize that she was still there. Not to mention that the people that the Powers That
Be took an extra special interest in tended not to fare so well in the long run.
Cordelia could almost hear Mother Abigail clucking her tongue in disapproval. "Not
the thing that you got to be worried about right now, child. You just get on with what
you need to do."
"Nope," Cordelia muttered. "It sure isn't." There would be time later, if she was
cunning and careful, for all of the metaphysical ponderings that she wanted. She
placed hand on the gun, coiling her fingers around it like an old pro, and stepped
forth from the shroud of shadows. Her shoes made faint crunching noises on the
pavement, but the blonde head didn't turn around until Cordelia cleared her throat.
Stephanie-Ann startled so badly that she nearly fell down, and Cordelia felt bad for
frightening her. That was, until she saw the gleaming black stone swinging from a
chain about Stephanie-Ann's neck. It had not been there that afternoon, and it killed
any embryonic reluctance that Cordelia might have felt.
"Well, hello there," she said in a faint voice that carried nonetheless. She gestured
towards the stone with the gun in her hand. Stephanie-Ann stiffened as if her spine
had been flash-frozen. "And here I thought you might be innocent. Whoops."
"Cordelia! How did you-" Stephanie-Ann's face had gone the color of whey. She
swallowed, making a visible effort to pull together the aura of scattered harmlessness
that had worked so well earlier. "Cordy, what are you doing? Don't you know that
people are worried about you?"
Cordelia's finger spasmed before she could stop herself. The bullet went wild by
several feet, tearing a gouge out of the sidewalk. Stephanie-Ann ducked and raised
her hands to protect her eyes from any shrapnel that came her way. Her squeal was
drowned out by the gun's report. Cordelia winced at how loud and attention-grabbing
the sound was in the otherwise hushed air. Working against the clock now. "Rather
you didn't call me that," Cordelia said in a voice that she scarcely recognized as her
own, low and cold and brittle. "So Flagg's put the word out, huh? I figured him to be
more the type to lick his wounds for a while. I guess I should be flattered." Confusion
bled through Stephanie-Ann's fear and Cordelia added, "Oh, he didn't tell you about
that? Figures. This all-powerful bad guy that you people are climbing all over each
other to kiss the ass of? Turns out he isn't nearly as god-like as he wants you to
believe. Couple of bullets put him down like a rabid dog."
For the briefest of moments, a deeper sort of uncertainty flickered through the animal
fear on Stephanie-Ann's face. Then she sneered, and it was like watching a theater
mask fall away. "But he didn't stay down, did he? Can the other one say the same?"
"Don't know," Cordelia said. "Haven't tried to shoot her yet." She held out her free
hand, palm up, and waggled her fingers. "The keys to the Hummer, please."
"You don't actually think that you're going to get out of the city," Stephanie-Ann
breathed, her jaw dropping.
"Maybe I will and maybe I won't," Cordelia replied, "but if the answer is `no', then I am
going to make sure that you bastards remember me for a long time." She gestured
with the gun. "Keys. Now, in case you were thinking that was a request."
"Whitney has them," Stephanie-Ann said, her voice low and sullen, like a child being
ordered to clean her room.
"So Whitney left you to watch the valuable vehicle all by your lonesome and didn't
even give you a means to move it if you had to? Even though it was your brother's in
the first place?" Cordelia cocked her head to the side. "Sweetie, `actress' is not
immediately synonymous with `stupid'. Try again."
Stephanie-Ann's eyes widened and the ice overtaking her spine spread throughout
her entire body. "I'm not lying, I swear! Whitney has the keys, you can track him down
and ask him-" She was still going when Cordelia lowered the gun and fired. A split-
second recalculation put the bullet into Stephanie-Ann's foot rather than her kneecap,
and Cordelia would think later that it was a pretty shitty world when that was
something that she could be proud of. After a shocked silence, Stephanie-Ann let out
a wail and dropped to the pavement.
"Shut up," Cordelia hissed, dropping to one knee. "I don't want to do it again, but so
help me, God, if you don't shut up right now I'll put the next one in your head and find
the keys myself."
Stephanie-Ann clicked her teeth together so hard that the sound echoed and nodded,
staring at Cordelia with a mixture of fear, anger, and smug respect. `Not so different
from us now, are you?' those eyes said. Cordelia fought back the urge to look away.
"I'll ask again," Cordelia said, her voice steady. She might vomit across the pavement
until her ribs broke the moment she was outside of Vegas, but for now Cordelia was
glad of that focus. "Where. Are. The keys?"
"Back jeans pocket," Stephanie-Ann wheezed. Apparently having one's life
threatened brought about a tendency to hyperventilate.
"Imagine that. Pull them out-slowly, or I'll end this now and learn to hotwire the
damned thing." Cordelia's hands were sweating so badly that she feared she would
slip and pull the trigger without intending to.
Stephanie-Ann did as she was told. Her fingers shook and she dropped the keys
almost immediately, making a faint noise of terror. The fact that no gunshot blast
followed seemed to offer her scant comfort. She glared at Cordelia as the other
woman scooped up the keys and stepped back, looking very small and childlike in
spite of the pool of blood that spreading beneath her foot and the ugly expression on
her face. Though her skin was the color of unbleached linen and her lips were
pressed into a line so thin that they appeared to have fallen off, not another sound
escaped her.
Cordelia looked off down the deserted street, mind ticking uncertainly. Flagg might
not have a lot of people in his hellish paradise (yet, Cordelia's mind whispered, and it
rang of sick truth), but there were still enough that the sound of a gunshot was going
to draw them. And did she really want to leave Stephanie-Ann sitting there, bloody
and madder than hell, to greet them? So she could say, "Sure, guys, she went
thataway. Hummer's the color of lemons, there's no way you can miss it. Put in a
good word for me with the Dark Man, will you?" No. Cordelia thought not. She tapped
the gun against the palm of her opposite hand for a moment, thinking, before she
turned it towards Stephanie-Ann's head.
The sullen look turned to terror as Stephanie-Ann came to realize that this time
wasn't merely a threat. "Hey!" she cried, starting to raise her voice towards a yell and
choking it back down when Cordelia's finger made a short movement towards the
trigger, so the words became a squeal. "I gave you what you wanted! You can't kill
me!"
"Why?" Cordelia asked, her tone cool. The tremble in her voice was too faint for
Stephanie-Ann to hear. "Because I'm one of the good guys?" The trigger felt very
good against her finger.
Tears had begun to glisten in Stephanie-Ann's eyes. "Yes! Yes, goddamn you, yes!"
Cordelia paused, thinking of her earlier words to Lloyd. It was the pragmatic thing to
do, the smart, sane, ruthless thing to do. Lindsey would have pulled the trigger
without a second thought.
When you got right down to it, the exact opposite of anything that Lindsey would do
didn't seem like a terrible course to be taking at the moment.
Cordelia reversed the fun in her hands and brought the barrel down on Stephanie-
Ann's temple as hard as she could. Stephanie-Ann expelled her breath on a sigh and
toppled over without another sound. Cordelia nudged at her with her toe, thinking that
she might have killed her, anyway, until she saw the slow rise and fall of her chest.
She didn't analyze the emotions rising in her chest too closely, for fear of what she
might find. Cordelia had come down from the tower. Didn't mean that she had to
become one of them in the process.
Cordelia jingled the keys in her hand as she walked towards her new vehicle,
glancing back once at Stephanie-Ann's prone form. She would survive. Somehow,
people like her always did. And they showed up on your doorstep and earned your
trust for the sole purpose of screwing you over.
"Not that I'm bitter or anything," Cordelia muttered as she climbed into the front seat
and shoved the key into the ignition. Glancing into the rearview mirror, Cordelia was
pleased to note that Stephanie-Ann and Whitney had yet to unload most of their
supplies. "One man's laziness is another woman's treasure." Cordelia found it within
herself to smile a little as she pulled away from the curb. The sound of the engine
made her wince, but any heads that had gone diving for cover at the sound of the
gunshot didn't deem a car engine to be sufficiently novel to stick them back out
again. Flagg's return to normalcy might actually work in her favor.
"I can do this," Cordelia said, hardly recognizing the hope in her own voice as the
Hummer picked up speed. "I can really make it of here." Cordelia spared herself a
moment to wish that Lindsey wasn't Judas Iscariot in a pair of Levis and that the
smarmy bastard routine had actually been a faade for the good man underneath
rather than the other way around. She hoped, perversely enough, that he could at
least be happy in his native habitat and amongst his own kind, though the look in his
eyes as he had placed his jacket around her shoulders had not been that of a happy
man.
"He didn't have to do it," Cordelia said aloud, unsure of who she was arguing to. "Any
of it." And when you had a man who could do good or evil with equal ease and
seemingly take no pleasure from either, what did that mean?
Cordelia muttered an oath and forced her foot down on the accelerator. Not her job to
figure him out. Still, she hoped that he was happy.
The Hummer was nearly at fifty when the vision hit, and Cordelia had a precious few
seconds to think, `Damnit, not again,' and slam her foot down on the brake before
she was hurled back against the seat. Her head seemed to double, triple in size as it
struggled to hold all of the images pouring into her brain. Cordelia gasped and bit her
lip until she tasted blood, not noticing as the Hummer veered off the street and sliced
through a trash can, careening towards a dormant light pole.
*It's him, it's Flagg, oh jesus please don't look at me, oh I can't take it. He's angrier
than he was even when I shot him, almost as angry as he will be when his entire
house of cards comes falling down around his ears. Lindsey is with him, big shock
there, but there's someone else, who is it, and, and-
OH MY GOD.*
Hummer met light pole, making metal shriek and sending a shudder running down
the entire length of the vehicle. Cordelia's forehead struck the steering wheel with a
crack, chasing the vision away in favor of a pain less familiar but every bit as brilliant.
She groaned and slumped back into her seat, hanging onto consciousness through
will alone. How long she remained in a hazy half-state Cordelia could not tell, beyond
the fact that it was still dark when she came to and there were no pleasant-looking
men with soulless eyes knocking on her window to tell her that Mr. Flagg would like a
word with her.
Cordelia grunted, tried to straighten in her seat, and made it about halfway before her
stomach told her that the old position had been just fine, thanks so much. The grunt
became a groan as Cordelia raised her hand to probe at the wounded spot on her
forehead. A knot the size of her thumb sent out sunbursts of pain whenever her
fingers brushed against it, and she could only imagine the colors that she was going
to be in the morning. Still, she could remember that two plus two equaled four and
who the president was-had been. The Powers might actually have been looking out
for her this time.
Cordelia exited the vehicle on shaky legs, leaned against the side to steady herself,
and held her head between her legs until the urge to be sick had passed. Feeling
much better, she wiped her hand across her mouth and climbed back into the cab,
where she pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes until she saw stars. The
vision was a misfire. Had to be. Otherwise, things were even more rotten in the state
of the entire world than Cordelia had previously thought.
Lindsey had been standing next to Flagg, nothing terribly surprising there. But Angel
had been with him, and neither one of them had looked unhappy about the
arrangement.
So the vision was wrong. Angel wouldn't do something like that. A voice of doubt
whispered that a month previously, when her world had still made some kind of
sense, there were a lot of things that Cordelia would have said that Angel would not
do.
Cordelia swore again, putting all of her frustration, confusion, and terrible hope into a
stream of profanity that lasted for nearly a full minute before it abated. She put the
Hummer into reverse, back it slowly off the sidewalk and wincing as the full extent of
the damage was revealed. The engine made a squalling noise, but nothing caught on
fire as Cordelia nursed the vehicle into a parking lot behind a liquor store that had
long since been broken into and picked clean. Out of sight, not necessarily out of
mind. Off the street, at least, the bright yellow paint would be hidden from casual
passers-by. Cordelia was loathe to give up on those supplies just yet.
Though it made her skin crawl to touch them, Cordelia made sure that she had both
guns before she exited the cab. If she was, like an idiot, going to march right back
into the belly of the beast, she was at least going to do so fully armed and with eyes
wide open.
***
Part Fifteen
"Hope dangles on a string
Like slow-spinning redemption.
Winding in and winding out,
The shine of it has caught my eye."
-Dashboard Confessional, "Vindicated"
Angel didn't like silent opponents. Silent meant plotting, meant attempts at blindsiding
him later on, meant Angel breaking bones, both his and theirs. It was better when
they ran their mouths. That was something that Angel could at least get a fix on,
swords and battlefields and invective spit out from between clenched teeth. It was
better when they were smart-asses; it was better when their long-standing patterns of
behavior didn't all but beg Angel to seize their necks and give that fast, satisfying
(even now, God help him) twist.
Angel glanced over at Lindsey, hunched into the passenger seat and white-faced
with pain and something else. He had not spoken a word since the car had started
moving. Forget opponents in general who did not run their mouths, Angel was not
used to Lindseys that did not run their mouths. It did little to dissuade the idea
solidifying into certainty in the back of Angel's mind, no matter how many times he
tried to push it away.
"Does it hurt?"
Lindsey's eyes flicked towards him as the question was asked, but the other man
didn't turn his head. "Unfortunate side effect of being kicked in the ribs, yeah."
"Not that." The seats creaked as Lindsey's spine stiffened. "Why do I get the feeling
that you're not as onboard with Flagg's little utopia as you would like him to believe?
Or me, for that matter?"
Lindsey issued a laugh that was more kin to a bark and, from the look on his face,
regretted it immediately. He turned his head to look Angel in the face at long last.
Even in the dim light reflected back from the road, his eyes gleamed blue enough to
stun. Lindsey smelled of alcohol and more than a touch of purely human fear, all
overlaid with a fine, sweet rage. Right at the moment, Angel was mostly picking up on
the rage. "Oh, now you care?" Lindsey snarled, and-there! The shake disappeared
before Angel could convince himself that he wasn't hearing things. "How very
convenient for you." He shifted, throwing light upon the angry wound that ended his
wrist. Even now, with the scar tissue slowly beginning to fade from red into pearly
pink, it was a difficult sight to look upon directly. Angel made sure to give it a long,
slow stare before he turned his eyes back to Lindsey's face.
"You might want to remember how you got that injury," Angel said, and it was anger
that put the quiver into his voice. "I'm just trying to decide if there's anything human
left in you at all, or if I should give up now and take you into Flagg's headquarters in
pieces. I gotta tell you, I'm in a good place with either option."
Lindsey drew his lips back from his teeth and Angel swore that he could still see a tint
of blood there. "Fuck you," he snarled.
Angel turned his lips up into a smile rather than throwing a punch. "Where's that razor
with of yours?" Lindsey turned away, sullen, and Angel let a few moments glide by
before he asked, "I'm guessing that you've been having the dreams?"
Ah, now there was a reaction worth watching. Lindsey went as rigid as if his veins
had been pumped full of steel, hissing and putting his hand to his side as he moved
too fast. He threw a black look Angel's way, and the vampire fully expected to get
another hearty fuck-you for his trouble. The tight, brittle "Yes," that Lindsey finally
replied with may as well have been dragged from his throat with fishhooks.
Another minute went by, and when Lindsey said nothing further Angel asked, "Which
one called to you the loudest?" He was watching the road and didn't see Lindsey
looking at him, his normally vibrant eyes clouded with doubt.
"Both." Lindsey fell silent for long enough to make Angel think that he had said all
that he intended to on the matter, before he added in a whisper so low as to be
inaudible to human ears, "Equally loudly." Lindsey made a face suggesting that he
was regretting saying so much.
Angel was amazed that he had even gone that far. He waited a beat, then, deciding
that one confidence deserved another, added, "Same here."
The shocked glance that Lindsey threw Angel's way seemed sincere. His voice,
however, was as caustic as ever. "And yet, here you are. I love the smell of hypocrisy
in the morning, don't you?"
"I'm here to do whatever I can to stop him," Angel snapped. "In case you hadn't
noticed, Lindsey, the world has undergone some significant changes lately, few of
which are for the better and none of which leave a lot of room for standing on the
fence. Do us all a favor, knock off the self-pitying crap, and chose a side already. You
might want to do it quickly."
