Spike Lips! Lips of Spike!

by Mr. MonkeyBottoms

DISCLAIMER: Yadda yadda, all the usual. I own nothing. I borrow. Joss is god. etc etc. ME has all the rights. And so forth

ALSO: I owe this fic to NautiBitz. She had a great story about the tub and Spike and tastiness ensued... I was inspired to write this. I wish I could write anything as close to as good as she writes. Read her stuff. She's amazing!

PLEASE: be gentle, this is my very first fic. I probably have some terrible spelling errors. I apologize if I missed some while I checked it. If you review I promise to love you forever...as long as it is constructive. Give advice if you see something that can be improved. That would be great.

THIS IS: just plain ole Spike-Buffy fun. Lots of arguing and lots of kissing. Can anything be better?

Chapter one

"As these words are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken!"

Willows voice rang out, and suddenly, with the customary flash of lighting and crash of thunder, everything changed. The demon Xander and Anya were fighting disappeared. Willow was back. Giles could see. And Buffy...and Spike....

Spike looked at the slayer on top of him as she pulled back. They paused for a moment, kisses still fresh on their lips. He waited, not sure how to react. He wanted to kiss her some more but Buffy's face suddenly twisted in horror and he followed suit, not wanting to be caught lusting for the slayer without a spell to hide behind.

"Spike lips! Lips of Spike!" She threw herself off him, wiping at her mouth franticly, almost gagging. A fellow could have his feelings hurt, watching that display. His lips curled and he yelled out in disgust, getting up slowly, hiding the hardness in his pants, his hands clenching and unclenching.

The gang looked at Willow standing there, playing innocent. She raised her hand and waved. "Hi guys."

Buffy gaped at her, not wanting to make eye contact with Spike, who stood directly behind her. She could feel his eyes boring into the back of her head. "Willow! You made this happen!"

"I'm so sorry!" Willow wrung her hands before her apologetically. "But now we're all back to normal...?"

"Yeah. Normal." Xander brushed crypt dirt off his arm. "As normal as we'll ever be."

Spike suddenly made a run for it, breaking for the door and for freedom from the stupid Scooby gang, but was easily tackled from behind by Buffy. He landed on his stomach, hard. If he actually breathed it would have knocked the breath from him. Instead he groaned a little, face pushed into the ground by Buffy's strong arm on the back of his head. He tingled from the touch.

"Hey! Leave off, Slayer!" he yelled, voice muffled.

"We need to get him back to Giles', and tied up," Buffy said, manhandling him up easily, arm twisted behind his back.

"Ow! That smarts," Spike growled, twisting his head to glare at her. She glared back. "If I didn't know better I'd say you like having your hands all over me."

The words had the desired effect. Buffy pushed him off of her. Stupid girl. Off I go.

He had barely taken half a step out before her kick caught the back of his knee. He buckled like a house of cards, the pain shooting up his leg. "Dammit, Slayer..."

"What? What are you gonna do Spike? Huh? You can't do anything," Buffy mocked him, a sarcastic grin on her face. She hauled him back up and pushed him outside so he went sprawling. "We're going to Giles. Get moving."

Spike sent her a sulky look but started walking when she grabbed his arm tightly and pulled him forward, a stake clutched threateningly in the other hand. He liked the feel of her against his skin still, even if it was bruising his. She smelled good too, like sex and violence, and anger.

The gang walked the rest of the way in silence, no one really wanting to mention what had happened in the past few hours. It was just too disturbing, with the kissing and the marriage, and the kissing. Even Xander refrained from any smartass comments. He didn't need to bring up the fact that Spike had gotten to kiss Buffy more than he ever did. Although he could've done that and more when she'd been under his lovespell-gone-wrong, but didn't, cause he was her friend and not a pervert.

Giles looked up from his tea when they silently came into his apartment. "Oh, thank heavens. You're all alright?" He saw Buffy dragging a very reluctant Spike in and was visibly relieved to see they were not holding hands. Xander and Anya were still alive, and Willow looked shamefaced.

"All good here," Buffy said, "Seeing just fine then?"

"Well, I'm no longer blind," Giles answered.

"Good." Buffy shoved Spike down on a chair, ignoring the growl he sent her way. "We need to tie him up."

"Slayer," Spike purred, "How kinky."

"And maybe a gag," Buffy called after Giles as he went upstairs to find some extra rope.

"Gladly," he called down, making Spike scowl.

"I need to bake," Willow announced, making the rest of the group look at her. "Well, nothing says 'I'm sorry' like home-made cookies."

"Is that a custom I don't know about?" Anya asked, following her into the kitchen, much to Willow's horror. "I have heard of flowers, or chocolates, or make-up sex, but I...." Xander paled slightly at her words.

"I think I'll keep them company," he said.

Buffy's eyes grew wide. "No! Xander, wait..." she called after him, but he disappeared into the kitchen. Spike smirked at her as she turned to look at him in dismay. "What're you so pleased about?"

"Well Slayer, if I didn't know any better I'd say you are afraid to be alone with me." He gave her a heated look, just to throw her off balance.

"I've never been afraid of you," Buffy spat. Spike raised an eyebrow at her.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," he whispered, leaning close to her. "I meant you're afraid something might happen."

Buffy scoffed. "Please. The spell is so very over. And you disgust me so very very much." His face was a mere inch away, but Buffy refused to back down and stared at him.

Spike's eyes darkened as he looked at her, so close it would take the barest of movement to touch his lips to hers. What was stopping him? Not the bloody chip in his head, or the fact that the Scoobies were within hearing distance, or even that the Slayer could wipe his sorry arse across the room. Spike leaned forward slightly...

"Buffy, you can use this hankerchief as a gag." Giles walked into the room and Buffy turned to look at him, ruining Spike's attempt at a kiss. He frowned at the Watcher, who was holding a pretty silk square of fabric. It was monogramed with the letters RG.

"If you even TRY to put that nancyboy cloth in my mouth I'LL-" His words were cut off as Buffy shoved the lilac-scented hanky in. Spike's eyes narrowed into tiny blue slits and he slowly reached up and pulled it out. "You. Wanker." he said, furious.

Buffy grinned at his expression. "Well, that actually made him shut up for a whole two seconds." She picked up the chains and jangled them teasingly in front of his face. "C'mon boy, time to get tucked in for the night."

"I do wish I had a better place to put him besides my bath," Giles said.

"Yeah, he hates having to share his nightly bubblebath with me." Spike crossed his arms and sank lower in the chair, not co-operating with Buffy as she tried to pull him up.

"You take bubblebaths?" Buffy gaped at Giles.

"No, not with Spike, if that's what you mean." Giles shrugged a bit. "Sometimes I must soak out the kinks after battling a rather difficult demon with you on patrol."

"Yeah, and he has to use peach scented candles while he does it. Very manly," Spike said, smirking. Buffy looked at Giles again, who seemed tongue-tied. "It's true, I can smell them under his sink!"

"Buffy? The gag?" Buffy handed it over to Giles, who again shoved it into Spike's mouth. "Do get him tied up."

Spike found his arms pulled firmly behind his back and was unceremoniously hauled into the bathroom and pushed into the tub before he could manage to work the gag out of his mouth. He spat a little, making a face from the taste.

"Alright, you don't need to get so childish," Buffy said, leaning over him to fasten a shackle. Spike's eyes widened as he saw straight down her top. She had the cutest little pink bra on. Cotton too. Nothing sexier. His mouth fell open in delight.

"What is wrong with you?" Buffy asked, pulling away at the expression on his face. He looked downright demented, eyes glazed and slack jawed.

"What's wrong with you?" Spike countered.

"What?" Buffy shook her head. "That didn't even make any sense. Nothing is wrong with me....now." She gave him a smile that clearly said 'eat shit' and locked his feet together.

Spike watched her silently as she fastened the rest of the chains around his legs, not even trying to hide the fact that her nearness was turning him on, and when Buffy happened to glance in that direction she let out a gasp. He grabbed her before she had a chance to scurry back, pulling her into his lap and right onto his rock-hard bulge.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" she hissed at him, squirming.

"Just what it looks like," he answered, grabbing her ass tightly, making the funniest squeak come out of her mouth.

"Stop it!" Buffy whispered, glancing at the bathroom door. The last thing she needed was for someone to come in to check on the prisoner and discover her wiggling around on his lap. Spike grinned rakishly, his hand suddenly between her thighs. Her fist shot forward and his head snapped back so hard he thought he might have whiplash.

"OW!" He let go and held his bleeding nose in pain. "That hurts, Slayer!"

"I'm gonna hurt you even more if you ever try that again," she vowed, jumping off him.

"You promise?" he drawled, letting his eyes travel slowly over her body. Her mouth tightened and he suddenly felt a little frightened at the expression in her eyes. "Now Slayer-" He protested as she pulled a stake from out of nowhere. Just where the hell did she hide those things? In was an intriguing thought. One for future consideration, like when she wasn't trying to stake him.

"Oi! C'mon Slayer, cut it out!" He ducked down as far as he could, narrowly avoiding a stake in the chest. "Hey! That one almost went in!"

"Oh, you noticed, did you?" she hissed at him, furious. "What, did you think I was only trying to give you a flesh wound all those other times we fought?" She shoved him down and aimed again.

"Move one more inch and I'll tell the Scoobies what you whispered in my ear."

Buffy froze. Spike slowly sat up, finding his moxie again at the look of utter horror in her eyes. "That's right. I'll tell them that nasty little sex act you wanted to do on our wedding night. A 'very special' little something you requested, eh?" He cocked his head. "Never knew you were such a kink-monster Slayer."

Buffy felt her face flame as she remembered how she'd sat on Spike's lap and coyly murmured that she wanted him to take her 'second virginity' on their wedding night. 'Make it that much more special' she'd explained. His eyes had gotten hot, and the kiss he'd planted on her...well, it had been something else. She found herself panting slightly as they stared at each other challengingly.

"If you say one word..." She made stabbing motions with her hand. Spike's face was priceless.

"You're gonna..." he trailed off suggestively, making the same motions, only his were directed towards his pants. Buffy made so many spluttering noises he seriously thought she was going to choke.

"You...oooh!" She lunged at him again, but was so mad that she became careless, making it quite easy for Spike to knock the stake out of her hand. It bounced and slid across the bathroom tiles, coming to rest next to the sink-which really did smell like peaches. Buffy half fell into the tub, stomach banging painfully against the edge. Spike took the opportunity to pull her even closer, hands wrapped in her hair.

"Slayer," he whispered and pressed his lips eagerly against hers. She gave a slight attempt at escape, but he could tell her heart wasn't really in it. "C'mon Slayer, kiss me."

"Spike..." Buffy's head swam at the heat of his kisses. How could a vampire be so hot? Why was she still letting him kiss her? Well, letting him wasn't really the correct term, seeing as how she was the one scrambling over into the tub and straddling him. She ground her hips into his and was rewarded with a very masculine groan. The chains around his legs rattled loudly as he thrashed around beneath her in an attempt to thrust upwards into her warm wetness.

"Oh god," Spike gasped loudly, pulling his mouth away, thinking that he might just climax from the incredible sensation of the Slayer against his body like this. Not very manly, coming in his pants like a schoolboy still wet behind the ears. Buffy greedily pulled him back and kissed him, hard. He jerked. "Buffy! GOD!"

Buffy pulled back and they stared at each other, shocked. Spike shifted uncomfortably. "Um....sorry," he said, feeling totally inept.

"Did you...uh...you know..." Buffy asked. Spike's annoyed expression said it all. "Wow!"

"Yeah, really great, messin' in my pants like some-" Buffy cut him off with another kiss. Who was he to argue? Instead, he slid his fingers down the smooth skin of her belly, making her gasp and rub against his thigh. Encouraged, he popped her pants open with a flick of his finger and felt lower, loving the sounds she made when he reached her curls. They weren't just damp, they were positively soaked, and he wasted no time in pushing a finger into her tight passage. She bucked against him, hard, her entrance getting even more slick. Spike dreamily considered the fact that she really had staked him, and someone had screwed up and sent him to heaven by mistake. And when she clutched his shoulders, nails scratching the crap out of his shoulders with the intensity of her climax he knew he really was in heaven.

"Mmmm...." Buffy murmured sleepily, looking at the blonde beneath her. He was incredibly sexy, curls all messed up, lips swollen from kisses. He pulled his hand out of her pants and licked his fingers, eyes never leaving hers.

"You taste fantastic," he whispered. Her breath caught at the carnal move. They were about to kiss again when all at once voices could be heard from the livingroom. Willow was offering cookie dough to Xander, and her voice was coming closer.

"Buffy?" Willow called. Buffy froze, then all at once jumped out of the tub in a burst of panic.

"Hold on Will, just finishing Spike-I mean, just finishing tieing him up!" she called, flustered. Spike smiled lazily at her and stretched, his dark pants sporting a brand new sex stain. Horrified, Buffy grabbed some tissues. "Clean that up!" She hissed, tossing them on his chest.

"One could say the same for you," Spike said, pleased with himself. Buffy looked down and saw, to her dismay, that a small wet spot was visible on the front of her pants as well. She grabbed a towel and rubbed franticly.

"What's with the panic attack Slayer? Scared you might actually want to do it again?" Spike wiped casually at his pants, eyes on Buffy.

"Shut up Spike. You're a-"

"I'm a pig. Yes, we've all heard it, Slayer. Why don't you give it up? You want me. Admit it," Spike said, feeling rather self-assured. He sent her his best melting glance, hoping she'd come back over for some more nookie.

She came back over alright, but instead of climbing back into the tub she grabbed the extra rope Giles had found and wrapped it around him about ten times, then tied a huge knot. Spike felt a tinge of disappointment. "Buffy-"

Buffy grabbed the hanky and shoved it in his mouth. "Shut it Spike. If you're good I'll take this out and let you come into the livingroom when Willow's done with the cookies. Say one word about this, and I will be sweeping you into the trash. And just for the record, I couldn't be more serious."

Spike looked at her eyes and knew she wasn't kidding. They weren't angry-on the contrary-she looked confused and shocked. He knew she had some major mulling to do about what had just happened. Hell, so did he. He sighed and rolled his eyes, letting her know he would be good....for now.

"Good. As long as we understand each other." Buffy turned to leave, but paused, her hand on the doorknob. All at once she turned back and took the gag out of his mouth. Then she was gone, leaving one confused vampire staring after her.

DISCLAIMER: Yes yes, we all know it. That Joss guy has all the rights to all the characters. I am a weirdo rabid geek-fan who writes stories now and then. Mutant Enemy owns lots too. And so forth.

THANK YOU: to all the fabulous people who reviewed my other story. It inspired me to continue with this. Not as much sassiness, but never fear, the next chapter promises to deliver.

THIS IS: Basically, Spike and Buffy had a naughty time in Giles' tub after 'Something Blue'. Now, a few weeks later, Buffy and Spike haven't really talked privately. The Scoobies have stopped the end of the world-again. It starts at the end of 'Doomed', which ended with Xander, Willow and Spike all seeing Riley in his commando gear in the wreckage of Sunnydale High. Afterwards Buffy kisses Riley (ugh, need to wash out my eyeballs now) and Spike wants to go kill. Xander and Willow wanna watch the TV.

Chapter two

Spike paced before the two Scoobies, excited. His adrenaline was running high. He could HURT again. Fight! Kill! And yet, there they sat, blankly watching some stupid action movie.

"What's this? Just sitting about watching the telly when there's evil afoot? Not very industrious of you." He leaned in closer and they both moved over to the left, trying to see the screen. "I say we get out there and kick a little demon ass!"

Willow and Xander wore identical bored expressions, trying to ignore him and veg on the couch. He was having none of it. Maybe a little egging would get them going.

"Can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her, then. She is the chosen one after all." Spike said. "Come on! Vampires! Grrrr....nasty! Let's annihilate em! For justice...and...and for the safety of puppies...and-Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something!"

Willow pointed silently at the TV, not taking her eyes off the screen.

"Oh, come on!" Spike whined.

Xander sighed. "Will it get you to shut the hell up?"

Spike almost glowed and bounced around on the balls of his feet. "Sure, whatever you want. Just, let's go maim and destroy...I mean, rescue babies and such. Call the Slayer and let's get going."

"Buffy's at Riley',." Willow said, making Spike pause in his little killing-spree jig.

"Riley?" Spike said. He sat down on the couch, rudely shoving his way between Willow and Xander, ignoring the look Xander gave him. "Who's that then?"

"That Army guy we just talked to when we stopped the end of the world. Remember?" Xander asked sarcastically, bending down to pick up the pretzels Spike had knocked off his lap when he sat down. Spike was a terrible room mate.

Spike scoffed. "What, Spud-boy? That farmer in the 'secret' get-up?" He sat back and crossed his arms. "Please."

"He's a commando." Xander smiled, a thought occurring. "Hey! I bet he was one of the guys who chipped your brain and made you all impotent." He dusted off one of the pretzels and bit into it.

Spike looked smug. "I wouldn't talk about being impotent if I were you. I seem to recall a certain ponce not being able to perform just the other night."

Xander shot to his feet. "Hello, vampire not six feet away from me? As if I was going to do anything with you in the room!" He ignored Spike's muttered 'Thank god for that', and pointed a finger at him menacingly. "For someone who wants free room and blood you are awfully smug. Maybe I won't be around to bring you your dinner anymore! Maybe I won't be around to stop you from dusting yourself! May-be I'll tell the Initiative just where they can find you for more slicing and dicing of the ole Spikey."

Spike looked at Xander and slowly stood up to face him. "And maybe, when I get this chip out of my head, you'll be the first one I drain. Or..." he tilted his head and gave Xander a mean little smile, "Or may-be I'll drain the little ex-demon while you watch." Xander shoved him, hard, and he shoved back, pain shooting through his head. He buckled a bit, holding it in agony.

"Bloody-you can't tell me I can't even push someone!"

"Too bad for you," Xander said in a fake worried tone.

"Um, guys?" They both turned to look at Willow, who was hanging up the phone. "Buffy says to meet her at campus and we'll patrol. She's not very happy about being interrupted."

"Interrupted?" Spike said, eyebrows raised. "You mean the Slayer and Mr. Potato-head are an item?"

"Well, they had a picnic," Willow said. "With apples." Spike nodded. What could make a bit of killing better than knowing he'd managed to get Buffy away from her newest lapdog?

"Right then. Off we go to patrol. The Slayer will have to realize that maintaining peace and harmony between her fellow man and, er, the undead is more important that playing with her college puppy."

He marched out, the others following reluctantly. "Pass me a pretzel," Willow said listlessly.

Buffy was waiting for them in front of her dorm, and she looked pissed. "Tell me again why we need to go out and patrol right after we've stopped the end of the world?" she said wearily. If it wasn't for Riley getting called away for a debriefing she would have told Willow there was no chance she was going out tonight-again.

"Spike is bugging us," Xander muttered sulkily.

Buffy sighed and looked at the vampire, who had the most innocent expression on his face. He mouthed, 'No I'm not', and mimed, rather well, that Xander was sexually frustrated and had kicked him out of his basement. Her face paled.

"Ewww Xander," she said.

"What?" Xander looked at Spike, who shrugged.

Willow ate another handful of pretzels.

"Why don't you two, um, go home. I'll patrol and then drop Spike off later," Buffy suggested, adding, "You look beat."

"Yes, why don't you 'beat it'," Spike said to Xander, sending a glance to Buffy. She looked mortified by the thought of Xander masturbating and spun around.

"What?" Xander asked, confused. "Well, if you want. I'll go pick up Anya, we haven't seen each other much since Chippy started making himself un-welcome."

"Are you sure Buffy?" Willow asked, stifling a huge yawn. "Cause I'm up for some major action!"

Buffy laughed. "The only thing you look up for is a nap. Go. Rest. I'll do a quick circle and be back soon."

"Yes, off you two go. Never fear, the Slayer and I will rid the night off all those nasties," Spike said, practically pushing them on their way, his impatience to kill something growing. "Bye now!"

"Um, bye." Willow went inside. Xander gave Spike a look, but gave Buffy a wave and took off to Anya's. Spike turned to Buffy, ready to go.

"Well Slayer, shall we go rid the world of a few more bits of evil?"

Buffy looked at Spike, annoyed. "Why don't I just rid the world of you and call it a night?" she said, but started off towards the cemetery, not looking back to see if Spike was coming or not. He watched her walk for a second, then came up beside her with long strides, his coat flowing behind him. She didn't say a word as they walked, didn't even look at him. So that's how it was going to be then? The little bint messes around with him in a tub and then pretends like nothing went on? Well, he'd have it out with her right now.

"So Slayer, how are things with the soldier boy?" Spike watched Buffy's face, delighted with the embarrassed expression. "Show him that little trick with the tub and the chains yet?"

She stopped suddenly and grabbed him by the throat, effortlessly pinning him up against the nearest tree. Her grip was like a vise. "Don't. Ever. Mention. That. Again." she spat. Spike smiled into her eyes.

