Thanks to Hilary for being my beta, and finally getting me to finish this mother!

        "Dawn, listen to me...listen.  I love you.  I will always love you.  But this is the work that I have to do.  Tell Giles...tell Giles I figured it out...and...and I'm okay.  And give my love to my friends.  You have to take care of them now...you have to take care of each other.  You have to be strong.  Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.  Be brave...live.  For me."

        Prologue

        The low thrum of voices surrounded him, alienating him, infuriating him, maddening him.

        Someone addressed him, but he gave no sign of recogination or acknowledgement.  His long, pale fingers only curled over the side of the pure white casket, his eyes slightly wide.  The voice speaking to him was disjointed...disembodied...nothing more then background noise...unimportant...immatrial.

        He could have been standing there for minutes or hours, he couldn't tell.  Time had no meaning for him, not now...not ever again.

        "Spike...?"  

        Like water...he felt like he was submerged in water, the air pressing against him on all sides, and he opened his mouth, allowing his dead lungs to fill with the useless oxygen.

        He wondered idly who was howling in animal-like grief and anguish.  He realized a moment later it was him.

        Someone was trying to grab him, pull him away.  He felt his fist connected with flesh, heard the faint snapping of wood as whoever he hit went flying back into the chairs that had been set up for the wake.

        The pain in his head was nothing compared to the sucking chest-wound that was his heart.  Strong arms gathered a stiff, small body and he was cradling her against his chest as he collapsed to the floor, tears of blood running down his face.

        He was still howling.  He didn't think that he would ever stop.  Didn't think that he could stop.

        Giles didn't think that he had ever seen such a disturbing...if not heart-breaking, scenerio as Tara handed him a bag full of ice and he rested it against his jaw.

        Willow replaced the rifle in his weapons cabinent, and he was glad that he had never disposed of the tranquilizer darts that they had once used on Oz, once upon a time.

        Spike was laid out on the couch, unconcious from the drugs in his system.  It had taken five darts to put him out, but luckily, he hadn't even seemed to register them hitting him, giving Willow a chance to reload and shoot him again, the red head wincing each time the blond let out another howl.

        Xander had replaced Buffy in her casket, resettling her pure-white dress and her blond hair against the white satin pillow.  The neck-line of her dress was stained with Spike's tears from when he had buried his face in her throat as he grieved.

        Dawn was sitting in the far corner, her head bowed, her hair falling around her face and her arms wrapped around her middle.  She hadn't said a word during the entire display.

        He regretted inviting the vampire into his home, but he had fought beside them against Glory...he hadn't betrayed Dawn or Buffy while being tortured by the Hell Goddess.  He had nearly died trying to save the world.

        He was a Scooby now...but he was a little late.  The Scoobies would be no more.

        Willow sat down beside Spike, stroking his face as he whimpered, trapped by drug-induced dreams, tears shining in her eyes as she looked down at the vampire, who had no soul but grieved as if he had.

        Giles decided that it was time to consult his books about that little fact.  He winced, glancing at the casket that held his Slayer.  No more would she pull all-nighters with the entire gang...complaining about how bored she was and teasing him about his infaturation with books.

        Anya took Xander's hand, the engagement ring glittering on her finger as she looked around at the faces of her friends...her family.  The people who had taken her in even though she was a former demon.  Are we a family anymore?

        Tara moved behind Willow, lying a hand on her shoulder, and the witch looked up at her girlfriend before breaking down into sobs, and Tara sat beside her, hugging her tightly.

        Spike stirred beside them, and Willow sniffled, pulling away as she looked down at him.  His dark, blue eyes were open, but they still looked distanced.  "Spike?"  

        He focused his gaze on her, then shuddered as he sat up, as if cold.  "Sorry," He mumbled, casting his eyes down, waiting for the shouting and reproachs for his actions.

        Instead, Willow's small hand found his large one, and she squeezed it gently.  He slowly lifted his head in surprise, and the witch smiled wanly at him, squeezing once more before standing.

        He looked around, only seeing sympathetic looks leveled at him...including from Xander.  He looked down again, running a hand through his already mussed hair, making it stand on end some more.  "Sorry, Giles...I wasn't..." he shook his head slightly, "Sorry."

        Giles nodded, though the vampire couldn't see him, slightly uncomfortable still in the vampire's presence...but he would learn.

        Spike glanced towards Dawn, frowning slight, "Where is 'e?"

        Xander snorted bitterly, knowing who he was talking about.  Hank Summers, professional absentee father, "He'll be here for the funeral."

        "What?"  Spike looked at the boy, then at Dawn again, "The bastard..."

        The others all nodded, save Dawn as the vampire stood, and Xander tensed slightly as he went towards Dawn, then forced himself to relax.  Spike was one of them now.

        He knelt in front of the girl, whispering softly, "Nibblet?"

        She slowly lifted wide, blood-shot brown eyes, and he brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ears, "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry 'e 'urt you.  I shoulda moved faster..."

        She stared into his scarred face, his eyes still a little puffy from his recent beatings.  "Wasn't your fault," She said numbly, "It wasn't your blood..."

        "No," He said through clenched teeth, "It wasn't your fault, Dawn.  You can't help what you are."

        She snorted, shoving him away from her and racing up the stairs, and he winced as the door slammed shut above him.  He slowly stood, and began to limp towards the door, but Giles intercepted him, clearing his throat uncomfortably, "I cleaned the basement..."

        Spike looked at him blankly, and the Watcher sighed inwardly, I'm going to regret this...

        "I'd prefer it...if you stayed."

        "Why?"  He asked, obviously confused to Giles' intentions.

        "Perhaps because I know what you're planning on doing once the sun rises?"

        Spike looked towards the Scoobies that had assembled behind Giles, concerned looks on their faces, "Don't see 'ow it's any business of yours," He muttered softly.

        Giles took his arm, and guided him back into the inner sanctum of the Slayerettes, and Spike looked down almost shyly as they welcomed him whole-heartedly.

        He glanced towards Buffy's casket, closing his eyes as Willow and Tara wrapped their arms around him, holding him tightly.  Please...come back to me...

        Everything was black and dark.  She could feel the shadows moving around her, and she shuddered, imagining huge, scaly beasts reaching out for her, wanting to drag her into their depths.

        She had been wandering in the darkness for what felt like years.  But then, a voice, so soft, so sad beckoned to her from the blackness, guiding her towards it.  "Please...come back to me..."