Lindsey gave him a slit-eyed, measuring look and turned back towards the window,
saying nothing. Angel sighed and put his eyes back on the road. When Lindsey
finally replied, it was in a voice so low that even Angel had to strain to hear it.
"I'll help you to save Cordelia," he said, "because she deserves better than what I
gave her. But that's it, that's all. As far as I'm concerned, redemption is nothing more
than a word."
It could very well be that Angel was mistaken in what he thought he had seen. He
had been wrong on larger levels before. "What are you planning on doing about
Flagg when he finds out that you're betraying him?" Angel asked. "I don't really see
him as the forgive and forget type of boss, do you?"
For that, Lindsey had no answer.
*
The distance was eaten up beneath the car's wheels faster than Lindsey could hope
to prepare himself for, as Lindsey had known it would be. He rode in silence for as
long as he was able, swatting away Angel's few annoying attempts at...what? At
saving him? Right when he needed him, too. How very convenient. Lindsey snorted,
ignoring the stare that he could feel lying heavy and warm against the back of his
neck.
The Nova glided to a stop, the purr of its engine the only sound breaking up the
night's stillness. Lindsey wished for at least a radio station's chatter to disturb the
morbid train of his thoughts, and he realized with a jolt that even if by some miracle
he did make it out of Las Vegas, it was going to be beyond his lifetime before there
was another radio station. On the plus side, at least-
"No Howard Stern," Lindsey murmured. Angel stared at him, and Lindsey shook his
head. "Nothing. Let's just do this." He got out of the car, wincing. If he wasn't a lot of
good in a fight before, he certainly wasn't going to be now. Angel could always make
a human shield out of him, Lindsey supposed, and had the disturbing feeling that
Angel's thoughts were traveling along the same path.
"For what it's worth," Angel said as he exited the vehicle, moving with the ease of
someone who had not been kicked in the side over the past hour, "I'm impressed that
you're doing this."
Lindsey shot him a black look. "For what it's worth, I really don't give a damn. Do you
even have a plan?"
"Something like that." Angel's smile was tight and glittering in the moonlight.
"So you don't have a clue." What was it about this particular vampire that always
disengaged his sense of self-preservation, Lindsey wondered.
If anything, Angel's smile became even more razor-sharp. He stepped close, making
sure that there wasn't an inch of Lindsey's personal space that he wasn't filling up.
Without body heat, it was like standing in front of a hologram rather than a man.
Lindsey watched with slitted eyes, refusing to pull away, as Angel said, "Losing your
sense of adventure?"
"Consider it my lack of a death wish talking." Lindsey touched at the cut on his head
and came away with dried blood on his fingertips. He rubbed them together, feeling
the grit. Could be a lot more where that came from before the night was over.
Angel flicked that probing, speculative look over him again. Whatever he was thinking
of saying, he swallowed it, ticking his head to indicate that Angel should follow him.
The whole fearless leader gig. "Right," Lindsey muttered, willing himself to sound
convinced. A full decade of fighting, spitting, clawing his way up from nothing, and
here he was ready to go straight back to it. If he hadn't believed that fate was a wheel
before, he did now.
But that could wait. At the moment, he had a damsel in distress complex to indulge.
*
The first time that Lindsey had come to Angel's office, he had worn every thought
flickering through his mind on his face. Baiting him had been so easy that it was
painful and Angel, still reeling from Lindsey's earlier courtroom victory, had not been
able to stop himself from throwing out the hook. That man had been smug, arrogant,
confident that there wasn't a person in the world that he couldn't either threaten or
charm over to his way of thinking. He had deserved everything that he had gotten,
and so much more besides.
Now that Angel actually wanted to see what Lindsey was thinking he found it
impossible. In the months since he had stood in Angel's office, Lindsey had perfected
the mask of professional boredom to the point of resembling a mannequin more than
he did a living man. He walked by Angel's side without glancing either right or left,
with only the stiffness in his movements betraying that he was in any kind of pain.
The smell of the corpses still waiting like dark Christmas gifts to be found in many of
the buildings overwhelmed any scent of fear that Angel might otherwise have picked
up. The impassiveness was an annoyance, as there were many questions that Angel
would have liked to ask Lindsey, chief among them being, "What do you hope to gain
from this?"
The inner lobby of the grand building itself blazed with light-a generator, Angel was
willing to bet. Silhouettes of people moved to and from in front of the doors, too many
for Angel to get a definite number. Enough for him to cut through without much
trouble, but, injured as he was, Lindsey was going to be worse than useless if
something ugly did break out. Angel would still far rather have Lindsey where he
could see him than have to divide his attention between his surroundings and
wondering what kind of chaos Lindsey was causing behind the scenes. A soft, nearly
triumphant smile moved over Lindsey's face as he looked over the same scene, and
Angel felt the urge to hit the lawyer come back to life after having lain dormant for a
record amount of time, shocking in its intensity. Other things to deal with for now.
A guard stood by the front entrance, looking particularly rattled for someone standing
at the home of a near god. Angel whistled softly to get his attention and then, when
the man's head turned towards him, punched him hard enough to put him
unconscious for several hours. Lindsey watched with an expression caught
somewhere between reluctant amusement and resignation as Angel caught the
body. "We might have gotten in, anyway," he pointed out.
Angel moved the man into the shadows, where he would neither be a source of
danger nor a victim of it. "And now we definitely will."
"Hell of a plan."
"It's a classic for a reason, all right? Come on." Angel straightened and moved
towards the door, indicating that Lindsey should follow.
"It doesn't' bother you that Flagg's feeling confident enough to use only one guard?"
Lindsey asked in a voice pitched low enough for only Angel to hear. Beneath the
lights his injuries were even more obvious. Angel only hoped that he would be able to
come up with an excuse convincing enough to deflect the inevitable stares and
questions.
"I'm more concerned by the fact that he posted one at all." Angel raised his voice
above a murmur only for a moment. "Generally speaking, invincible leaders don't
need guards. Something's happened." He would have known it even if a wave of fear
so strong that it was nearly a physical mass hadn't crashed into him from the moment
he walked through the doors. Angel took a small, involuntary step back, and Lindsey
looked at him with his eyebrows lifted. Angel shook his head. "Keep going."
Lindsey shrugged and didn't answer, moving through the sparse crowd as though he
had found his natural element. The cut above his eye drew the curious, semi-alarmed
looks that Angel had known it would, but one glance at the stone around his neck
quickly turned the stares into expressions of mingled awe and envy. If Lindsey
noticed the looks, he gave no sign. Angel, though, could not help but make note of
the fact that few of the people in the crowd seemed to be wearing similar talismans.
He wondered if Flagg was going to release the hooks that he had placed in Lindsey
as easily as the other man seemed to think.
Lindsey paused and touched a woman as she passed. His entire face changed when
she turned to face him, going from impassivity to an expression of charm that would
have made a movie star proud. "I'm sorry," Lindsey said, showing all of his teeth, "but
I've only arrived today and I have no idea what's going on. Would you mind helping
me out?"
"Oh." The woman's gaze moved from the cut on Lindsey's head to the stone around
his neck, her expression growing doubtful.
"Had to deal with a belligerent animal." Lindsey only glanced towards Angel for a
second. "I'm afraid that it delayed me more than I would have liked." The gritty twang
was bleeding back into his voice, turning him into the consummate good old boy.
At long last, the woman smiled back. "You picked a hell of a day for it," she said.
"There was this woman, really high up with the other one across the mountains, you
know? And she was crossing through Vegas to go to her, so Mr. Flagg figures he'll
clear the air with her, head off any ugliness before it gets too far off the ground. You
know?" she asked again, and Lindsey nodded as if he did. "But then she goes and
shoots him, right out of nowhere."
`She what?' Angel nearly blurted it aloud before he was able to stop himself. A
conspiratorial smile, he noticed, played with the edges of Lindsey's mouth whenever
the woman was not looking.
The woman wasn't yet finished. "Completely out of nowhere," she said, "and then she
took off. Shot and killed the one guy who tried to stop her, and she took his weapon,
too." She shook her head. "I guess we know what kind of form Abigail's hospitality
takes, don't we?"
Angel could have pointed out that the presence of a gun on the other man would
suggest that Flagg's hospitality as not radically different from Mother Abigail's, but his
mind was too busy trying to process the fact that Cordelia-his Cordelia-had shot
someone. Lindsey had a persistent smile playing around the edges of his mouth, one
that did not create a pleasant expression.
"You're kidding me," Lindsey said, sounding shocked and outraged in equal
measure. "What are they going to do to her when they catch her?"
The woman's eyes took on an avaricious glitter. "Have you been downtown yet?" she
asked. Lindsey nodded. "Then my guess is that she'll be riding a crosstree with the
rest of them before too much longer."
Some of the blood drained from Lindsey's face, but otherwise his expression
remained the same. Angel was perversely proud of him for that. "Does Flagg have
any idea where she is now?" Lindsey asked.
Doubt crawled across the woman's face for only a second. "Soon," she said. "How
long does she think she can hide in a city where everyone wants her head on a
platter?"
Angel was wondering the same thing. "So this mystery woman shot Flagg and took
off without a single person being able to stop her, huh?" he asked, letting out a mock
whistle. "And the word I've been hearing is that Flagg is nearly a god. Can't say that
that sounds very god-like to me."
The woman tilted her head up to look at him, exposing Angel, just for a moment, to
the person that lurked beneath the surface. "I said she shot him," she replied, tone
frigid. "I never said that she killed him." The woman gave Lindsey a pointed look.
"You might want to tell your friend to watch his mouth."
Lindsey glared at Angel as the woman walked away. "Yeah, I just might." Angel
stared back, his face impassive. "The entire point of subtlety flies right by you,
doesn't it?"
"You know what occurs to me, Lindsey?" Angel asked, lowering his voice to avoid
eavesdroppers. "You didn't seem all that shocked to discover that Cordelia had a
gun."
The violence-inducing smile was lighting up Lindsey's face again. "That would be
because I gave it to her." The edges fell off Lindsey's expression, turning it into
something soft and proud. "And she did what she had to. Atta girl."
The affectionate, nearly reverent tone in Lindsey's voice made the hair on the back of
Angel's neck stand on end. "I wouldn't call turning her into you any kind of
accomplishment. Though killing someone is just another day at the office to you,
right?"
The smile fell off Lindsey's face, leaving behind the icy sneer that Angel was far more
familiar with. "If it saved her life, yes," he answered. "Like it or not, Angel, this is one
instance where the ends justifies the means. Or do you hate me so much that you
can't even admit that much?"
"The martyr complex is really getting old, Lindsey." Angel didn't lower his voice
enough. A few quick, startled looks were thrown their way before people decided it
would be a good idea to take themselves elsewhere. "Don't go thinking that you're
the innocent victim here."
"Haven't forgotten. Really doubt that Cordelia has, either." Lindsey's expression
would have gotten him punched under less crowded circumstances. "But I doubt that
she would have been able to handle herself if she was still your girl."
`Your girl' made Angel curl his hand into a fist. "She's not here. Let's go," he said,
hoping that somehow all the previous patterns of the universe would find a way to
reverse themselves and Lindsey would choose to stay quiet until they were far, far
away.
Lindsey didn't appear to have heard him. He was staring past Angel's shoulder, his
face gone a dirty, ashen color that even the talk of crucifixion had not been able to
put there. "Oh, fuck." His voice barely rose over a hiss. Angel turned.
Randall Flagg strode across the lobby towards them, his grin stretched into a jovial
death's head rictus. Flagg's bright Everyman face shone with a mingled glee and fury
that made everyone in his path scatter. "Lindsey!" he boomed. "How good it is to see
you again! How very, very delightful." As he drew closer, Angel realized that Flagg
threw off heat like an open grill.
Flagg ticked his gaze over to Angel, and his grin broadened into something out of a
comic book. "And you brought a friend, how very nice of you." Flagg lowered his
voice. "We're going to have a nice long palaver, Lindsey, just the two of us. And, oh,
we're going to talk of many things, cabbages and kings...and what the fuck I do to
people who betray me." His teeth were sharp and very white. "A happy ending all
around, wouldn't you say?"
Angel risked a glance towards Lindsey and saw that the stone about the other man's
neck had begun to glow as Flagg spoke, twisting and gleaming beneath a light that
was nearly sentient. Lindsey's face had grown tight, and there were cords standing
out from his neck.
"And you!" Flagg turned his gaze back towards Angel. "I've heard so much about you.
The Powers' golden boy together with the person I thought to make one of my
lieutenants. How...enlightening." Flagg made a peculiar twisting motion with his hand
and the stone flared into even greater brilliance. Lindsey gasped and would have
fallen if Angel had not made a quick grab for him. Lindsey's skin felt as if it were
tingling with electricity. Angel winced, but did not let go.
Outside the lobby doors, someone shrieked.
***
Part Sixteen
"I'm going to buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for."
-Coldplay, "A Rush of Blood to the Head"
Unease made the crowd ripple as one being, snake-like, as all heads swiveled
towards the source of the sound. Flagg didn't so much as blink. His eyes remained
fixed on Angel's face as he made another twisting motion with his hand. Lindsey
caught the scream before it could make it more than halfway out of his throat, biting
down on his lower lip until a trail of crimson ran down his chin. His knees buckled and
Angel's hand became the only thing keeping him on his feet. Flagg's smile glowed,
magnetic in spite of the eyes above it.
Angel reached for the stone around Lindsey's neck with his free hand, intending to rip
it off himself if Lindsey couldn't or even now wouldn't. Flagg chortled, shaking his
head at Angel in a way that suggested he was more disappointed in him than
anything else. "You don't see me disciplining your people for you."
Angel's fingers had barely brushed against the Flagg's talisman before a terrible,
buzzing whiteness was entering his head, eating him away mind and body. Angel's
mouth opened and he thought the sound that emerged might have been a scream,
but the formless cloud filling up his senses made it too difficult to tell. It was the thick,
choking essence of rotting meat and decaying civilization, and Angel didn't get the
chance for another scream. The world tilted, vertigo ruled, and then his back was
striking something hard. The whiteness vanished and Angel opened his eyes,
stunned to find himself on the ground and several feet away. A persistent ringing
sound filled his ears.
Lindsey had fallen to his knees, his lips pressed together until they were nearly
invisible. The streaks of red along his chin and above his eye were the sole spots of
color on his face. He tilted his head up to speak to Flagg, and the clanging in Angel's
ears prevented him from hearing what was said. He got the gist of it, however, as
Flagg moved faster than any human being would have been capable of, backhanding
Lindsey across the face hard enough to lift him straight off the ground. Angel didn't'
see if he was conscious when he landed.
The commotion at the front of the lobby was growing rather than abating, and now
sounded as if it was working its way inward. More yells followed the first, men and
women alike, and there came the shushing, whispery noise of clothing as a large
group of people shoved against one another. The majority, though, did not move.
They thought that they were untouchable. It was this thought more than any other
that got Angel back to his feet. His knees wobbled for a few seconds before they
agreed to hold him.
The accumulation of screams distracted Flagg from Lindsey when everything else
failed to. He stared in the direction of their origin, a look of pure hatred changing his
face into something half-formed and unrecognizable. Angel was loath to take his
eyes off Flagg even for a second to bring into view the new player in their little game,
but when he did the result stunned him.
Cordelia was sweaty and pale beneath her tan, her hands shaking so badly that it
was a wonder the gun she held didn't go off. Her jeans were speckled with something
that angel didn't want to believe was blood, and she wore a jean jacket that as about
three sizes too large for her, so that the sleeves were slipping down over her hands.
While her hair had once been pulled back into a ponytail, most of it had long since
escaped into dark tendrils around her face. Angel thought she had never looked
lovelier.
"Hey, Angel," Cordelia said in a strained voice. A man approached on her left and
she jerked around, leveling her weapon at him. "Unless you really don't think that I've
shot enough people tonight, you'll stay right where you are." He froze, and Cordelia
shifted her eyes towards Flagg. There was an expression there that Angel thought he
would never see. "You, me, and a gun," Cordelia said. "Dj vu loves us."