"Mention what? The best sexual moment you ever had? Much more satisfying that the Poof I wager, and I never even had the pleasure of entering-" He was cut from further bragging by Buffy's left hook. It sent him sprawling to the slightly damp ground. "Hey! Watch the leather. My duster could get ruined you know."

Buffy glared down at him. "The only reason anything happened between us was because of THE SPELL." She came closer and put her foot on his shoulder, the boot heel grinding in painfully. "And now that spell is over, so there will be no more talk of it. Ever. I still have the nightmares."

She'd had one just the other night in fact, and it was rather fresh in her mind. Spike and her in Giles' tub again, only this time there were no chains or clothes, just hot, hot water and peach-scented bubbles. And lots of sex. She shivered.

Spike noticed her shuddering at the thought of his touch. So that's how it was then? "Oh, I see, you prefer the touch of a fumbling prat like your army boy? Well, you're welcome to it. Enjoy." He sneered the last word and pushed her foot off, getting up.

"Yes. That's right," Buffy said, a little more defensive than she needed to be. "I like him. He's human. He's not a killer. He listens when I talk and he doesn't wear the same outfit twenty-four-seven!"

"Ooooh, he sounds right proper," Spike mocked. Good for her. Hope she gets the pox. "Like a right, proper, wanker. I'm sure you two will be very happy together. Maybe tomorrow you can go to the zoo and feed all his brothers, the gorillas."

"Really mature Spike. This is the talk of a vampire who's over a hundred years old? You're acting like a child." Buffy turned away from him in a huff. Suddenly she felt his hands on her shoulders, the iron grip whipping her back to face him.

"I know how to act with you Slayer," he growled. "I know what you like. And I'm the only one who can give it to you." He suddenly pushed her down to her knees before him and she yelped. What nerve! Who did he think he was-

Spike took the hit from the Turalk demon right on the jaw, splitting his cheek open. Blood poured down his neck as he shoved Buffy aside and ducked the next swing, roaring in absolute pleasure. This was what he needed! Pure, un-chipped violence! He punched it hard, ignoring how the skin burned his fists, enjoying hurting something-anything again. He felt alive!

"Do you mind? I was having a conversation here!" Buffy delivered a kick to the Turalk's back and it stumbled a bit. Her boot suddenly sported a gaping new hole as the acidic goo coating it's skin ate away at the leather. "Hey! Those cost a lot of money!" She pulled out her stake and went for its heart.

"Can't kill it like that Slayer," Spike panted, dodging a mighty blow. He tore of his coat and threw it to safety before coming in for some more hits. "You need to touch it with something gold." He didn't move fast enough and the next swing caught him on the shoulder, making him hiss as his skin bubbled at the contact. He went down hard, clutching the injury. The Turalk made a strange whistling sound and lunged for him.

"Spike!" Buffy grabbed at her necklace and threw it to him. He caught it in midair and gave out a yell of pain.

"Dammit Slayer!" he said, dropping the cross in the grass. His palm sported a brand spanking new cross-shaped burn. "What are you trying to do?" He demanded, kicking the demon away when it came close. It fell over a headstone, which promptly began to smoke.

"Ooops! Sorry." Buffy ran over and fumbled in the grass. "Ah ha!" She held it up triumphantly, just in time to shove it in the Turalk's face. The thing gave an almighty scream and began to melt almost immediately, making Buffy scoot back from the steaming mess in disgust. "Sick."

Spike groaned, still lying in the grass, nursing his hand and his burnt shoulder. "A person could think you were trying to get me killed with that kind of help," he muttered when Buffy kneeled down next to him. She reached for his hand and he made a sound of protest, pulling it back sharply.

"Let me see you big baby," Buffy said, gently pulling it toward her again. He stilled at the soft touch and watched her silently as she inspected the damage. "This will heal, " she said, not letting go of his hand. She was very close to him, close enough that he could feel her breath against his cheek. She lifted her other hand to the blood that had already stopped flowing from his cut and touched him, fingers lighter than butterfly wings. When she pulled her hand away he saw some of his blood on her fingertips. Spike moved in and he licked them clean, echoing his move from their bathtub encounter, making her gasp a little as they stared at each other.

"Buffy.." Spike leaned in close, his lips brushing hers gently. "Buffy." Her lips parted and she breathed her scent into him, still holding his hand in hers so very gently. It made him dizzy with pleasure. This was even better than killing. He let his lips trail down to her neck, sweetly and oh-so sensually kissing at the sensitive spot near her pulse. Spike sucked softly and Buffy moaned from the pleasure of it. Her free hand traveled to his shoulder, accidentally touching his wound. He winced sharply and she pulled back, eyes huge. They stared at each other for a second, and when Spike leaned in again Buffy shot back from him and leapt up.

"Buffy wait-" he began but she backed up, pointing a trembling finger at him.

"No. Spike, you can't do this to me. I want a normal relationship. This is obviously still leftovers from the spell."

"What? That spell was over the moment the witch broke it and you know it," Spike said, impatient now. "And as for a normal relationship, good luck with that. You'll never be with a normal guy because you aren't a normal girl, and the sooner you admit that the better." He stepped towards her, face twisted a little from her rejection. "I know what you are and what you need. And I can give it to you," he promised again. This didn't give the desired effect he was looking for. Instead of her melting back into his arms she gave him a push that sent him flying to the ground and took off sprinting into the night. "Dammit Slayer." He said again, watching her go. "What the bleeding hell is your problem?"

HEY! DISCLAIMERS! ALL RIGHT!!: yeah, as usual, Joss W. is a hog-he took his ball home and won't let us play with it...well, ha! I got my own ball! Maybe it's not the original ball, and maybe I get no money or rights from this ball...okay, I'm rambling. I own nothing. ME and Joss own it all. Bah

SUMMARY: Spike still seems to have those lustful feelings for Buffy. She, of course, kisses and runs. He's annoyed. What wackiness happens next?? Oooh! Actually, this is Xander/Spike bonding...as much as those two possibly could anyways.

AGAIN: Thanks for the reviews. I haven't even told any of my friends that I have written a story and posted it here...so to read such positive comments does the heart good. It is so exciting to read them. I agreed with Supergirl about my last line in chapter 2...I wasn't totally satisfied with it either. I changed it slightly, but may change it again when I think of a better ender. I am hooked on this writing stuff now, and last night stayed up till 4 am...yes, I am a Fanfic junkie. Laundry? Dishes? Supper? Hello? Wish I had a maid. No, I take that back...I wish I had a Spike, in his duster..."Hey Spike, do you have dinner on yet?" Instead of making food he raises his eyebrows at me and carries me off to the bedroom to teach me a lesson or two about trying to make him cook...lol

Chapter three

"Mr. Harris, I'm here to give you your sponge bath." Anya put down the metal basin filled with warm soapy water and bent low over her 'patient', exposing a large amount of breast. "Oh! My! You really are dirty! I must take care of this right away!"

Xander grinned and ripped his shirt off for Anya's ministrations, then grabbed her roughly and pulled her close. "Oh, I'm dirty all right," he whispered huskily in her ear, making her squeal with delight. "And I'm gonna show you just how dirty right away." He yanked at her skimpy excuse for a nurses uniform, making what little top she had covering her breasts pop open. His breathing quickened as he saw the sexy lacey bra she wore underneath. "Mmmm...very nice Nurse Anya."

Anya pulled back and swiftly removed the rest of her clothes, standing before him in a classic white outfit:frilly push-up, sheer garters and silky panties. A small white nurse's cap was atop her head. Not to mention the very high heels. "Shall I 'wash' you now sir?" she asked coyly, reaching for the sponge.

"I'll give you something to wash." Xander pulled off his pants and motioned her closer. He was very hard and loving every moment of it. "And not with the sponge either." He pulled himself out of his underwear and stroked slowly.

Anya gave a small gasp. "Sir! What are you doing!" But she obediently knelt down in front of the bed. "You need a trained professional for this sort of job!"

Xander's breathing grew heavy as she bent forward, about to take his throbbing hard-on into her mouth. Why was he so lucky? Anya was the best girlfriend in the world. What other guy was blessed enough to have a beautiful, hot woman who loved sex and every kinky game he could think of? Life couldn't get better...

"OH! Bloody...take it outside will you? I'm trying to watch the telly."

Xander almost fell off the bed. "Spike! What the hell are you doing here?" He whipped a sheet over his waist and tossed Anya the top blanket. She wrapped it around her sullenly, not happy to see the vampire had returned home early.

"I live here, remember?" Spike flopped down on the couch, a box of Triscits in his hands.

"No, you freeload here. I live here. And I'm trying to have a moment of privacy with my girlfriend so get lost." He stood up and gave his best annoyed look. Spike looked at him, then his eyes dropped pointedly to the poking front of his sheet. Xander sat down again and bunched the sheet some more.

"I thought you were patrolling with Buffy," he said, rummaging for his pants.

Spike shrugged and flipped the channels. "She killed a Turalk demon and called it a night. Ran back to Melonhead I wager."

Anya, now dressed, flopped own beside Spike and grabbed a Triscit, still wearing her little hat. "You need a place of your own so I can have sex with Xander. You interrupted Xander's favorite game, 'The Naughty Nurse.'"

Spike looked at Anya. "Oh, really? I never noticed. Why don't you tell me all about it." He offered her another of Xander's salty woven biscuits.

"Well, he's a bad, dirty patient and I come to give him a sponge bath-" Anya began eagerly, but was interrupted by Xander pulling her off the couch.

"An, he doesn't need to know the details. Why don't you go home, and I'll call you tomorrow, ok?" She pouted and he gave her a deep kiss. "I'll make it up to you, I swear."

"You'd better. I expect at least four orgasms next time...and we get to play MY favorite game," she said as she pulled on her coat.

"And what's that then?" Spike called after her. She paused on the stairs and turned around.

"The Dominatrix and the Slave."

Spike gave a snort and turned back to the TV while Xander hustled his girlfriend out before she could say another word. He didn't need the entire undead world to know his sexual fantasies. When he came back down he found Spike snapping his fingers at him.

"Hey, slaveboy, warm me up a cuppa blood will ya? I seem to have injured myself, but never fear, I don't need a sponge bath." He smirked a bit. "Unless that darling little demon girl of yours volunteers. That's a hot little sprocket you have there."

"Why are you still here?" Xander grabbed the Triscits away from the vamp. "And stop eating all my food. Go warm up your own blood, mooch."

"Stop eating my foo-ood," Spike mimicked in a high falsetto. "Pick up after yourself. Suck it, Nurse Anya."

Xander saw red and grabbed Spike, who yelped a bit in protest as he was pulled off the dank, worn couch. Triscits went flying everywhere. "You little weasel, I am gonna pound you so hard-"

"Ugh Xander, more sex talk? Really, save it for your honey, she seems the jealous type." He made kissy-kissy noises in Xander's face.

"That's it, chip or no chip, you're going down." Xander punched him hard in the stomach, making Spike bend over, clutching his belly. Grabbing him by the scruff of the neck he sent him flying into the coffee table. It was made of cheap particleboard and shattered into a thousand pieces. Spike rolled over painfully and gave a short, wheezing laugh.

"Oh, sure, hit a man while he's chipped and injured." He rose slowly to his feet, holding his shoulder. Xander frowned, noticing for the first time his badly burnt skin and the scabby cut on his cheek.

"What happened? Is Buffy okay?" he asked, worried now.

"The Slayer is just fine," Spike answered, a touch bitterly. "I was on the receiving end of the hurting. Damn Turalk and his bloody no-touch defenses."

"Here." Xander got his first-aid kit down from the shelf above the dryer and sat down beside him. "Take off your shirt. And if you make one-just ONE-homo erotic comment I will throw you out with a stake firmly implanted in your chest. At sunrise."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Spike took of the remains of his shirt and tossed it into a corner. Xander sent him a frustrated look. "What?"

"Feel free to just throw your things wherever. Why are you such a slob?" He squeezed some aloe-vera onto the angry red patch of skin on his shoulder. It was covered in pus-filled bubbles. "Ugh, you do not want these to burst. Or do you? Maybe you need to get them lanced."

"Too bad the 'nurse' left already, we coulda asked her," Spike said, craning his head around to peer at the mess on his shoulder. "Nah. Just patch it and be done with it. By morning it'll be mostly healed." He sat obediently still while Xander cut and taped some gauze over it. His palm itched and he turned his hand over, looking at the mark from Buffy's necklace.

"What happened there? Turalk carried a cross too?" Xander handed Spike the ointment. He looked at it for a moment and put it aside, tracing the burn with his index finger.

"No," he said simply.

DISCLAIMER: You know that guy, Joss? And that company, ME? Well, it's all theirs. Some kinda conspiracy, I reckon.

AGAIN: Reviews and comments and any tips are welcome. Thanks everyone for the encouragement.

WHAT'S GOING ON NOW?: Well, Spike and Buffy did a little *nudge nudge* in the tub. Then they had a *moment* outside, but she turned chicken and ran. Xander and Anya tried to play a special game, but Spike crashed that particular party. Willow was sleepy. Now, a few days later, Giles had been turned into a Fyorl demon by that Ethan Raine. Oh Ethan, will you ever learn? Spike helped Giles, for cash of course, and accidentally crashed the car while being chased by the Initiative. What a bunch of putzes they are. Buffy and Giles are talking things over at his place. (Takes place directly after 'A New Man') Oh yeah, Spike 'moved out' of Xander's basement from hell. Poor Xander, no one to make fun of now. He'll just have to go back to the self-mocking. lol Plus...horrors! Earlier, Buffy called Riley her 'boyfriend' and introduced him to Giles. Now that is just plain wrong.

Chapter four

"I just want you to be wary of the Initiative Buffy. Keep your eyes open." Giles shuddered delicately, looking at Buffy worriedly. "Maggie Walsh is one to watch out for. The harridan." He picked up his empty glass and got off the couch.

"I'm sorry you had such a bad first meeting," Buffy said. "Maybe if you talked to her some more, maybe met her for dinner or coffee, you'd find that disgust and horror you feel for her hides true love...' She trailed off at his look and laughed. "I'm joking Giles. I jest. I kid. I kid because I love."

"Indeed." A knock at the door interrupted him and he went over and opened it to reveal Spike leaning up against the doorframe. Giles gave a sigh. "Spike. Well, I'd say it was good to see you, but it's never good to see you."

"Bugger that Rupert," Spike said. He shot a glance over to Buffy sitting silently on the couch. "I'm here for my money. Pure and simple. No other reason."

Giles nodded. "Ah yes, your money."

"What money?" Buffy came to the door, frowning. "What's going on?" She noticed Spike was sporting a fresh bruise on his forehead. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing." He held his hand out to Giles, palm up, and twitched his fingers impatiently. 'Money. Now."

Giles frowned at Spike, also noticing the bruise. Where had he been all this time? "Where's my car, Spike?"

"Is someone going to invite me in?" Spike demanded. He was answered by a double 'NO" from the two humans in the apartment. "Well, fine then. Your car is in the alley where I left it after I gallantly led those army tossers away from you. Gave them the slip. Hit a wall."

Giles paled and sat on the stairs behind him. His car. His beloved car. He'd had that car for sixteen years, and now it was gone. And he had to give Spike money. "My car is...?"

"Well, it's done, isn't it? I mean, you drove a piece of tin with wheels. Didn't survive the crash. Pay up." Spike smoothed his duster, flicking away a bit of dust. "I believe you owe me three."

Buffy had watched this exchange, not knowing what to say. Spike helped Giles? Well, not really helped, seeing as he was getting paid for his services. She hadn't seen him since he tried to make the moves on her after she melted that burny demon. Not like she cared. Spike wasn't even a blip on her radar. "Three what?"

"Three?" Giles shot back up. "I do believe we agreed on two hundred."

"Yes, all true, until I ended up leading the enemy away from you and letting you jump out of the car while I did it. A damn fine decoy I was too, and at great risk, considering they could have dragged me back to their underground army science lab. A bloody hero is what I am!" he said, watching Buffy's face. She shook her head.

"You're paying Spike three hundred dollars for helping you?" she said to Giles. Turning to Spike, she snorted, "And, hero? Not even close. You're evil Spike, pure and simple. And when that chip comes out you're gonna be living in a Dust Buster."

"Yeah, well, I'm an evil guy who's three hundred dollars richer. Gotta love capitalism. Pay up."

Giles removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine. I have it upstairs."

"Chop chop old fellow. There's many drinks in my future, and the sooner I get them the better," Spike said insolently. Giles paused on the stairs and looked at him, but refrained from saying anything. The sooner he gave him the money the sooner he'd be gone. Annoying little blighter, Giles thought as he walked to his den. There seemed to be a little of that Fyorl demon rage still kicking around inside him...

Giles left and Buffy found herself alone with Spike. She looked at him and he gave her a nod, eyes running up and down her body in appreciation, lingering on her chest for a moment. "Hmmmm, Slayer. I never got to check out your goodies that time in Rupert's bath." He jerked his chin towards the room in question. "Wanna have another round?"

"Why must you always be the pig?" she asked. His look had made her feel all naked and exposed. She resisted the urge to cross her arms.

"Why must you always be the prude?" he countered, leaning his hands against the invisible barrier between them. Buffy frowned, feeling the sting of his words.

"I am not a prude," she said primly. "It just seems that way next to you because you are such a big pervert."

"A pervert ?" Spike scoffed. She wasn't serious!

Buffy opened her mouth to prove her point, but Giles came back down and handed Spike his money.

"Well then, I suppose you'll-" The door was closed firmly in his face by Giles. Spike paused, looked at the door for a moment, and then tucked his money into his pocket, pleased with the profit he'd just made. Now, off to do some serious drinking, of the beer and whiskey kind.

As he walked down the street he saw a young couple holding hands and whispering to each other as they strolled along the street. They didn't have a care in the world. In the good old days he would have shown them otherwise. Made a gift of them to Dru. Would've drank them together, holding hands and looking into each others eyes. How was that perverted? The Slayer didn't know what she was talking about.

Four shots of Glenkinchie (in honor of the Watcher, who financed this evening), and six Guinness' later, Spike was still mulling over the Slayer's comments. How was being sexual perverted? She didn't seem to mind in the Watcher's bath. He hadn't heard any complaining. Spike leaned up against the wall and drained the last of his stout, half-heartedly watching the band on stage. The lead singer had, of all things, a red feather boa around his neck. Now that was someone who was perverted. As he lowered his glass a flash of blonde hair caught his eye. Spike looked closer and saw the Slayer across the room, wearing a scanty blue top that showed most of her back, and she was leaning on that overgrown boy scout like no tomorrow. Well lookie here. The night just got a lot more interesting.

Buffy was bored. She didn't want to admit it and hurt Riley's feelings, but his friends weren't very fun. All they wanted to do was sit around and talk about sports. And women. And race car drivers. They didn't dance and they didn't joke. Unless the ones about the 'dumb blonde' counted. Those never stopped being funny. Hardee har har.

She sighed. She missed her friends. Xander was a guy and he never bored her. He made jokes that were actually funny, and he danced with her and Willow. Even Spike was funnier than these guys, in his sarcastic, smart-alexy way.

"You all right?" Riley smiled at her, concerned. He was so thoughtful and nice.

"I'm just a little tired from tonight. No biggie," she said, and gave him a big smile. Something bright caught her eye over his left shoulder and she craned her head a bit. On the other side of the room stood Spike, staring right at her. Her smile faltered.

"What's wrong?" Riley felt her forehead, worried. "You look a little pale all of a sudden."

"Oh, no, I'm just fine," Buffy lied, trying not to look back in Spike's direction but finding it impossible not to. Spike kept looking back at her, not moving. "I need a drink," she muttered.

"Here you go." Riley passed her her diet coke. Buffy looked at it. "There doesn't happen to be any rye in this diet coke?"

Riley frowned. "You're underage," he said, as if the very idea shocked him. Buffy gave a small laugh.

"Ha ha, just kidding" she said, trying not to roll her eyes. She peeked over again. Spike was still watching her. She could actually feel his eyes on her skin, moving over her, drinking her in. She shivered.

"Hey, Buffy!" Buffy politely turned to one of Riley's frat buddies. "Why did the blonde crash her car into the McDonald's?" She raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "Cause the sign said 'Drive...Through!'" The group screamed with laughter, actually doubling over and slapping their thighs, holding each other up as they did.

"Good one," Buffy said dryly. God, she had to get away from these morons. She turned to check on Spike, but he wasn't in his corner anymore.

"Care to dance?" Spike asked quietly in her ear. She spun around in surprise. "Getting soft there Slayer. Didn't even notice the evil vampire standing right behind you. I coulda done..." he paused suggestively, "...things to you before you could defend yourself."

Buffy gave him a look. "Dance? I don't think so. And for the record, I knew you were there, Spike," she lied.