        She saw a tiny shimmer in the darkness, and she went towards it, warmth radiating outward from it, love surrounding her, comforting her...

        She felt a slight pull, and then she was falling once more into the light.

        Buffy shook her head, feeling a little woozy as she weaved on her feet, trying to get her bearings.  She was once more in the dark, but this seemed like a less absolute dark...something that a simple little lamp could chase away.

        She heard a door open, and a beam of light shot down towards her, and she blinked, throwing her arm over her face as a bare lightbulb went on over her head.  The paltry luminance blinded her and she stumbled back with a sharp cry.

        The door closed again, and she heard a shuffling, thumping gait, and she blinked in the brightness as she tried to distinguish features among the shape limping down the stairs.

        Her eyes widened when a shock of unruly white-blond hair became visible, "SPIKE!"  

        The vampire paused, glancing around before shaking his head and stepping down with a wince as pain shot up his leg.  He saw a cot laid out, with blankets and pillows, smiling wanly.  "Funny, luv...took you dying for them to finally accept me," He said to no one in particular, and Buffy registered with shock that he was talking to her!

        "Spike!"  She stepped towards him, but he continued towards the cot, ignoring her, and then she gasped  he passed right through her.  Her eyes widened as a shockwave of love, pain and anger slammed into her as the vampire walked through her, feelings so intense that it staggered her.

        She felt his emotions!  He had walked through her!

        "Oh God..."  She turned, running up to the vampire as he sat down on the cot, unlacing his boots, "Spike!  Spike...I need help!  I'm a ghost!"  She shouted at him.

        The vampire paused, cocking his head slightly as he lifted his eyes towards her.  Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the pain reflecting in his eyes, but he stared right through her, obviously not seeing her.

        He tossed his boots aside, flopping on the cot, not bothering with the blankets.  He stared up at the ceiling as the light bulb swayed, throwing elongated shadows all over the place.  "It'd be so easy," He whispered softly, "Just go out tomorrow...let the sun burn me.  Hell can't be worse then this place without you."

        "Goddamit, Spike!  Get off your lazy ass and help me!"  

        He closed his eyes, burrowing his face into his pillow, and to her shock, he started to sob into it, deep, heart-wrenching cries that would touch Satan's soul.

        She took a step away from him, shaking her head in confusion before whirling and racing up the stairs.  She almost ran into the door, but then she was pitching through it, and passing through the hall wall as well to end up in a closet.

        She exited just as fast, shaking her head, "GILES!  GILES!"  She heard the sound of the cabinents opening and raced into the kitchen to find her Watcher pouring himself a generous glass of scotch.  However, her eyes were drawn to the pure white casket in the middle of the living room, her eyes widening.

        She slowly made her way towards it, then looked down at herself, resting so peacefully inside, and she wondered why the dress she was wearing was stained with blood.  "Oh God..."

        She looked over her shoulder as Giles came in, standing beside her as he looked down at her, whoa...now this is confusing...

        Why, luv?  Why did ya leave me?  Stupid...hell god bitch...

        Buffy frowned, lifting her head and glancing around.  She could hear Spike quite clearly, but she couldn't see him.  "Spike?"

        She made her way towards the basement again, and went down to see Spike holding a bottle of holy water.  What the...?

        He was unscrewing the cap, and her eyes widened when he started to tilt it too his lips, and she moved on instinct, slapping it out of his hand.

        Spike hissed as some of it spilled on his hand, then looked at the bottle in confusion, "What the fuck?"

        "Spike!  You moron!  What the hell are you doing?!"  She snapped angrily.

        Spike ignored her as he stood, picking up the holy water, ignoring the way it seared his hand as he looked around the basement.  He exhaled sharply, watching as his breath exited in a plume of mist.

        He dropped the holy water, wiping his hands on his jeans, whispering softly, "Buffy?"

        "Yes!" She ran towards him, "It's me! Can you hear me?  Can you see me?!"

        Spike shook his head, sitting back heavily on the cot, stupid sod...she's not coming back...no miracles for her...bloody fucking bastards...oh Christ...Slayer...Buffy...I'm sorry...I'm so fuckin' sorry...

        Buffy's eyes widened slightly.  His lips hadn't moved, yet she could hear him.  She could hear his thoughts!  "Oh...great...cause the first time I could do this was sooo fun!"

        Spike curled up on the cot, tucking his knees to his chest in a fetal position, and whimpered softly as he closed his eyes, beginning to cry again.

        Buffy watched him this time, then sighed, plopping on the ground to watch over him as he cried himself to sleep, listening to his dreams.  She closed her eyes, and visions flashed across her eyelids, and she realized with waning surprise that she was seeing what he was seeing.

        She watched as he went up against Doc, watched through his eyes as Dawn's eyes widened, screaming as he was thrown over the edge of the tower.  And then as she leapt into the portal.  She could see what he was seeing, screaming her name as he watched her writhe in the painful energy, his anguish and grief filling her.

        And then the scene changed.

        She was standing over him, a smirk on her face, disgust written across her features, "It'll never be you, Spike...it'll never be you.  You're beneath me..."

        She inhaled sharply when she felt the pain her words had caused him and was thrown back to a parlour over a hundred years before.

        "You're nothing to me, William," The pretty young woman said, "You're beneath me..."  The woman Buffy knew was Cecily from his dreams suddenly morphed into Drusilla, "Burning baby fish swimming all around your head..."

        And then biting, searing pain as she bit her/William, and then orgasmic joy as the feeling of her tongue on his/her neck, the feel of her lips and fangs as she drew blood from their shared body.

        Buffy's eyes shot open, dispelling the images, but still his thoughts echoed through her mind.  Damned...I'm damned...oh God...Buffy...no...my love...my light...

        All during the day, Buffy sat beside Spike's cot, staring down at him, murmurings and visions of his dreams filling her mind.  She sighed, trying to block him out with a limited amount of success as she narrowed her eyes at the holy water bottle still lying on the ground, trying to move it with her hands.  However, she seemed unable to do it, and couldn't figure out why.

        Spike stirred behind her, moaning her name, and she looked over her shoulder at him, then reached out to touch his face, hitting nothing but more air, but felt his pain and grief flow through her as soon as she tried to touch him, but he immediately stilled, sighing softly and snuggling deeper into the covers and pillows.