"Doesn't it, though," Flagg said in a pleasant, musing voice. He stepped forward,
pulling open his shirt to reveal an unblemished, entirely hairless chest. "But do you
see how well your tricks worked? You should have run to ground while you had the
chance."
Cordelia jerked away from the man on her left so that she could cover Flagg instead.
He stopped walking forward, though the confident expression never faltered from his
face. "I was able to hurt you the last time," Cordelia said, "and that wasn't supposed
to happen, was it? Do you think that I could do it again?" The shaking in her hands
had dwindled down to more than a tremble. For the first time, a shadow of
uneasiness moved across Flagg's face.
If Cordelia had been the only person in the room who had a weapon, the entire
situation would have ended in a very different way. As it was, fortune did not favor
them nearly so highly. "Cordelia!" Angel roared, and she spun towards him. The
bullet intended for her head buzzed over her shoulder, passing close enough to
make her hair shift in the breeze, and struck a woman to Angel's side in the throat.
Blood struck the side of his face as the woman fell before she even had a chance to
scream. She writhed and clutched at her throat as blood spread in a pool around her
head, not going still until several seconds later.
Angel didn't wait to see it. The report had scarcely had a chance to echo before he
was moving, lunging across the short distance and putting his fist into the gunman's
face with a crack that echoed from one end of the lobby to the other. He didn't pause
to see if the man was going to be getting up again. Hands tore at him; Angel snapped
the arms that they belonged to without looking around. Flagg made no move to stop
either one of them, watching the scene instead with a self-satisfied look upon his
face. There was very little that Angel would not have done to tear that look from
Flagg's face, tear his face off entirely if that was what it took. While he could take
anything and everything that an angry mob threw at him, though, Cordelia could not.
There were no circumstances in the world in which that would be worth the sacrifice.
The same Cordelia whose life Angel was trying to figure out how to save had no
problems with putting it into further danger, twisting back around to bear on the next
person who would fire at her. `If this is what you've taught her, Lindsey,' Angel
thought as he jumped forward, `then I'm sure you're very proud of yourself.' He
caught Cordelia around her waist, jerking her out of harm's way as she issued a
startled squawk. The bullet struck the floor and ricocheted, throwing up flecks of
marble and making everyone duck. Angel felt blood begin to run down his calf as a
piece of shrapnel larger than his thumb embedded itself into the skin behind his
knee. Cordelia twisted like an eel in his arm, emitting noises caught somewhere
between grunts and obscenities and not seeming to recognize his touch.
A bullet whistled close enough to Angel's head to part his hair and another thunked
into the meaty part of his shoulder. "Cordelia, stop!" he shouted, and she froze with a
speed that was nearly comic. "I think it's time for us to leave."
"Lindsey," Cordelia panted. "I saw the both of you-"
Angel twisted in the direction that he had seen Lindsey fall and saw nothing more
than a tangled knot of people, none of which looked wildly on the side of pleased.
Humans, but too many for him to cope with and also protect Cordelia. "No time," he
said, taking her hand and tugging her along with him. There would be later chances
at Flagg.
A second bullet struck Angel's back, near his spine, and staggered him. He released
Cordelia long enough to ensure that there were several humans in the room who
wouldn't be getting up again for hours. Angel considered them lucky that he was
allowing them to get up at all. Bullets struck the walls as they passed, throwing up
puffs of plaster. None found flesh.
"Do you have a car?" Cordelia gasped as they hit cool night air paces ahead of the
crowd.
"This way." Angel pulled the keys from his pocket with one hand, keeping Cordelia's
hand in the other. She pulled away after only a few feet, shaking her head.
"I'm fine." Angel cast her a look and she added, "Not the time, okay?"
"Right." Angel opened the Nova's door, slid into the driver's seat, and inserted the
key into the ignition as one movement. Cordelia winced as she hopped into the
passenger seat, but said nothing. She flicked the safety on the gun and dropped it
between her feet, rubbing her hands against her thighs.
The tires screeched and left long streaks of rubber behind as Angel slammed his foot
down on the gas pedal, leaving the hotel behind faster than anyone could hope to
jump in a vehicle and follow. Cordelia stared out the windows rather than looking at
him, leaving Angel to guess her mood based upon what little he could see of her
reflection. The set of her shoulders was not friendly, and Angel could not say that he
was surprised. Or particularly undeserving, for that matter.
"Do you have a destination in mind, or are we just going to drive in circles until you
run out of gas?" Cordelia didn't turn around, addressing the streetlamps instead.
"I've been crouching in a place for the last few days." A small apartment, tucked as
far as possible from Flagg's infant attempts at rebuilding the city. By sheer luck, it had
been without corpses.
Cordelia nodded. She craned her head back to look at him, her eyes blank of
emotion. "You're shot." When she turned back towards the window, Angel could see
a worry line between her eyes.
Angel shifted and felt the seat behind him squelch. "Not badly."
"I'll help you take them out, anyway."
The thought of this Cordelia armed with a blade was not the most comforting that
Angel had had that night. "Cordy, I'm-" he began. Cordelia hunched her shoulders
until they came close to touching her ears. She shook her head, once, and Angel's
words dried up in his throat. The rest of the ride passed by in clinging, oppressive
silence.
*
"At least some things don't change," Cordelia said as she stepped inside what
currently served as Angel's humble abode. She arched an eyebrow at the black
furniture. "Even the end of the known world couldn't cure you of your color allergy."
The teasing note that would have been present in Cordelia's voice a month before
was marked in its absence now, turning her words jagged.
"I didn't pick it out." Angel shifted his shoulders and winced. His flesh was already
knitting itself back together around the wounds, and the bullets burned.
Cordelia set her guns down on the kitchen table and rubbed at the back of her neck,
flinching as she touched bruises in the shape of fingers. Angel could only imagine
how they had gotten there. "So, what brings you to Vegas? Can't be the gambling, it
looks like most of the casinos are going through a dry spell."
"I'm here because of Flagg," Angel said. Cordelia's eyes darted up to his face.
"Seeing if there's anything I can do to stop him before he grows too powerful." Angel
went through the kitchen drawers until he found a knife of suitable size, marveling at
the fact that forceps could now be considered a luxury.
Cordelia snorted, and a measure of the tension ran out of her body. Not as much as
Angel would have liked. "Of course. I'm afraid that I can't say the same. I'm only
passing through on my way to meet this old lady that I've been carrying around in my
head for the past couple of weeks."
"Mother Abigail," Angel said as he stripped off his ruined shirt. "I knew she would be
the one who pulled you. But Lindsey?"
Cordelia stared down at her fingers as they gripped the edge of the table. "You left,"
she said in a low voice that was too even to sound natural. "And I didn't hear
anything from you again, even though you promised me that you would come back.
Lindsey was there, at least, and he understood. Little rat bastard that he turned out to
be, he helped me get this far."
"Exactly," Angel snapped, forgetting for the moment the canyon that stood between
them. "Take a look at just how far he's gotten you."
Cordelia yelped softly as her fingers tightened against the table and one of her nails
broke, sending a rivulet of blood running from the cuticle. She stuck it into her mouth.
"My vision was of both of you," she said at long last, pulling her finger back out and
examining it. "Package deal. And...he helped me to get back out again. That's got to
count for something, doesn't it?" The anxiety in Cordelia's voice was the closest thing
to real emotion that she had shown for the past hour.
`Not if a carbon copy of him is the result.' "I don't know," Angel said.
"And I left him, just like you left me." Cordelia's mouth twisted and she rubbed at her
eyes. "That's great."
"Not the same," Angel said, waiting until Cordelia looked up at him. "You didn't
deserve to be left."
Cordelia exhaled noisily. "Not big with the making me feel better." She stared down at
the knife. "I just want to get it all over with." From the tone of her voice, it wasn't bullet
extraction that she was thinking of. The moonlight that spilled through the kitchen
windows made the waxen cast to her skin impossible to ignore.
***
Part Seventeen
"Everyone that I love goes away in the end."
-Johnny Cash, "Hurt"
A fresh trickle of blood ran down Angel's back, adding one more sticky-sweet tang to
the reek that already filled the room. Angel shivered, and Cordelia said sharply,
"Don't move." Her voice was muffled by the small flashlight that she was gripping
between her teeth.
"Trying not to," Angel gritted. It was by a measure of will that he avoided asking
Cordelia how she expected him to accomplish this with a couple of blades stuck into
his back. Cordelia's voice in the few times that she had spoken had been sharper
than a handful of rose stems, something less than inviting as far as conversation
went. The newly minted Cordelia 2.0 might as well have come from another planet.
Cordelia leaned forward to get a closer look at her work, causing her breath to fan out
across his back. Angel gripped the edges of his chair to control his shiver. The
escaped pieces of Cordelia's hair glided, silken, across the back of his neck. "I think I
see it," Cordelia said, her voice only a few inches away from Angel's ear. She twisted
one of the knives and pain flared out from Angel's shoulder. The chair creaked
beneath his fingers.
"Well, I feel it," he said, clenching his teeth. "Can you pull it out?"
"Hang on." Cordelia pulled one of the knives out and set it to the side. "Ewww." Angel
couldn't control his jump as Cordelia's fingers probed into the wound. He lowered his
head and ground his teeth together until the enamel was in danger of chipping away.
"I know, I know," Cordelia said. "I'm hurrying."
"I can tell." Angel gasped as Cordelia's fingers widened the wound even further and
abused nerves began to stridently lodge their complaints.
"Okay, I got it." There was a squelching noise, a sunburst of pain that had Angel
gripping the edges of the chair hard enough to finally make the wood splinter beneath
his fingers, and the pressure in his shoulder eased away. His skin itched, already
beginning to close around the wound. "Gag me with a spoon," Cordelia muttered,
setting the knife and bullet down next to the one from near Angel's spine and turning
towards the sink. Angel twisted in time to catch her expression, equal parts dismay
and pleasure, as actual water ran from the faucet.
"Will you look at that," Cordelia said. Her voice shook. "All you have to do to get the
world back on its feet is be the very definition of soul-sucking evil."
"Flagg's time will come to an end," Angel told her. `I promise,' lingered in his throat.
Their particular unhappy history with that phrase killed it in its infancy.
Cordelia finished washing off her hands, tugged the last of her hair out of its ponytail,
and splashed water across her face. She was redoing her hair when she turned to
look at Angel again. "You're right." Her voice had retreated into a maddening
politeness. Angel would have preferred that she begin yelling if it would at least mean
quantifiable emotion. "But it won't be by your hand." Cordelia flashed him a smile as
cold and sharp as a handful of diamonds. "Unless you happen to have an A-bomb.
Do you?"
"Cordelia," Angel began.
Cordelia shrugged, managing to make even that innocuous gesture seem like a
threat. "Didn't think so, but I figured I should ask, anyway. I don't know you quite as
well as I used to think."
"Cordelia, I'm sorry," Angel said, believing the words entirely and knowing just as
entirely that Cordelia would not believe them.
"You're sorry, Lindsey's sorry, the whole damned world is sorry," Cordelia muttered.
She uttered a shaky laugh that was more akin to a wheeze and rubbed her hand over
her eyes. Angel noticed that her fingers were trembling and the shadows beneath her
eyes were dark enough to be mistaken for bruises. "For all the good that it does any
of us. I just want to get out of town while the getting's good, okay?" There was a
shake to her voice as she said it, like a woman who was contemplating some great
and terrible idea for the first time and was still in awe of the fact that it was her
everyday, mundane brain that had given birth to it. Angel thought he had a good idea
of whose face flickered behind Cordelia's eyes, and it was not a palatable thought.
"No," Angel said. Cordelia flicked an acid look over him and opened her mouth as if
she meant to let more flow off her tongue. That was all right; Angel had seen the pot
of hurt simmering beneath her anger and fingered if he had one thing coming, it was
that. But first she had to listen. "Not until you understand why I didn't come back."
Angel expected Cordelia to lob a Queen C special right back at him. He was
surprised when she instead pressed her lips into a quick, firm line, eyes gleaming
with what might have been avarice or tears and was in all likelihood a combination of
both, and made a flicking gesture with her fingers. `Hurry up and spit it out if you're
ever going to.' She managed to seem even more imperious in silence than she could
in speech. The set of Cordelia's shoulders was as brittle as new-blown glass, letting
Angel know that any chance he had of not losing her forever lay rooted in the words
he was about to say.
"I was planning to come back," Angel said, letting the words stumble out and lay bare
for the weak, twitching things that they were. Cordelia's eyebrows rose, the only part
of her expression that changed. "I never, ever meant to abandon you. If I had known
what was going to happen..." `What if?' was a dark and winding road, difficult to turn
back from once started upon. Angel gave himself a brisk mental shake before he
continued. "Giles called me and said that Buffy was ill with Captain Trips. That much
you were there for." Cordelia nodded and made another hurry-up gesture with her
fingers.
Angel paused to gather the horror and chaos of Sunnydale into words before he
continued. "Giles was right," Angel said, barely aware that his voice had dropped and
that Cordelia was having to lean forward to hear him. "And wrong at the same time.
Giles told me that Buffy was sick. He didn't mention that the entire town was dying
right along with her. Willow died a few hours before I got there, and her girlfriend was
refusing to allow anyone near the body."
More than refusing, was outright hexing, huge magickal bursts that knocked
bystanders off their feet and sent blood rushing from her nose. It wasn't until much
later that Angel learned that her name had been Tara. Willow's body was stiff and
cold, her girl next door beauty shattered by the black swellings that had risen on her
neck. Her red hair was the only life-like thing left on her body, and it had been
rendered into an obscenity. Angel's nose could already pick up the rising smell of
decay.
Tara cradled Willow to her body the way that Drusilla cradled her dolls, and the look
in her eyes was not far removed from Drusilla's own. It was temporary for now, but
Angel had the feeling that it wouldn't take more than a nudge or two in the right
direction to make that expression sink its claws in a little deeper and decide that it
liked the view.
"Leave her alone," Xander said at last, his own breath rattling like a loose muffler in
his chest and bright spots of fever lighting up his cheeks. He swayed as he spoke,
and Angel had to put out a quick hand to keep him from falling. The boy that Xander
had been would have been quick to shake off any aid that Angel offered, however
well-intentioned, just as he would have fought to the death the reclaim Willow's body.
The man that Xander had become understood quite a bit more about the business of
death. They left Tara to her silent, bloody grief in the dorms of UC Sunnydale and
drove on to Giles's apartment instead, where Buffy had taken up residence when it
became clear that Captain Trips was not like the annual flu outbreak and the Slayer
was not immune.
Angel expected wisecracks or even bleak attempts at gallows humor from Xander.
The silent, blank-faced young man who had taken his place and stared at the
streetlights as they went by (perhaps wondering, as Angel did, how long they would
continue to shine without human beings sitting at their controls) was foreign enough
to make Angel wonder if the real Xander was not dumped in an alley somewhere.
"I guess the vampires will starve," Xander said in a musing, far-away tone. "That's
good, at least." He glanced back at Angel. "Present company excluded, of course."
He even sounded as if he meant it.
Angel focused on driving, eyes straight ahead and knuckles gleaming as his fingers
gripped the steering wheel. On occasion he would see an overturned garbage can or
a slumped form cast just far enough into the shadows for Angel to tell himself that it
was not a body and almost believe it. Beyond that, Sunnydale was almost eerie in its
normalcy, save for the fact that not a soul-or creature without-walked the streets.
"Like Mayberry," Angel muttered.
Xander snorted. "Crossed with a Wes Craven movie, maybe." He tilted his head back
against the seat, throat working, and Angel could see dark shadows rising beneath
his jaw. Xander closed his eyes and didn't open them again until the car was pulling
to a stop in front of Giles's complex.
Angel listened to the ticking of the engine and let the seconds pass by as he stared
up at the structure. A great many dramas had been played out over the last four
years within that courtyard, those stucco walls. Few of the ones that Angel had been
present for had been pleasant.
If Giles's phone call had been any indication, this would be the most unpleasant one
of all.
"She's waiting for you, man," Xander said. There was a quiet respect to his voice that
was definitely not a part of the boy that Angel had last seen.