"Oh, I see. The surprise and the gasping was all to throw me off before you staked me. Very clever Slayer." Spike curled his lip a little, taking in Riley standing beside her. Buffy noticed and froze, not sure what to say.

"Hi." Riley held his hand out politely, not recognizing him from a few hours earlier. "I'm Riley."

Spike looked at the hand. "I know who you are," he said coldly. Riley pulled his hand back, looking at Spike a little less nicely now.

One of the frat boys pulled Riley by his shirt. "Hey man, wanna shoot some pool with us?" Riley shook his head, not breaking the staring contest between the rude blonde guy and himself. He stepped a little closer to him, emphasizing the extra height he had on the shorter man. Buffy noticed and pushed her way in between them as inconspicuously as she could.

"Hey Riley, I could really use a refill," she said sweetly, holding her empty glass. "I'm terribly parched."

"Sure." Riley gave Spike one last glance and took Buffy's glass from her, and turned towards the bar. Spike made a slight lunging motion towards him but Buffy discreetly grabbed his arm.

"Are you insane?" she hissed when they were alone, shoving him away. "Half these guys are from the Initiative!" Spike recovered his balance and struck his best cocky pose.

"What's the problem love? All bitter 'cause I interrupted the joke-telling? And you looked like you were having such a great time of it too." He came in close and whispered. "I can show you a much better time than this clod."

"Not a chance Spike." Buffy moved away from him, not wanting him to hear her pulse speeding up. "I'm out with my boyfriend. Go away."

Spike's jaw tightened for a second. "Boyfriend?" He gave a small laugh. "Captain Sunshine is your steady now? Oh please, stop, I may be sick."

"What? Riley's perfect." Buffy crossed her arms, glaring at Spike. Who was he to talk? "Who are you to talk? Like Dru was a real prize, with the insanity and the...well, the insanity." Spike glared back but didn't say a word to defend his ex. "I happen to be very content with my relationship."

"Content. Oooh. Now that sounds exciting," Spike mocked. "You're bored to tears. I could see it from all the way across the room. I bet this is one of the first times you've actually done something besides chat over a latte at school. Now you're seeing his other side. The side that's not exclusively trying to woo you over, keep you interested. He's already got you, so he doesn't have to pretend anymore. Oh sure, he's thrilled you're by his side. He gives you little sweetheart glances and a soft brush against the side of your arm with his hand. But the thrill you were looking for with him isn't there is it? I can see it isn't."

Buffy didn't move, staring at Spike, frozen by his words. Spike continued, holding her captive with his eyes. "I bet, " he said slowly, "I guarantee you haven't let him do more than pant and paw at you a little. Not because you're 'waiting to get to know each other better', oh no, but because you're really not all that interested."

"Shut up Spike," she hissed, furious. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know exactly what I'm talking about," he countered angrily. His eyes were blazing. "Exactly."

Buffy shoved past him, storming off into the crowd. He watched her go for a moment, frustrated. "Bugger this." He followed.

Why do I let him get under my skin like this? Buffy fumed, pacing back and forth in the sitting area of the ladies washroom. God, he just talks and talks and makes me so crazy. The guy never knows when to shut up. He is such a know it all! She sat down on the frayed fake velvet loveseat with a thump, feeling all tense and fidgety. I need to go slay something, she thought. I should slay him.

Spike stormed into the room, making her jaw drop. "What are you doing?!" she said, outraged. "This is the ladies washroom!"

He came right to her and grabbed her by the upper arms, pulling her up. "Yes, except? I'm evil. I go where I want." His voice grew husky. "I take what I want. And right now, I want you." His mouth came down on hers, almost blistering in it's intensity. Buffy felt dizzy. Her knees buckled, and she knew that if Spike suddenly let go of her she'd crumple like a rag doll.

God! The guy knew how to kiss. His mouth slanted over hers again and again, stealing her protests. His tongue stole into her mouth slyly, swirling around. Hers followed his and he sucked gently, making her moan. I have to stop this, she thought fuzzily, and she pushed away, looking at him in surprise. His eyes were blue flames and they scorched her. "Spike..." She moved weakly, trying to get free. "Why isn't your chip going off?"

"I'm not trying to hurt you , luv," he whispered. He leaned down and his words tickled her ear. "Quite the contrary."

They kissed again. Spike backed up, moving her further inside. Buffy found herself being led into the last stall, the one at the end of the room, her back to the door. She pulled her mouth free, noticing where he was taking her. "What are-"

Spike slammed the door closed with his hand, eyes never leaving Buffy's. They were crammed together in the small space, his arm holding the door, his hard, lean body pressed up against hers. His hand slid down and Buffy shivered in anticipation, but he didn't touch her, instead he clicked the latch shut. The sound of it locking sent a rush between Buffy's thighs. He noticed, nostrils flaring slightly. The scent of her made him swallow heavily.

"Slayer," he growled, and rubbed up against her. "Tell me you want me."

She whimpered at the incredible feeling of him against her. He thrust once, hard, and she clutched his shoulders, almost climbing him in an attempt to get closer. He pulled her leg up around his waist and held it, positioning himself perfectly, and ground. Buffy's head fell back in bliss and he took advantage of the lovely sight, nipping and licking at her neck hungrily. "Tell me. Say it. I want to hear you say it."

Buffy couldn't think. There was nothing else in the world but this tiny space, and the intense feeling running through her body. She gasped and panted and wriggled around madly, almost desperate now, her need all-consuming. She grabbed a handful of hair and yanked him back to her mouth, kissing him greedily. "Say it," Spike begged against her lips, "Say it say it say it..."

"Yes."

It was all Spike needed. He spun around to the left, shoving her against the wall. Her new black pants were easily torn away without a hint of protest from her. Spike's fingers slid under her drenched panties, fingers sliding up inside, making her back arch like a bow. He effortlessly lifted her with his free arm, she wrapped her legs around his waist and squeezed. Then her panties were gone and his fingers slid out, and in one smooth thrust he was inside her, incredibly hard, incredibly gentle. Her breath caught at the sensation.

Spike froze. Buffy's face was flushed, her body shaking. He had never felt anything as incredible as being inside her. Oh god but her heat, her wet, tight heat was driving him crazy. He moved slightly and she clawed at him, her nails leaving welts on his neck. "Christ Buffy." He ground out between clenched teeth and slammed into her. She cried out and he covered her mouth with his, silencing her, drinking her in. He wanted all of her. He wanted to devour her. He wanted to please her. "Please baby," he begged, not even knowing he said it. "Please."

"Yes," Buffy gasped again. "Oh god yes." She moved fiercely and his legs buckled, sending them crashing slightly against the opposite wall, his shoulders holding them at an angle. She rode him, legs still around him like a vise, using her strength to full advantage. Spike tugged at her shirt roughly and the flimsy ties holding the back closed snapped, exposing her firm breasts. He licked and sucked hard at her rosy pink nipples and it was the end of her. She came, hard, holding him against her, almost crying from the sensations ripping through her.

Spike felt her clenching around him, squeezing so tight it hurt. His breath hissed through his clenched teeth as the pain drove him towards a climax unlike any he'd ever experienced. "Buffy!" He straightened and pushed her back up against the wall, thrusting as deep as he could, shuddering as he poured himself into her over and over again.

They were silent for a minute, his hand stroking her hair soothingly, neither one wanting to spoil the moment. Buffy dreamily noticed the faint sound of the music coming in from the bar, the bass beat pounding in time with her heart. Spike pulled back slightly and looked at her, face impassive. "Buffy-"

"Can you believe that guy actually used that line on me?"

Buffy froze, hearing the two voices come inside from the sitting room. They were still wrapped around each other, joined together. The girls giggled and talked, and one girl actually went into the stall right next to them. Buffy saw that the remains of her top was on the floor. All the girl had to do was look down and she would see it.

Spike's foot slowly moved. He slid the shirt over, out of sight.

"Oh! Ali, they're playing my favorite song! Come on, hurry up!"

Yes, hurry up, Buffy thought. She shivered a bit, feeling chilly, the wall cold against her. Spike noticed and carefully wrapped his duster around her, covering her bare back in the soft leather.

"I'm coming," the other girl said, a little slurred. She finished and they both ran out, making Buffy and Spike sigh in relief.

"Can you..I mean, I need to-" Buffy motioned to Spike shyly.

"What?" Spike asked.

"Um, I need to clean up," she whispered, blushing.

"Oh. Of course," Spike said, gently lowering her down. He pulled out of her, tucking himself away. The mix of scents, the two of them together, was overwhelming. It was driving him crazy it smelled so good. He looked at the Slayer and he was ready to go again. She was wearing only her black socks and boots, body flushed from their games, hair mussed. She couldn't have looked more sexy.

Buffy examined her torn clothes in dismay. None of it could be worn again. She held her ripped shirt up and tisked. "How am I going to get home?"

Spike took off his duster and tucked it around her shoulders. "Here luv, wear this. Your other clothes are done for." His hands shook a little as he fastened the buttons for her. She obediently stood still while he did, watching him. "There. All better," he said finally. She smoothed the coat over her arms, the sleeves covering her fingertips.

"Thank you," she said, uncertain as what to say. Spike fidgeted.

"Um, You're welcome." What was wrong with him, acting like some sort of poof. Buffy gave him a little smile. Oh god but he wanted her.

"I need to go out the window here." Buffy looked up at the small opaque window near the ceiling. "I-uh-I can't go out of here like...this." She motioned at her new outfit, face flaming.

"Here," Spike said, "I can give you a boost." He linked his fingers together and presented his hands for her to step on. She put her foot in and he heaved, lifting her like she weighed nothing at all. Truly, she didn't, she was so tiny. It was incredible that this bitty girl had beaten him so many times. And now...

Buffy opened the window and pulled herself up effortlessly. She went out, head first, and Spike caught a glimpse of a smooth, pale cheek before her legs disappeared. He was alone, with only her scent all around him.

"Bloody hell."

DISCLAIMERS: There's this guy, see? His name's Joss. He tells me he owns all rights to BTVS. He also tells me to stop calling, writing and standing outside his house. Well, actually, his lawyers said that. What's that all about??

THANKYOU: I can't tell you how-and I know I keep saying this, lol-how great it is to read your reviews. I give you all big kisses!

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH: J.R. is in the den, a glass of scotch in his hand, smiling evilly...oh, wait, wrong show. Buffy left Spike in the Bronze. She also left Riley in the Bronze, but hey, wouldn't you? We pick up right where we left off, actually.

Chapter five

The first person Spike bumped into as he left the washroom happened to be Riley Finn. Literally bumped into, as in smacked heads as they rounded the corner of the hallway, staggering slightly from the impact. Spike held his head and groaned, giving Riley a nasty look. The chip had gone off slightly, giving him a jolt. Enough to be taken as a warning. The only gratification was in the fact that Riley was also holding his head like a big wanker. Well, that and he'd just messed around with the loser's girl.

Riley quickly recovered from the collision and grabbed Spike roughly by the upper arm, frowning.

Where's Buffy?" he demanded. Spike narrowed his eyes at him and yanked his arm out of Riley's grip.

"Hey! Leave off mate." He gave Riley a slight smirk. "Buffy left."

"She left? What happened?" Riley demanded. "If you hurt her-"

"Not even close, soldier boy," Spike said, feeling victorious. He looked at the overblown field hand in front of him. Pictured himself shoving his Buffy-scented fingers under his nose, smirking at him. Smell that sweetcheeks? That's something I got from Buffy tonight. She gave it up so easily too. Barely put up a fight. Thought about how furious he would be as he realized that Spike had gotten a piece of his girlfriend, and right under his nose too. Oh, this was going to be sweet.

"Buffy met up with a vamp. Went out the back way to battle it." Spike couldn't believe he was saying this malarkey. He was covering for the Slayer! Bollocks.

"And you left her on her own?" Riley shook his head. "She needs backup. She went after it with no weapons, no tracking device, no cover team. What was she thinking?"

"Slayer's a big girl. She can handle herself in a fight." He started to walk away but Riley stepped in front of him, stopping him from leaving. Spike paused and looked up at him menacingly.

"How long ago did she leave?" Riley snapped.

"Bugger off, prat." Spike stepped closer. Riley gave him his best steely-eyed glare.

"I'll be watching you. I know you're up to something, and when I find out..." Riley trailed off meaningfully. Spike stared back at him, not breaking eye contact, and in the back of his mind he considered smashing the commando right in his lumpy face with the nearest chair. It would be worth the week-long migraine.

Neither one moved for a few more seconds till Spike grew tired of the game. He gave Riley a smug grin and started walking away. "See you around, Private Joker."

"It's Lieutenant," Riley said coldly. Spike, still backing up, gave him an enthusiastic salute that turned into the finger. Riley didn't move, just silently watched him walk away. Wasn't he wearing a coat earlier?

What does Buffy see in that milk-fed farmboy? Spike shook his head as he walked, trying to imagine what the guy had to offer her. Holding hands by the fire? Walks in the park? A passel of brats? Please. All those things weren't Buffy. The girl wasn't made for PTA meeting and carpools. She was made for killing and fighting. She was made for fucking.

She was made for me. The revelation startled him. He stopped dead in his tracks, horrified by his thoughts. What the hell was he thinking? There was no way he was gonna get pussywhipped into mooning over The Slayer of all people. Spike started walking again, angry. He'd gotten what he wanted from her and it was time to move on. Do a good round of evil. He could go down to main Street and rip out the wiring on the traffic lights, sit back, and enjoy the show. Maybe someone would be thrown from their car and he could get a few drinks in before they kicked off. At the very least it would be funny.

Spike grinned and reached for his cigarettes. Which were in his duster. Which the Slayer had. Dammit. He pictured her walking back to her dorm, the leather flowing around her bare legs, all that sweet skin underneath, that smooth, delicious skin of hers. God, she'd been amazing. So soft, and hard all at once. And her heat. It had made him crazy, made him beg. He licked his lips, thinking how Buffy had moaned when he was inside her, how she'd clutched at him as the waves ripped through her. That was all done now. He was through with the Slayer and the Scoobies for good. He had his own place now, a cozy little crypt all to himself. No Watcher giving him frowning looks, no Harris and his stupid basement and little sex-demon girlfriend. No Witch with her sending him sorry-for-you-and -your-chip-problem glances. He was through with the lot of 'em. His footsteps slowed and he looked up, finding himself standing at the tree in front of her house.

The Summer's home was dark, but there was one light on. Spike leaned against the tree and watched, waiting. He finally saw her as she walked past her window. Just a brief glimpse, but it made his breath quicken nonetheless. The Slayer must of come home instead of going to the dorm. Didn't want to risk being seen in her current state of undress by the little Wicca. He grabbed the lowest branch and pulled himself up to her bedroom.

Buffy heard the slight noise he made and whirled around to find Spike at her window. "Spike! What the hell are you doing?"

"Just what it looks like Slayer," he answered, flashing his usual grin at her. "Coming in."

"Well, you can just turn around and go right back out again." She crossed her arms and frowned, trying to look menacing in her 'Yummy Sushi' pajamas. "I really need to de-invite you."

"A little late for that, don't you think, luv?" Spike said, pleased with himself. "You've invited me in already tonight."

Buffy's eyes narrowed at him. "Shut it, Spike. Don't remind me. It's already been forgotten," she said, trying to play like the evening hadn't affected her, but her blush betrayed her.

Spike looked at her damp hair and freshly scrubbed face. She smelled good, fresh, like rain and flowers. "You showered." He walked over to her bed, ignoring the appalled look she sent him and laid down on his back, arms behind his head. He smiled sensually, stretching slowly. "Fancy another go, pet?" Buffy grabbed the front of his black t-shirt and yanked him up. "Hey! Watch it! I don't have anything to cover my clothes if they get torn..." His duster was thrown in his face, cutting him off.

"Get out," she hissed, eyes flitting over to her bedroom door. Spike noticed.

"Scared we'll be too loud, sweetheart?" He came over to her and leaned close. "We could be very, very quiet. I could make love to you nice and slow this time. I could lay with you right here on your bed, just rocking together slowly, kissing and-"

"I can't," Buffy said, her voice low and husky. "I-"

He cut her off with a kiss. Not the searing, blinding kisses he'd given her at

The Bronze, but a soft, gentle one. His lips traveled over to her ear, making her shiver as he licked her lightly. His mouth was cool but Buffy felt rather hot from the contact.

"Stop it!" Buffy pulled back and walked away, standing on the opposite side of the room. He didn't say anything, just stood there, holding his coat and watching her. "Spike, you have to go. I can't do this right now, ok? Riley is on his way over and-"

"Riley?" Spike stilled dangerously.

"Yes, Riley," Buffy said. "He's-"

"Oh no, no need to explain to me," Spike interrupted her snidely. "If your loverboy is on his way for his turn at the Slayer then who am I to argue? Although you may have trouble explaining that to him." He pointed to the purple lovebite he'd left on her neck, right on her pulse. "Maybe you can tell him all about how that horrid Hickey Demon attacked you in the ladies washroom."

Buffy's lip trembled a bit and she bit down on it, hard. He didn't notice, too blinded by his jealousy. "Spike-"

"I'm off." He yanked on his duster and stormed to her window, but then paused, one leg out. "Oh, by the way, Johnny Beefcake was looking for you when I came out of the bath. We had a little talk, the two of us."

Buffy's face fell. "What did you say?" she whispered, so low that he could barely hear her.

I told him how I fucked you hard and you loved every moment of it.

"I told him you went off to fight a nasty," he said, hating himself for being so soft. She looked at him, eyes wide and he made a frustrated sound, pulling himself all the way off the sill, falling smoothly to the grass below. He brushed off his coat and turned to see Buffy at her window, leaning out.

"Thank you," she said. "You didn't have to do that for me. I-" Buffy stumbled a bit on the words, "I appreciate it."

He shrugged. "Yeah, well, don't mention it Slayer." He turned away again, but had barely taken three steps when he heard her follow him out the window, dropping down lightly. Spike turned, surprised.

"Spike..." Buffy paused, uncertain. She stood in the damp grass, barefoot. "I-I need time."

He sighed. "Time? What for? So you can play with your bloody Mr. Right? Pretend you don't want me?" He shook his head. "Do what you want, Slayer. It makes no difference to me."

"Is that true?" she asked when he went to move away from her. "You don't care?"

"No," Spike answered, too quickly. "No, I don't care."

"Fine." Buffy turned away from him.

"Fine." Spike crossed his arms in defiance.

"I suppose I'll go back upstairs." Buffy resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him.

"Yes, don't let me keep you from loverboy. Off you go then, back to your room."

"Oh, I will," Buffy said crossly.

"Good. Carry on. Hope you have fun with Army Man."

Buffy's shoulders slumped. "It's never easy breaking up with someone."

Spike scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself, Slayer. We're not together, remember? So you're not breaking up with me. There is no us." He stormed off, incensed.

Buffy's mouth dropped open as she watched him make the Big Exit.

"I wasn't talking about you, you complete moron."

DISCLAIMERS: So, I'm all, 'Hey, Joss, I really like those BTVS characters. Gonna write a little story about them.' And he's all, 'Oh? Yeah? Well, too bad you won't get anything, cause ME and I own it all!' And I'm all, 'Good for you. Like I care.' And he's all, 'Uh huh. That's right beeyatch.' And I'm all, 'Did you just say beeyatch? You are SO white!'

ONCE MORE: Thanks for reading! *pinches your rosy cheek* Ooooh! You are so cute!

THE WACKINESS CONTINUES: Last time on BTVS...Spike and Riley had words. Riley threatened Spike. Spike flipped him off. Buffy and Spike talked. Spike is a moron. Awww! Poor Spike! Now, it is a few days later. Buffy is patrolling, but really, she's looking for Spike, who she hasn't been able to find for days. This chapter takes place, loosely, in the ep 'Goodbye Iowa'. Only, I have changed things as I want, cause, you know, I'm that way. There is no Prof. Walsh or Adam, just for the record.

Chapter six

The backdoor of 'Willy's Place' burst open as Spike was thrown out. He fell hard, bleeding from the fight, exhausted. Three large demons peered over him, disgusted expressions on their faces.

"That's what you get for making war on the demon world!" A knobby-skinned demon spat at him.

"I can't believe you would be so stupid as to show your face in here after what you've done!" the second demon added, his fly-eyes gleaming with hatred. "What did you expect? A welcome party?"

The third one, a small, wiry demon, stepped up. He had obviously joined in the fray after the fact, being too little to really damage Spike. Pulling his foot back, he kicked him sharply in the shin. "Ha! Take that!" Spike gave him a growl and he fled with a small squeak behind the other two.

"Word's out, Spike. We don't appreciate you killing our kind. Come back here again, and we just might forget Willy's no-kill rule." They turned their backs on him in contempt and left him laying in the alley. Spike rolled over, grunting.

"Oh bollocks, they got demon snot on my leather." He slowly pulled himself up, catching his breath as his broken ribs jabbed him painfully in the side. "Bloody demons. All self-righteous and full of themselves. 'Oh, we don't like you anymore, Spike,'" he mimicked them sarcastically. "'You aren't our friend anymore.' Well, bugger them." The effort of standing was too much, and he sank back down to the dirty pavement with a groan.