        Buffy looked down at him as his features relaxed, the planes of his face smoothing out as he entered more pleasant dreams...which mostly involved her naked and proclaiming her love for him.  

        "This is way wiggy," Buffy muttered.

        "I know..." Spike murmured, still asleep, and she jumped in surprise, "Spike...?"

        "Yeah, luv?"  He replied, and she wondered if he was even aware he was doing it, since he appeared to still be asleep.  She closed her eyes briefly, seeing the scenary of his dreams had changed.  They were both standing in the graveyard, and she was sitting on a tombstone as he sat cross-legged in the grass, looking up at her.

        "I'm sorry."

        "For what?"  Buffy frowned, and dream-Spike looked down at the tombstone she was sitting on.  It was her own, "I didn't save you.  Didn't save the Nibblet...Doc threw me off the tower...I shoulda moved faster...should have taken the bastard with me...should have done something..."

        Buffy opened her eyes again, staring at his sleeping face as it creased with a frown, "It's not your fault, Spike...it couldn't be helped...and I wanted to do it...I wanted to save my sister.  Remember that death wish you told me about?  Well, I felt it that night...and I never regretted saving her, Spike...death was my gift, remember?"

        "I love you," He whispered softly, "Don't leave me again...please...I need you..."

        Buffy looked down at the hard floor of Giles' basement, tears springing to her eyes, "I can't love you, Spike..."

        He whimpered softly, and Buffy closed her eyes, watching in horror as his dream changed.  Now he was the one on the platform, running for the edge and springing into the portal.  But instead of pain or sadness, there was only an overwhelming feeling of contentment and happiness as he watched from the portal, her and Dawn walking away from him, both living as he gave himself for them.

        Suddenly, the vampire sprang awake as the basement door above him opened, and he let out a short growl before scenting who it was.

        Giles came down the stairs, wearily rubbing a hand over his eyes, carrying his 'Kiss the Librarian' mug.  Buffy remained sitting as her Watcher came down, her eyes roving over his face.  It looked like he had aged twenty-years.

        "Spike?  Are you awake?"

        "Yeah, mate..." Unfortunatly...fuck...

        Giles stepped down, the two men standing a good space apart, and the Watcher cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Um...did...did you sleep well?"

        "Not really," Spike muttered, "Dreams."  Why are you doing this?  I could kill you in a minute and not give a damn about it later...oh, shut up, mate...you're such an arse...you couldn't kill any of them...especially the witches...well, maybe the whelp, but that's just cause he pisses me off...

        Buffy giggled and Spike's head whipped around, "Did you hear that?"

        "Hear what?"

        Spike shook his head, taking the mug of blood from the Watcher, "Nothing...sorry, must've been mice..."

        "Mice?  Great...now he's calling me a furry rodent."

        Spike whirled, his eyes searching the basement, "I swear to God...I heard something!"

        "Like what?"  Giles looked at the vampire askance, "I don't know...like...like a small sigh of breath or something...maybe someone talking...almost faraway...ya know?"

        "Spike?"  Buffy stood up, going to stand right in front of him, "Can you hear me?"

        "BLOODY HELL!"  Spike jumped backwards, his eyes wide.

        "Spike!  It's me, Buffy!  Buffy!  Can you hear me?"

        "Slayer?"

        "Spike," Giles frowned, rubbing his arms.  The temperature had dropped considerably in the basement from when he had come down, watching as Spike narrowed his eyes, beginning to walk around the basement agitatededly, "What are you doing?"

        "I 'eard her...I swear, Giles...I heard her!"

        "Heard who?"

        "Buffy!"

        "Spike...Buffy's dead..."

        "Duh!"

        "Shit!"  Spike whipped his head towards the small sound.  He couldn't hear what she was saying but he knew...it had to be her!  She came back!

        "Spike...please listen!  Tell Giles I'm a ghost...and I need to be...unghosty!  And tell Dawn no wearing my sweaters, even if I am dead!"

        "Slayer...where the hell are you?  And bloody speak up!  Christ, I can't hear a word you're sayin'!"

        Giles watched, disturbed as Spike carried on like that.  He's snapped...he's gone completely crazy with grief..."Spike, Buffy's dead...you have to accept that..."

        "I know she's bloody dead, ya poofter!  Any moron can see that...but she's back!"

        "Oh boy..."

        "Spike, you sound insane," Buffy muttered, "He can't hear me, obviously...well, neither can you...fuck."

        "Spike...sit down!"  Giles ordered firmly, but the vampire only shook his head, looking around the basement hopefully, as if Buffy would suddenly materialize.  Giles snapped his fingers in front of the blond's face, getting his attention, "Buffy's dead...she's not here...she's wherever people go after they die...be it Heaven or Hell..."

        "Hey!  I am not going to HELL!"

        "She wouldn't go to hell!"  Spike growled at the Watcher, and Giles sighed, "I know...for example, I meant.  She's not here...and she's never coming back..."

        "Peaches came back!"

        "But Buffy won't, Spike...listen to yourself!  You sound insane!  What if Dawn heard you talking like this?  Do you have any idea how much this would hurt her?  Or even Willow and Xander and the others?  It's false hope, Spike...they just need to grieve and move on...not hope for miracles that aren't coming.  Do you understand me?"

        Spike nodded slowly, casting his eyes down, "Sorry...I guess...I just..."

        "I understand," Giles rested a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently, "I wish for the same, Spike...but it's not going to happen...you have to move on."

        Spike nodded as the Watcher went back up the basement stairs, staring at his feet, But what if I'm not ready too?

        Buffy watched miserably as Dawn sat at the kitchen table, poking at her food disinterestedly while Giles moved about the house absently.  She had left Spike in the basement and went to check on her sister.  

        As was to be expected, the girl was absolutly miserable, and her sister's body lying less then fifty feet away couldn't help much.  She had heard Giles on the phone, telling someone the burial was that night.  Probably so the vamps that cared about her could attend.  Great...now I get to watch Angel blubbering over my grave...I'm soooo glad that I'm a ghost, she thought sarcastically.

        She sighed to herself, going to sit down, but fell from the stool on the floor, "OW!"

        Dawn looked up as Spike came up from the basement, standing to rinse out her full cereal bowl, and the vampire frowned, "Aren't you going to eat that?"

        "Not hungry," The girl muttered, and Buffy glared at her, "Yes, you are!"

        "Yes, you are," Spike took her shoulder, and guided her towards the table, "Eat."