Angel got out of the car, barely remembering to pull to pull the keys out of the ignition
and shut the door behind him. Years of accumulated ghosts pressed against him as
he strode up the walk, demanding his attention, and Angel ignored them all. They
weren't Buffy.
In the end, it was always going to come down to Buffy.
Giles opened the front door before Angel had time to lift his knuckles away from the
wood, as if he had been waiting on the other side for the sound of Angel's knock. His
eyes roved over Angel from his boots upwards, and the memories pressed together
like sharks after the scent of blood. "She's upstairs," Giles said, dispensing with the
pleasantries and stepping aside so that Angel could enter.
Angel's "Thank you" was scarcely more than a puff of air as he darted inside, up the
stairs, and into the loft. From the corner of his eye he saw Xander collapse heavily
into the nearest chair as Giles handed him a glass of water.
Angel froze as he reached the top step, staring at the slight, ravaged figure being
dwarfed by Giles's bed. Buffy was lying so very still, and it took Angel several
seconds to pick up the sound of her heartbeat. Were it not for Buffy's pained,
whistling breath filling up the room, Angel would have thought he had arrived too late.
Buffy heard Angel's footsteps across the floor and shifted, turning her head towards
him. She winced as the movement contorted the swellings on her neck. The fever
that Angel could feel from the doorway was making her eyes gleam.
"Hey, beautiful," Angel said softly. Speaking too loudly might break the spell that
hung over the room and kept his girl breathing. Angel settled onto the edge of the
bed, taking Buffy's hand in his own. Her skin was thin and dry, so hot that it felt as if a
steak could be fried in the palm of her hand.
Buffy's lips twisted into what might have been a dehydrated approximation of a smile
and opened her mouth, but no sound emerged. There was a pitcher of water and an
empty glass sitting on the bedside table. Angel filled the glass and held it up to
Buffy's lips, supporting her head with his free hand as she tried to drink. Her throat
spasmed, rejecting the liquid, and water ran out both sides of her mouth. She spit out
the remainder and shook her head, emitting a low, frustrated cry of pain. Weeks later,
that would be the hardest part of the story to recount. The way that Buffy had cried.
Angel began to pull the glass away, but Buffy shook her head again, placing a
suddenly tremor free hand upon his arm. Superflu or not, there were still remnants of
a Slayer's strength surging beneath her skin. They went in sips, one at a time with
long pauses in between. Buffy managed a quarter of a glass before she had to beg
off, at which point tears of pain had begun to run down her face.
"Giles didn't tell me that you were coming," Buffy said.
"I think he wanted you to have a pleasant surprise." Angel had smelled the scent that
rose off Buffy's skin in waves many times before. There were only a few surprises left
in her future, pleasant or otherwise. Angel's throat spasmed. "I came as soon as he
called me."
Buffy's chapped lips split as she tried to smile, bringing pinpricks of blood to the
surface. Angel tasted the copper on her mouth as he bent his head to kiss her, and
felt the sickness rising out of her throat and into his. Buffy's attempt at reciprocation
was clumsy, hampered by fever and dehydration, and still one of the sweetest kisses
that Angel had ever received.
"I should be letting you sleep," Angel said after they had pulled away from one
another.
Buffy shook her head as she tried to push herself up higher in the bed. Angel
watched her fail twice before he braved her look and wrapped his arm around her
shoulders to assist her. The amount of weight that Buffy had lost was shocking; to
Angel she felt no more substantial than a doll. `My God, there wasn't that much of her
to begin with,' he thought.
"Don't wanna," Buffy said when she was resettled against the pillows. The `I might not
wake up' hung unspoken and unacknowledged between them. Buffy cast him a shy
look from beneath her lashes, until Angel could almost see her fifteen year-old self
lying in the bed instead. "I'm glad you came," she whispered. Angel didn't know if she
was capable of speaking much louder. The swellings beneath her jaw looked like
brooding gargoyles in the room's half-light.
Angel's hand found its way back into Buffy's, and he squeezed as hard as he dared.
"You needed me."
Buffy dipped her head. Her hair, pulled away from her face into a scrunchie, caught
the light from Giles's bedside lamp and threw it back in motes of pure gold. She lifted
her free hand and used it to trace the planes of Angel's face, leaving scorching trails
behind in spite of the fact that her touch was so light that Angel could have been
imagining it. The gentleness had fled from her eyes by the time she had dropped her
hand, and when she spoke again it was as the Slayer, reminding Angel that there
were some places they could not go back to.
"How are things in LA?" Buffy asked. "Is Captain Trips there, too?"
"Not as bad as it is in Sunnydale." Angel ran his thumb across the back of Buffy's
hand as he spoke. "But, yeah, there's been an outbreak. I think it's gone global by
now."
A frown line appeared between Buffy's eyes. "I think I saw something like that on the
news, but..." She shrugged. "Giles won't say for sure, but I think I've been delirious."
A guilty look crossed over her face. "I know he didn't get that bruise on his cheek
from running into a door."
Angel had seen no such bruise. Either Buffy had been ill for longer than Giles had
mentioned, or she was delirious still. Angel kept his grip on Buffy's sweltering hand
and said nothing.
The pillowcases rustled as Buffy settled back against them, staring at the ceiling until
Angel thought she was drifting away from him. "We're not going to win this one, are
we?" Her voice was dreamy, so far from her usual conquer-the-world tone that
Angel's grip on her hand tightened beyond her control.
"Then we'll make damned sure that they're still talking about us when it's over," Angel
replied.
"Well, it's something, isn't it?" Buffy's eyelids fluttered downwards.
Angel waited until her breathing evened out before he laid his palm against her chest
to feel her pulse. He immediately wished that he hadn't. Buffy's breathing echoed
and reechoed throughout the room, proof that she was hanging onto life still, but her
pulse was erratic and faster than a bird's. Angel brushed a few loose strands of hair
away from her forehead before he pressed his lips against the skin, willing four years
of emotion into the gesture.
"I love you, Buffy," Angel said as he pulled away-
*
Cordelia twitched, the only sign of emotion that she had made yet.
*
-but Buffy was already too far under to hear him.
Xander was curled into his chair, eyes closed, when Angel descended the stairs. The
bruise-dark swellings beneath his jaw were twice as pronounced as they had been
an hour before, and Angel hated to look at them for more than a few seconds at a
time. The apartment reeked of impending death.
"In here." Angel turned and saw Giles standing in the kitchen, putting the finishing
touches on two enormous mugs of tea. `Finishing touches' meant generous helpings
of scotch rather than sugar or milk. Under the circumstances, Angel already
considered his blood alcohol level to be too low by half. He accepted the mug that
Giles offered with thanks.
"You can see why I called you," Giles said, taking a gulp of his tea without bothering
to let it cool. If the scalding liquid caused him any measure of pain, he didn't show it.
There were brilliant spots of color rising on Giles's cheeks, and Angel didn't' think that
they were a result of alcohol. Not with the heat that he could feel radiating off the
other man from feet away.
Angel took a drink from his own mug, savoring the burn that traveled down his
esophagus and set up ship in his stomach. "How long has she been sick?" he asked.
It was a bitter expression that tightened the lines around Giles's mouth. "She began
to show symptoms ten days ago," he said, "and has been forced to take to bed for
the past week. Xander, you see, began to appear ill only yesterday, and I fear that he
will be unable to keep to his feet past tomorrow. It's her Slayer power. Every time that
she verges on death, it rallies and brings her back. Not enough so that she can beat
it, mind you. Being a Slayer only gives her enough strength to...prolong her agony." If
Giles gripped his mug any harder, it was going to shatter and send shards of
porcelain flying into his fingers. Angel took it from him and set it down on the counter.
"Does the Council understand any of this?" Angel asked.
Mention of the Council rekindled the rage behind Giles's eyes rather than alleviating
it. "Oh, no. Rooting out the cause is not nearly so interesting to them as exploiting
those who happen to be immune."
Angel thought of Cordelia and the remarkable health that she continued to show, in
spite of being in close contact with Captain Trips from all sides. "There are definite
cases of immunity, then?"
Giles snorted and reclaimed his drink. Angel suspected that it was neither his first nor
his last. "Most likely less than one percent of the total population," he said. "As fast as
the disease is spreading, there is no time to create a cure based upon the immune
systems of those who do happen to be resistant, and the Council knows it. However,
they are taking the same attitude towards the immune that they take towards the
Slayers: if they cannot understand it, then they must either control it or destroy it."
Giles made a short, bitter sound and swirled the remains of his tea. Angel doubted
that such an admission would have come out of him if he had been sober. "They'll be
dead and buried soon enough, I suppose." Giles's throat worked as he tilted his head
back and drained the last of the tea. "Sad to think that the legacy of the human race
comes down to this."
The air in the apartment became amazingly thick from one moment to the next, rising
up and threatening to choke Angel even though he needn't inhale. "I need to go for a
walk," Angel said, setting his mug down on the counter and heading for the door. The
defeat that lined Giles's face did nothing to pull him back. If Angel was willing to be
perfectly honest with himself, it might even have spurred him on.
"Mind the dawn," Giles called to his back. Mild concern, but it was more than he
would have shown the year before.
The door snicked shut behind Angel just in time to muffle the sound a crash and
broken crockery from within the apartment. Unless Angel was mistaken, Giles had
hurled his mug against the kitchen wall. Had Angel's hands not been empty, he might
have gone back inside and joined him. He walked further into the courtyard, tilting his
head back to stare at the sterile sky. "You sons of bitches," Angel said, scarcely
aware that he was speaking aloud. "Is this what you had planned all along? Dangle
hope in front of me, tell me that someday I could-" Angel cut himself off. "That
someday I would make a difference, just to pull it away? Tell me that she was going
to die if I stayed human, so that you could kill her, anyway?" Angel stared up at the
stars for a long time. His voice was raw when he finally spoke again. "Any fight you
want to throw at me, I'm ready. I'll take it. But I can't stop what you won't give me
some way of understanding." The stars winked down with malicious cheer until Angel
swore and turned away.
Angel walked until the dawn whispered warnings along his skin, making it back to
Giles's with moments to spare. Xander had transferred himself from the chair to the
couch, his neck beginning to look puffy and unnatural and a steady stream of mucus
running from one nostril. Giles had foregone tea altogether and was halfway through
the bottle of scotch. And Buffy lay cold and stiffening in the bed upstairs.
The world was enveloped in a soft, dim grayness that lasted for a very long time.
***
Part Eighteen
"I remember falling.
I remember marching
Like a one man army
Through the blaze.
I remember coughing.
I believe in something.
I don't wanna remember falling
For their lies."
-Our Lady Peace, "One Man Army"
"My memories of anything that happened for about a week afterwards are hazy,"
Angel said. There had been a moonlit funeral in the cemetery where Buffy had spent
far too many of her living hours, with Angel digging the grave and Xander sitting on a
tombstone as his strength failed him. Giles had been thoroughly drunk and showed
every indication of staying that way. Then there was a break, and the next memory
was that of the maggots that crawled through Xander's eyes, turning steadfast brown
into a roiling mess of milky white. He had been dead for days. Giles had been gone
for only a few hours. "I buried the three of them as well as I was able, then went to
the college and buried Willow, too. Her girlfriend might have been immune and
wandered off, or she might have gone looking for a more private place to die. I didn't
see her, anyway." Angel's voice had descended into a flat, mechanical tone, as if it
were a computer relaying the tale rather than a man. "I began having the dreams the
next day."
"And here you are," Cordelia said. She was giving Angel a decent run for his money
in seeing which one of them could most resemble a machine.
"And here I am." Cordelia wasn't looking at him, instead focusing on her nails with an
intensity that suggested that the secrets to cold fusion could be found in her torn
cuticle. "I dreamed that you were dead, Cordelia, and it wasn't one of the dreams
from Flagg." Her head ratcheted up. "If I could do things over again I would come
back and make damned sure for my own eyes that it was true, but it felt so real, and-"
She wasn't ready to know the other part. Not if he wanted the slightest chance of
getting her out of Las Vegas in one piece. "They felt real."
Cordelia dipped her head but with her hair pulled back and unavailable to hide
behind, all of her emotions glittered at the surface like broken bits of glass. "I want to
hate you," Cordelia said in a low voice. "God, how I want to hate you. If I could hate
you I could be done, and I could leave. It wouldn't hurt like this." She lifted her head,
and Angel was unsurprised to see unshed tears gleaming in her eyes. Nor was he
surprised when she took several deep breaths and chased them back before a single
one could fall.
If it was worth saying once, it was worth saying again. "I'm so sorry, Cordelia." Angel
placed his hands on her shoulders, feeling her flinch but not pull away.
"I wish that both of you would quit saying that." Cordelia sighed and very deliberately
picked Angel's hands off of her shoulders, giving a squeeze so faint that he wasn't
sure if it was real before she released them. Her gaze turned distant. "Both of you."
Cordelia's expression cleared, becoming nearly disgusted, and she kicked the table
leg hard enough to make it rattle. "Ow!"
Angel's eyebrows went up. "Do you feel violent a lot now?" His tone was not joking.
"We help the helpless," Cordelia said. "That's the whole point of it, right? That's what
makes us different from Flagg's bootlickers. We help people even when they can't or
won't do anything for us in return. That's the deal...even when helping that person
might actually make the ultimate evil realize that you betrayed them and, oh, crap."
Cordelia looked as if she wanted to kick the chair again. "My vision was of both of
you," she said. "I can't leave Vegas. Not yet."
*
Lindsey wasn't going to ask for, or wish for, death. No matter what Flagg did to him,
and if the working over that his guards had given him was any kind of appetizer,
Flagg could do quite a lot. Death wishes were no more than Mother Nature's own
twisted form of population control, her way of weeding out the herd. Lindsey allowed
himself a snort of laughter, painful through his bruised face. Nature didn't need many
population control mechanisms now; she had taken the colossal cock-up of the
planet by her most destructive children into her own hands and administered a global
enema so powerful that it would be centuries before global warning was spoken of
again as anything more than a campfire tale.
So, no suicide games for him. He had fucked things up-only now was he beginning to
grasp how far back his string of mistakes went-and fucked up so powerfully that he
figured his chances of walking out of Las Vegas were on the same level as the
chance that Flagg would his hippie song and dance into actual practice. When he
exited the stage, though, he was going to do it kicking, screaming, and taking as
many of Flagg's people out with him as he could manage.
He had done a fair amount of kicking by now. There had been more than a few head
traumas in his recent past, so there were holes in his memory like a video camera
that people had repeatedly placed their hands in front of, but he suspected that there
had been more than a little of the second, too. That left only option number three
unexplored. Lindsey couldn't say that he minded the prospect all that much.
"Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey," Flagg said, settling on his haunches in front of the chair
where Lindsey had been dumped, in too much pain for much need of restraining. Or
maybe Flagg was just getting off on the power of it.
"It's such a shame that things had to end this way," Flagg continued, sounding like a
disappointed uncle even as he wore the face of the Big Bad Wolf. It was only a hop,
skip, and a jump away from the tone that Holland had used before ordering Lee
killed. Lindsey's balls shriveled towards his stomach as he realized the full scope to
which he had been played.
A faint smile passed over Flagg's face, as if he were reading Lindsey's thoughts and
agreeing that, yes, he truly had FUBARed himself something fierce. He very well
might have been; Lindsey had not forgotten how the two of them had come to know
each other in the first place and doubted that Flagg had gotten Las Vegas back on its
feet again through spit and willpower alone. But, unless he was mistaken on a level
comparable to the one he had spent the last month in, there was a twinge of
uneasiness on Flagg's face, as well. Flagg wasn't so omniscient as he would like to
be, as he felt he should be, and his eyes demanded to know why.
Lindsey didn't like that nervous look, wished that there was something that he could
to turn it away from himself. Men who wore that look shot their wives and neighbors
and then claimed no memory of the event in court. For some of them it was even
true.