The front door of 'Willy's' opened and the Buffy stormed in, to the collective dismay of most everyone sober enough to notice. She ignored the crowd and nodded to Willy, who stopped wiping up the Jurnis demon drool left on the bar from the previous brawl and came over reluctantly.

"You're killing me, Slayer," Willy whined, looking around the room. "This is very bad for business. You can't keep coming in here. Drives away the cliental."

"Oooh, geeze, and I'm supposed to care why?" Buffy asked, sarcasm evident.

"Look? What can I get you? You want some chicken wings? Here, I have a fresh plate right here for you from the guy who was just here. " He pushed the spicy wings over to her, making Buffy pull back in revulsion.

"Eeew! No, I don't want your left-over food, you freak!" She shook her head and grabbed him, pulling him close. "I'm looking for a vamp."

"A vamp? Listen, Slayer, I don't know what you've heard, but I'm not a snitch anymore, ok? So you'll just have to be on your merry way." Willy's eyes darted around wildly. Buffy pulled her hand back and punched him sharply in the nose. "Aargh! Ow! Oooh, that's hurts! Why'd you have to do it so hard?" Willy shoved the filthy cloth he'd been holding against his now-bleeding nose. "Look, just tell me what you need and go, alright?"

"Fine. I need info on a vamp named Spike."

"Spike?" Willy said in surprise.

"Yes, Spike. He disappeared four days ago. He knows I've been tracking him. I need to know where he is, and you're gonna tell me." Buffy shook Willy slightly, making him whimper a little. She sighed. "Okay, you don't have to cry about it. It's just a nosebleed for heavens sake."

Willy sniffed. "Yeah, easy for the girl with the Superman strength to say." He wiped at his nose gingerly and looked at the blood on the rag. "Spike was here." "He was? When?" Buffy demanded.

"Like, five minutes ago. He came in, ordered some food, got beat up. I guess he left after that."

"He was beat up?" Buffy looked concerned. "Why?" Willy shrugged.

"The locals heard about how he kills demons now and didn't take kindly to the news." He put his hand out pleadingly. "Now go, please? Eight demons and four vamps have already left since you've been here. And the imp bachelor party looks like they are going to bolt at any minute."

Buffy looked at the congealed spicy wings on the wood beside her. "Don't blame me. Maybe you should talk to the cook. I mean, look at the deep fried grossness on this plate." She made a face. "Now, where did he go?"

"Who? The cook?" Willy asked.

"The cook? No, you idiot. Spike," Buffy snapped.

"He was thrown out the back way." Willy pointed.

"I know where your backdoor is," Buffy said. "I've tossed you through it a few times."

Willy nodded. "Ah, the memories," he said, all smarty-pants. She gave him a look and took off to the back alley. "And don't come back!" he yelled after her, making sure it wasn't loud enough for her to hear. A Chaos demon looked at him, it's antlers dripping slime all over the place. Willy sighed.

Buffy opened the door, nose wrinkling. It smelled back here. Spike heard the door and turned his head to see the Slayer come out.

"Oh, just bloody fantastic. Just what I need to make my life even worse," he said, annoyed.

"Spike!" Buffy came over to him, taking in the blood and bruises covering his face. "Wow, you're in even worse shape than I expected."

Spike laughed a bit, wincing. "Don't make me laugh Slayer, it hurts." Buffy knelt down and touched his torn lip gently. "Ow."

"Don't ow me. Where have you been hiding all this time?" Buffy pulled the bandana off her hair and dabbed at him. "You are tough to track when you don't want to be found."

"I wasn't hiding," Spike said, offended. "Cowards hide. Big Bads don't hide." He watched her tie the little cloth around a nasty cut on his hand that he'd gotten from a swipe with a broken beer bottle. Avoiding the Slayer had been tough. He tried to think of something plausible. "I was...uh...shopping."

"Shopping?" Buffy sat back and laughed. "For what?"

"For...stuff. What's with the third degree here anyways? Don't you have somewhere to be?" Spike struggled to stand up and Buffy hitched her shoulder under his arm, helping. "Isn't Mr. Wonderful waiting for you?" He pulled away, swaying slightly.

Buffy looked down, avoiding his eyes. "Riley and I-" Something moved in the corner of her eye and she turned. It was twenty commandos, all holding tazer guns, all dressed in combat gear, and they all looked pissed. "Spike! Look out!"

Spike managed about half a step and collapsed, too beat up to fight. A dozen men surrounded him, guns ready. "Shock him," the leader ordered, and Spike twitched with the impact of the blast.

"Spike!" Buffy cried, kicking the nearest one. He went down, clutching at his thigh in pain. Another swung his weapon at her but she ducked and punched him in the belly. He wheezed. She was already onto another, throwing him into the rest of the crowd, knocking a few more down, coming face to face with the one who had ordered the blast to Spike.

"Riley."

"Buffy," he answered, coldly. "I see you've met Hostile 17. We've been tracking him for a while now."

Buffy shook her head. "What are you talking about? You've seen him at least three times in the past week." The guy standing next to Riley frowned at him. Riley shook his head and made a 'no, no, she's crazy' face.

"Stand down, Buffy. We're taking him back." Riley motioned and Spike was hauled up. He hung between two soldiers, limp as a wet noodle, out cold. Buffy stepped towards him but was stopped by five guns pointed her way. "I said stand down."

Buffy stood, furious as they started dragging Spike away. "You're doing this because we broke up, aren't you?" she hissed at Riley's back. He turned and came over to her.

"I'm doing this because it's my mission," he said slowly. "The fact that this is the thing you seem to be friends with is just a coincidence. I'd never purposely hurt you Buffy, you know that." He gave her a sad look. "You know, my dad always said, 'You should never treat a lady-'"

"Uh, yeah," Buffy interrupted quickly, before she had to hear another one of those quotes. "Your dad was quite a guy and all, but I need you to not finish this mission. Think for yourself. You don't have to follow orders." Riley shook his head.

"I'm sorry Buffy." He turned away and made a quick hand motion. "File out boys."

Buffy watched them leave the alley, frustrated beyond belief. "This sucks."

DISCLAIMER: Once upon a time these was a boy named Joss. He loved to torture people with angst. So he made a company called ME, and created a show to drive people nuts. He liked the show so much he decided he wasn't gonna share any of the $$$ with the rest of us. Damn him!

THANKS: I never expected this little tale to go beyond a single chapter. I just wrote it for kicks. All your encouragement has gotten me this far. I hope to deliver.

HOLY COW: What the heck is going on! Spike was bitter and laid low for a while. Heh, I said 'laid'. Buffy couldn't find him . Spike was beaten rather badly at Willy's. Buffy went to Willy's and punched him in the nose. Hee, love the nose punch. If I was a Slayer I'd be punching noses till the cows came home. Willy tried to give her Spike's hot wings, but she doesn't keep her trim figure that way, now does she? Anyways, Buffy finds Spike, almost spills the beans about Riley and her, but gets interrupted by those nutty Initiative guys. Oh, the wackiness! Poor Spike, getting all zapped and such. Riley is the one in charge and drags off our most beloved vamp. Buffy's pissed. As in mad. Not drunk. And so we continue...

Chapter seven

"Tell me again why we are doing this crazy thing?" Xander adjusted the knapsack in his arms and looked around the dorm nervously. "This is insane. This is suicide. We are insane, suicidal people to be doing this!"

Buffy stopped in front of the large mirror on the wall and turned to her friends. "We have to get him out of there. They are going to cut him, do experiments on him."

"And this matters because...?" Xander asked.

"Xander, they can't just lock demons up and chip them and then torture them. It's wrong. It's like when those pharmaceutical companies spray perfume in little bunnies eyes to see if it'll make them go blind." Willow gave a sad look at the thought. Anya's eyes lit up.

"Do you think that would work? Spraying bunnies with my Chanel #5?" she asked excitedly.

Giles stepped forward, interrupting her before she could keep going. "In the event that we do get in Buffy, it may be impossible to find him. Nevermind all of us getting out again." He looked at her, concerned. "Will Riley not help us?"

"Um, Riley is one of the guys that took him." Buffy looked at the group dressed in their own black fatigues. She sighed. "Listen. You don't have to do this. I don't want any of you risking your life for, well, for Spike. We all know that they are doing something wrong down there, beyond Spike. Something for um, war, or-or...mass destruction. Weapons and...and...stuff." She paused. "I don't know what, but I know it's bad. And I'm going in, with or without backup." She turned and kicked the glass on the wall, shattering it, exposing the elevator shaft behind.

"Cool!" Xander peered down. "And, dark!" He put the bag down and rifled though it, pulling out a large coil of rope and some metal fasteners. "I'm in."

"Willow, I need the security systems down. Give me fifteen minutes in there." Buffy pulled on the harness, fastening it around her waist. "Can you do it?" Willow looked nervous but nodded.

"If I can't break in the old fashioned way," she pointed to her laptop, "I'll do the confusion spell I found in the Book of Osiris."

"Let's go then," Buffy said, and climbed over the edge of the elevator shaft. "See you at the bottom! Last one in's a rotten egg!"

Xander threw the bag over his shoulder and followed her in. He gave the others a smile. "Watch out, this first steps a doozy!" And he was gone, repelling down the wall. Anya looked at the entrance and turned to Giles.

"Am I supposed to make a funny remark when I go down too?"

"Please don't," Giles muttered. Anya shrugged and followed the others down, giving Willow and Giles an enthusiastic thumbs up as she descended.

Willow, having wired her way to the control panel on the wall, typed madly on her computer. "There!" she said, pleased. "We have our fifteen minutes." Packing it up in her bag, she stood up and peeked down the hole. "Um, it's kinda far. And kinda not safe-looking." She climbed over the edge and slowly lowered herself in, eyes wide, followed immediately by Giles. It was pitch black and the sounds echoed hollowly as they went down.

"Ignitus," Willow said softly, making a soft blue glow appear, lighting the way.

"Oh, much better," Giles said from above her. "Now I can see all the rat droppings I am stepping on."

"Sorry Giles," Willow said sheepishly. "Maybe you could pretend they are tiny raisins?" Giles made a snorty sound and she hushed.

The others were waiting for them at the bottom. "You alright?" Buffy asked, helping them get unfastened.

"Oh, just wonderful," Giles said dryly, "Here we are, sneaking into a highly secret military base to rescue a vampire who has tried to kill us one more than one occasion, armed with only some stakes and a few battleaxes. Everything is quite normal."

Anya waved the heavy axe in her hands happily. "Yes, look, I get to carry one of them!"

"Systems are down?" Buffy asked. Willow nodded.

"Fourteen minutes and counting."

"Let's go then." Buffy and the Scoobies started walking through the maze of corridors, pausing whenever they heard a noise, doubling back when someone approached them from around a corner. The place was enormous, and it was difficult to move around without coming into the large open spaces and being spotted by the doctors and commandos milling about. Faintly, the sound of shrieking could be heard.

"Which way should we go?" Xander whispered when Buffy paused for a moment.

"I'd say in the direction all the yelling is," Buffy said, leading them towards it.

The shouting led them to a more enclosed area of the compound, with clear cells filled full of dangerous-looking demons. Most were roaring in anger at the confinement, pacing angrily and beating at the glass doors locking them in. Some looked resigned, sitting dejectedly on the floor. Buffy looked at the low row of cubicles and frowned, wondering how she was ever going to find Spike.

"I see him," Willow hissed, excited. She pointed to the far end of the line, where Spike could be seen laying on the floor, motionless.

They ran down to the front of his cell. The door seamed to have no handle or lock in it, and it slid securely right into the wall. Buffy gave it an experimental kick. It didn't even ripple. She looked at the small code box on the right.

"Will, can you...uh, jimmy this door open with your laptop?" she asked. Willow looked skeptical.

"I can try," she said. "Xander, pop this panel open for me."

"Ooh, I get to do something manly." Xander took out a small screwdriver and wedged it in, twisting.

"I can think of many manly things you do," Anya said helpfully, making Xander look up in fear and the others wince. "Like that time you dug...and you were all sweaty and digging..."

Giles stepped forward, a pained look on his face "Yes, we all remember that. Now, can we just not talk about it? Ever. Again." Anya gave him a frown.

"Fine," she said. "But I don't see why you all don't think of Xander like I do-" She was cut off by a groan from the cell.

"Spike!" Buffy whispered, putting her hands on the glass. "Can you hear us?" She looked on as Spike rolled over slowly, fixing a bleary-eyed look on her.

"Slayer," he mumbled, sitting up slightly. He was still weak from the beating and the shocks he'd gotten from Team Riley.

"Willow, open the door," Buffy said impatiently. Willow frowned, concentrating.

"Hold on...I've almost got it-HA!" she said triumphantly as a loud 'click' was heard. All the doors to the cells opened with a gentle swooshing noise. "Ooops."

Demons and vampires burst from all directions at once, snarling and fighting with each other. Most of them were too panicked to do anything but run around madly. The noise was deafening.

"Come on!" Buffy ran in and grabbed Spike, dragging him out of the bare room. "Can you stand?"

"Mmmm...Slayer...hot..." Spike's hand reached up to her hair and she pulled away, shooting a glance at the rest of the group.

"Hot?" Xander frowned. "He's got a fever?"

Giles sighed. "He's a vampire Xander. It's impossible for him to be hot."

Buffy hoisted Spike up over her shoulder and looked at the fray outside the room. The vampire mumbled something softly against her back, still out of it. "We've got to get out of here before the lockdown happens. So much for our fifteen minutes of sneakery."

Willow made a face. "Sorry guys," she said, waving her hands at the scene around them.

Xander hacked at a demon as they backed out carefully. "No, Will, this is good. See, it's a diversionary tactic. Very stealthy. Well, not as much stealthy as violent, but a good way to cover our tracks." He ducked and Buffy staked a vamp, dust flying all over them. A group of army men raced by, armed to the teeth, not even noticing the odd group carrying weapons and an unconscious vampire. Xander pointed. "See?"

They quickly made their way to the elevator, mostly ignored by the commandos running around trying to gather all their prisoners. "Well, that wasn't so hard," Anya said, shrugging.

"Halt." A deep voice ordered. They turned as one to see the four men standing around them, weapons ready. "Drop the weapons and stand down."

Buffy let Spike go and he slid to the floor bonelessly with a thump. The others just stared at the officers. "I said, stand down!"

"Riley?" Buffy said. "Riley, you have to let us go." The commando shook his head, removing his mask.

"Denied. Buffy, you shouldn't have come in here. Civilians can be tried under marshal law. You are violating orders by rescuing an HST." He looked at Spike crumpled at her feet. "This thing isn't worth your time."

Spike stirred slightly. "Bugger...mrrrnngh..." he muttered, trying to focus.

Anya frowned. "Why don't you just let her go? " she demanded to Riley. "You aren't a very good boyfriend."

Riley coughed, looking embarrassed. Buffy suddenly found the wall fascinating and stared at it, hard. "You are her boyfriend still, right?" Anya said. Riley motioned towards Buffy with his gun. All eyes, including the commandos, swiveled towards her.

"Umm...." Buffy gave them a sheepish look. "We kinda...broke up?"

"Broke up?" Giles said, looking shocked.

"Broke up?" Willow said, mouth open that her best friend hadn't confided in her.

"Broke up?" Xander said, relieved.

"Guurrrrrrhh...' Spike mumbled, still rather out of it.

The commandos murmured sympathetically at Riley in a manly fashion.

Anya looked bored. "I knew it."

"Hello?" Buffy raised her hand, getting everyone's attention again. "Can we focus here? I am not giving you this one back, and I suggest that you...look out!" She shoved the nearest commando down, sending him sprawling, and punched the demon that had leapt out from behind. There was a scramble and the officers panicked a bit as a group of rather angry looking vampires descended on them.

"Riley! Move!" Buffy swung at the vampire holding onto his neck hungrily and tore him away. Riley stumbled and went down hard, pulling Buffy with him. "You need to get your men out of here. Are you hearing me? You need to-uh-what's that army word....? Oh, yeah, abort. Abort this mission!"

Riley grabbed his taser and rolled away from her, zapping a demon before it could get to the Scoobies, who were frantically putting their harnesses on. Buffy got up and ran to join them. "Buffy, wait!" She stopped and looked back at him standing among all the fighting and screaming. He stepped closer, a sweet look in his eyes.

"I will always lo-" He was felled by a swift punch in the face. Spike stood, looking extremely incensed, if not a good bit wobbly.

"Shock me will ya? That'll show-AAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!" He fell, clutching his head in agony.

"What made him all owie?" Willow looked at him writhing on the ground. Buffy shrugged.

"Delayed chip reaction."

DISCLAIMERS: Joss who? Whedon? Wheaton? Weedon? He what? He made a company called ME? And his show is Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Nice show. Only dorks watch that. Oh, wait, I watch it. And I'm, like, old. Is Joss gonna let me make money off my stealing his characters? No? Goddammit. So he owns all rights? What a prick. What? He's a god? Ok, I admit I think so too. When I called him a prick, it was very lovingly.

THANK YOU: You have been so nice, and I have been so mean, keeping the smut from you! I will relent, and, in the famous words of Spike, 'give it me good, Buffy.'

WHAT THE?: Buffy and the gang snuck into the Initiative. Snuck? Sneaked? Snacked? Willow helped out with some handy-dandy computer hacking. Xander helped with his handy-dandy screwdriver. Giles sighed a lot. Anya didn't help, but she did get Buffy to confess to the breakup. Har, Anya is a gem. Whoopsie! Willow let all the HSTs out. (hostile sub terrestrials) Inside, Spike was kinda groggy, but he still managed to give a good one to Riley. No, you crazy S/R slash readers, by 'give a good one' I don't mean sex. I mean a good old boot to the head. With his fist. And then was served a nasty migraine. Now, a few days later, Spike is healing up nicely at Buffy's house. Couldn't take him to the crypt with the army dudes looking for him. Except the Initiative is no more, all closed down and files sealed and all that top secret stuff. Riley caught a one-way ticket back to Iowa. Bye now! And so we continue....

Chapter eight

"What the hell is going on?" Buffy looked at the scene before her, mouth open in fear. It was the worst thing she could imagine. It was worse than the worse thing. It was worstest. "What are you doing?"

Spike gave her an innocent look and raised his glass to her. "Just what it looks like. Having dinner."

Buffy put down her bag with a thump. Coming home from class to find Spike actually awake was one thing. Finding him awake, mostly healed, and sitting in the dining room with the table set for three was another.

Joyce walked in, carrying a large roast, cooked rare. "Oh Buffy, there you are. I was afraid you'd be late." She placed the roast before Spike and smiled at her daughter.

"Yes Buffy, we were worried you'd miss the lovely feast your mum was good enough to make," Spike said, sugar dripping from his lips. Buffy gave him a look and he raised an eyebrow at her. "How was school?"

"What?" Buffy twitched. "Shut up Spike." Spike sent her a mock-hurt look, which Joyce noticed.

"Buffy. Can I see you in the kitchen for a moment?" she said firmly. Buffy sighed and followed her, ignoring the grin Spike shot her way as she passed by him.

"Why are you being so mean to him?" Joyce asked, dishing out a large amount of mashed potatoes into a bowl. "You've fussed over him for three days now and the moment he's feeling better you attack."

"That was when he was unconscious," Buffy muttered. "And he is so full of sh-" She trailed off at Joyce's look. "Um, shingles. He..uh...he had shingles, so I was afraid he'd give them to you." She finished lamely.

"Shingles? Only old people get those. And it's not contagious so I am fine Buffy." She passed her the mashers. "Here, make yourself useful."

"I am useful. I don't see anyone else around here saving the world and rescuing smartass vamps from an army storage facility..." Buffy muttered under her breath, plopping the bowl right in front of Spike. "Here. Eat. And don't pour your blood over it like some kind of gravy or I'll puke."

Spike stood up when Joyce came in, pulling her chair out for her, eyes on Buffy the whole time. "Thank you Spike," Joyce said, sending a smile to Buffy. One that clearly said, 'Isn't he a gentleman?' Buffy thought she was going to be ill. Spike widened his eyes at her behind Joyce's back, smirking. "That was very kind of you, but I would hate to see you strain yourself. I mean, you were so badly hurt when Buffy brought you here." Joyce watched Spike reach across the table and pause, wincing elaborately, holding a hand to his side. "Buffy, please pass Spike the bread."

"What? The bread?" Buffy glared, but passed away. "Why are you even eating? You drink blood. Drink that."

"I like many things that other vamps hate," Spike said, putting just the right amount of innuendo into the words. "I have a real zest for...life." He picked up his knife and began to cut a piece of roast, feigning great difficulty. Dropping the knife with a loud clatter he smiled apologetically to Joyce. "Hands aren't quite healed yet. No worries. I'm sure your roast is delicious." Joyce looked heartbroken by his admission.