        "I'm not hungry."

        "Nibblet," Spike growled almost threateningly, "You aren't leaving the house till you eat it."

        "But I have school..."

        "I don't give a fucking damn.  You're eating, or you're not leaving!"

        Dawn rolled her eyes, sitting back down and starting to eat.

        Better damn well eat, fuckin' Slayer have my head if the chit starved to death, Spike winced, thinking of Buffy as he turned, trying to find the coffee, and Giles' not-so-secret stash of scotch to add to it.  Buffy's mouth was open as she stared at her sister, unable to believe she had actually listened to Spike!  She never even listened to her own sister!

        Dawn looked towards Spike, who had her back towards her, then at Giles' wallet lying on the table, and to Buffy's surprise, she grabbed it, and started to rifle through it.  "DAWN!"

        "Nibblet, I suggest you don't do that.  He counts his money when I'm in the house," Spike said without turning, and Dawn dropped it like it was a hot potatoe, her face bright red, "How...?"

        "Hearing," He tapped the side of his head, grabbing out the scotch with a relieved sigh, deciding to skip the coffee part.  Giles only had the instant crap anyhow.  He turned finally, smiling at Dawn wanly, "I know you're upset 'bout big sis, but people are going to start noticing things missing...Demon Girl's earrings for one...and ten to one, I'm the one blamed."

        Dawn's face couldn't seem to get any redder as she stared at Spike in shock, "God!  How the hell do you know that?!  You weren't even there!"

        Spike shrugged, drinking straight from the bottle, "When Anya mentioned her earrings going missing, you flushed and your heart started pounding.  Nice guilty response."

        "Oh God...you're not...?!"

        "I won't say a thing," He said, "As long as they're back in someplace that's not so obvious...thinking one of the drawers at the shoppe...she'll just think she took them off and forgot about them.  And the Whelp's ring...he might want that back too."

        Dawn stood up abrubtly, muttering beneath her breath about damned vampires as she stalked towards the door.  "Like you can talk!  You were stealing my sister's underwear!"  She snapped, grabbing her backback and slamming the door behind her.

        Spike sighed, running a hand over his face as he glanced towards the coffin in the living room, "Bloody 'ell..."

        Snow White...

        Buffy turned her attention away from the television, where the vampire was watching Passions, glancing at him.  After a few hours in his prescence, she had figured out a way to sort of mute his thoughts, but it was still a constant buzzing in the back of her mind.  "Snow White?" She repeated in confusion, "Why are you thinking about that?!"

        She watched as he stood up and went towards the coffin, waiting for burial that night.  He stared down at her body.  She went towards him, looking at herself, shuddering, "So creepy..."

        "Wonder if I kiss you, will you wake up?"

        She glanced at him in surprise, "What are you?!  A necro?!  Ewww...oh...wait...you were doing Harmony...so I guess you are..." She giggled, then frowned, "Ew!  I did Angel!"

        Spike reached into the coffin, brushing her bangs away from her forehead, so cold...no warmth, no fire, no light...Christ...

        He bent and brushed his lips across her forehead, then straightened, studying her face intently, so still in death, none of your fire or your passion...just a shell now...

        He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before stepping away again.  He looked towards the living room, where a shaft of sunlight was shining in and stepped towards it, cocking his head.

        Buffy watched as he started to reach towards it, and shouted his name, grabbing his hand and yanking on him so hard he fell over.

        Spike squawked as he hit the ground, his eyes wide, "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

        Buffy stared down at her hand in disbelief.  She was holding Spike's hand!  And she was solid, no slipping through his body!  But as soon as she realized that, her hand began to slide through his skin, and she gritted her teeth, concentrating all her attention on making it stay put, but it didn't work.

        She sighed as she passed through him, once again his feelings of confusion, surprise, shock and fear flowing through her till she lost connection with his body.  "Dammit!  How do I keep fucking doing that?!"

        "Jesus Christ!"  Spike stumbled to his feet, staring at the spot Buffy was standing in, bewildered, unable to figure out what was going on.

        Buffy pouted as she flopped on the ground, for some reason not passing through it and sheER; dered at that briefly, watching as Spike fairly leapt at Giles' half empty bottle of scotch and draining the rest of it.  "Geez, Spike...breathing is an option!"

        He wiped his mouth, a frown on his face.  That was the second time something prevented him from hurting or killing himself.  But this time...he had actually felt a small hand grabbing his, pulling him off his feet with incredible strength.  There was only one person he knew that could do something like that...

        "Buffy?"

        Buffy ignored him as she looked around the living room, then bent in front of the coffee table, intently staring at one of Giles' journals.  She concentrated all her attention on it, then tried to push it across the table.  However, it didn't move an inch, her hand passing through harmlessly.

        "Dammit!"

        Buffy sat on the grass, head propped up in her hands as she watched the burial.  It was nightime, so that her 'pet' vampires could attend, and she was more then surprised to see that Harmony and a few more vamps had shown up.  Oh my God...is that Lyle Gorch?

        Buffy shook her head slightly, glancing at Angel, who was standing beside Cordelia, the brunette's arm around his waist, seemingly holding him up.  

        Bloody wanker...

        Buffy glanced at Spike, who was staring down at his feet, not looking at anyone there.  He was wearing a charcoal grey suit, a little too big for his body, since he had borrowed it from Giles, and a god-awful looking tie.  She really needed to get him some fashion-advice.  Oh...yeah...my unfinished business is dressing Spike...great...

        Buffy sighed as they tossed earth onto the casket, and eventually, everyone moved away from the grave in small groups, save Spike and Angel.  Spike lifted his head slowly as Angel went towards him.

        "Spike..." The dark-haired vampire growled at him, and Spike winced despite himself, then straightened his shoulders, his eyes meeting Angel's defiantly. "What?"

        Angel's eyes narrowed slightly, "Willow told me that you loved Buffy...that's why you were helping her..."

        Spike glanced down at his feet before nodding slowly, "Yeah..."

        Angel's fist shot out, and Spike gritted his teeth together as his head was thrown back by the blow.  

        "ANGEL!"  Buffy started running towards the pair as Angel started raining blows down on Spike, driving him to the ground.  

        The dark-haired vampire ignored her cries and she tried to grab him, but once more, her hands passed through him.

        Spike spat out a wad of blood as Angel backed off a bit, rubbing his knuckles, glaring down at Spike, "Did you touch her, boy?"