Flagg rose into a standing position, placing his hand on Lindsey's shoulder. There
was a bruise larger than his fist spreading beneath Lindsey's shirt, souvenir of the
impromptu flying lesson that he had been given earlier. Flagg squeezed just so, and
the pain that had been hovering like a kind of elevator music in the back of Lindsey's
mind became a full on rock concert in less time than it took to breathe. Lindsey
hissed air in through his teeth and felt tears of pain springing into his eyes. It took
every ounce of will that he had to avoid crying out.
"I don't understand this change of heart," Flagg said, increasing the pressure by
increments until black spots were doing a ballet in front of Lindsey's eyes. "Was I in
any way unclear when we came to our little arrangement? If you give me what I want,
`if you worship me', and in return I could have given you back everything that had
been taken from you." For a moment, Lindsey thought he felt the sensation of fingers
returning to him, doubly bitter when his downward glance reflected only the garish
scar tissue. "Wasn't that the deal?" Another wave of pressure. Lindsey bit the inside
of his cheek and tasted blood bathing his tongue.
"Yes," he managed.
"I thought so." While Flagg's voice had not changed, the ruddy good humor had bled
out of his face, leaving a ghastly Dia de los Muertos mask behind. "Now, contrary to
what you're thinking right now, I am not the devil. I think, had you given me a chance,
you would not have found me to be all that different from the Big Guy himself, except
of course for the part where I keep my promises. Neither one of us minds a healthy
dollop of fear mixed into our reverence. Hell, if you'll excuse that one small pun, we
even welcome it. What makes us different, though, are those few things that we don't
tolerate." Flagg's voice dropped into a growl and his fingers spasmed. There was a
dry, cracking sound as Lindsey's collarbone snapped, like a wishbone being jerked in
half. The pain was immediate, glorious, and Lindsey's scream choked him as it
caught in his throat. "What I don't put up with is disobedience. No sirree, Bob. That's
where El Hombre and I go our separate ways. This raises an intriguing question,
y'see. Now that you've broken my cardinal rule, what am I going to do with you?"
"I figure you'll get around to killing me eventually," Lindsey wheezed. He had been
given a good working over before he ever saw the inside of Flagg's office, taking care
of whatever ribs Angel hadn't gotten to in the first go around. Full breaths were out of
the question; shallow pants were an agony.
Quicksilver flash of weasel's teeth. Lindsey expected Flagg to lean over and bite a
chunk out of his face at any moment. "No doubt, no doubt. I only wonder how late we
can make it."
`Make your stand, boy.'
Lindsey jerked, the resulting wave of pain bringing his teeth together so sharply that
he nearly took off the tip of his own tongue. Flagg, assuming that the movement was
made through pain alone, didn't change expression. It was not an unfair assumption,
as Lindsey's entire body stood out in sweat and it was only an empty stomach that
kept him from throwing up on the carpet. The old woman's voice came from
everywhere, nowhere. It echoed through Lindsey's head, simultaneously as loud as a
shout and as intimate as a whisper, and carried with it the smell of growing corn and
the faint twang of a guitar.
`You've been content to stand at the crossroads with your hat in your hand for too
damned long, waiting to see which side holds the most winning cards before you
throw your lot in with them. That might have gotten you by before, but the world's
stopped playing by those rules. Like it or not, it's time for you to go about picking a
side. How's this one working out for you?" Though no more than a twinge of
annoyance crossed the old woman's voice, Lindsey had never felt more dressed
down in his life.
`Get me out of here,' he dared to think back, unsure if she could hear him, or that
Flagg wasn't at that moment listening to them both.
`The Lord helps those that are willing to shuck their buns and help themselves first.'
Lindsey's heart sank to the level of his kneecaps. `But none of us are quite what we
used to be, either. Abby Freemantle, she's learned a trick or two. God willing, I'll see
what I can do.'
Flagg had realized that Lindsey's attention was divided and stared at him with
narrowed, suspicious eyes. The pig that adorned one of his jacket buttons appeared
to give Lindsey a conspirator's wink. `Better fucked together than alone,' the look
said. Lindsey turned his eyes away from it.
"So tell me, Lindsey," Flagg said. His voice had gone low and soothing, turning him
into the ultimate snake-oil salesman. His grip on Lindsey's shoulder didn't ease up by
so much as an inch. "What brought about his shift in loyalty? I know all about your
tendency to waver." The feeling that he was about to lose a large chunk of his face
came again, stronger than ever. "But you don't expect me to believe that you were
led astray by a nice piece of ass, do you?" `Tell me why,' Flagg's eyes ordered. `Tell
me why I can't read you.' Once the certainty had planted itself into Lindsey's mind, it
was inescapable. His lips split.
And he laughed.
It was a weak, pained sound that took as nearly as much from him as it gave, but it
echoed and reechoed through the room until it had grown to many times its previous
size. As it had with Cordelia before him, the very air seemed to curl around the sound
like indignation to an insult. Though he knew that he was going to pay dearly for the
outburst, while it lasted it was the purest, most wonderful sound that Lindsey could
remember making in years. "I did it for me, you moron," Lindsey said. "Isn't that why
you chose me? Because I always look out for Number One? I decided that I'd rather
be dead than shackled to one more master.
"I did it for me."
Lindsey's hand closed around the stone about his neck, the one that he had been
unable to take off even as he had betrayed Flagg in every way imaginable. It was
cool and clammy in the way that the hand of a corpse would have been, and it
hummed beneath Lindsey's touch. Lindsey swore that it writhed as he broke the
chain binding it to his neck, a death throe. He hurled it to the ground at Flagg's feet
before he could be bitten by it. When he died, he was going to do it as his own
person and hope that was enough.
The air in the room disappeared as the stone bounced to a halt against the toe of
Flagg's boot, sucked into the tornado created by Flagg's towering rage. A red flaw
appeared in the stone ever as Lindsey watched, twisting and blinking up at him like a
baleful eye. It was matched by the rising red gleam that had begun to swallow
Flagg's eyes. It was like watching a storm roll in from the coast and knowing that
there was nothing that he could do to stop it even as he was about to be engulfed.
"I see," Flagg said in a robotic voice entirely unlike his normal tone. His fist flicked
out, and Lindsey was on the move.
No open-handed slap this time, but a full punch that caught Lindsey square on a jaw
that already had a rainbow arcing across the skin. Lindsey's head snapped back and
he was lifted over the top of the chair, landing in an ungainly sprawl behind it.
Lindsey had no time to soften the landing and wound up taking most of the impact
upon his wounded shoulder. A mortar round went off beneath his skin and Lindsey
made no attempt to bury his yell as colors the likes of which he had never seen
before blossomed in front of his eyes. His face bounced against the floor and a
fragment of jade, a forgotten remnant of Cordelia's earlier assault on Flagg in this
very office, sliced a three inch long gash into Lindsey's cheek that ran nearly to the
bone. The pain from his face was one extra bucket of water poured into an ocean
when compared to his collarbone, but the sticky-hot feel of blood rushing across his
skin chased the sluggishness from Lindsey's mind. He closed his hand around the
tiny weapon as he rolled to his feet to meet Flagg's charge.
"Gonna make such an example out of you." Flagg lifted Lindsey off the ground by his
shirt. "You'll be the last one that betrays me, do ye ken? The very last-"
Lindsey swung the jade in a wide arc and plunged it into Flagg's right eye, cutting
him off mid-tirade. Flagg made a high-pitched squealing noise, like his customary
giggle gone awry or a pig being beaten with a bat, and dropped Lindsey so abruptly
that his knees could not keep up with him. Lindsey tumbled to the floor, an excellent
vantage point from which to witness the damage that he had done.
He had buried the jade into Flagg's eye until his hand had struck up against the
socket. Vitreous fluid ran down Flagg's face in a thick, runny ooze, mingled with
blood and what Lindsey had the terrible suspicion might actually be maggots. He
vowed then and there to never eat eggs again. The jade gleamed amongst the mess,
a newborn, malevolent eye to replace the one that Lindsey had destroyed. Flagg's
left eye still glared about the room, glowing more red than ever and passing over
Lindsey even though he stood directly in its path. Flagg appeared to be having a
screaming conversation with an entity that-Lindsey sincerely hoped-was not even in
the room.
"You promised me that it couldn't be like this!" Flagg shrieked, careening sideways
until his hip cracked against the desk. A marble paperweight crashed to the floor.
"You promised!"
Lindsey watched the undoing of a god with equal parts awe, fear, and pride. "How's
that for making a stand?" he murmured, and felt an old woman smile.
The explosion from outside the casino was enough to make every window in the
building rattle in its frame.
***
Part Nineteen
"I don't know how I got this way.
I'll never be all right.
So I'm breaking the habit,
Breaking the habit
Tonight."
-Linkin Park, "Breaking The Habit"
The Nova came to a purring stop in front of the liquor store. Angel paused with his
hand on the key, unwilling to turn the car off and commit himself to staying in one
place for too long. Neither, however, was he eager to watch Cordelia slip away from
him again. The various ways that the plan could go wrong hung sick and heavy in the
back of Angel's mind.
Cordelia stared out at the hulk for a moment before she turned back to Angel. "Here's
my stop." In the waning moonlight, the shadows beneath her eyes were very dark.
Angel reached out, his hand hovering over Cordelia's shoulder for a moment before
he changed course and dragged his fingers through the silky-rough texture of her
ponytail. Her posture tightened like the drawing of a bowstring. "Be careful."
The smile that Cordelia flicked towards him was sharper than a sword and fit far too
easily on her face. Angel thought it aged her ten years. Realizing that the woman he
had left behind was as dead as the corpses of the plague victims didn't stop him from
wishing for her return, or make the wanting itself any less painful. "I'll be more than
careful," Cordelia said. "I'll be perfect." She twitched her head and tugged her hair out
of Angel's grasp; the ends stung his hand as they were pulled away.
Angel returned his hand to the steering wheel and watched as Cordelia gathered her
weapons. She pulled the two guns out of Lindsey's jacket and unloaded them, her
lips moving without sound as she counted the bullets. Angel wanted to knock the
guns from her hands, tear the jacket from her back. Reverse time, if that's what it
took to get his Cordelia back.
"It'll have to be enough," Cordelia said, reloading the guns and tucking them out of
sight again. She jingled the Hummer keys in her fist. "Wish me luck."
"How about I wish you weren't doing this, instead?" Angel asked.
Whatever warmth had been trying to find its way back into Cordelia's eyes
disappeared behind a curtain of ice, dangerous and easy to misstep on. "I'm not
leaving Vegas without him," Cordelia said. Her tone was tight and clipped.
"And I'm not leaving without you." The `Not again' lay unspoken and unacknowledged
in the air between them.
The ice thawed by a few degrees, enough to make Angel aware of how much of it
there was and might always be. "Then we have an agreement." Cordelia regarded
Angel for a moment, her eyes dark and grave, before she leaned across the seat and
pressed her lips to his. Though their mouths never parted, the charge that passed
from one patch of skin to the other was not of the platonic variety. Angel stared at
Cordelia as she pulled away.
"Thought I'd return the favor," Cordelia said solemnly. She had bounded out of the
car and was disappearing around the side of the building before Angel could answer.
By the time the sound of the slamming car door had ceased echoing, she was gone.
Angel stared after her. "Returning the favor," he said as the put the Nova into gear
and pulled away from the curb. "You picked a hell of a time to start practicing irony,
Cordy."
*
Cordelia paused by the side of the building, leaning her shoulder against the brick
and taking a moment to settle herself as the sound of Angel's car rumbled off into the
distance. Her mouth tingled from even the momentary contact with Angel's and her
heart insisted that, no, really, now was an excellent time to learn the tango. It was
almost enough to make Cordelia wish for the return of that cold, steely focus that
alternately terrified and comforted her. Barring that, she would settle for getting good
and pissed off.
"Angst later," Cordelia muttered as she approached the Hummer. The door gave a
wince-inducing screech as she yanked it open. "Save idiot now." And on the drive
over she could decide what she was going to scream at him for first: being a
pragmatic imbecile, or trying to make up for it by being a passive-aggressively noble
imbecile.
"You're coming to the rescue of Judas Iscariot," Cordelia murmured, running her
hand across the warped metal that made up the hood before she hauled herself into
the cab. She paused a moment to consider. "To both sides. Welcome to Bizarro
World, population: your life." The engine made a choked noise as she started it and
Cordelia held her breath, praying that the entire thing would not explode in her face.
Cordelia waited until she was pushing at the timeline that she and Angel had set up,
but the Hummer showed no sign of imminent pyrotechnics or increase in angry
noises. She popped the clutch and ever-so-slowly eased the vehicle around the side
of the liquor store. Even at the inhumanly early hour there were people on the streets,
and they threw the Hummer alarmed looks before skittering for the safety of the
indoors. Word of her had spread, and it would not be long before reinforcements
were on the way. It was easy to place her free hand to the pocket of her jacket and
feel the weapons there, hear the answering thump-thud of her heart as her pulse
quickened. Let them come.
Cordelia had never liked the color, anyway.
*
It was a nice car. Not quite so nice as the GTX, which Angel had been forced to
abandon one hundred miles outside of Las Vegas when traffic became too thick to
stay in the same vehicle, but worthy all the same. Angel was going to be sorry to see
it go. It would be a long time before Detroit rolled another classic Chevy off the
assembly line.
Every light in the MGM Grand was blazing, and people milled in front of the windows
and doors like legions of ants. The chink in security that he and Lindsey had slipped
through earlier was gone as thoroughly as if it had never been. Angel had a dark
moment in which to wonder if maybe Flagg had allowed them to slip through. He
might have even known all along that they would be coming. There were whispers
floating around the city suggesting that Flagg's powers were much greater than those
of the average demon or sorcerer. When coupled with Flagg's tendency to know the
very things that he shouldn't be able to, the thoughts were enough to make every
muscle in Angel's body thrum with tension.
"You had better be hurting right now, Lindsey," Angel muttered as he braked the
Nova in the center of the street. He didn't bother to turn the car off, and the
headlights cut swaths into the darkness like accusatory fingers. Already people were
rushing towards the vehicle; Angel could see the gleam of starlight off gunmetal. "Or
you will be when I catch up with you." Angel reached into the backseat and closed his
hand around the sword that lay there. Cordelia had her new ways. He had his, and
each to their own selves be true. Nothing more could be asked of them than that.
A man who could have been someone's Little League coach sprinted towards the
car, skidding to a halt fast enough to throw up flecks of gravel as he recognized
Angel. "You!"
"Me," Angel agreed. He twirled the sword in his hand until it caught the scant light
and threw it back in motes of pure silver. "Now, this confrontation can end one of two
ways."
The kiddie coach turned his gun around on him and began firing.
"Yeah, I didn't think that was going to work, either." Angel threw himself to the side.
Bullets struck the Nova in a line where Angel had been standing, punching holes
through the metal and coming within inches of piercing the gas tank. Angel tensed.
No fireball yet, but if this idiot was allowed to keep shooting...
Angel dropped into a low crouch, spun, and hooked his legs around the other man's
in a move that was deceptive in its elegance. The blow to the temple that he
delivered with the sword handle was far less graceful. The man crumpled and did not
move again. Angel leapt back to his feet and whirled to face the next opponent. If
they were smart, one look a the gleam of the sword and the hungry expression on
Angel's face would have them seriously reconsidering the wisdom of their entire `Go,
pit of evil!' philosophy.
Several faltered. One or two even turned back. The rest of the soft, stupid children
did not even slow down.
Angel swung the sword and opened up a gash longer than his forearm in a man's
thigh, slicing through muscle and tendon and exposing the white-pink gleam of bone.
Arterial blood sprayed through the air and made wet plopping sounds as it came
back down on the pavement. The feel of blood on their faces, hot and real and not
about to disappear into the comfortable fantasy world that allowed them to deal with
Flagg on a day-to-day basis, seemed to unnerve more people than even the sound of
the man's screams. Angel wondered if Flagg had been telling them tales of the
Champion who didn't kill humans. He twirled the sword around and felt a warm trickle
of blood run down his thumb. If so, Flagg had neglected to inform them that
Champions were a useless breed in a world that had moved on.