"Oh! How awful. Buffy, help him, won't you?" Buffy looked up, mortified.

"You mean, cut his meat?"

Spike looked a little worried at her choice of words.

"Yes Buffy, honestly, stop acting like such a child and help your guest." Joyce shook her head.

"He's not my guest," Buffy said, but stopped from saying anything further by the challenging look in Spike's eyes. Stomping over, she leaned in and attacked the beef like it was a nasty demon. "Big faker," she hissed.

Spike smiled a thank-you to Buffy as she sat back down with a huff and took a sip of his blood, making a slight face, quickly hiding it, but making sure he didn't hide it fast enough for Joyce to notice. Eyes down meekly he nibbled on a piece of bread. Joyce put her fork on her plate, concerned.

"Is your blood cold, Spike?" she asked. Spike looked up quickly and Buffy could have sworn he managed to blush.

"Blimey Joyce, I love your dinner, it's fantastic." He gave her his most charming of smiles, then made a sad face. "It's just that...well...after the injuries..." He snuck a glance at Buffy, who narrowed her eyes at him, "I just can't heal properly unless my blood is warmed up to exactly ninety-eight point six degrees." Spike sighed elaborately and fiddled with the mug's handle.

"Let me-" Joyce began, but Buffy jumped up.

"No, Mom," she took the mug away from Spike, smiling so wide it looked like her mouth might crack, "By all means, let me."

Spike gave her a slight nod. The Queen couldn't have been more regal. "Why, thank you Buffy."

"Oh, my pleasure." She took off into the kitchen. The sound of the microwave was heard, followed by many bangs, and slammings of drawers. Spike listened nervously.

"...feeling Spike?"

Spike looked at Joyce. "What? I'm sorry...what?"

Joyce studied Spike, troubled. "Are you sure you're feeling better?"

"He's fine, aren't you Spike?" Buffy came in and gently placed the mug before him. "There you are. Ninety-eight degrees, plus point-six." She sat back down, eyes never leaving Spike's. He swallowed nervously.

"Aren't you going to drink it Spike?" Buffy asked, looking close to tears. "You need your strength."

"Yes, drink up Spike," Joyce said encouragingly.

Spike shot a nasty glance over to Buffy but obligingly brought it to his lips. "Anything for you Joyce," he said, toasting her and taking a healthy swallow. His eyes bugged.

"Everything alright?" Buffy asked, thinking of the half-bottle of Tabasco she'd dumped in. "Maybe it's still too cold."

Spike wheezed. "It's fine." He grabbed the milk and poured some into his blood, making Buffy blanch.

"Ew!" she said, looking sick as he chugged it down.

"All better," he gasped, putting the empty mug on the table. Buffy looked disappointed that he was still alive.

"So Buffy, what are you up to tonight?" Joyce smiled and took a sip of her wine.

Buffy pushed her veggies around her plate. "I think we're Bronzing it tonight." Seeing Spike perk up at her words she warmed to her topic. "Yeah, the whole gang is going. We'll probably dance and laugh, make it real night of it." She turned to Spike, now frowning in his chair. "Too bad you're so weak right now. You should stay home. Rest. Get your strength back."

Spike was scowling now. "Sounds like a right awful time. I'll be here, watching the telly. There's a special on sharks on PBS."

"Sharks?" Joyce asked. "You have an interest in them?" Spike sat up.

"Well, they are bloody nasty creatures, with the jaws and the blood and such. The perfect killer. All that deadly, purposeful swimming." He leaned forward, warming to his subject. "I heard that once they opened one up, a bloody big bugger too, and it had an entire bowling ball in it's belly! Now that's something to fear."

Buffy scoffed. "Well, that's one thing I'd fear. A shark would never have it's killer instincts tamed." She gave Spike an ingenuous look. He scowled at her more.

Their scowling was interrupted by the phone ringing. "Oh, now who could that be, calling at dinnertime." Joyce got up to answer it, leaving the two of them shooting daggers at each other across the table.

"What're you playing at Spike?" Buffy whispered, eyes narrow.

"Aren't you glad to see me up and about Slayer?" Spike popped a piece of very rare meat in his mouth and chewed voraciously. "Mmmmm, great dinner. Thanks for the help with the knife."

"I'll show you what I can do with a knife." She seethed, picking hers up and brandishing it menacingly. Footsteps grew closer and she quickly dropped it, picking up her milk and pretending to drink it.

Joyce came in, carrying her purse and looking upset. "Mom, what's wrong?" Buffy asked, concerned.

"Oh, it's the gallery. A shipment came in, just now of all things, and they need me there to supervise the unpacking. We can't have anything become damaged."

Buffy almost did a spit-take. "You mean, you're leaving? Now?" She looked over at Spike, who almost oozed delight. "No! You can't."

"I'm sorry Buffy. You'll have to finish dinner by yourself. But at least you'll have Spike to keep you company." Joyce pulled out her keys. "I'll be late." She said, giving Buffy a kiss on the head. "Bye Spike."

"Night Joyce." Spike said smiling like the teacher's pet he was.

The moment the door slammed he was up and pulling Buffy out of her chair. "Hey!" Buffy squirmed against his strong grip. "I knew there wasn't anything wrong with your hands!"

Spike leaned her against the table, grinning wickedly. "There's nothing wrong with anything of mine, pet." He thrust against her in example, making her gasp. "Shall I prove it to you?" He thrust some more, pleased by the little pants he was getting Buffy to make. "That's right Slayer, I'm back now."

"You slept for three days," Buffy whispered, leaning her head into his neck. He paused, surprised.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you cared." He pulled back from her, his sarcastic expression wavering a touch. Buffy stared at him. And didn't say a word, just leaned in and kissed him. He froze for a moment, the sweet gesture surprising him. Then he kissed her back hotly, wanting nothing more than to be inside her. Now.

"Spike, yes..." Buffy moaned, thrusting her hands underneath his shirt, desperate to feel his skin, his smooth chest. It wasn't enough and she impatiently ripped, the black t-shirt tearing like paper under her hands. "Oh god." She breathed, looking at the skin before her, the hard muscles, his perfect body. She'd never seen him shirtless before. "You are beautiful." She whispered.

Spike's eyes stared into hers, burning. "Buffy," he whispered. She answered him with another kiss, this one full of fire, thrusting her tongue into his mouth. He growled, picking her up and sitting her in the table forcefully. A sweep of his arm and plates went flying, mashed potatoes everywhere. He pushed her onto her back, climbing on top of her, mouth fused to hers.

She reached down, desperately trying to tug off her skirt, but Spike was too impatient for that and pushed it up, ripping her panties off and flinging them wildly. They landed in the bowl of gravy with a plop. Neither one of them noticed. Or cared. A marching band could have traipsed through the dining room and they wouldn't have stopped.

Buffy fumbled at Spikes waist, trying to unzip him. Giving up, she tore, making Spike chuckle. "So greedy luv," he panted, pulling his pants off. Taking himself in his hand he rubbed at her entrance slowly, teasingly. "I have what you want."

Buffy almost died from the incredible feeling of him pressing up against her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled once. One strong pull and he was deep in her. She moaned and took a ragged breath, her hips meeting his in perfect rhythm. He kissed her again, his lips burning, the words he muttered lost against her mouth.

She scratched his back sharply, making him gasp in pleasure.

"So that's how it is." Spike smiled evilly. "Kitty has claws." He pulled back, making her moan in wordless protest as he slid from her. Stepping back, he yanked her up and turned her onto her stomach, then slid into her again, driving into her forcefully, propelling her forward. Buffy's hands knocked over more plates, milk spilling over the edge of the table with every thrust, silverware rattling.

Buffy curled her hands, fingers tangled in the tablecloth. It shredded beneath her as she bucked against Spike, sweat covering her body. He pulled at her top, tearing it off, skirt bunched around her waist as his hands stroked up and down her bare back over and over again until she was shivering with desire. "Please...please..." she whimpered, gasping for air as he grabbed at her hips, hard enough to leave bruises. "Spike, please."

Spike flipped her over again, somehow managing to stay inside her. She had no idea how he did it, she only knew that suddenly she was on her back, legs over his shoulders, getting pounded for all she was worth. The feeling was incredible, and she clenched hard, her climax thundering down on her, deafening her with it's waves. She didn't even know she screamed as she clutched at him, scratching him so hard this time that trickles of blood ran down his arms. She only knew the blinding pleasure that Spike was giving her.

The smell of blood, and Buffy's reaction as she peaked was enough for Spike. "You're mine!" he snarled, leaning against her neck, echoing the sweet gesture that Buffy had done earlier. His teeth grazed her neck, never breaking the surface, never hurting her. He shuddered. "Mine."

Buffy slowly calmed, sighing softly against Spike's cheek. He was silent, his fingers trailing little paths up and down her arm as he rested against her chest. Pulling back a bit he smiled into her eyes.

"Thank you," he whispered. Buffy blushed furiously, making him chuckle. "No, not for that, although I have to say, a thousand thank-yous wouldn't be enough after that little display. I mean, thank you for coming back for me." He looked down, his lashes hiding his eyes. Buffy stared at him, thinking how she'd never noticed his lashes before. He looked almost...shy.

"You're welcome," she answered softly. Spike sighed and looked back up at her.

"You went into that place against your..." His lips pressed together like he'd just eaten something bad, "Boyfriend."

Buffy frowned. "Spike, Riley-" He pulled away from her, a harsh expression on her face.

"No! Don't." He turned from her, pulling his pants back up. They hung there, zipper broken. "I can't. Do you think I want this? That I want these stolen moments with you, until your precious Rescue Ranger comes back? That I have to pretend when I see you, like I don't want to touch you, to taste you?" He paced madly among the broken dishes.

Buffy shook her head. "Um, hello? Riley and I broke up the night you and I..uh...in the Bronze..." Spike froze.

"What?" Spike said, dumbfounded, foot in the bowl of mashed potatoes.

DISCLAIMER: I'm all minding my own business one day and Joss comes up to me and says, 'Hey, guess what? I've got this company called Mutant Enemy.' 'What kind of name is that?' I ask him, puzzled and a little frightened by his hair. He frowns and says, 'Oh, it's a better name that Mr. Monkeybottoms, I'll have you know! And, just for that, you don't get any of the profits, no matter how many stories you write about BTVS.' I scoff, 'Yeah, like I'm gonna write a story about that. What, am I some kind of loser?'

THANKS: I believe this is the last chapter of this little ditty. I appreciate the reviews and comments and advice. Thank you to Bub, she helped me so much in the final chapters! And thank you to everyone who read this. You know, I never really got around to getting Tara into this story, which is funny, cause I adore Tara. So, we'll just pretend that Tara hasn't come around yet. No Tara everyone. Next time I'll Tara it up. Wow, I just said 'Tara' a lot. Not as much said it as typed it.

DEEDLE-BONG!: Whoa! Buffy and Spike and Joyce had dinner. Spike, although quite recovered from his ordeals with Riley and Co., pretended to be hurt so Buffy would go crazy from being annoyed with him. Joyce made Buffy cut Spike's meat...then left, and Spike returned the favor...with his meat...heh heh...I made a little funny there, get it? Meat? ok, not so funny. Man, what a mess Spike and Buffy made in the dining room. Spike stepped in the mashed potatoes when he finally got clued in about Riley. Bye-bye Riley! The Scooby gang is relaxing at the Bronze, having a little wind-down party. And so we pick up from there...

Chapter nine

"What time did Buffy say she was coming?" Xander looked at his 'Scooby-Doo' watch and frowned. "I think she's late. The big hand is on the Scooby Snacks and the little is on Shaggy's shoulder."

Willow grinned at him. "And that would mean it's- 'I would have been on time if it weren't for you meddling kids'-o'clock."

"Heh, good one Will." Xander grinned back. Anya frowned.

"Is this a reference to that children's show with the creepy talking dog and the man with the spinal deficiency?" She shuddered. "And don't even get me started on the red-head's bad fashion sense."

"What about Velma?" Xander asked. "She wore a giant sweater."

Willow made a face. "Hey, I liked Velma. She was smart and cute, even if her glasses were all Buddy Holly." She smoothed her giant sweater placidly.

"Was it just me, or did Fred-" Xander started, but was cut off by a loud groan from the vampire sitting next to him.

"Oh, for god's sake," Spike said, annoyed as all hell. "Would you shut up about that show already?" He took a slug of his beer and sighed. "It all went downhill after Scrappy-Doo anyway."

Xander shrugged, saddened. "Yeah."

They were quiet for a moment.

"But Fred really had this gay thing going, with the scarf and the pants..." Xander trailed off at Spike's look. "Anyone want a drink?"

"Now you're speaking my language Harris." Spike shook his empty in his face.

"Um, not you. I'm not buying a drink for you." Xander pointed at him. "Forget it."

Spike sat back in the couch. "Why not? Out of money are you? Hmmph, typical. I should have expected it." He pursed his lips. "Why don't you get a job, whelp?"

Xander jumped up and gasped. "I have a job! As you well know, seeing as how I supported your sorry undead self while you squatted at my house."

"Squatted is the right word all right," Spike mocked. "I've seen trolls with better furniture."

"I don't see you with a job," Xander said, arms crossed. Spike sat up straight, offended.

"A job? Oh, I have a job. EVIL" His eyes narrowed menacingly. "Being evil is a full-time job I'll have you know. You don't see me in some absurdly-patterned getup flouncing door to door delivering deep-fried products to families too lazy to get up and get them themselves." He relaxed again and crossed one leg on the other, looking up at Xander insolently, pleased with himself.

"But you're not evil anymore," Anya pointed out, sipping at her frilly drink. Her straw slurped, and one of the five umbrellas decorating it fell out. "Xander, I'm empty. Get me another drink." Xander tilted his head, waiting expectantly, and she studied him, thinking. "OH! Right." She gave him a charming smile. "Please Xander."

Spike snorted. "Please Xander. Oh, it makes me want to go sick all over your shoes, making an ex-demon learn her manners." He turned to Anya, who looked surprised. "And, for the record, I-am-bleeding-so still evil!" He went into game face and snarled aggressively. No one even flinched. "Oh, bugger this." He got up and stalked off, face smoothing itself out as he went.

"I thought you were scary!" Willow called after him.

Anya scowled at Xander. "I think I'm just fine the way I am," she said, huffily. "If you don't like me then...well...you can play 'Horny Gynecologist' by yourself!" She stormed away, disappearing into the crowd. Xander watched, mouth open.

"I don't even want to go there." Willow stood up, mortified. "I mean, a person can only hear so much, and then the ears, well, they start to un-hear, and that's never a good sign." She left the table.

Xander groaned and made his way to the bar. The bartender nodded to him. "What'll it be?"

"One Bellini." Xander glanced over beside him and saw Spike watching, looking broody. "And a draft for the pale has-been over there." Spike's eyebrows raised slowly and he titled his head.

"Chalk one up for the delivery boy," he said, taking a drink as soon as the glass was placed before him. "Ugh, this is like water." He eyed the fruity drink in Xander's hand. "And what, may I ask, is that supposed to be?"

"It's champagne, peach schnapps, and rum blended with ice like a margarita, with a touch of sangria on top." He took a healthy sip and clutched his head in pain. "Owww...." Seeing Spike's expression he sighed. "Brain freeze. Drank too fast."

Spike made a face. "If it weren't for the twenty-four hour shag-a-thon going on with demon-girl I'd swear you were light in the loafers Harris."

"And if it weren't for Buffy I'd have staked you long ago," Xander replied, but it lacked the certain venom he'd always said it with before. Spike's breath

hissed through his teeth.

"She's here," he said. Xander craned his head around, looking through the people.

"I don't see her. Where is she?"

"She's near the entrance." Spike stood up, nervously smoothing his duster, looking for all the world like he was grooming himself before a big date. "How do I look?"

"What?" Xander said, completely confused. "Look?"

Spike paused. "Er, yeah, do I look evil? Still striking terror into the hearts of the innocent?" He stuck a pose, looking hopeful.

"Oh. Yeah, you look totally evil. I'm petrified," Xander said, trying to sound convincing. Spike glared at him.

"You don't have to pretend." He straightened his shoulders, seeing Buffy approaching. "I don't have to be mollycoddled like some sort of infant."

"Buffy!" Xander waved. "Thank god you're here, I've been reduced to hanging around with Spike."

Buffy looked at them, Xander and his blended girly drink, and Spike, nursing a half-glass of beer, his eyes already betraying them. If he kept looking at her like that the secret two of them wasn't going to be secret much longer.

"Where's Willow and Anya?"

Xander shuffled his feet and looked down. Spike smiled.

Buffy sighed. "I'll go find them."

"I'll go with you." Spike was at her side in an instant.

Xander watched them walk away. "I'll stay here," he said to no one in particular.

Buffy started to walk towards the tables, but was sidetracked by Spike grabbing her elbow and pulling her into a dark corner. She put her hands up to his chest, ready to push him off, but instead found herself not so much as shoving as she was caressing. Spike leaned in closer and put his lips to her ear.

"I missed you luv," he whispered. His tongue darted at her earlobe and she shivered.

"Spike, cut it out. We could be seen." Buffy took a deep breath and slid out under his arms. "Xander would dust you faster than you could say 'sarcophagus'." She paused. "Well, I guess you can't really say 'sarcophagus' all that fast..."

"Bugger him. I'm not afraid of the whelp. Besides, he's too busy nursing his over-grown Slurpee and mooning over the demon-girl to notice us." Spike grinned and took her hand, pulling her close again. "Care to visit our little 'special' cubicle again?"

Buffy smiled at him, despite herself. "No! Willow and Anya are both here...I mean...NO! You pig!"

She went to smack him, but instead found herself kissing him lazily. He drew her flush against his body and her arms went around his back of their own accord, stroking slowly. "Spike?"

"What is it, pet?" he murmured against her mouth, eyes closed.

"I want you-"

Spike groaned. "God, I want you too." He started to drag her off to the washrooms again, but she dug in her heels, making him stop. He looked over his shoulder at her, puzzled. "You'd prefer the balcony?"

"Oh yeah, I'd-" Buffy shook her head. "Wait. That's not what I was talking about. I didn't finish what I was saying there. What I meant to say was, I want you to join the Scoobies. Fight the good fight. No more bad stuff, you know?" She shrugged, "It's not like you can actually hurt people anyways, so-"

"Bloody hell!" Spike let go of her hand, stepping back from her in shock. "How many times do I have to say it? I'm EVIL! BAD! I kill and I destroy, and I take the utmost pleasure in it. I'm the Big Bad, and I always will be!!" He marched back and forth in front of her madly. "I'm a killer!"

"How many people have you killed in the last forever?" Buffy pointed out calmly. Spike spun around and looked at her.

"What? The chip? You think I can't be bad because of this bloody chip? Oh, I can do bad! I can do lots of...bad!" He stood in front of her, arms cross defiantly. "I could start fires." Buffy didn't look impressed. "I could! If I wanted to..." He finished off lamely.

"Look, do you want in or not?" Buffy asked, annoyed. Spike sighed, shoulders slumping.

"Do I have to be nice to Harris?" he muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing. Listen, I can't just make a decision like this at the bleedin' drop of a hat. I can't change what I am." He did his best to look dangerous and bent forward, whispering, "I'm baaaaad."

Buffy didn't even blink.

"Arrgh!" He vamped out, lunging at her. She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, bloody...fine." He turned away from her, completely pissed off. "I'm in your stupid club...but I refuse to be nice to any of the others."

Buffy smiled.

DISCLAIMER: 'Dear Diary...Joss was sitting in the cafeteria today! All I could do was stare at him from behind my pizza pop. He is such a dreamboat! If only he'd break up with that Mutant Enemy company and be mine! And then I could have some money from these damn stories! But he won't, they are going steady now. I wish I was ME...'

WELL WELL WELL: You are all so greedy! lol Plus Bub is evil, threatening me with a Riley sex-story...the horror! Thank you, guys, for all your encouragement. Can I say it enough?

THE STORY CONTINUES: Spike and Buffy had sex in the Bronze. And on the table. Not to mention that incident in Giles' tub. Ever hear of a bed you two? Anya and Xander tried to have sex. Anya and Xander argued. Willow heard stuff and didn't need to hear any more! Spike insisted he was evil!!! Evil I tells ya! No one was scared of him. Poor Spike! Buffy asked him to join the Scoobies. Poor Spike! He pouted, and scowled, and grrr-ed, but finally agreed. It's not like he has anything better to do...except for Buffy that is. And so, we continue!

Chapter ten

"Tell me again why we need him here?" Xander frowned at Spike, who was smirking on the couch across from him, and turned to Giles. "Seriously, he is nothing but a neutered-"

"Hey!"

"Neutered puppy. He can't do anything useful anyways." Xander glared at the vamp and pointed at him accusingly. "Look at him. He can't even bite anymore."

Spike leaned forward and hissed, "Wouldn't bite you if you begged me."