        "Y-yes..." Spike said, standing back up, his eyes cast down, and then his head shot up, "I mean...not like that!  Not since that spell..."

        Angel scowled at him, and Spike looked down at the ground once more, "No...I didn't...but..."

        "But...?"

        "Sh-she kissed me..." Spike closed his eyes, "She kissed me...cause I didn't rat out the nibblet to...to Glory..."

        Spike anticpated Angel's next blow, and carried his head with it, wincing once more.  "You dare to touch what's mine!?"

        Spike's head shot up, his eyes flashing yellow, "Yours?!  I got news for you, Peaches...she's not yours!  She hasn't been yours for two fucking years!  You left her, remember?"

        "Yeah," Buffy echoed, glaring at Angel.

        "And in case you haven't noticed...SHE'S FUCKING DEAD!"

        Buffy glanced at Spike, "Tactless...but good point."

        Angel snarled, taking another step towards Spike when Willow appeared behind him, "Enough!"

        Angel suddenly went flying forward, and Spike ducked as he pitched over his head, glancing at Willow, "Thanks, Wills."

        "No problem," Willow smiled at him as Angel stood back up, staring at Willow in shock, "What the...?"

        "What the hell is going on around here?"  Willow asked him, crossing her arms over her chest, the power radiating off of her almost palatable.

        Angel scowled, "It's none of your concern, Willow..."

        "Spike is my friend, Angel...and so was Buffy...if you're beating him up on her grave, I think I have a right to know what's going on!"

        Spike blinked in surprise, She considers me her friend?  

        Buffy closed her eyes with a sharp gasp as a wave of pain and love slammed into her, then opened her eyes, realizing the feelings of love were directed at Willow as Spike looked down at his feet, shifting almost uncomfortably on them.

        Angel opened and closed his mouth a few times, just as surprised as Spike was, then scowled at Spike, "Listen, m'boy...you had no right..."

        "You don't tell him what his rights are, Angel," Willow's voice had deepened, and Angel looked at her, wincing at the sight of her black eyes.  "I don't care about vampire pecking orders.  And you have no right to dictate what Buffy could or could not do.  If she kissed him, I say good!  Better then her kissing you!  At least with Spike, it's real!"

        Spike didn't lift his head, and Buffy looked at Willow like she was insane, "WHAT?!"

        "WHAT?!"  Angel inardventatly echoed her, and Willow glared at him.

        "You left, Angel...she dealt with YOUR decision. About time you deal with it yourself, isn't it?  And time to stop piling your hatred and anger on other people!"

        Angel flinched as if slapped.  Obviously, she had talked to Cordelia, and he knew she had found out about what he did at Wolfharm and Hart...how could she not?  Spike had seen Dru, and she had to have told him.

        "Let's go, Spike..."  Willow said, but Spike lifted his head up, shaking his head at Willow, "No, luv...I think it's time Peaches and I had a heart to heart," He murmured, and Willow looked worried, then glared at Angel.

        "I find one bruise on him, and you'll pay for it, Angel!  I swear it!"

        Angel didn't doubt the witch's words, and he watched as Willow headed across the cemetary, then turned on Spike, who was silently contemplating Buffy's grave.

        Buffy stood just behind him, feeling his conflicting feelings of love, hate, pain, hatred, and kinship with the witch.

        Finally, Spike lifted his head, meeting Angel's gaze.  "She didn't leave hating you, if that's what you think..."

        Angel tensed, his eyes narrowing, "I know she didn't..."

        "You think I told her what Dru told me...about you feeding those lawyers to them..."

        Buffy gasped, staring at Angel in shock, "YOU WHAT?!"

        "You're lying..."

        "Willow doesn't know either," Spike looked down at his feet, scowling, "While you were throwing your tizzy in LA, mate...she was dealing with things here...you couldn't know what it was like for her...finding out her sister isn't her sister...Captain Cardboard leaving and her..." He inhaled sharply, fresh pain rippling over him, flowing into Buffy and she nearly buckled in two at the feel of it.  It was all consuming, "Her mum..."

        "You don't know how much pleasure it would have given me, Peaches...to know that she hated you..." Spike met Angel's eyes squarely, "But unlike some selfish bastards I know, I cared about her...knew it'd kill her, kill her to know that you...with a bloody, fucking soul...is still as cold-blooded murderer as I was..."

        "Was?!"  Angel barked out a harsh laugh, "Was, Spike?  What?  You think just because you have a chip in your head, that you're better then me?!"

        "Did you like it, Peaches...like pretending that you were still good and just, because you didn't kill them yourself?  Just stepped aside to let Darla and Drusilla do your dirty work?"  Spike asked, eyes growing cold, "And to answer your question...yes, I think I'm better then you...but not because of the chip...because of her, I'm better then you will EVER be!"

        On that note, Spike whirled, duster whipping around behind him as he headed to his crypt, and Buffy stared at Angel in shock, then looked after Spike, making a concious choice to follow him.

        She glanced over her shoulder as Spike disappeared into his crypt, catching a last glimpse of Angel as he disappeared inside his black convertible.

        Buffy rubbed her hands together, as if to wash them of something, then glanced towards the door to Spike's crypt, then sighed as she went into it, since Spike appeared to be the only person who could hear her.

        The crypt had obviously seen better days, but not many.  Buffy glanced around at the wreckage, shaking her head slightly.  The old chair that had been in there for God knew how long was in so many pieces, as well as the coverpiece to the sarchophgus that had served as his bed.  Shreds of the peach-colored comforter and sheets lay all over the place, and where, Buffy was sure, he had spent a few, fun-filled hours with his Buffy-bot.

        She let out a shudder at that thought, then shook her head slightly as she watched Spike reach into the now lidless sarcophgus and grab out a liquor bottle, scowling when he saw it was empty.

        He picked up an old bottle of wine, glancing at it almost sadly.  Sometimes I envy you so much, it chokes me...and sometimes, I think I got the better deal...to be that close to her and not have her.  To be all alone, even when you're holding her...feeling her...feeling her beneath you...surrounding you...the scent...no...you got the better deal...

        Buffy frowned slightly at his thoughts, but Spike had dismissed the still half-full wine bottle, deciding it had too many bad memories, and sighed as he sank to the floor, condemning himself to a sober night in Sunnydale.  Which was usually not a good thing.