The first man to feel Angel's sword was going to be lucky if he ever walked again.
The second was going to be lucky if he saw the sunrise.
A bullet tore into Angel's shoulder, another into his thigh. The pain was immediate,
invigorating, and Angel did not even attempt to halt the change that rippled across his
face. His clothing was sodden by the time he staggered behind the cover of the
Nova, wincing as he heard more bullets striking the metal. `It's not time...'
A second pair of headlights lit up the night, connecting with the Nova's and tangling
them together until they were one beam. The Hummer was making a squalling noise
like a rabbit caught in its death throes. Angel saw the damage done to the front end
and wondered how Cordelia was able to drive it at all, let alone at the bat out of hell-
or into it, as their particular case might be-clip that she was going. It was a wonder
that she hadn't been hurt worse; it would be a miracle if she wasn't killed outright
now.
Angel staggered away from his car seconds before impact. Flagg's followers, lacking
the advantage of foreknowledge, were not so lucky. Two of them were still in front of
the Nova as the far larger Hummer barreled into it; a second later they were barely
human smears. If Angel squinted just right, he thought that Cordelia might even have
sped up.
The Nova never stood a chance. It left streaks of rubber behind as it was shoved
across the street, colliding with several more people along the way and dragging
them beneath its bulk. Fragments of glass and metal were hurled into the air to fall
down again like ran with teeth. `Dying rabbit' was elevated to `dear lord, someone has
set a cat on fire'. The sound of the brakes screaming was nearly buried beneath the
rest of the caterwauling as Cordelia finally put her foot down on them, spinning the
tangled hybrid around and bringing the entire mess to a shuddering halt.
The possibility of being shot again wasn't so much as a ripple in Angel's mind as he
broke back out of the shadows and sprinted for the driver's door. Impact had warped
it beyond any human ability to open. Angel nearly ripped it off its hinges in his haste
to get at the cargo inside.
They lived in a world that believed in miracles.
Cordelia moaned and put her hands to her forehead as Angel reached into the cab
for her. She had been thrown violently against the seatbelt-already Angel could see
the fresh bruise that would join her myriad others by morning-but there was no blood
or broken bones that he could see. "Angel. Hi," she greeted him as he undid the
seatbelt and lifted her out. Cordelia peeked over his shoulder at the havoc that she
had wreaked. "Huh. I did good."
"Yes, you did." Angel kissed her temple. "You're insane, but you did very, very good.
Now let's get you out of here."
"Oh. Right." Cordelia wrapped her arms around Angel's neck, making it clear to him
that she wasn't fully conscious yet. "There's the gas."
"Gas?" Angel peeked into the Hummer's cargo area and swore. Scooping Cordelia
more securely into his arms, he took off across the street as if all the fires of hell were
after him. A few short seconds later, they were.
The Nova's gas tank went first, a popping sound that ruffled the hair on the back of
Angel's neck. Then Hummer's, louder and more ominous. The extra containers of
gasoline went up at nearly the same time. The dual explosions created a sound that
rattled teeth in their sockets and sent a pillar of flame skyward that was worthy of a
Quentin Tarantino movie.
The force of it lifted Angel off of his feet and nearly upended him on a hand of air hot
enough to singe the hair from his arms. He staggered and barely caught his balance
in time, clutching Cordelia protectively to him. She swore and clapped her hands over
her ears. Though her lips moved, Angel could not make out what she was saying. He
considered himself lucky to still be in possession of eardrums at all.
There were people still clustered around the haphazard mangling of metal when its
gas tanks exploded. Angel could hear their startled screams even through the ringing
in his ears, smell the acrid scent of their hair as it lit on fire. Of all the emotions that
Angel could muster for the stupid children of the damned city, pity did not number
among them.
Angel carried Cordelia far enough away so that the heat was no longer in danger of
blistering her skin before he set her back to the pavement, keeping his hand against
the small of her back in case her balance failed her. Cordelia's legs wobbled for a
moment before they declared her acceptable and she put a hand to her temple.
"Fulfilling my destiny through head trauma. It's like a theme."
"Are you going to be able to do the rest of your part?" Angel grabbed Cordelia's
elbow as she began to sway.
"Yeah." Cordelia flapped her hand towards the MGM Grand, where streamers of
people were rushing out to see the inferno. "Go. Be a hero. I'll be back to meet you."
The corners of her lips lifted, and for a moment it almost looked real. "And thank you."
"We help the helpless," Angel said. "Right now Lindsey qualifies."
"Still. Thanks." Cordelia lifted her hand in farewell. "See you soon?"
"Soon." Angel didn't dare let the words `I promise' pass his lips, but he made one all
the same. Giving himself a mental shake, Angel turned back towards the hotel and
slid back into the shadows that were always so eager to claim him. The crowd was
obvious and awed, too intent on the flames to notice the monster/man that slunk
away from them and headed for the hive that they were so generously leaving
unprotected.
He had lost his sword somewhere in the explosion, but that was all right. Angel didn't
mind getting a little blood on his fists.
***
Part Twenty
"Nobody said it was easy.
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy.
Nobody said it would be so hard."
Coldplay-"The Scientist"
The windows shook as the sound of the explosion rolled up the sound of the building,
making a noise like a thousand chattering teeth, but not a one of them broke. Lindsey
was willing to bet that extra care was put into the windows of offices this high up so
as to block the possibility of black jack inspired high dives. The noise shocked Flagg
away from both his invisible companion and his eye, diverting it instead onto the
chaos occurring floors below. Good news. Lindsey lurched to his feet and staggered
towards the door, making a grab for the wall as the world twisted around him. His
fingers left long streaks of red behind on the paint.
Bad news: distracting Flagg's attention from his wound gave it plenty of time to fall
back onto the person who put it there.
"Oh, no." Flagg's voice had gone deep and phlegmy, as if his throat was struggling
towards a transformation that it couldn't quite complete. "Oh, no, it doesn't get to be
that easy."
`This is not what I would call easy.' Flagg's hand came down on the broken shoulder,
causing colors the likes of which he had never seen before to flash before Lindsey's
eyes. He barely registered the feel of Flagg's fingers around his throat until his larynx
was pressed shut with one squeeze and he was lifted off his feet entirely. "Not that
easy, no, never that easy," Flagg was muttering, his remaining eye stared at a point
quite beyond Lindsey even as the other man kicked and struggled. His lips had
pulled back from his teeth and spittle gleamed off his lower lip. As his lungs heaved
and burned, setting off a whole new chain reaction of unwelcome sensation through
his torso, Lindsey had to wonder how he had ever thought this man could be sane.
Realizing that there weren't going to be any miracles coming his way a second time,
Lindsey reached out with his good arm and pushed down on the shard of jade that
protruded from Flagg's eye as hard as he could, driving it even further into the
unresisting flesh. It made a soft squelching noise, like half-rotted fruit being broken
open, as Lindsey shoved the makeshift knife far past the point where it should have
impacted brain tissue. Flagg squealed and let Lindsey's feet touch the floor again,
dragging them both across the room in a bizarre tango. Lindsey gathered his final
strength and wrenched himself free at last, lurching backwards until his back nearly
struck the far wall. Flagg had fallen to one knee and let out a sound like the howling
of a wolf as Lindsey hobbled out the door.
The elevators still worked. Lindsey didn't realize how afraid he had been that Flagg's
will would grind the machinery to a halt and leave him suspended in limbo with his
final avenue of escape snatched from him until he felt himself beginning to descend.
Lindsey's knees buckled and he slid down against the wall, resting the back of his
head against the cool paint. A keening, hysterical laugh or pure relief was rising in
Lindsey's throat, and the sound that echoed behind it was far too close to madness
to provide a strict level of comfort. Lindsey held it back by the barest of margins.
It was understandable that the sounds of fighting that gathered and swelled in the air
as the elevator came to a halt did little to soothe nerves that had been frayed,
snapped, and rewoven more times than Lindsey could count over the past several
days. His adrenal glands made one sputtering attempt at an alarm reaction before
giving up and telling Lindsey that he was on his own. Lindsey used the wall to push
himself back to his feet, swearing and weighing together his options, which came to a
grand total of two. He could either let the door open and cope with whatever likely
unpleasant surprise was waiting for him on the other side, or he could send the
elevator back upwards and put himself back into the arms of Flagg's tender mercies.
The frying pan paused for a moment to issue warm welcome to the fire.
Just as Lindsey was leveling his finger over the button that would send him back up
to play the odds, the door began to slide open, helped in large part by the fact that a
very large, very unconscious body had been hurled into it. Lindsey stumbled
backwards from the door and stared at the arm that flopped into the elevator with
him. It was still attached to the body that it had come from, at least. Much more about
the condition of the body could not be said, other than the fact that he was not likely
to be pleased if and when he woke up.
He was also, Lindsey noticed, one of Flagg's men. Broken ribs two and four belonged
to this guy. Lindsey entertained the thought of returning the favor for a moment or
two, but if it was one of Flagg's men...
"Lindsey!" Right, okay. Lindsey could cope with the fact that every major event in his
life was going to come back to this vampire so much more easily if Angel didn't
always say his name as if it were something that he had caught wriggling across his
shoe. "Can you walk?"
Lindsey took his hand away from the wall, wobbled, and put it back again. "Short
answer or essay?"
Angel spun away from the angry crowd that swarmed him and snap-kicked a man in
the face. The sound of a wishbone cracking echoed and reechoed through the lobby,
leaving no doubt that this one would not be getting up. Lindsey noticed no change in
the expression on Angel's face. Angel stepped over the body and into the elevator,
grabbing Lindsey by his uninjured arm. "C'mon. We don't have much time." Eyeing
the cut on Lindsey's cheek, Angel added, "You look like shit."
Angel wasn't cutting the most debonair picture himself. His clothing was soaked in
blood, most of which did not look as if it had come from himself. Not the most
comforting picture that Lindsey would have chosen, to say the least. "Thanks for
noticing," Lindsey said, striving to keep his tone casual even though pain was making
it difficult to unclench his teeth. "You're about to get shot, by the way."
Angel whirled them both to the side and the bullet that was intended for his cranium
dug into the wall instead. His fist struck the woman who had fired up them before she
could shoot again, ensuring that several of her teeth would not see morning. The gun
clanged to the floor. Wincing, Lindsey began to bend to pick it up, but Angel was
faster.
"You've done enough of that already to last you several lifetimes," Angel murmured,
for once with no venom gleaming bright and bloody in his voice. He didn't, Lindsey
noticed, have any trouble turning the gun upon the crowd himself. Three well-placed
shots were all that it took to make the majority rethink their positions.
There were several comments that Lindsey could have made about hypocrisy while
smoke was still rising from the bullet holes, but in the end he decided not to look a gift
rescue in the mouth. "Why are you here." Strain was making his tongue loose; it
slipped out before he could stop himself.
"Cordelia thinks you've changed," Angel said as he hustled them towards the lobby
doors. "She thinks you could change more if you don't die. How fast can you move?"
"I'm not sure that I have a solid rib left, so I'm thinking not very."
Angel glanced at the front of Lindsey's shirt, where the amulet had once hung. "You
and Flagg had quite a party."
"Made a stand," Lindsey grunted, swaying as black flies danced in front of his vision.
Angel put his arm around Lindsey's waist before he could fall, half-carrying him out
the door. Pain lit up Lindsey's torso like a neon sign and he doubled over, gagging on
bile and swallowed blood.
They emerged from the hotel to greet the burning conflagration set in the center of
the street, still crackling cheerfully in spite of the efforts of at least twenty people to
put it out. Every few seconds another minor explosion would roll out from the parent
flames, scattering the crowd. In those instances, Lindsey could catch glimpses of
abuses yellow paint. He grinned.
"Your idea or Cordelia's?"
"Mine." There was a smirk to Angel's voice as he said it. "Though there were a few
details that she failed to mention."
"It's clever." That was easier to admit than he had expected.
Angel, though, wasn't paying attention. His nostrils flared and he darted a look over
his shoulder, eyes going dark and fish-cold. The last time that Lindsey had seen that
look, he had walked away from the encounter minus a limb. Being in close proximity
to it wasn't much better than being its target. "He's coming." Still wearing that
disturbing dead look, Angel turned back to the street. "Cordelia, where are you?"
Right on cue, a pair of headlights lit up the night.
*
Finding a truck with the keys in it had been easy. Perhaps fueled by the overall
`consequences can wait' tone of the city, few people had tried to flee. While Flagg
had crews working overtime to remove and bury or burn the bodies, the possessions
themselves still lay scattered about like a child's forgotten toys. It was enough to
make Cordelia wonder what else might be lying around, waiting.
Cordelia banished the thought from her mind with a physical shake, like a dog
throwing water off its back, and forced the gas pedal to the floor. She drove straight
at the inferno in the center of the street, swerving at the last moment and causing
people to scatter like bowling pins to avoid her, though none of them were actually
hit. Good. Cordelia had already been in enough crashes to make her want to invest
in a bicycle for the rest of her life.
A few people had the presence of mind to chase after the vehicle, crap. It was too
late for her to do anything about it other than drive fast and hope that was enough.
The truck's headlights picked Angel out of the shadows in the agreed-upon place,
scarcely two blocks away from the MGM Grand itself. Lindsey was sagged against
his side like an abused rag doll, and even from a distance Cordelia could see that
one side of his face was dark with blood. Her heart crawled into her throat in spite of
her best efforts to force it back down.
The brakes screamed as Cordelia threw her full weight on top of them to bring the
truck to a sliding, smoking stop that left long streaks of rubber behind on the
pavement. She watched the approaching mob through the rearview mirror. Angel
took a step back and threw up his arm, shielding both his body and Lindsey's from
the worst of the detritus that Cordelia tossed into the air, before glancing over his
shoulder at the same scene. The look on his face was almost hungry, and the
expression that a month before would have made Cordelia's mouth go dry now
brought with it and eerie sense of camaraderie.
Angel opened the truck door and quickly shoved Lindsey inside. Lindsey let out a
short, muffled cry and threw Angel an ugly look, but said nothing. A long gash ran
down his cheek, spilling blood across his jaw and neck and nearly covering the
bruises that tattooed the rest of him. He looked as if he had received the beating of
his life. Thinking back over the dreams of Flagg that she had been receiving since the
onset of the plague, Cordelia realized that that was probably exactly what had
happened.
"Scoot towards the middle as much as you can," Cordelia told Lindsey. "Angel-"
Angel was not getting into the truck.
"Go on," he said, bracing his hands against the door and leaning in. "I'll take care of
this, then meet you wherever Mother Abigail is if I can."
Cordelia's heart went from beating so loudly that it drowned out the sound of the
truck's engine to not beating at all in the span of seconds.
`Notagainnotagainnotagain.' She had thrown the truck into `Park' and hopped down
from the driver's seat before her brain had time to catch up with her, darting around
the front of the truck. Cordelia grabbed at Angel's arm, digging her nails in so hard
that her knuckles would ache for hours afterwards. In the moment itself she didn't
even feel it. "No," she said. "No, you are not doing this again."
Angel uncurled her fingers from his arm. "Get in the truck and get out of here,
Cordelia."
Tears were springing up in Cordelia's eyes and she hated them, hated every
goddamned one of them, hated them and Angel at the same time, a little, at last, for
putting them there. "So, what?" she asked. You're going to do the big hero thing
while I stay safe and hope that you live through it? I can't do that any more."
"You have to." A bullet pinged off the fire hydrant to their right; their window of time
was drawing to a close. "Damnit, Cordelia! You've dreamed of Mother Abigail,
haven't you? You've dreamed of going to her?" Cordelia nodded, her eyes bright. "I
haven't. Not once. Every time that I dream of her, she only tells me to do one thing.
Make my stand."
Cordelia startled before a cold look stole across her face, giving her the impression of
having been caved from marble rather than flesh. It was a terrible expression, and
Angel rejoiced in it because it meant that she understood. "This world sucks,"
Cordelia said in a low voice. "Every inch of it. If this is our destiny, then I want a
refund."
Angel pressed his lips to Cordelia's forehead, was pleased when she did not tense or
pull away. "Get in the truck," he said. "Drive out of this city. Don't come back."