Xander looked offended by this and sat back a bit. "So? Like I care. I know I'm full of yummies, and I can actually still fight."

"Oh, right then, I forgot, I'm the useless one. Because you're so helpful when the fighting starts, all getting pummeled and needing rescuing. Very helpful, that." Spike said, enjoying the furious look on Xander's face, "If I ever need someone to get smacked down and knocked unconscious, I'll know who to call."

"You don't even own a phone you freeloader," Xander snapped.

Spike gave him the finger."Why don't you go and run headfirst into that wall right there and knock yourself out. Save us all some time later on." Spike found this especially amusing, and when Xander grew a strange shade of red, he almost laughed. "Giles!" Xander turned back to him in hopes of getting some back-up. Instead he found the man wearily pouring himself a glass of scotch.

"Alright you two, stop. You're giving Giles a headache." Anya patted Giles once and backed away. "He's drinking again because of you!"

Giles immediately put his glass down, untouched, before Anya started saying he was a lush. "Yes, um, thank you for that Anya." She smiled at him, pleased.

"Well, I don't want Xander all worked up over Spike again. Last time that happened he couldn't perform in bed and I was angry."

Xander choked and looked down, making Anya pound him on the back in concern. "Anya-"

"No, no, please, tell us more about Xander's...impotence," Spike said snidely.

"Well, " Anya said innocently, "One time he drank too much and-"

"Now Anya, no one wants to hear this." Xander grabbed her hand and pulled her, protesting, off the couch and into the kitchen.

Spike watched them leave, a gleam in his eye. He was still smiling when he looked up to meet Giles' annoyed look. "What?"

Giles sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Spike, just why are you here again?"

Spike stood up and paced the room. "Told you. Slayer said to come. Wants help. Gives me cash. End of story." He walked by Giles and snitched the scotch, tossing it back and replacing it.

"Hmm, well Buffy should be here shortly." Giles turned and reached for his glass. Finding it empty he frowned at the vampire who was once again sitting on his couch. Spike gave him a challenging look and he sighed again. Where the hell was Buffy?

Almost on cue, she walked in. "Ah, Buffy, there you are."

Buffy took in the scene. Giles was holding an empty glass in his hand. Spike was looking smug. Xander and Anya could be heard in the kitchen arguing. "Spike..." He looked at her, innocence itself. She sighed. "Where's the rest of the group?"

"Willow is at her Wicca Group meeting. Xander and Anya are, erm, talking." Giles looked at the box Buffy was holding. "Are those doughnuts? Did you get any jellies?"

"Doughnuts?" Xander said, popping his head from out of the kitchen. "By all means, allow me to rid you of your heavy burden." He came over and took the box from her with a bow.

"And who said chivalry was dead?" Buffy handed the treats over to him, snagging a jelly before Giles hogged them all.

"Chivalry is dead?!" Anya said, shocked. "But I remember him being so nice. A little on the slimy side, being a cousin of the Chaos demon family, but he was so....polite."

Xander paused in mid-chew and looked at her. "It's a saying honey. Like 'the doctor is in' or 'your payment is overdue'."

Spike reached for a doughnut and frowned. "There's only the cruller left," he complained. "Why would you even buy that one? No one wants to eat something shaped like a giant tractor wheel."

"Right, cause eating something shaped like a giant human makes so much more sense," Xander said sarcastically. Spike gave him a once over look.

"Are you coming on to me Harris? All this talk about my eating preferences is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable." His voice dropped, confidingly. "Is there something you need to say to me? Demon-gal just not doing it for you anymore and you need a real man? Cause, as far as I see it, I'm the only real man here."

"Hey!" Xander and Anya said at the same time. Anya stroked his shoulder soothingly.

"Xander is all man, I'll have you know. He can have sex anywhere, and anytime! Why, we had sex just an hour ago outside in the-"

Giles coughed. "Let's not finish that sentence. Please. And, for the record, I'm the man here, you are all just children. Even you, Spike," he added as Spike opened his mouth.

Buffy came into the middle of the room, annoyed. "Ok, can we all drop it? I'm getting the wiggins with the sex talk and the manly talk." She shuddered. "Besides, I have some good news."

"Oh yeah? I like good news." Xander leaned forward, arms on his knees. "Fess up Buff. What's the what?"

Buffy took a deep breath and gave a small smile. "Spike is joining the Scoobies."

Dead silence.

"Well, that's good." Anya beamed at Spike, first to say anything. "Now you can patrol instead of Xander and we can have more time together. To have sex," she added, in case no one knew what she meant. Spike grimaced.

Xander didn't even blink. "What do you mean he's-" he made finger quotes in the air, "'Joining' the group?"

"Joining," Buffy said. "You know, joining? Like, helping? Fighting along side with us when we patrol?" Xander stared at her, blankly.

Giles stepped forward. "I for one think it's a marvelous idea." Spike leaned forward from the couch. "Even if it is Spike." Spike sat back again.

"Wait." Xander stood up, flustered. "You mean to tell me I have to see him every night?"

"Oh please, like you don't see me every night in your dreams anyways." Spike scoffed, studying his nails. Xander lunged at him, knocking the two of them to the floor. "Oi! Cut it out! Stop touching me you pervert!" he yelled as they rolled about, holding Xander's arms so he couldn't hit him. Someone's foot hit the end table and a lamp crashed down, smashing loudly. Giles sighed.

"This is going much better than I expected," Buffy said.

Willow chose this moment to walk in, followed closely by a girl Buffy had never seen before.

"Will!" Buffy called over the racket, and waved her over. Another crash and a table tipped.

"Buffy, hi!" Willow came over, avoiding the tangle of limbs yelling curses at each other. "What's going on?" She pulled her friend over by the hand. "Oh, uh, this is Tara."

Some records slid off the shelf and Giles started towards the fighters, eyes cold.

"Oh oh," Buffy said. "Hold that thought please." She went over to Xander and Spike just in time to see Spike pull back and punch Xander in the face, hard. The two collapsed in pain simultaneously. She grabbed each one by the scruffs of their necks and threw them onto the couch. "Sit! And shut up." Turning, she went back to Willow and her friend.

"Tara, hi, so nice to meet you." She shook her hand and Tara ducked her head shyly.

"I've heard so much about you," Tara whispered, giving the group a small smile.

Giles came over. "Hello. And we've heard so much about you," he answered, polite as ever.

Anya scoffed. "We've never heard of her, what are you talking about?" The room fell silent and looked at her. She looked back blankly. Her eyes widened. "I mean...ohhh...yes!" She gave Tara a blinding smile. "We've heard so much about you too!"

"Tara is a Wicca too." Willow jumped in before Anya said anything else. "A very powerful Wicca!" Tara looked embarrassed and shook her head.

"Oh! N-no, I'm n-not all that powerful." She looked at Willow, eyes proud. "Willow is the one with the power. I could never be as strong as she is."

The group looked at Willow in surprise.

"Powerful?" Anya asked, puzzled. "What do you me-" Xander cleared his throat. Anya shut up and gave another bright smile instead. "Good for you!"

Spike looked at the two girls standing beside each other and smirked despite the throbbing in his head. "So? You two practice the arts together do you?"

Willow nodded, completely missing his insinuation. "Today we found out if we combined our powers we can do so much more! Instead of floating a stupid pencil, we levitated ourselves! Tara is amazing!" Tara blushed at the compliment and looked down, hair falling over her face a little.

Spike snorted. "Hmmm...sounds very feminist. Go girl power." Buffy frowned at him and he rolled his eyes but shut up.

Giles looked interested and motioned towards the couch for them to sit. "Please, make yourself comfortable. Tea?" he asked. He moved towards the kitchen, his foot stepping on a record with a loud crunch. "Oh dear lord."

Xander looked down. "Zenyatta Mondatta?"

Giles glared. "Yes. The Police. Only the greatest band to ever come out of England." He looked at the shards beneath his feet and rubbed his glasses furiously.

"The Police?" Xander said. "What did they do?"

Spike gave a laugh. "You don't know their work? 'Every Breath You Take?'" He looked meaningfully at Buffy, eyes intense. "A song about true love?"

"That's a stalker song, not a love song," Anya said. "Sting told me so."

"You met Sting?" Xander asked, excited.

"Oh. Yes." Anya shrugged. "He's a demon. We used to hang out sometimes."

Buffy gasped. "Sting's a demon?"

Anya looked surprised. "Well, of course he is. How do you think he stays so young looking? Not to mention so successful after going solo. I mean, his first few albums were good, but after that only magic could make people actually buy his stuff."

Giles swept up the shattered remains of his album and stood up. "Well, never the less, now we have two new additions to our group. I'd say we are getting rather powerful. A Watcher, " He smiled, motioning towards himself, "The Slayer, two witches, an ex-demon, a vampire and...erm..." He looked at Xander. "You."

Willow looked at Giles. "We have a vampire?" She looked around, nervously. "Is Angel back?"

Spike jumped up. "No, the nancyboy is not back. He's talking about me." He stood in front of the two witches and grinned. "Meet the newest addition to your little party."

DISCLAIMERS: I am Joss! I own it ALL. I came up with all the characters and the company and the story and the movie...but the stupid production company ruined that gravytrain, now didn't it? I also own Spike. He lives with me. We are in love. Hell, ALL the characters live with me. Oh, hold on, the nurse says it's time to take my meds...what? Oh, ok. She also says I'm not Joss. Hmmm. It seems I am a little delusional. It seems I own nothing. This sucks. I'm going back to my happy place. *door slams, footsteps walk away*

THANK YOU: Heh, you keep pulling me back in every time I think I am gonna stop. It's like heroin. Well, I assume it's like heroin. Without those nasty track marks. Anyhoos, thanks again and again, I adore your reviews. I adore your comments. I adore YOU!! Oh, I also love Sting...he is a nummy treat. I miss The Police :(

THE PREVIOUSLIES: Spike and Xander argued. Spike and Xander fought. Spike and Xander broke things. Giles sighed. A lot. Wow, I just made a rhyme there, lookit me go! Yay me! Giles' best album ever got stepped on. By him. Poor Giles! Buffy told the gang Spike was joining the Scoobies. Willow brought Tara over. Oh, that Tara! She is so cute! Anya worked on her manners some more. Willow was worried that Angel showed up again. Man, I'd be worried too, all that brooding is never good. Spike informed her that he was the newest addition to the group, which is technically wrong, cause Tara is the last to join. Poor Spike! Summer is here and school is out. Now, the gang is returning form their first patrol together. And so, the nuttiness continues...

Chapter eleven

"That went well." Spike said happily. He'd killed three vampires alone and the adrenaline rush was still making his blood sing.

Buffy stopped and stared. "Are you insane? That wasn't well! That was beyond terrible. Willow got cut, Tara has a bloody nose, Giles sprained his wrist and Xander was knocked out."

"I know that, I'm bloody well carrying him, aren't I?" Spike shifted the dead weight over his shoulder. "Stupid git." He said, motioning to Xander's feet.

Anya followed Spike closely, worried to death over her Xander. "We need to wake him up. He's been out for a while now."

"Maybe if we shook him," Willow suggested, wincing. The cut on her ribs stung. Tara looked at her from around the cloth on her nose, concerned.

Anya leaned in close to Xander's ear. "XANDER! WAKE UP!!" He didn't move a muscle.

"I said shake, not shout," Willow said. Buffy came over, still trying to wipe off some of the Granklin demon's blood off of her new leather coat.

"Put him down, Spike," she said.

"Gladly," Spike growled, letting Xander slide carelessly to the ground with a thud.

Buffy leaned over and shook Xander violently. "Xander! Wake up!" His eyes fluttered, head lolling around. "Xander!"

"Oh! I think he's coming around." Anya looked relieved. "I don't want a broken boyfriend, although I would still stay with him forever, even if he couldn't perform in bed. Because I love him!" she finished triumphantly. The group stared, not sure if they should be touched or not. Spike made a face, definitely on the not side of the fence.

"I'm up, I'm up," Xander muttered, batting his hand in front of his face. "Tell me which way it went!" He stood up unsteadily, Anya clutching his arm protectively. "Did I get it?" He took in the various injuries around him and sighed. "Guess not."

"It's dead, and I'm beat." Buffy took off her ruined coat and looked at it sadly. "My coat's dead too."

"Buffy?" She looked over to Tara, who was hovering anxiously over Willow. "She's still bleeding." Buffy ran over to her friend.

"Will! Let me see."

Willow slowly pulled her hand away from her side, and a small gush of blood appeared. Spike perked up, looking over.

"I'm taking you to the hospital," Buffy said firmly. Spike leaned in above her and she bumped into him as she stood up.

"Oh! No, no, I'm fine. Hospital is definitely not needed." Willow stood up straight, almost banging into Spike who was still hovering around the girls. Buffy gave him a look, but kept silent. "This is a scratch, less than a scratch really. More like a bloody kinda papercut. It's nothing that a simple binding spell can't fix." She waved her hand over her skin in a slow circle, muttering. The area glowed briefly and slowly closed. The cut disappeared and she smiled triumphantly. "See?"

The group looked impressed. Spike looked disappointed.

"Wow, Wills, that was amazing." Buffy shook her head in surprise. She frowned a little and leaned closer. "Is that my new top?"

"Um, what?" Willow closed her coat and stood up. "Who's for cappuccinos?" Tara raised her hand and the two witches grinned at each other.

"Count me asleep," Buffy said. "The only thing I can think of right now is bed." Spike perked up again.

"I do believe I am going home." Giles held his wrist gingerly. "I think I've had enough excitement for tonight."

Spike looked at him. "Yeah, it's about 'Calgon, take me away!' time, eh Rupert?" He smoothed the sides of his coat and sniffed. "Well, I'd have to say the lot of you are damn lucky I came along. I don't know how you all have stayed alive all this time."

"And yet, we somehow managed to foil every single one of your plans," Xander said sarcastically. "So what does that say about you?" Spike looked at him.

"It does the heart good to see you are still keeping up your end of the gang, with the smackdown and the beddy-bye routine. Not to mention the being carried out like a great woman." Spike sighed and looked upwards. "Or maybe it was all a great ruse and you are hiding your wonderful superpowers until the time is just exactly right."

"Spike?" Buffy said sweetly. Spike turned. "Shut it."

"Yeah, shut it," Xander chimed in, still holding his head.

Giles rubbed his temples tiredly. "As much as I would love to stay and listen to this wondrous battle of wits, I'm off." He nodded to the group and started walking towards his new car. "Need a ride anyone?"

"Ooh! The shiny red car with no top! I'm in!" Willow followed him. Tara looked at her and gave the others a small smile.

"I'm with Willow," she said quietly and followed. Spike snorted.

"You sure are, darlin'" he murmured, watching the girls walk away. Perking up, he turned to see the others staring at him. "What?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Xander asked. Spike raised his eyebrows.

"The two peas in a pod over there? Oh, don't tell me you don't know!" He looked at the three in front of him. "Oh, come on!"

"You mean the fact that they're gay?" Anya asked, bored with the conversation already. Xander gasped.

"What?! No, no, Willow is so not gay! She and I had a thing! No gayness there!"

Buffy frowned. "If Willow was dating Tara she would've told me. We're best friends." Spike looked at her in mock-agreement.

"And best friends tell each other everything, don't they?" he said to her, eyes wide. Buffy looked nervous.

"That's right!" Xander interrupted, pointing wildly. "That's right! We are all best friends, and we tell each other everything, and if Willow went all gay then she'd tell us, cause we're her very best friends. Right Buff?" he asked, face worried.

"The bestest," Buffy answered, looking guilty.

Anya rummaged through her purse and pulled out her compact. "Maybe she hasn't found the right time to tell you all yet." She studied her face in the mirror closely. "Or maybe she isn't sure what their relationship is yet."

"Yeah!" Buffy said, looking right at Spike. "Maybe she isn't sure yet."

Spike shrugged, eyes never leaving hers. "Or maybe she's too chicken." She glared at him.

"Or maybe she thinks we wouldn't understand, which is just silly, because it is perfectly normal to have feelings. Who cares who it's for? Xander and I have feelings, right Xander?" Anya smiled and gave him a little squeeze, making him yelp.

"Oochie, sore spot An." He pulled away , rubbing his bruised ribs.

"Poor baby, come on, let's go home. I'll make you feel all better," Anya said soothingly.

"Yeah, 'Nurse Anya' can heal you up right quick," Spike said. He grinned evilly, and went over to Buffy. "Ready to go too, pet?"

Xander looked at them. "What do you mean, 'too'? You live that way, so vamoose." He pointed north.

"Yeah, but I left all my toiletries at the Slayer's when I was staying there. I just can't fall asleep unless I've brushed and flossed thoroughly." Spike said, sarcasm dripping freely.

"Buffy, please, please tell me he isn't still staying at your place," Xander begged, looking ill. "I don't think I can take it after the whole Willow theory. Cause, me and her, we had a thing, in high school..."

"We all know, Xander!" Anya looked mad now. "Why do you keep bringing it up? Is it because you're jealous?" She held her stomach, glaring at him. "Oh great, now something's wrong with me. I have a funny pain in my tummy."

"Yeah, I get that every time I think of Xander too," Spike said sympathetically.

Xander touched Anya's shoulder. "I'm sorry An. You just feel anger and jealousy...no! Wait, not anger. Never with the anger. Anger leads to hate and hate leads to vengeance and vengeance leads to bad things...which is never a good thing." He gave her a hug. "Let's go bandage me up, and then we can make up."

"You mean, make-up sex?" Anya asked. "I like that." Xander shot a look over towards the other two.

"Ok." He grabbed her hand.

"Bye!" Anya called over her shoulder.

Spike and Buffy watched the two of them run off. "Ugh. If that wasn't the most disgusting display," Spike groaned. "I have a funny feeling in my gut now too." His eyes lit up and he gave Buffy a soft look. "Wanna feel it, make sure it's nothing too serious?"

"Spike..." Buffy smiled a bit at the puppy-dog look he was giving her. "Cut it out. I'm beat, and my shower is calling my name, followed closely by my bed." She turned towards home.

"Sure Slayer, whatever you say." Spike fell into step beside her, silent. They walked together through the neighborhood until Buffy's house came into view, making Spike stop. "Well then, good night."

Buffy looked at him, surprised. "Where are you going? I thought you were still staying, uh, here." She shrugged, looking a little embarrassed.

"Buffy..." Spike said, softly. "I'm all better now, and should be at my crypt, not freeloading off the Summer's women. I just wanted to walk you home." He shuffled his feet a bit, obviously uncomfortable with admitting that. Then, giving her a little smile, he went to leave.

"Spike, wait!" He stopped and looked at her. "I think you should stay a little longer...for...protection."

"Protection?" His leer let her know she was anything but safe when he was around.

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, it's good to have someone else in the house, a male figure, and I sleep better knowing you are in the room next to me."

"Do you now?" Spike whispered, stepping close to her. She swallowed and nodded slightly. "Well then, you've got yourself a watchdog." He took her hand and pulled her to the house as fast as he could. "C'mon, let's go inside, there's something this doggie needs to show his bitch."

"Bitch?" Buffy laughed, trying to sound offended. "Are you calling me names, and after I invited you to stay the night?" She was still laughing when they came through the door and found Joyce sitting in the living room, reading. They quickly dropped their hands, looking like guilty schoolchildren.

"Oh, hello you two." She smiled. "How was patrol?"

"It was okay. A few injuries, but nothing major," Buffy said, taking in the coffee and worksheets laid out on the table. "Burning the midnight oil?"

"Oh, just some leftover paperwork I need to finish up by morning." Joyce sighed. "Boring numbers that needed adding, but I'll be done soon. How about you two?"

Buffy looked at Spike. "Oh, we were about to turn in."

"Alright, sweet dreams then." Joyce returned to her papers, frowning slightly as she read. Buffy reluctantly went upstairs.

"Night Joyce." Spike said, and followed her, grabbing her the moment the were in the hallway. "Mmmm, c'mere Slayer."

"No, Spike, are you crazy?" Buffy pulled away, eyes wide. "Mom's still up, she'll hear!" Spike buried his head in her hair and groaned.

"You're killing me here Buffy," he muttered.

Buffy gave him a quick, shy kiss on the cheek. "Night Spike," she said and closed her door in his face softly, smiling as she heard his head hit the frame in defeat. Going into the bathroom she stripped off her blood-splattered clothes and dropped them in the garbage. Another perfectly good outfit goes to fashion heaven. I should just give up entirely and patrol in sweats.

She turned on the shower, hot, and stepped in, sighing at the luscious feeling of the heat against all her little aches and pains, sticking her head in under the spray. And almost died from shock at the feel of a cool hand against her shoulder.

"God!" She clutched at her heart. "What is with the 'Psycho' routine? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Spike smiled slowly at her.

"Sorry luv." His eyes traveled up her body, enjoying the sight of her all wet and glistening. She suddenly seemed to remember she was naked and grabbed the shower curtain, covering herself modestly. Water sprayed everywhere. "Hey!" He yanked the curtain back and grinned some more at the tasty sight.