        He sank to his knees, burying his face into them as Buffy began to pace the crypt, her brow furrowed in deep thought.  She was slightly disturbed.  Angel had pratically murdered people, from what she had gathered from what Spike had told Angel, and he hadn't used the information to hurt her or anything.  Like I thought was the reason he showed me Riley...

        She shook her head slightly.  She knew that Spike knew that the info about Angel would've hurt her far more worse then Riley, but he hadn't told her...then why did he tell me about Riley?

        You need to see this...

        She shook her head slightly, glancing at Spike, who still had his head buried in his knees, but his shoulders were shaking.

        She sighed as she sat down beside him, crossing her legs and leaning back against the wall of the crypt, then frowned, glancing behind her.  "Why can I stand on the floor, and lean against walls, but not touch anything else?!"  She asked aloud, but Spike didn't answer her as he grieved in silence, and she sighed again.  "This could get old pretty damn fast..."

        Both blonds looked up when the crypt door swung open, and in a coordinated move, were on their feet in an instant, both automatically falling into a fighting stance.  Buffy blinked in surprise, glancing at Spike, shaking her head at how evenly matched they were.

        Spike relaxed when he saw it was Willow and Cordelia.  Willow had an armful of bedding, and Cordelia was carrying a brown shoppigng bag.  He glanced around at the crypt, looking a bit embarressed, "Uh...sorry 'bout the mess...it's usually cleaner then this..." He said apologetically, then asked in slight confusion, "What are you doing here?"

        "Well...Tara and I peeked in here the other day, and decided that if you were going to keep living in here, you better at least have somewhere to sleep."

        "I do..." Spike glanced at the descreated sarchophgus, "Oh right...I mean, I did..."

        Xander came in behind the two girls, lugging a single mattress, and he dropped on the floor with a groan, glancing at Spike and nodding at him, "Hey man...what's up?"

        "Uh...nothing..." Spike looked even more confused, still surprised that they were treating him like...well...a man...like one of them.

        Buffy smiled despite herself when she felt Spike's mood lighten a bit at the way the Scoobies were welcoming him into their midst, knowing how it felt to have someone accept you.  Especially after being lonely for so long.

        Willow glanced at Cordelia as she and Xander tried to find a place to put the mattress, the witch mumbling to Xander that they needed to find a bedframe at least, and Cordelia cleared her throat, shifting on her feet almost uncomfortably as she handed him the bag.

        "Just some blood..." She told him, then sighed, digging into the back pocket of her jeans and handing Spike a card, "A friend of ours in LA gave this to me a week ago...after we got back from Pylea...he said...he said I'd meet an old enemy who'd need it, and I'm pretty sure he meant you..."

        Spike frowned, glancing at the card, "Carritas?"  

        "It's...a bar...sort of..." Cordelia glanced towards Willow, then back at Spike, "Willow's...pretty sure you should see him...and I think so too..."

        Buffy looked over his shoulder at the card, "Do it."

        "I...guess...if it's good to get out of Sunnydale..."

        "After a big evil is slayed, it's always slow around here," Xander said with a grin, "And then we party..." His face suddenly fell, and he looked down at the bed Willow was making, lapsing into silence.  There wouldn't be any partys or celebrating in the Bronze this time around.

        Spike nodded slowly, and Cordelia smiled as she touched his shoulder, "We leave tomorrow, you can follow in your car, and then I'll take you to see him."

        Spike nodded, glancing down at the card again, "Yeah...sounds good..." He muttered beneath his breath.

        Buffy sat in the passenger side of Spike's car, watching as Sunnydale disappeared in the rearview mirror, sighing.  She was glad that being dead meant she didn't have to sleep, since Spike's dreams had kept her up all night.

        He truly had the imagination and mind of a poet, which just made his nightmares more vivid and frightening.  Watching herself die over and over again was disturbing, to say the least.  More so was when the times Spike dreamt that he was the one to die, and he was in hell, being forced to watch someone in her form being tortured.

        She shuddered, then shook off the images that had rose up in her mind, trying to focus on the road, where she could see the taillights of Angel's convertible glowing up ahead.  As she had done before, when Spike was between the times of sleeping and awaking, she had spoken with him, and had gotten the full story on Angel's actions without his knowledge.

        She was horrified by what he had done, and she had cried for hours afterward, delusions of what a soul meant broken.  Angel had just as good as murdered those lawyers...and even Spike had been disgusted by what his Grandsire had done.

        She didn't know what that meant, exactly...but it was wigging the hell out of her.

        Spike, without a soul, had more convictions and principals then Angel with one, or it was so at the time.

        She sighed in boredom, glancing at Spike and narrowing her eyes a bit, "I command you to turn on the radio!"  She said loudly, trying the Jedi mindtrick, but Spike only lit a cigarrette and dug underneath his seat, coming up with a vodka bottle.  "HEY!  No drinking and driving!"

        He ignored her again, taking a healthy swig of the liquor, and Buffy groaned as she rolled her eyes upwards, "What the hell does it take, huh?!"

        Spike leaned over, switching on the cassette player, and Buffy groaned as the Sex Pistols, Anarchy in the UK started playing, "I command you to turn on GOOD music!"

        The Jedi mindtrick, apparently, was highly overrated, and she sighed, leaning back in the seat, glancing down, and raising an eyebrow, glancing at Spike.  From the looks of things, she was indenting in the seat, but the vampire hadn't noticed at all.

        Bored, with nothing else to do, she tried concentrating her attention on the radio dial, her eyes narrowed as she reached out.  She closed her eyes, taking deep, unnescessary breaths as she tried to touch it, but her hand passed through it.  She grunted in frustration, then tried using one of the mediatation tricks Giles had taught her, and her fingers closed on the dial.

        She grinned, giving it a turn to it was on her favorite station, grinning when Stroke 9's Little Black Backpack started playing.

        Spike frowned, glancing down at the radio in confusion before reaching down and turning his tape back on, then looked back at the road.

        Buffy immediately turned it back, and Spike swore, turning his cassette back on.

        Buffy grinned, turning it to a Classical music station.

        "Bloody...fucking...piece...of...shit...." Spike snarled as he flipped it back, and then his eyes widened as he watched the dial turn on it's own, jerking the wheel in surprise.  

        Buffy screamed, throwing her hands up as they veered into the left hand lane, right into oncoming traffic, and Spike yelped as he jerked the wheel to the right again, running up on the shoulder.  He was shaking as he shut off the car, staring at the apparently bewitched radio, then glanced at the passenger seat.  