Cordelia nodded, the steely look still casting her face into harshly lit angles, and
swiped at the few tears that would dare to crawl down her face. She got back into the
truck and Lindsey leaned across the seat to say something to her that made her
shake her head. Lindsey glanced out the truck window at Angel, frowning, as the
vehicle pulled away from the curb. Angel didn't need to look around to know that
Cordelia was watching him in the rearview mirror as she disappeared down the
street.
When the first member of the mob reached him, Angel didn't both with niceties.
Hands at the temple and the jaw, a quick twist, and a sound like a bottle opening.
The body fell to his feet, so much cordwood, as Angel dove for the next. If this was
not the way that a Champion was meant to behave, then he really could not bring
himself to care. Anyone left in this city of hijacked promises was fair game as far as
Angel was concerned, up to and including Flagg himself if Angel made it that far.
A woman rushed Angel and he spun, kicked. Her skull made a peculiar cracking
sound as it struck the pavement. Didn't matter. Angel had heard the sound made by
her neck when his boot struck it.
`Wasn't supposed to be like this,' Angel thought as he moved like a scythe through
the crowd. He was supposed to be saving the humans, not killing them, and when it
was finally over...but that didn't bear thinking about, any longer.
The itching, tingling feeling started at Angel's bullet wounds and spread outwards, so
that Angel at first mistook it for nothing more than blood flaking off his skin. Then it
moved beyond the skin and filled up his chest, a squeezing, burning, terribly alive
feeling that cut through his righteous rage when nothing else could have. He doubled
over and clutched at his chest, gasping, seconds before the pain drove him entirely
to his knees. If he had been human, he would have thought that he was having a
heart attack.
If he had been human...
"Oh, dear God," Angel choked, catching himself on his hands as the burning feeling,
like a thousand ants spitting their ants onto him at the same time, spread across his
entire body. He gasped for air, and the sound of his heart beating was a brass band
in his ears.
It was almost enough to drown out the sound of the boot heels.
Click, click, click, echoing across the hushed crowd. They parted as one being, the
Red Sea before Moses, to allow Randall Flagg through. A mess of blood and fluid
had run down Flagg's cheek, matting strands of hair to his face and resembling
nothing so much as rancid scrambled eggs, but his eyes gleamed with good cheer.
Both of them. "Well, now," he said as Angel levered himself to his feet. "Don't this just
beat all. Fate really is a wheel, don't you agree? You can be at the very bottom, and
still find yourself at the top again in no time at all." Only Flagg didn't say `fate'. It was
another word, a shorter word, but Angel didn't have time to puzzle it out, because he
was drawing his fist back and punching Flagg squarely in the face. Flagg's head
snapped back, and he laughed, and his mob of followers laughed along with him.
Their god was great, their god was good, and they kept laughing as Flagg placed his
hands on either side of Angel's head and gave it that crucial twist that he had
delivered to so many of their own moments before.
Angel lived, and then he died.
*
Cordelia slammed on the brakes just outside of Las Vegas, fishtailing the truck wildly
in the dirt off the highway. The vision hit a bare second later, lurching her forward and
back, and Lindsey kept her head from striking the steering wheel as he thanked
whoever had seen fit to give a warning this time. Cordelia came out of the vision and
burst into tears before Lindsey could ask her what she had seen. After that there was
no need.
Lindsey slid across the seat and held Cordelia as well as he was able with his good
arm while she sobbed. He didn't think that she even realized he was there.
***
Part Twenty-One
"'Well of course there is
You're still alive,' she said.
Oh, and do I deserve to be?
Is that the question?
And if so...if so...who answers...who answers..."
-Pearl Jam, "Alive"
It was dawn before Cordelia spoke again, pulling the truck to a halt in front of the first
gas station that she saw and throwing it into park hard enough to put the gearshift in
danger of breaking off. "Supplies were burned up in the Hummer," she said to
Lindsey, her voice flat and calm in spite of the fact that there were still tear tracks
gleaming on her cheeks. Unstated: `We lost them saving your ass.' "Going to be hard
enough crossing desert and mountains as it is." She got down from the driver's side
of the truck, lifting her eyebrow at Lindsey when she noticed that he was also exiting.
"I'll help you carry," Lindsey said. Cordelia lifted her eyebrow even further, but
remained silent.
The first step reduced her body into a screaming cacophony as muscles that had
been torqued, wrenched, and generally abused the night before woke up and
presented her with the check for her adventures. Cordelia set her teeth, braced her
hand against the hood, and focused on nothing more than putting one foot ahead of
the other, until the world swayed in and out of a gray haze. Sweat ran into her eyes,
and the feeling of salt stinging her was the only thing that she allowed to intrude upon
her focus. How much time passed, she was not sure, other than to note that the sun
was still not far risen over the eastern horizon. She had gone perhaps twenty steps.
Lindsey had been able to manage even less.
"So the bicycle is out, then," Cordelia said, swiping the sweaty tendrils out of her
eyes. She flexed her shoulders, rotated her back, and imagined that she wasn't quite
as stiff as before. It was a start, anyway. Cordelia limped into the gas station,
grabbed a handful of bandanas hanging from a display beside the register and two of
the tacky tote bags that always seemed to be sold to tourists in places like these, and
began loading up. Bottles of water, of course, and six-pack of Pepsi that chosen for
nostalgia every bit as much as it was for sugar. Jerky and Twinkies, the latter of
which made Cordelia remember how long it had been since she had last eaten and
sent saliva flooding into her mouth. She tore the cellophane off and crammed
nuclear-yellow goodness into her mouth in two bites, a move that would have made
Xander proud, as she wandered the aisles. Fate decided that she hadn't received
quite enough kicks in the head recently and placed the hydrogen peroxide, aspirin,
and other rudiments of a medical supply on the lowest shelf. Bending over was an
agony, and tears and sweat mingled freely on Cordelia's face by the time she
managed it. She sat down in the center of the aisle, panting, to wash down four of the
aspirin with a can of Pepsi and a bit of jerky, her appetite turning more towards real
food now that the edge had been taken off. Lindsey's jacket was too heavy in the
heat that was already curling through the store, sending sweat pouring down her
spine and beneath her arms, but Cordelia was loathe to take it off. Not until she had
found a better place to put the twin weights that hung from either pocket.
Flagg would have to be a crazy man-a crazier man-to let the people who had beaten
him, even marginally, to escape into the east and stand as an example to others who
would try the same thing, so they did not have much time. Cordelia didn't wait for the
aspirin to take effect before she shoved two more bottles and everything else that
she needed into the totes and grabbed the shelves to lever herself back to her feet.
The squeal of pain as her nerves lit themselves up like a pinball machine was pulled
from her throat before she could stop it. Another moment to pause and pant, and
then she was on her way again.
Lindsey was leaning against the truck, his head thrown back to expose the long and
suddenly vulnerable line of his throat. His body was taut with pain, and it occurred to
Cordelia that she had never seen him fully relaxed. She wondered if she ever would,
now that things were so fundamentally different between them. More importantly, she
wondered if she should even want to.
Lindsey opened his eyes as he heard Cordelia approach, leveling that opaque blue
stare at her. Cordelia could no more read emotion into it now than she could three
weeks before. Not a comforting thought. "Hey," he said.
"Hey." They were back to having scintillating conversations, at least. Cordelia set the
bags of goodies on the hood. "Move over. We have to do this quick." She pulled a
bottle of peroxide and a box of band-aids out of the bag. He needed stitches to close
up that cut properly, but they would have to make do with what they had for now.
Cordelia poured a little peroxide onto on the bandannas and pushed it against the
wound. "Hold still."
"Kinda hurts to do anything else." A muscle in Lindsey's jaw jumped, but it was the
only thing on this face that moved. Cordelia cleaned as much of the blood off as she
was able and realized that she could see the muscle playing in his cheek. The band-
aids were woefully inadequate, more for her benefit than his.
"I think it makes you look like a pirate," Cordelia said as she stepped back. Echoes of
the last time that they had been in this position hung sick and heavy in the back of
her mind. She didn't know Lindsey any better now than she did then.
And Lindsey's eyes were still following every expression that moved across her face.
"Is that a good thing or a bad one?"
"Interesting." Cordelia shook out five aspirin into her hand, opened a can of Pepsi,
and handed them both to Lindsey. His face twisted as he accepted them from her.
When he didn't argue his own self-sufficiency, Cordelia felt strangely off balance.
"How's the shoulder?"
"I can cope." For one second, the impassive expression developed cobweb-fine
cracks of pain.
Back on even ground. "You're not as good at that as you used to be." Cordelia threw
everything back into the tote bags and set them into the truck's floorboard. "And
that's definitely a good thing."
"Cordelia-" The look on his face telegraphed everything that he was about to say, and
Cordelia thought she was going to go mad if one more person apologized to her.
"If Flagg comes after us, our head start's the only chance that we have." Cordelia
circled around to the driver's side and climbed back in, wincing. She stared in the
direction of the rising sun until her retinas began to burn as Lindsey lowered himself
back into the passenger's seat.
*
Less than ten words were passed between them that day, until they reached the
Eisenhower Tunnel shortly after two in the morning.
"Well, crap," Cordelia said in a musing sort of voice that didn't match the way her
knuckles were clenching the steering wheel. The truck's headlights cut out a narrow
slice from the darkness, revealing a chaos of smashed cars and mummified limbs.
The vehicles were packed together so tightly that they would not be walking through
them, but crawling over them. "And what do you want to bet it's LA all over again at
the other end?"
"Not odds I want to tangle with, thanks." Lindsey's lips, already bloodless, pressed
themselves together a little more tightly. "I can't climb over those right now." He
stared out the windshield as he said it, so that Cordelia could not see what
expression he wore in his eyes.
"I know." Cordelia rubbed at her temples, where a headache had been building all
day.
"You could, though." Lindsey finally turned to look at her. His eyes were grave, and
for the first time Cordelia thought that she might be seeing deeper than whatever
faade he was projecting for the moment.
Cordelia took her hands off the steering wheel long enough to crack eighteen hours
worth of tension from her knuckles. `Mother would be appalled.' That...was not a
comforting thought. "Or you could quit with the self-pitying garbage?" Lindsey blinked
at her, looking annoyed that his gesture was not being received properly. "You want
to change? Okay, so change. One day at a time, a little bit at a time. That was what
made Angel a good man, the working for it. Not...not that last thing." Cordelia's voice
lowered and she cleared her throat. "You're a survivor, isn't that what you told me
once? So survive."
Lindsey's mouth twisted at the mention of Angel, but he let the opportunity pass. One
little bit at a time. "Fine. Point remains. I can't climb over those."
"I don't like my chances that much, either." Cordelia thought about being midway
through the tunnel when her muscles finally decided that the person in charge was
running a few circuits short and revolted, leaving her stranded in the dark with the
corpses and, by now, the rats. She shuddered and shook her head. "We'll find
another route." The truck's engine began to sputter and she leaned forward to look at
the gas gauge. "In another car, apparently."
"So let's check out the selection." Lindsey grabbed one of the bags of supplies and
popped his door open. He hissed as his feet hit the ground, and even without the
headlights Cordelia would have been able to locate him by the string of oaths that he
was muttering. Her own obscenities were not quite so creative, but her body still
began to tell her how very disappointed in her it was as soon as she began moving.
Oh, she was going to have fun once they came across a town large enough to have
a pharmacy.
Lindsey had wandered far enough away to be nothing more than a dim silhouette
beneath the moonlight. He called her name softly, voice lowered to the point that
Cordelia had to strain to hear him. The presence of bodies pressing in from all sides
was giving the highway the atmosphere of a cemetery. Having grown up in
Sunnydale, Cordelia felt qualified to judge, and she kept a sharp eye on the cadavers
for signs of movement. "This looks promising."
It was a Volvo that had seen better decades, let alone better days, but as Cordelia
leaned in the open window she caught a glimpse of moonlight reflecting off the key
chain. Nearly as important, she also saw that there was a full tank of gas. "Good job."
There was a small matter of two bodies in the front seat, though. Cordelia's skin
made a valiant effort to crawl right off and fall in a puddle at her feet. "If we ignore the
megawatt ick factor, that is."
Lindsey glanced over the hood of the car and nearly smiled at the look of disgust on
Cordelia's face. It was very easy to forget how young she was when she was stalking
around like the twenty-first century's answer to Xena. If she was even old enough to
drink, he'd buy her first round. "On three?" he asked.
The look of disgust intensified. "Better than standing here all night. Yeah, okay. One,
two..." Cordelia opened the door and the corpse tumbled out without her ever
needing to lay hand on it. He squeak as she jumped back brought the grin up to the
surface before Lindsey could chase it back down again. It fit his face better than
anything else he had felt in days, weeks. For a second, gone too quickly, he could
forget why the two of them were even there.
The face that Cordelia pulled at him suggested that she, if not forgetting, was at least
managing to shove it to the back of her mind for the sake of making it from one mile
to the next. "Just for that, I'm not helping you with yours." Shades of the woman that
she had been before they left Los Angeles glittered to the surface, startling against
so much of the one that she had become.
"Fair enough. I-" The wolf's howl, so close that Lindsey immediately searched the
darkness for the gleam of eyes, made every hair on his body stand up independent
of the others. His neck cracked from the speed with which he swiveled it around.
"Damnit."
"I thought our daring escape was going just a little too easily." Cordelia's face was
pale beneath the moon, the hint of girlishness that had come through gone so
thoroughly that it may as well have been made of smoke. "I think we need to be
moseying."
"I think you're right." Lindsey wrenched his door open, tossed the bag of supplies into
the back seat, and reached for the body that sat in the passenger's. The second howl
was close enough to make the air shake, quickly echoed by another animal on the
other side of the highway. The cattle industry and urban sprawl had long since
cleared any wolves out of Oklahoma by the time that Lindsey had been born there,
but coyotes still flourished in abundance in the rural areas. Shy, skulking creatures,
they would slide up to barns long enough to make off with the occasional unwary cat
clenched between their jaws, but always fled at the hint of human approach. Lindsey
could not believe that actual wolves would behave any differently from their smaller
cousins.
But then, humans were not the force that they had once been, and Lindsey very
much doubted that these were ordinary wolves.
When a crow's caw rode the darkness on the heels of the second howl, suspicion
solidified into certainty.
"Crows are day birds," he said, grabbing the body in the passenger seat by its collar
and jerking it from the car. The movement sent a wave of pain gliding across his
vision, staggering him, and it was only by bracing his hand against the hood that he
avoided a fall. The body rolled as it hit the highway, emitting a gassy smell like meat
that had been allowed to turn in the sun. It could have been far worse, would have
been far worse if the summer had not been so dry, but Lindsey added the scent to
the catalogue of death that he had begun keeping weeks before and knew that he
would never forget it.
"I know." Cordelia's voice was tight. "We gotta hurry."
A thudding of paws across the grass, the gleaming green of eyes cutting through the
darkness. It would occur to Lindsey later as one of the most obscene things that he
had ever seen, that alive color worn by animals so thoroughly washed in death. He
ignored the pleading of his ribs for mercy and ducked quickly into the car, slamming
the door shut behind him. The thudding became a roar; massive, furry weight
slammed into the side of the door less than a second later. The entire car shuddered.
Cordelia yelped and grabbed for the ignition, twisting the key as hard as she was
able. The engine squawked once and fell into an affronted silence that didn't carry
them forward by so much as an inch. "Oh, Jesus fuck," Cordelia nearly screamed,
twisting the ignition again with one hand while frantically rolling her window up with
the other. A wail fit to make one think of damned souls and dying children echoed
from the other side of the highway before a pair of slavering jaws slammed into the
small space left open at the top of the window. Spittle ran down the inside of the
glass, white and foamy, as the wolf gave another howl to match Cordelia's startled
scream. Its eyes gleamed in on them with all of the intelligence and casual malice of
its master.