"Spike!" Buffy hissed, grabbing the washcloth and holding it up to various places at a time, "What're you doing? I said we couldn't do anything if Mom's up!"

"Well, Mum's gone to sleep now, and I promise to be very, very quiet." Spike slid his clothes off and stepped into the shower. "Mmmm, Slayer, aren't you a lovely treat."

Buffy slid her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a long kiss. Their tongues stroked slowly, their mouths almost gentle. Spike's body was flush against hers, pushing her up against the wall, strong hands lifting her up against him. His fingers trailed down her inner thigh and she shivered wherever they touched. His mouth dropped to her breasts, nipping and stroking with teeth and lips. Buffy moaned softly and his hand came up and covered her mouth, making her moan again in excitement.

"Hush now," Spike whispered in her ear, sucking on the lobe. The feel of his hand against her, and his mouth doing magical things to her sensitive skin was driving her wild. The fact that she could moan as much as she wanted and he would muffle it made her knees weak. She bit his hand, hard, and he hissed with pleasure. "Bad girl," he murmured and thrust two fingers inside her, making her shudder and gasp.

Spike panted as he moved his hand against her, watching her face as she whimpered and squirmed in time to his touches. She looked so unbelievably desirable, face pink from the steam and her arousal, skin silky and wet, the water spilling on her in sheets. He worked her tenderly, making it last this time, loving the way her legs trembled, the way she sucked on his palm, how her eyes burned into his when they looked at each other, how her small hands clenched with such strength. And when he felt her start to spasm against his fingers, her heat scorching him, he pulled his hand away from her lips and drank in her pleas with his mouth, savoring every whispered word and gasp.

Buffy rested her head on Spike's shoulder, shuddering, knowing that if she tried to stand she would collapse. Her entire body shook weakly from the aftershocks. She twisted a bit and he stepped back slightly, just enough to let her start to slide down the length of his hard body. Looking up, she saw a surprised expression on his face as she knelt before him. The surprise turned to absolute bliss as she took him in her hand and ran down his length, squeezing gently as she traveled back up to the tip. Looking straight into his eyes, she took him into her mouth, sucking strongly, hand pumping. Spike's mouth dropped open.

"Buffy." It came out as a strangled gasp, almost a plea. His hands came down to rest on her head, fingers wrapped in her wet hair. She worked him, first fast and hard, and then slowing down to an almost painfully slow caress. She did it over and over again until he was almost weeping from pleasure and frustration, hands clenching in her hair.

"Please." He choked, unable to take it anymore. "Oh god, Buffy, please."

She relented and pumped steadily, moving her hand and mouth in time, taking as much of him as she could. He arched his back slightly, eyes screwed tight, gasps almost torn from his mouth as he came.

Buffy felt his hands tugging her and she stood up again. "Jesus Buffy," he whispered, kissing her deeply, holding her tight.

"So, that was ok?" she asked, suddenly hit with a case of shyness. He pulled back and looked at her in amazement.

"Ok?" He laughed softly. "Oh, bloody hell."

"What?" She pouted now, turning her burning face into the water. It was cooling off and it felt wonderful against her over-heated skin. Spike reached over and turned the water off. Lifting her out, he wrapped her up in the towel and carried her into the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed with her in his lap.

"You're serious?" he asked. She shrugged, head down. He tugged her chin, bringing her mouth over, and gave her a tiny kiss. "That was the greatest gift you could ever give me," he whispered, blue eyes sincere. "And it was much more than 'ok'."

Buffy put a serious expression on. "Oh, good, cause all the guys down at that frat party said I was ok, but needed practice..." She giggled at Spike's expression. "Um, kidding?"

"I knew that," Spike said.

"You so thought I was serious!" Buffy puffed out her bottom lip, making Spike's thoughts return to twenty seconds ago. She raised her eyebrows at him. "Again?"

"It's your duty as the Slayer."

"Buffy?"

They both froze.

"Mom?" Buffy said, trying to make her voice sound as sleepy as possible.

Joyce stood in the hall outside Buffy's room. "I'm sorry to bother you honey, but I'm out of shampoo and I really want to take a shower. Can I borrow yours?"

"Just a minute!" Buffy called. She turned to see Spike standing in the middle of the room, stark naked, panicked. "Out!" she whispered. He looked at her.

"What?" He stared at her blankly. She ran over and grabbed his clothes, thrusting them into his arms, and pushed him to the window.

"Out!" she repeated. "Go out the window. You can get into your room by climbing right over the roof to the opposite side." The doorknob rattled and she gave him a shove, sending the naked vampire out. He poked his head back in, planted a hard, quick kiss on her, and disappeared.

Buffy unlocked her door, clutching the towel tightly. "Sorry Mom, musta fell asleep when I laid down after my shower." Joyce smiled and went into the bathroom, coming out just in time to hear Spike's steps on the roof.

"Did you hear that?" She looked up, puzzled. "It sounded like...scrabbling."

Buffy looked at her, face blank. "Squirrels."

DISCLAIMERS: Last night, as I bubble-bathed it up with Joss, I brought up the subject of BTVS. "Oh, let's not talk about that, shall we?" He sighed, smiling at me, sipping his champagne. "But, it's so full of angst, and the writing was rather poor this season." I complain, eating a handful of chocolates. "We need some fun...and maybe you should have Spike more naked." "But we've already got him down to just a sock!" He whines, really putting a damper on 'the mood'. "If you don't like it why don't you write a story?" I shrugged. "Fine." As I got out of the Jacuzzi Joss screamed after me, furious, "You do realize that you get NOTHING from Mutant Enemy!!!" Geeze, those veins really stand out when he gets mad.

THANKS: Seriously, to all of you who enjoy this silly little ditty of a story, thanks! If you laugh at least once during each chapter I put up then I am a happy monkey.

LAST TIME, ON DR. MR. MONKEYBOTTOMS, MD: "I need twenty cc's of blood! STAT!" Dr

Mr. Monkeybottoms cried, looking at the gorgeous vampire laying unconscious on the gurney. "And for the love of god, someone hand me some scissors! This man's shirt needs to be removed! STAT! Out of my way, Doogie!" Or... not... Actually, first patrol went rather poorly, what with all the injuries and ruined clothing and so forth. Spike insulted Xander as much as possible. Willow borrowed Buffy's top. Whoopsie. Xander and Buffy were surprised to hear of Willow's new-found gayness. We all were, though, weren't we? I mean, gay? Come on, we all know it's called bi-sexual, but hey, just try to talk about that on a posting board! Can you say taboo subject? I sure can. Buffy went home and showered with Spike. Whoa! Buffy shoved a naked Spike out her window. Is it just me, or does Buffy have a thing for windows after sex? Joyce heard a giant squirrel demon on the roof. HA!

Chapter twelve

The doorbell rang at the Summer's residence and Xander poked his head inside. "Hello? Anyone awake?" Joyce poked her head out from around the corner.

"Oh, good morning Xander. Come in." She said, going back into the kitchen. "You're out and about early. How about some coffee?" She waved her hand towards the fresh pot. Xander shook his head.

"Thanks Mrs. Summers, but I'm off anything that resembles adulthood. Strictly pop and chocolate milk for me from here on in. Oooh! Are those Pop Tarts?" He grabbed one out of the box and tore the cellophane open. "Now these, these are a delicacy." Joyce watched as he bit into it with vigor. "Where's Buffy?" Xander asked, mouth full. A few crumbs escaped to the counter and he dabbed at them with his finger.

Joyce grabbed the J-Cloth. "She's still upstairs." She said, wiping. "Exercising."

"Exercising?" Xander said around the Pop Tart.

"Exercising." Joyce repeated. "Probably doing her aerobics, or her Step, I heard her banging around when I was getting dressed." She smiled and picked up the purse. "Why don't you go let her know you're here? I'm off to work. Tell her I'll be home around six."

Xander took another pack of Tarts out. "Sure." Giving Joyce a wave as she left, he slowly made his way to the stairs, tearing the package open and taking a huge bite. Mmmm...chemical strawberry goodness. He came up to Buffy's room, pausing for a moment outside her door. She was definitely working hard, he could hear her panting and a rhythmical pounding. Must be the Reebok step, he thought. Giving the door a quick knock, he opened it and stepped inside.

"Hey Buff, I-" His eyes bugged out, Pop Tart spewing everywhere.

Buffy frantically grabbed at the fallen sheets, covering her sweaty, naked form. "Xander!"

Spike frowned. "Buffy..."

Xander choked some more. "Spike!"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Xander."

"Spike!" Buffy said, warningly.

Xander stared. "Buffy!"

Spike stood up, fishing his pants out from under the bed. "All right, I think we've had enough with the introductions." He said cockily and pulled his pants on, zipper loud in the shocked silence of the room.

"YOU!" Xander said accusingly. He came forward, grabbing Buffy's stake from the dresser. "You! Are! So! Dead!" Spike took one look at the stake and backed up.

"Whoa! C'mon now, no need for that. Put the stake down, mate."

Buffy smacked him as he backed away from the weapon. "You said you locked the door!"

"Yeah, um, can we talk about this later, luv?" He ducked the swipe Xander took. "Listen! Harris! Don't do something you're gonna regret!" He jumped over the rumpled bed. "Or are you just so enamored of me that the smallest glimpse of my naked body has you all hot?"

"Shut up you sick freak!" Xander circled the bed slowly, looking for an opening to attack.

"Xander! Stop it." Buffy tried to pull the sheet off to wrap around her, but it was tangled on one of Spike's feet. She yanked hard and Spike fell. "Oops! Sorry!" Abandoning the covers, she grabbed for her clothes instead, dropping the sheet far enough that most of her upper body was exposed.

"I can't believe this!" Xander shouted, pointing the stake at Spike, coming over for the kill.. "I can't believe you'd take advantage of Buff..." He trailed off, noticing her naked state. "Buffy!" He turned away, even more mortified. "Averting eyes! Averting eyes!"

Spike took the opportunity to tackle him while he was distracted, knocking the stake across the room. They both fell heavily. "Dammit!" He seized his head, groaning.

Xander sat up slowly, winded from the fall. Buffy came over, dressed now, and kneeled next to him. "Xander? Are you ok?" He nodded. "Good." She said, and slapped him across the face. "That's for barging into my room and trying to stake Spike."

"Ow!" Xander shook his head, dazed.

"Heh, serves you right, trying to dust me, interrupting-" Spike was cut off by a slap too.

"That's for not locking the door."

"Hey!" Spike rubbed his head. "Let's show a little sympathy for the guy who almost got staked, shall we? Not to mention the migraine!" Xander scoffed.

"The only person who needs some sympathy is me! I'm the one who had to see..." He shuddered, "You naked."

"And Buffy." Spike reminded him.

"And Buffy-no! Wait!" Xander flushed as Buffy glared at him. "NO! No naked Buffy, I swear! I didn't see anything, and I definitely didn't see nipples or breasts, or, or...anything. No, I looked away when the sheet was all, erm, down." He turned and punched Spike in the face, furious. "You slept with Buffy!"

Spike reared up and punched him back, hard. Xander's nose gave a loud crunch and blood splattered, but Spike was too busy writhing on the floor in extreme pain to appreciate it.

"That's it, I'm tying you both up."

Ten minutes later, the two of them were trussed up like chickens for the roasting, sitting downstairs on the couch together. Buffy stood before them, arms crossed.

"There. That should keep you to from killing each other."

Xander wiped his nose on his shoulder, leaving a bloody smear. "Buffy, this is ridiculous. I'm the good guy! Untie me."

"Untie us." Spike said.

"No. Not him. Do not untie him. Stake him." Xander muttered, seeing Spike looking at him from the corner of his eye.

"I'm gonna stake the both of you if you don't shut up." Buffy said, sitting down and rubbing her temples. "Now I know why Giles does this so much. You are such a load of babies!"

"Speak for the whelp here." Spike said, still staring at Xander. He inched closer.

"Would you...okay, stop it! Buffy! He's trying to lick me!" Xander scooted away from the vampire. "Get away from me you bloodsucker!" Spike looked up, innocence incarnate.

"What? I wasn't going to hurt him! Just a little, erm, taste, you know..." He trailed off, seeing Buffy's face. "Well, what do you bloody expect? He's dripping like a bleeding faucet! It's driving me crazy!"

"Ok, that's just sick." Xander shoved Spike with his shoulder. "Move over there, Blondie!"

"Make me, Twinkie." Spike shoved back. The chip didn't go off and he grinned. "Ha!" They both started shoving, arms still bound behind their backs, shoulders pushing.

"Cut it out!" Xander panted, head in Spike's shoulder.

"You cut it out." Spike leaned over, almost on top of Xander.

"Oh my god." Buffy groaned, watching the display. "What...are you two both three years old?" They ignored her, still fighting. Xander somehow managed to wriggle his way out from under Spike and rolled on top of him.

"Steamroller!" He yelled. Spike grunted.

"Get off you great oaf." Spike started to headbutt him, unable to get much strength behind it, but giving it a game try.

"Stay away from me you letcher!"

"You're the one on top of me." Spike pointed out, face down on the couch now. "Maybe you're enjoying it a little too much, huh? A little limp in the wrists?"

Xander struggled back a bit. "I am not gay!" He said. Then, remembering the fact that his best friend very much might be gay, he backpedaled. "Gay is fine. For other people. Just not for me. I am one hundred percent man!" He jumped on top of Spike again, landing as hard as he could on his kidneys. Spike let out a yell.

"That's it! You're both insane!" Buffy ran over and grabbed both of them by the ear, holding them still, ignoring the ow ow owowowow's coming from them. "I've had more than enough of-"

She cut off, surprised by the arrival of Willow, Tara, Giles and Anya. The two groups stared at each other in surprise, silent.

"Um...." Willow raised her eyebrows at Buffy, who still had her fingers gripping their ears. "Buffy?"

Anya's eyes were wide. "Are you playing sex games with Xander! Xander's mine! He is only allowed to play bondage with me! I believe I was very clear about that!"

"No! No sex games, and definitely no, uh, bondage." Buffy let go and they both sank to the ground in relief.

Giles came over and sat down, ignoring the two neatly tied packages laying on the floor. "Buffy, I thought we could go over some new strategies for tonight's patrol. Willow and Tara wanted to co-ordinate some magic into the attacks."

"Hello? Person tied on the floor here." Xander said.

"Buffy, do untie the boys. We have work to do." Giles frowned slightly, flipping through a book.

Tara sat down next to Giles, eyes wide, sipping an Evian. She watched as Buffy reluctantly untied the two on the floor. Xander jumped up wildly, free at last.

"Is that water!?" He grabbed the bottle from Tara's hands and franticly began pouring it over his face. "Oh, thank god, the sweet relief! Must wash eyes!" He blinked madly.

"Xander, what in the world...?" Anya came over, as speechless as she ever got.

"Give it a rest Harris." Spike stood up slowly, stretching.

"Why are you topless?" Anya asked. He paused in mid-stretch, looking at Xander.

"Oh god!" Xander splashed some more mountain crisp water onto his corneas, breathing heavily.

"Xander!" Anya batted the bottle away. "What is going on?" Her eyes narrowed. "Are you gay too now? You and Spike?" She turned to Willow who was still standing near the doorway, and pointed at her. "You did this!"

Willow's mouth dropped open. "Me? Did what? What are you talking about? Buffy tied Xander up, not me." Anya whirled around.

"Hey!" Buffy said. Willow mouthed, 'sorry' over Anya's shoulder. "I didn't do anything."

"Oh, I beg to differ." Xander wiped his face and came over to the middle of the room. "I beg to differ times a million! You did something alright! Something bad!"

Spike smirked. "Right then, here we go." He flopped down next to Tara. "On with the staking."

Xander struck a dramatic pose. "Buffy and Spike...they...they...oh god, I can't even say it..." He shuddered. Anya looked at him, waiting.

"Is this about Spike and Buffy having sex?"

Willow laughed. "Yeah, like that would ever happen..." She trailed off at the look on Buffy's face. "Buffy. You never." Buffy blushed and she gasped. "Buffy!"

Tara looked at Spike beside her. "Is this a bad thing?" She whispered.

"Not to Buffy." Spike said, grinning wickedly at her. She reddened, her colour almost matching Willow's. The group was quiet for a moment and Giles looked up from his books.

"Who's gay too now?"

DISCLAIMER: I come up to Joss the other day and say, "Hey! Joss, how's about you gimme some cash for this story I'm writing?" And he scoffs and says, "Hey! Mr. Monkeybottoms, how's about you shut the hell up?" That was uncalled for.

THANKS: I am so glad you liked the last chapter. After a while, you just aren't sure if the stuff you just typed is actually funny anymore! I give snuggles to all of you! And once again, thanks to Bubonic for her help. She gave me the idea to use my candy theory with Xander in this chapter on one of our hilarious late night talks, and she always encourages me to write some more.

LAST TIME ON BTVS: Little Johnny was trapped in a cave, and the tide was coming in fast! 'Eeee! Eeee!' Flipper whistled, clapping his fins happily. Cause, you know, that Little Johnny was such an asshole, always taunting Flipper with the fish. 'Who wants a fish? Huh? Does Flipper want a fish? Huh? HUH?' Flipper was glad he was in the cave. Flipper hoped he'd never have to see that Little Johnny again. Screw you Little Johnny! Whoopsies....got a little carried away there. Actually, Xander caught Buffy riding the all-night express train I like to call Spike. Spike and Xander fought like big babies. Xander needed the 'EYE-lert', but had to settle for Tara's overpriced bottled water instead. Anya said some Anya-type things, all involving sex. Buffy tied up Spike and Xander, but not in a kinky way. Giles was clueless. It is the next night, and everyone is having dinner at The Summer's house. You know, for fun.

Chapter thirteen

"How long till dinner?"

Buffy looked over at Xander. "A half hour at the most." She said. "But if you keep eating that candy you'll fill up before we even start."

Xander popped another chewy sweet in his mouth and shook his head. "That's a negatory, I always have room for your mom's home cookin'. Down at my place a home made meal means we order out and have it delivered." He fished another bag out from the pile on the table and held it out to the group. "Fuzzy Peach?"

Tara peeked into the bag and pulled one out. "Mmmm, Fuzzy Peach. My favorite."

"What else do you have?" Willow leaned over, interested.

"Um..." Xander picked through the bags he brought. "Let's see...Fuzzy Peach, Cherry Blasters, Swedish Berries, Sweet Tarts, Sour Patch ..."

Willow perked up. "Sour Patch? I love those! Gimme." She received a handful from Xander. Chewing, she noticed Anya frowning. "What's wrong Anya? Do you want some too? There's more."

Anya looked at the candies and shrugged. "It's just that all these candies are references to the female anatomy." The Scoobies looked at her blankly and she nodded. "Really, they are. Don't you see it? Fuzzy peach..." She raised her eyebrows suggestively. "Sour patch? Of course you two would love those." She added, motioning towards Tara and Willow. Tara choked and went beet red.

"What?" Xander said through a mouthful of Cherry Blasters.

"Yes! I'm serious. Those are slang for the vagina. Swedish Berries are nipples. Cherry Blasters, well, they mean a when virginity is lost and the hym-"

"An!" Xander said.

Buffy quickly put down the Cherry Blaster she was about to eat.

"What? We are all mature adults here. Granted I am older than any of you by over a thousand years, but being freshly made I consider myself younger. I do look younger anyways. And even I know that Sweet Tarts means the flavour of a woman's juic-"

"What about these?" Xander blurted, desperate to cut her off. He held up another pack of candy. Anya read the label.

"Pop Rocks." She shrugged. "What are those?"

Xander tore open the pack and dumped a small amount into his hand. "Here, try them."

Anya obediently licked them off his palm and looked at him questionably. Within a few seconds the candy began to explode in her mouth and her eyes grew wide. "These are amazing!"

"Yeah." Xander smiled and ate some Mike and Ike's.

"Xander, put down that candy-which is a gay insinuation by the way-and listen to this." She put the mouth close to his ear. Xander laughed.

"I know what it does An." He said. She swallowed the candy and leaned in, whispering into his ear this time, a suggestive smile on her face. Xander's eyes opened wide and he glanced down at his pants. "Um, Buffy? I'm gonna go to the bathroom." He turned back to Anya, whispered something in her ear, grabbed another pack of Pop Rocks and took off out of the room. Buffy, Willow and Tara all looked at Anya.

"I'm supposed to wait a few minutes and then make a plausible excuse to leave the room so I can sneak upstairs to the bathroom with Xander. So we can have oral sex!" She said happily. Standing up, she gave the others a little wave and hurried out.

The girls were quiet.

"Ok, That was disturbing." Buffy stood up. "I'm gonna go see if Mom needs some help in the kitchen." She quickly walked out.