        Where he could see the clear outline of someone indenting the leather.

        "Holy fucking shit!"  Spike jerked back against the door, staring at the spot in shock, "What the bloody hell?!"  He then threw open the door and stumbled away from the car as Angel's pulled over up ahead, and she heard Angel calling out the window to ask if Spike was all right.

        In a few seconds, Angel was standing next to his grandchilde, listening to him rave about a ghost in his car, an eyebrow raised as he glanced down at the liqour bottle still firmly clenched in Spike's hand, then rolled his eyes before heading back to his car.

        Spike swore profusely as Angel's group pulled out again, glancing at his car with some misgivings before taking a deep breath and getting back in.

        This time, when Buffy changed the radio station, he let it alone.

        When they finally arrived at the Hyperion, Spike leapt out of his car and slammed the door, hurrying to where Cordelia and the others were climbing out of Angel's convertible, giving him strange looks.

        Angel rolled his eyes, making a chugging motion, and Cordelia gave him a look before going towards Spike, "Listen, I just want to shower and change and we'll head over to Caritas as soon as we can, all right?"

        "Yeah, yeah," Spike said, glaring over at Angel, who stopped twirling his finger near his temple when Cordelia glanced over at him, and the former May Queen rolled her eyes as she went past him.  "You can follow me in my car, Spike, we'll have to make a stop at my place."

        Spike glanced at his car, then at Cordelia, "Mind if we pick mine up later?  Much later?"

        Cordelia raised an eyebrow as the other boys snickered, "Yeah, Cordy...save him from the bad car ghost," Gunn said, and Spike glared at him, "I mean...the big, bad vampire's scared of a little poltergeist..."

        "Oh, he oughta love your place," Wesley muttered beneath his breath, and Spike glanced at him sharply, "What was that?"

        "Nothing, let's just go, Spike," Cordy said, fishing her keys out of her purse and heading towards her jeep.  "Just ignore the children...God knows I try too."

        "I think she just insulted you guys," Gunn said to Wesley and Angel, and Cordelia rubbed her temples wearily.  No wonder I always have migraines, she thought, it's not the visions...it's them!

        Buffy sighed as she settled in the back of Cordelia's jeep, sitting on the hard wheel carriage.  While incredibly fun, she didn't think it would be a good idea to upset Spike even farther.  

        She listened as Cordelia and Spike talked about old times, which were few between the two, but laughed when Cordelia exhorted two hundred bucks out of him for the costume that got ruined on Halloween cause she had to run through dirty alleys and warehouses, and it got all ripped up, because of him.

        She could just hear the little cash register sounds going off in Cordelia's head.

        However, she did have to tune his thoughts out when he started thinking bad thoughts about her in the old fashioned, Victorian era dress she had been wearing.

        As they headed up together to her apartment, Cordelia held up her hand, telling Spike to wait as she unlocked the door and went in, "Now, Dennis....remember...Spike's our friend.  He maybe a vampire, but we discussed that, remember?"

        Spike frowned, glancing around, Who the hell is she talking too?!  He thought, echoing Buffy's thoughts, and Buffy raised an eyebrow in his direction.

        Cordelia invited him in, slinging her coat on a chair, "Sorry, Dennis gets a bit territorial...especially since the thing with Harmony..."

        Spike and Buffy both started in surprise, "The what with the who?!"

        "Harmony...some bastard dumped her for some other girl and we kinda bonded...before she tried to turn me, though..."

        Spike rubbed the back of his neck with a grimace as Buffy let out a snort, "No one tells me anything anymore!"  The ghostly blond complained with a sniff, glancing around, deciding that Cordelia had some nice digs.  "How can she afford this  on the crap Angel has to be paying her?"

        "No one wanted it," A voice answered right behind her, and Buffy let out a shriek, jumping backwards and slamming into Spike, making him fall forward with a yelp.

        Cordelia whirled around as Spike looked around in bewilderement, putting her hands on her hips, "Ghost Dennis!  I told you to be nice!"

        "Ghost?!  Bloody hell!"

        "How do you think I get this place so cheap?"  Cordelia explained with a shrug, turning and heading into her bedroom, leaving Spike to look around warily as Buffy stared at the man staring right back at her.

        "What in the hell...?!"

        "Wow...you're mobile," The man circled her, cocking his dark head and surveying her, "I can't leave the apartment.  Don't know why, just can't.  How'd you get here?"

        "I drove...you're Gho--Dennis?"

        "Yeah," Dennis glanced towards Spike, scowling, and Buffy hurriedly reassured him, "Spike's fine...he won't hurt anybody...and wow...didn't think I'd be saying THAT in a million years...then again, I never thought I'd be a ghost either..."

        Dennis raised an eyebrow in her direction, and she coughed uncomfortably as Spike walked around, picking things up and looking at them, simply radaiting nervousness, "Just a second..." He went towards Spike and picked up a picture frame, moving it out of his reach, and Spike rolled his eyes.

        "Don' have to be so pissy, mate," The vampire grumbled beneath his breath, and Dennis shook his head, glancing towards Buffy, "You're bound to that guy?  Man, do I feel sorry for you..."

        "What?  Bound?  What do you mean...?"

        "Bound...some ghosts are bound to people.  Hear their thoughts and stuff...I could do that at first, but my person died. She's probably a ghost somewhere too..."

        "Wait...is there just...like, no heaven?  Cause I know for a fact there's a hell..."

        "Sure there is.  It's just people like us don't go there...at least, not  for a long time, as far as I know..."

        "What?  People like us?"

        "Wrongful deaths...people who went before their time.  We can't go yet, because we were taken before we were supposed too.  Death is supposed to take us to where we need to go, but if we go early, then we don't have an appointment.  That was how I was told it works," Dennis shrugged, "It sucks, believe me, but at least this time, I'm stuck with someone decent."

        "Cordy?"

        "Yeah," Dennis glanced towards the bedroom, smiling when Cordelia shouted something about him touching her stuff again, then looked at Buffy once more, "But why are you bound to this guy, huh?  How's he so special?"

        "I don't know..."

        "Was he someone you were connected too in life?  Someone you were in love with?  Family member?"

        "Spike?!  God no on all accounts..." Buffy faltered a bit, and Dennis frowned slightly, "What?"