Meanwhile, the animal that had slammed into Lindsey's door was backing off,
shaking its head and staring at Lindsey with baleful eyes. Once Lindsey would haves
sworn that it was impossible for a dumb animal to show that kind of emotion, but his
experiences with Flagg and his crows had broadened his horizons quite a bit. The
wolf's look promised the sullen vengeance of the schoolyard bully. It backed away a
few more steps, crouched until its dripping jaws hovered inches from the asphalt, and
lunged.
Angel had taken the wrong damned hand. Lindsey twisted in the seat, feeling sweat
break out across his body as every nerve that he had let out an outraged scream as
one, and began rolling up his own window as fast as he could. He made it about
halfway before the wolf was there, enormous head snaked as far as it would fit into
the interior of the car. Saliva dripped onto Lindsey's thigh and sour breath wafted
over his face as he set a new record for how fast a person could scoot backwards.
The wolf whined, sounding eerily like a dog that had just received a scolding, as it
worked its front paws over the window and scrabbled at the door with its hind. Its
jaws clicked shut inches in front of Lindsey's face.
Cordelia's mingled prayers and obscenities turned into a shout of pure exultation as
the engine turned over on the third try, sending the Volvo surging forward and very
nearly into the back of the Toyota stalled in front of them. The wolf hanging from
Cordelia's window screamed in pain as she rolled the glass the rest of the way up,
trapping it there. Cordelia spun the Volvo in a wide circle and yanked the animal
entirely off the ground.
The wolf dangling from Lindsey's window worked itself a few inches further in, so that
its spittle was now falling across his stomach rather than his thighs. The jaws that
opened and closed on empty air did so with a new kind of frenzy, as if it could taste
victory so close that the actual feel of flesh between its jaws was nothing more than a
formality. `It doesn't get to be that easy,' Lindsey echoed Flagg's words within his
mind, surprised by the depth of his own determination. "Cordelia, give me one of the
guns!" he yelled.
She released the wolf dangling from her window and it fell into a yipping, tumbling
pile by the side of the highway as the their car picked up speed. Lindsey could see
the doubt writ large across her face and didn't blame her for a second of it, but this
was not he time. "Cordelia!" The wolf snapped its jaws shut close enough for Lindsey
to feel the breeze.
The line between Cordelia's eyes deepened, but she dug into the pocket of the jacket
and pulled out the revolver that he had slipped to her thirty-six hours before-had it
really been that short a time? "There are only two bullets left," she said.
"I'll only need one." Lindsey thumbed the safety off and extended his arm.
The wolf flashed its wide doggy grin at Lindsey, green eyes flashing, and said, "If you
worship me, Lindsey. Always if you worship me."
Cordelia jerked so badly that she nearly drove the car off the road.
Lindsey forced the muzzle of the gun among those gleaming teeth, every one of
them fit to give Little Red Riding Hood nightmares, and pulled the trigger. Blood and
brain tissue sprayed across the dashboard, slicked Lindsey's hand. The wolf made a
sound caught somewhere between a howl and a sigh and slumped over the window
like the world's most grotesque trophy. Lindsey waited a moment to catch his breath
before he raised his foot to kick the animal back out the window. They heard it thump
as it struck the ground and rolled away.
Lindsey let a few more moments pass by before he said, "Tell me that I didn't
imagine that."
"You didn't." Cordelia's shoulder was pressing against his back; he could feel the
movements of her arm as she turned the steering wheel. If he tilted back, their heads
would be resting against one another. Cordelia continued, "Glories of nature, my
ass."
"I didn't intend for this to happen," Lindsey said, since it seemed to be the closest
thing to an apology that she would accept and the was the least that he could offer
without going out of his mind.
For several minutes he thought that she had not heard him. Cordelia stared out the
windshield and said at last, "It's not over." She sounded nearly eager.
***
Part Twenty-Two
"Oh, Life is waiting for you.
It's all messed up, but we're alive.
Oh, Life is waiting for you.
It's all messed up, but we'll survive."
-Our Lady Peace, "Life"
The sun had risen and was riding low on the horizon before they rested again.
Cordelia drew the newest vehicle, a Dodge with flaking green paint but an engine
that hadn't sputtered once, to a halt in front of a hotel in Green River, Utah.
Predictably enough, the faded sign in front of the building told them that they were
enjoying the hospitality of the Utah Hotel. The hotel was in the same kind of shape
that the Volvo, abandoned miles back when its engine had finally given out, had
been. It beat staying in one of the pristine, solemn rows of houses turned coffins,
though. Virtually anything would have been better than that.
After the wolves, sleeping out in the open hadn't even been worthy of consideration.
Green River itself had the same derelict feel of all the communities that they had
driven through over the course of that day and the last, as if all the citizens had
simply walked out their front doors one day to go to work and had forgotten to come
back. If it weren't for the gassy smell of decay, Lindsey would have thought that they
had somehow wandered onto an abandoned movie set.
Cordelia turned the car off and shoved the keys into the pocket of her jeans, wincing
as she stretched. A purple-green band nearly three inches in width ran across her
neck and disappeared beneath the collar of her shirt, souvenir from being slammed
up against the Hummer's seatbelt.
"Cordelia," Lindsey said before she could exit. She paused with door half open,
looking at him from over her shoulder. Lindsey could have gotten more
encouragement from looking into the eyes of a doll. "I'm-"
"Sorry," Cordelia cut him off. "I know you are, okay? I knew that when you did it. Do
you think that Angel or I would have bothered if you weren't?" Cordelia's mouth
twisted. "And frankly, you kind of suck at saying it."
Lindsey had the feeling that Cordelia had been the driving force behind Angel
bothering at all, but it didn't seem like the most prudent of times to voice that thought.
"Kind of stealing my thunder here," he said. Cordelia shrugged and folded her arms
over her chest. One of her nails had been torn off to the quick recently; a thin red
crust could still be seen around the cuticle. "I have to say it. I'm sorry, Cordelia. For
all of it. No games, no tricks, no lawyer bullshit. If I could do it all over again, we
would never go through Vegas at all."
Cordelia nodded, studying her wounded nail. "It's a start," she said at long last, and
exited the car without another word.
Lindsey watched her disappear into the hotel before he struck at the dashboard,
sending messengers of pain racing through his body. "Fuck," he muttered, only half
aloud. The still, sullen air of the town was glad to carry the word and buoy it in the air
long after it should have faded away all the same.
*
Cordelia vanished with the Dodge shortly after their meager supplies had been
carried inside, reappearing triumphant hours later with painkillers for them both and
penicillin for the cut on Lindsey's face. "Aspirin just isn't going to cut it," she said,
knocking back two hydrocodones with a gulp of bottled water.
"Amen." Lindsey took three, earning him an arched eyebrow but no comment from
Cordelia. The pills did help, tumbling him in short order into a sleep like dying on the
floor of the hotel lobby with Cordelia only a few feet away. The same oppressive
feeling of dollhouses waiting for the signal to wake them up again that kept them from
entering the individual homes had also discouraged exploration into guest rooms for
anything other than necessities. Lindsey lay down prepared to dream, ready for
nightmares of broken promises and broken bodies, but rather than the standard
nighttime visions of the newly redeemable and possibly repentant, he saw-
`-roses. A whole damned field of them, bigger and redder and more beautiful than
anything that Lindsey had seen before in his life. He fell to his knees among them
and somehow managed not to feel a single prick from their thorns or an ache from
his wounds. As Lindsey's jaw fell open, a dim, unwelcome part of his brain, a part
that was always on the lookout for the angle or advantage and had not been cast off
with Flagg's amulet, whispered that he was dreaming. Lindsey informed this part of
his mind that it could fuck right off as he continued to gorge himself on the roses'
brilliance. Each flower was a universe unto itself, whole and distinct from its
neighbors, and yet they also functioned as the solitary notes that taken together
made up a symphony.
Lindsey followed the path of the roses as they tugged the eye ever onward towards
the center of the field.
The center, where the Tower stood.
Lindsey added the capitalization without conscious thought, for one glance made it
clear that this Tower was different from all the other towers on all the other worlds of
the universe, of any universe. Black and looming so far into the clouds that Lindsey
had to crane his head back and squint to even catch a glimpse of its spire, it was cold
where the roses were warm, forbidding where the roses were continually inviting one
to step closer and experience their joy. Lindsey was amazed by it even as he was
afraid of it.
"It feels as though it is waiting, does it not?" Lindsey turned his head by a fraction and
saw a man standing a few paces off, staring at the Tower with the most naked
expression of lust that Lindsey had ever seen or would ever see again. The man was
both aged and ageless, with black hair that was rapidly shading into the color of the
guns that he wore on his hips and eyes so blue that they made Lindsey's seem like
dime-store baubles in comparison. He seethed with a primal sort of charisma; once
Lindsey had set eyes on him he couldn't take them off again, and he wondered how
the stranger had managed to draw so close to him without drawing attention the way
a magnet drew slivers of iron.
As soon as the man who was both fascinating and unnerving in equal measure had
mentioned it, Lindsey discovered that he could feel it, a low, belly-deep thrumming
that radiated from the Tower like lust, like a princess aching for her prince to come for
her. Lindsey didn't think he wanted to meet this maiden on the other side of midnight.
She was every bit as likely to eat Prince Charming after his seed had been shot as
she was to profess her undying love. The roses seemed to shiver as one; a sound
like far-off wind chimes filled Lindsey's ears.
"Did we make any difference," he asked, "Cordelia and I? Any difference at all? Flagg
is still alive."
"Alive," the stranger agreed," but now he doubts. Oftentimes that can be enough. You
bought time for the others to find their feet, and fulfilled your part." The stranger lifted
his hand towards the Tower. "She's still standing, isn't she? You fulfilled your part."
Lindsey swiveled his head back to look at the midnight princess. The more he stared,
the more it seemed as if the Tower was holding up the roses rather than the other
way around. "Yes."
The stranger nodded, barely seeming to hear Lindsey at all, so intent was his gaze
upon his dark lady. There was the kind of hunger in his stare that men wore when
they got into bar fights and woke up hours later with blood on their hands and no
memory of what had occurred. A dead man's finger trailed up Lindsey's spine and,
charismatic or not, he wanted to be away from the-
((broken knight))
-lunatic more he had wanted anything in his life. Whatever it was that this man
sought, it had driven him right out of his mind. The gleam in his eyes said it all.
"All we are, in the end, is this place," the man said. From his tone Lindsey got the
impression that he wasn't being spoken to at all. The stranger sounded like a man
who had been pushed to the very edges of his endurance and beyond, into a world
so foreign that he couldn't even fathom how he had gotten there, let alone how to get
back. "In blood and bone and a handful of destiny, we serve her." His mouth twisted
as he said it, as if he were so unused to such silken turns of phrase that even the one
had exhausted him.
But "destiny" was not the word that he had used. It was merely the one that Lindsey's
mind had chosen to make sense of a far larger, grander concept, like skipping a rock
across the surface of a lake and pretending that this allowed him to see beneath the
surface. The word itself was short and brutal, meant to be spit out with as little mercy
as it showed. It was-`
"Ka," Lindsey murmured as he opened his eyes. The room seemed different,
cheaper, and Lindsey had to stare at the deep red of a lampshade for nearly a full
minute before he realized what it was. Compared to the roses, he was setting a street
corner whore next to a duchess. Lindsey winced and rubbed at his eyes as the
images began fading out of memory like dew in the sunshine. A dangerous man who
wore six-shooters slung low on his hips. Eyes only a shade or so bluer than ice and
roses red like a fanatic's patriotism, all twined around a word that seemed like destiny
on the surface but really meant so much more.
"My compliments to the chef," Lindsey said, sitting up and making it about half-way
before every muscle in his body began to scream that this was wrong and bad and,
really, wouldn't he like some more pills? "Those meds are great." The third attempt
got Lindsey upright, though he immediately reached for the miracle bottle and dry-
swallowed one the presents inside. "Hey, Cordelia. If we push it we should be in
Colorado by nightfall. I haven't dreamed of Mother Abigail being in Nebraska since
Vegas, I think she's on the move..." Lindsey drew to a halt as the last of the
spiderwebs blew out of his mind. Cordelia's things were there. Cordelia herself was
not.
The hair on the back of Lindsey's neck rose. Memories of the attack that had driven
them out of Los Angeles soon had the hair switching from merely standing into doing
a tango. Cordelia's possessions were still arranged neatly beside the place where
she had been sleeping, no signs that she had fought anyone. Lindsey had the
slippery, sluggish thoughts which suggested that he had been sleeping so deeply as
to be nearly comatose, but even so...
If a sound had not issued from deeper within the hotel, it might have been dawn
before Lindsey found her. He followed the noise until it led him to one of the guest
rooms on the first floor, its door shut as firmly as all of the others. The other doors,
however, did not have the sounds of thrown furniture and breaking glass echoing
from them. It was either Cordelia or a zombie. Considering the world that they lived
in, there was an equal chance of either. A tinkle of shattering porcelain bled out into
the hallway and Lindsey put his hand upon the doorknob. The low, muffled sound of
Cordelia's sob stopped him. It was the sound of a mother who had lost her child, a
wife who had lost her husband.
A woman who had lost her dearest friend.
Lindsey's hand hovered over the doorknob for a few seconds more before he turned
away, leaving Cordelia to the sanctity of her grief.
*
They followed the back roads, avoiding the worst of the jams and babying the new
vehicle-a shiny Taurus that had once been the apple of its owner's eye-through the
ones that could not be driven around. Boulder, Colorado arose on the road before
them shortly after sunset of the next day. How they knew where they were going,
Lindsey could not say, except that he would not be surprised to discover that it was a
close cousin to the sense that guided geese across thousands of miles of unmarked
sky and dogs home after a decade of separation. It was a constant, insistent nipping
at the heels, hurryuphurryuphurryup. More than once Lindsey expected to glance
over his shoulder and see a wizened brown face watching him from the back seat.
The city limits came far too soon.
"Not sure I can do this," Lindsey said as they stepped out of the car, joining the
steady stream of people walking up the steps of an elegant Victorian home. The
woman who was very possibly the most powerful human being left on the planet
waited in a rocking chair on the porch to meet them.
The smile that Cordelia flicked him over the hood was distracted. "You'll be fine." She
fiddled with the sleeves of her jacket, taking it off and making as if to shove it back
into the car before something hard and nearly defiant moved across her face. When
Cordelia strode up the walk towards Mother Abigail, it was as the woman that she
had become rather than the woman that she had been.
Lindsey took a deep breath and followed more slowly, having to force his unwilling
feet into each step. He had a sudden, terrible image of the old woman rising from her
chair and pointing a gnarled brown finger down at his face. "Sinner!" she would shriek
in a voice like abused guitar strings. "Trying to bring his evil into our midst, just like
any other weasel in the corn! Out with him!" While Cordelia walked up the steps,
Lindsey hovered down at the foot.
Cordelia grasped Mother Abigail's hands and knelt at her feet like she would in the
presence of a venerated grandmother. Mother Abigail stroked Cordelia's hair with a
surprising dexterity, the white head bent over the dark in sorrow. Lindsey couldn't
catch the question that Cordelia asked, but Mother Abigail's answer carried well
enough. "You bought us time. Sweet girl, you gave us the very thing that we needed."
A bit of memory surfaced in Lindsey's mind, there and gone again before he could
chase it to its source. Cordelia clattered down the steps past him. Lindsey thought
that she might be crying.
"I don't see like I used to, son," Mother Abigail called down to him. "You're going to
have to come closer than that if you want me to get a good look at you." Lindsey
crossed the final few steps of distance between them with cement in his feet.
Mother Abigail sucked in her breath sharply. "Well-a-day," she said, her voice dry and
cracked like autumn leaves. "I guess I ain't so old that I can't see what you are."
Lindsey tensed until Mother Abigail reached out and took his hand in her own. "It was
such a long journey, wasn't it, son?"
"Yes." Mother Abigail's hand was small and warm as a bird in his own, but she didn't
feel like the fragile one. Lindsey fell to his knees without feeling even a whisper of the
pain.
Mother Abigail cradled his face in her free hand. "Oh, child," she murmured. "You
poor child. It's all right now. You've made it."
End.
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