Willow squeezed Tara's hand and they smiled at each other sweetly. "I'm going to forget any of that ever happened and think about supper instead. Are you getting hungry baby?" She asked. "Buffy's mom is making yummy linguini with clam-" She cut off when Buffy came back in.

"Uh..." Buffy said, standing next to the candy pile. "I, uh..." She blushed and grabbed a pack of the Pop Rocks. Willow and Tara's mouths dropped open. Buffy shrugged, red now. "I really like them is all!" She turned on her heel and almost ran back out.

"Well. I didn't expect..." Willow said, looking over to see Tara slipping the exploding candy into her pocket. "Tara!"

Tara cheeks were still pink, but she smiled slowly at Willow. Willow shut up and grinned back.

Buffy popped her head into the kitchen and almost died at the sight of Spike stirring something on the stove, chatting away with Joyce. She picked up the apron sitting on the counter and held it in front of her teasingly. "Need to put this on? Hate to see that red shirt of yours get splattered." She looked at the front of the apron, frowning slightly. "It even says, 'Kiss the Big Bad'. Huh, that's lucky."

Spike glared at her. "Oh ha bloody ha Slayer." He stopped stirring and Joyce poked him.

"Don't stop, it'll burn." She said. He immediately began to mix again, a worried look on his face. Buffy almost laughed, but quickly hid it when Spike shot an annoyed glance at her.

The doorbell rang. "I bet that's Giles." Buffy said. Sure enough, her Watcher came into the kitchen, two bottles of wine in his hand.

"Why, thank you Rupert." Joyce took the bottles from him. "How nice. But you brought so much!"

Giles smiled sheepishly. "Just a small gesture really, a thank you for inviting me over for dinner. Plus, I wasn't sure which you'd like, a merlot or a chardonnay, so I, uh, brought both. Whichever one goes best with dinner."

"Well, the dinner party was all Buffy's idea. I'm afraid I can't take any of the credit for that. And we are having linguini with a clam sauce, so I think the chardonnay. Would you, please, Spike?" She said and handed Spike a wine opener. He looked at her, then the opener in his hand. He poked at it with one finger, testing the sharpness of the pointy tip, giving a few experimental swipes in the air with it. The others watched him, confused.

"Use it to open the wine." Buffy hissed. Spike stopped jabbing and gave her a look.

"I know how to use this. I was just...inspired. One never knows what can be used as a weapon against you. Be one up on your opponent, I always say."

"Right. Cause there are so many Kitchen Demons just waiting and lurking, hoping to catch us with a mouth full of peas, and then wham! It gets us with the waffle iron."

Spike raised and eyebrow at her as he deftly opened the wine. "There's no need for sarcasm."

Buffy shook her head. "What? Did you just talk like Giles?"

Spike and Giles both looked at her, offended.

"So, when's the feast about to be served? I'm famished." Xander came in, looking a little breathless, Anya in tow. "I'm at your service Mrs. Summers. Can I help you with anything?"

"I believe you've done enough." Buffy said, glancing towards Anya, who had a Cheshire cat grin on her face. Anya's smile grew even broader and Buffy rolled her eyes. "Why don't we all go sit down?"

Spike sniffed Xander as they went into the dining room. "What are you wearing now, Harris?" He frowned. "You smell even fruitier than usual." Anya walked past him and his eyes widened. "Eww Harris, really, using your girl's perfume now? You really are a major poof. Don't know what the demon-girl sees in you."

"Xander is the sweetest guy in the entire world." Anya said, looking at Xander lovingly as she settled into her chair, wriggling around a bit. "He'd do anything for me. Why, just now he was kind enough to-"

"Um, Xander, did you see Willow and Tara anywhere?" Buffy came in just in time to stop the sharing of things that never needed to be shared, a heaping bowl of pasta in her hands. "I can't find them."

Xander shook his head. "They weren't in the living room when we came down from the bath-uh, they, um, they weren't there." He shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

Spike watched him squirm about. "What's the matter with you? Caught a bad case of the pox?" He shook his head. "Figures."

"No, I do not have the pox...whatever that is. So shut it." Xander glared at him.

"Oh! Is dinner ready?" Willow and Tara burst into the room, also looking a bit breathless. "We, um, we were just, uh..."

"Practicing spells." Tara filled in helpfully. Willow nodded franticly.

"Yes! Spells!" She laughed nervously. "Spells is what we were doing. Spells, and the practicing of these spells." She sat down, smoothing her hair into place. Spike stared at her, nostrils flaring, then at Tara. Then back to Xander and Anya.

"What the bloody hell is going-" He jumped. "Ow! Did you just kick me?" Buffy smiled a big, fake smile at him.

"No."

Everyone was quiet for a moment as the food was dished out and sampled, wine poured.

"A toast." Giles held up his glass and the others followed suit. "To Joyce for her delicious meal. And to all of us, a worthy team and a force to be reckoned with! Evil of the world, beware!" The glasses tinkled as they all touched.

"Beware!" Xander said enthusiastically. He took a healthy swallow and squirmed a bit more in his chair.

Tara fidgeted.

Willow moved around restlessly.

Anya frowned and pulled at her skirt and sighed in frustration. "I'm still all sticky!" She complained loudly. Xander choked on his linguini and Giles pounded him on the back in concern. "Xander, these candies made me all gooey on my vagina! You must be sticking to your boxers too." Giles took his hand away from Xander's back as if it were scalded.

Joyce poured herself more wine.

"An!" Xander gave the table a weak smile. "She's just kidding."

"No I'm not. I'm really uncomfortable, and my panties are all sticky, and not in that good way."

Buffy had second thoughts about the candy in her pocket. And about ever inviting anyone over for dinner ever again. "Uh..." she trailed off, having no idea what to say.

"Bollocks!" Spike made a face. "So that's why you all smell the same! You Wiccas were doin' it too!" He pointed accusingly. Willow's mouth dropped open in fake outrage.

"What!? No! No, we weren't doing anything with Pop Rocks! We were doing a spell, like Tara said. A very powerful spell." She pointed across at Xander and Anya. "They were the ones in the bathroom together!" Everyone gasped and looked at the couple.

Giles moved further away from Xander. "Really now, I don't think this is appropriate dinner conversation-"

"Willow's gay!" Anya said at the top of her voice, pointing back to the witches. All eyes swiveled, again.

Tara poured herself more wine.

Willow looked defiant. "That's right! I'm gay now! I have embraced the other side of my sexuality. Tara and I are gay together. She's my girlfriend, so there!" She crossed her arms and stared back at the table.

"Willow..." Giles looked shocked. Willow panicked.

"Buffy and Spike are sleeping together!" She blurted.

"Hey!" Buffy said. Willow winced apologetically.

"Buffy!" Joyce gasped, looking from her daughter to the vampire next to her. Spike gave her an awkward pat on the shoulder, but pulled his hand away at the look she gave him. "He's just as old as Angel!"

"Actually, I'm younger than that incredible poofter..." He trailed off at Buffy's glare. "Right then." He picked up his fork and continued eating.

Giles stood up silently, and left the room, not saying a word. Buffy watched him, crushed.

"Giles, wait..." She stood up to go after him, but paused as he returned, the other bottle of wine in his hand. Buffy sat back down. He plunked the wine down in front of him, opened it, and poured a brimming glass.

"Joyce?" He offered. She nodded and he gave her a healthy pour. Putting the bottle back down he picked up his own glass and drained it. Pouring himself another, he finally looked at the group. "Now." He said slowly, "Pass me the cheese bread."

DISCLAIMER: So, Joss is like all over me at the party last night, and I'm all, like, 'Cut it out' and stuff, and he's still trying to mack with me, and my boyfriend comes over and shakes him like dirty linen and everyone's all screaming and calling security...like he's some kind of important writer-director-creator guy. So, the security goons toss my boyfriend out and Joss is still all, 'Oh, Mr. Monkeybottoms, don't leave! The party's just getting started...in my pants!' I roll my eyes so he gets all cheesed at me and says, 'Fine. No profits for you then.' So I scarf down his Crantini and vamoose. The party sucked anyway. ME couldn't party their way out of a wet paper bag.

THANK YOU: One and all, thank you for your reviews, they always make me wriggle in delight. We all love those Pop Rocks! Maybe next time I will write a fic and title it 'Twizzlers: Ribbed For Her Pleasure." But, for now, we must all say 'goodbye' to this fic, as it must end sometime, and that sometime is chapter 14. Seriously now. I promise I will write another story...just let me finish this one, lol.

WHOO-BABY: Buffy and the gang had the funnest-fun-factory-time you could have at a dinner party. Anya displayed her clever mind yet again and came up with the best use for candy ever. And you thought they were for eating! Silly you! Willow and Tara followed suit. Buffy stashed some away for later but reconsidered after some table-time confessions and sticky undies. Spike stirred the white sauce. Spike opened wine. Spike called Angel a poof. Joyce was shocked that Buffy and Spike were doin' the horizontal tango. Giles drank and drank. Poor Giles! He needed a few days to get over that nasty hangover after the dinner. Wine'll getcha every time. Now, Buffy and Spike are trying for some 'alone time', but that is easier said than done...

Chapter fourteen

"Bollocks. This movie is terrible." Spike complained, reaching for the popcorn. "How much can one vamp brood? Can Brad Pitt be more of a wanker? If I wanted to watch that I'd go back to L.A. and hang around with your poofy ex." He made a mournful face. "'Oh, heavens, this life of the undead is terribly terrible...whatever shall I do besides mope and pout and bemoan my fate?'"

"Hey, Brad Pitt is fantastic." Buffy said, smacking him in the arm. Her eyes never left the screen. "He's a genius, and not too hard on the eyes either. Then there's the lovely Tom Cruise and the beautiful Antonio...they make Interview With the Vampire worth renting."

Spike's eyebrows rose. "Beautiful? Tell me you aren't serious."

"Hmmmm?" Buffy said absently. Antonio was running his fingers through the flame and it was damn sexy.

"Buffy?" Spike asked quietly. She didn't answer, eyes glued to the TV, absentmindedly eating popcorn. "Bugger this." He strode over to the VCR and ejected the movie.

"What are you doing?" Buffy blinked as he crushed the tape with one squeeze of his hand, then stomped it into the carpet beneath his boots, grinding his heel viciously. "Um...we're gonna have to pay for that now. Mr. Blockbuster isn't going to be impressed."

Spike marched back over to her and yanked her up, kissing her fiercely. Buffy immediately forgot all about the broken movie and gasped as he thrust his hands in her hair, holding her head tightly as he ravaged her mouth. He kissed her fiercely, stealing her breath away with his possessiveness. All at once he let go and she plopped back down onto the couch, dazed. Spike stared down at her, smug.

"Antonio is a ponce."

Buffy smiled slowly. "You're jealous!"

"What!" Spike sat down and crossed his arms, a look of disbelief on his face. "Jealous? Not bloody likely!"

"You are! You. Are. Jealous."

Spike made a snorty noise.

"Ha!" Buffy grinned. "What's the matter, Big Bad? Worried that fictional vampires are more attractive than the real thing?" She leaned over him, pushing her breasts into his arm ever so slightly. He pretended not to notice. "I mean, Anne Rice really has a following with the Goth-and-Angst crowd. Maybe you wish she'd write a book about you." She sighed deeply, nipples traveling in a half-circle over his skin.

Spike swallowed, eyes staring at her chest. The tops of her breasts were peeking out as she leaned, and her hard little nipples drawing curlicues all over his arm were driving him crazy. "Anne Rice wouldn't know a vamp if one bit her on her ample arse."

"Arse?" Buffy giggled a bit at the word, but it was cut off as Spike grabbed her again, pushing her down into the couch cushions, mouth hot on hers. He held her hips, grinding against her, his hand moving down until he found what he was looking for. Buffy moaned as he squeezed.

"Arse." Spike muttered, moving against her lazily. "And I seem to have found a lovely one right here." He kissed her some more and she wrapped her legs around his waist tightly, pulling him against her harder. "Mmmmm...Slayer, naughty girl."

Buffy smiled against his mouth. "I can be naughty..." She whispered, making him gasp a bit as her tongue licked at his lips. "I can-" The phone rang.

"Don't answer that." Spike muttered, kissing her neck.

Buffy groaned. "I have to, Slayer destiny and all that. Lives depend on me, blah blee blee blah. It is my birthright to answer the phone when it rings...like the Bat phone. Only, less cool." She sat up slowly, squirming out from under Spike, and picked it up on the fifth ring.

"Oh Buffy, thank heavens you're home. I was afraid I'd missed you and you'd already left to patrol."

Buffy sighed. "Hi Giles. No, I haven't left yet, Spike and I were just, uh..." Her eyes went to the pile of plastic on the floor, "Watching a movie. Till he killed it."

"Oh, Spike is there?" Buffy could almost hear the sound of his handkerchief against his glasses as he paused, franticly cleaning. "Yes, well, very good then. We won't have to go looking for him. We have a situation."

"A situation?" Buffy sighed. "But it's my night off from situations! Situation free, I believe! It's not another apocalypse, is it? Cause I didn't notice the earth moving." Spike grinned at her suggestively and she blushed. "No earthquake." She clarified.

Giles paused. "Well, not quite the end of the world, no..."

"Not quite? I don't like the sound of that at all. I'd much prefer not at all the end of the world, or, we're all going to Disneyland!"

Spike looked up. "We're going to Disneyland? Ooh, I like Disneyland. One time Dru and I hid in the Haunted House and drained and entire high school class that was there for a pre-grad party...heh, they had a hell of a time covering that up, eh, Walt?" He chuckled to himself , remembering, until he noticed Buffy's glare. "Erm, I mean, uh, I can't wait to ride down 'Splash Mountain' with the Wicca lesbians." Buffy glared harder.

"Hurry up now, Buffy. The others will be here shortly. Oh, and Buffy? Bring weapons."

"Alright." Buffy hung up and turned to Spike. "Suit up. We've got trouble."

"Right then." Spike jumped up and grabbed his duster.

Buffy pulled out her weapon chest and duffle bag. "Giles said to hurry, so we'd better take your car." Spike looked horrified.

"Not bloody likely!"

Buffy gave him a wheedling look and pouted. "Pleeeeese Spike. I want to drive. I have my license."

"A license to kill is more like it Slayer. I've heard about you and cars, you know. Word gets around the undead circle. There is no way in hell I'm letting you drive my DeSoto." Spike crossed his arms, looking a bit worried at Buffy's sly smile.

Twenty minutes later, Buffy pulled up to the apartment complex where Giles lived, one wheel coming to rest on the curb lopsidedly. Spike sat in the drivers side, frozen.

"It doesn't matter what you pull next time, there is never going to be another situation that involves me in the passenger side of this car." Spike gasped, still recovering from Buffy's driving, and Buffy's ministrations before they'd left.

"Hey, I delivered what I promised." Buffy said, looking at his pants.

"I think an encore is owed after this. You scratched the paint! And ran over a chipmunk, I might add."

"It was an evil chipmunk." Buffy frowned. "I could tell. And besides, it's not my fault it ran out in front of me, or that your brake is so close to the accelerator."

"And the paint?" Spike asked.

"Evil garbage can." Buffy turned off the car and fiddled with the keys. "Your keys are stuck." She jangled them in frustration. "Stupid keys! Come...out...!" Spike reached over and put the car into park, then took the keys out, tucking them safely into his pocket.

"Ready?" He asked dryly. She nodded sheepishly. "Good. Let's go find out what has ole Rupie's knickers in a bunch."

The Scoobies were all there when they walked in. Willow and Tara were in the corner, mixing what smelled like a bowl of rancid animal fat, chanting. Xander sat, sharpening a large stake. Anya read a magazine, a bored look on her face.

"Buffy." Giles looked up from the pile of books on his table and sighed in relief. "You made it here in record time."

Buffy put the weapon bag down on the floor. "That's cause Spike let me drive."

Shocked silence. Xander stopped whittling. The girls stopped chanting. Anya stopped turning pages.

"No wonder you look even more pale than usual." Xander said to Spike, shaking his head. "Didn't you know? Slayer and technology don't mix. At all. Buffy can barely use the toaster."

"That is so not true!" Buffy said, offended. "The settings just happen to be on dark every time I use it." She looked away, muttering. "Stupid toaster."

Giles cleared his throat, getting the room's attention, a rather serious look on his face. "Enough about Buffy's appliance deficiencies. We have bigger fish to fry." He pulled open his book and pointed at the illustration inside. "I've been reading The Pergamum Codex Fascinating book, really. These prophecies always run their course, never been wrong..."

"That's great, Giles. " Buffy said, crossing her arms. "I do seem to remember that little book of yours, what with the wacky tale of my death against the Master all layed down like some twisted bedtime story. Hmmmm, yes, it does ring a bell." She straightened suddenly. "There's not another thingy about me in there, right? Cause that really puts a damper on the whole 'After the Situation' party I was planning."

'Oh, no. Buffy, it's not about you, thank heavens." Giles said. He peered at the page again, squinting a little as he read. "And from the depths of darkness he shall rise, the one they named 'Hereth', bringing with him the root of all evil. His defeat will not be easily come by but for the soul-less warrior who walks as life but lives not." He stopped reading and looked up expectantly. No one said a word. "Well?"

"Well what?" Xander asked, looking puzzled. "We have no idea what that means."

"Yeah. I don't speak librarian." Spike fiddled with a dagger, balancing it on his finger. "Who bloody cares what it means? Let's go find whatever it is that's rising and kill it. Plain and simple."

"It's not that easy, Spike." Giles looked uncomfortable. "After all, the prophesy is about you."

Spike dropped the knife. "Me?"

"Him?" Xander choked.

Anya shrugged. "Well, any fool could see that. Spike's the living undead guy it's talking about." She went back to the 'Cosmo' she'd been reading. There was a poll she needed to finish taking. It would tell her if she was 'woman enough' in the sack for her man, and she was desperate to find the answer.

Spike glared. "I am not a warrior of good!" He kicked the knife back up effortlessly, catching it in his hand. "I'm just here. Just fighting. No good." He pointed the blade as emphasis.

Buffy grinned. "Sorry Spike, but the jig is up. You're a good guy now. Time to hand in your 'Hi, I'm evil! Ask me how!' pin." Spike looked sulky and turned away.

"The book is very clear, I'm afraid. We must go and battle the Hereth tonight, all of us, and we must use every means possible to defeat it." He paused. "But only Spike shall be the one able to administer the death blow. Without him the hellmouth will open once again. The world will be lost."

"You said it wasn't an apocalypse, big fibber!" Buffy said to Giles. "Situation my Aunt Fanny!"

"Well, this is the end then, isn't it?" Xander put the stake down dejectedly. "We all know Spike's not gonna help us keep the hellmouth closed. And I just ordered that new Time-Life book series too."

"Oh, the one about World War II?" Willow asked excitedly. Tara looked at her and she shrugged. "History gets me excited. Oh, but not in a sexy way...um, I mean, you know, in an intellectual, learning kinda way."

Anya slapped her Cosmo down on the table, making everyone look over at her in surprise. "Well. It seems I'm not woman enough in the sack." She send Xander a glare. "Why didn't you tell me? How selfish of you."

He shook his head. "Huh?"

"Would you all just shut your holes?" The Scoobies all looked at Spike. "I don't see how you all have managed to get this far. Nutters, every single one of you." He strode over to Buffy, who looked at him silently, and turned at the group. "I couldn't care less if you all died tomorrow while crossing the street." He said quietly, ignoring Xander's gasp of indignation. He continued, turning back to Buffy, waving a hand in Tara's direction. "Well, maybe I'd miss the shy one over there, she's nice enough. As for the lot of you, well, you've all been a thorn in the rump, now haven't you? It shouldn't matter if you live or die." He raised his dagger at Buffy, slowly turning it so the blade faced his heart. She didn't blink, staring into the intense blue of his eyes. "But it would matter to Buffy...it would kill her. And I would die before I let that happen." He leaned in closer to her until their lips were almost touching. "I love you, Buffy." He said, so quietly that only she could hear him. "I'll die for you."

Buffy swallowed hard. "I love you Spike." She leaned forward ever so slightly and put her lips on his. "And we all know that dagger won't kill you."

"Doin' my best, Slayer." Spike said, giving her his usual cocky grin, making her smile.

"What? What are you two saying over there?" Xander demanded.

"He's saying he'll do it." Buffy said, looking at the Scoobies. "Oh, and he also whispered that he really does like you, but is too vampire-y to admit it."

Spike gasped. "Did not! I never said that!"

Buffy marched over to her weapons and rummaged through them. "Spike." She threw a heavy double-edged axe in his direction without so much as a backwards glance. He caught it easily and swung it around a bit, testing the feel. Standing up, she hoisted the duffle bag over her shoulder and smiled at her friends. "Ready?" They nodded. "Let's go stop the hellmouth."

Giles opened the door and they filed out. And as Spike walked through the door he found Buffy by his side, her hand linked in his.

He smiled. And tripped Xander on his way out, just for good measure.

The End

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Spike Lips! Lips of Spike!