        "Uh...nothing, it's...nothing..." Buffy glanced at the picture frame, waving a hand at it, "How'd you do that?  Lift it?"

        "Nothing to it. It's easy."

        "Yeah, for old ghosts like you...but how'd you start out?"

        Dennis shrugged, "Don't remember.  Just did it.  You can't?"

        "Sometimes...when I do some heavy mediatation, or when Spike tries to hurt himself..."

        "That's part of the bound deal...you have to protect them from stuff, including themselves," Dennis told her, "But you should be able to it without concentrating..."

        "Damn...well, what about the thoughts thing?  They're getting really kinda annoying.  The guy's either shoveling the guilt on himself, or he's thinking about sex...I thought it was a myth that guys thought that much about sex!"

        "It's not.  I'm a ghost, and I still think about it," Dennis said, and Buffy grimaced, "What?"

        "Sorry...just...thought of Ghost Sex?  Not a pretty image..."

        "Not possible either.  Can't interact with humans on that sort of level...don't ask how I know."

        "I won't," Buffy assured him as Spike grumbled in his head about women and always being late, and rolled her eyes.

        "You said something about guilt...what's he feeling guilty about?"  Buffy hesistated, and Dennis sighed, "I need to know, too see if I can help you any," He told her, sounding a bit annoyed, and Buffy sighed.

        "He feels guilty...about me dying.  He thinks he could've prevented it...or something like that..."

        "Could he have?"

        "Um...yeah...maybe.  He was thrown off a tower by some demon named Doc...and my...my sister was bled, and I had to jump into a portal to close it...and hence...me, dead."

        "Damn, that sucks," Dennis said, then nodded, "But that's why you're bound to  him.  His feelings of guilt...you're supposed to keep him alive and well, on all levels, make sure he doesn't kill himself, stuff like that..."

        "How do I get unbound?"

        "He has to die."

        "And the bad part would be?"

        Dennis only shook his head slightly, not bothering to tell her that ghosts were only bound to people they had a connection with, glancing over his shoulder as Cordelia emerged from her bedroom, looking all spiffy-ed up.

        "Anything else to tell me?"

        "Yeah...shower time for mortals is a fun time..."

        "Cordelia would freak if she heard that!"

        "Well...then it's a good thing she can't hear us, isn't it?"  Dennis said with a grin, and Buffy rolled her eyes as she started to follow the grumbling vampire and former cheerleader out.

        "Wow...even dead guys are pigs!"

        As soon as Spike walked into Cariatas, he tried to backtrack, but Cordelia grabbed his arm, dragging him back, "Where do you think you're going?"

        "Luv...me...demon bars...we don't mix...now leggo!"  

        "It's fine...there's no violence in Cariatas...literally.  There's like mondo spells leveled on this place...plus, no one cares who you are here..."

        Spike eyed her warily, glancing around as she led him in, then groaned when he saw Angel, Wesley and Gunn there, "What the bloody hell are they doing?"

        "Just pray that Angel doesn't get up on stage.  My ears haven't stopped bleeding since the Eminem incident."

        "What?"  Spike asked, then his eyes widened as he saw a demon go up on stage, picking up a mic, "Oh!  Hell no!  I could deal with demon bars, but I draw the line at Karoke!"

        "Calm down...just...meet Lorn.  I promise it's worth it," Cordelia said, forcefully dragging the vampire towards the bar, and Buffy glanced around in surprise, raising an eyebrow, "Now this is weird...and that's coming from a resident of the Hell Mouth!"

        No one answered her, and she sighed, "This is getting old fast," She muttered beneath her breath, throwing a glare in Angel's direction as she followed Spike and Cordelia.

        A green demon in a loud, violet colored suit turned in his stool, smiling as he saw Cordelia, "Didn't expect to see you so soon, Hon," He said, and Spike raised an eyebrow, glancing at Cordelia, and she shrugged, leaning towards him and whispered, "Ever see Ambigiously Gay Duo on SNL?  He's like that..."

        Buffy started to giggle, missing when the demon's red eyes settled on her for a split second before shooting back to Spike and Cordelia as Spike bit back a chuckle, "Yeah, well, I wasn't really looking forward to it.  Considering I spent the entire day with your severed head."

        Spike looked at her in surprise, and Cordelia shook her head, indicating she'd tell him later, "Listen, is this the guy you said for me to bring or what?"

        "It's him...just surprised you got him here.  How've you been doing, honey?"

        "I'm not your honey," Spike said with a scowl as Buffy began to sing underneath her breath, "Spike and Lorn, sitting in a tree...k-i-s-s-i-n-g...."

        Once again, the host's eyes flitted towards her before moving away again.  "So, are you ready to do this for me?"

        "What?!" Spike's eyes widened, looking at Cordelia, "I'm not going to have too...uh...Lewinsky him for this, am I?!"

        "What?  EW!  No!  God!  You sing on stage, doofnuts!"  Cordelia said, looking disgusted as the Host chuckled.  

        "Listen, honey," The Host started, ignoring Spike's growl of annoyance, "The deal is, you sing, up there, and I give you the info you need..."

        "How 'bout you give it to me now, and I don't rip your intestines out through your arse?!"

        "Is all of Angel's family this charming?"  Lorn asked Cordelia, who rolled her eyes, "No...he's the good one."

        "Remind me never to meet the bad ones," Lorn said, giving Spike a look, "I can't give you anything, till you sing.  That's when I get my insights.  Sorry hon, but you want information, you put that silver-tongue of yours to work."

        Spike scowled, crossing his arms over his chest, "I don't want it that bad..."

        "What if I told you there's a way to help Buffy?"

        Spike's head shot up, and Buffy's attention was suddenly focused on them, instead of the demon mangling 'Wind Beneath my Wings' onstage.  

        "What?!  In case you haven't heard, mate...she's dead...and there ain't much of a cure there...believe me, I looked..."

        "That's all I can say, honey.  You have to sing if you want to know more..."

        Spike frowned, then glanced towards the stage almost fearfully before sighing heavily, "What do I have to sing?"

        "Whatever your sweet little heart desires," The demon answered chirply, gesturing at his assistant, "Song list...now!"

        Buffy watched intently as Spike went down the songs, trying to see which one he picked, hoping to God it wasn't the Ramones, but Spike slammed it shut, mumbling a number, then ordering a stiff drink.

        "Good choice!"  The Host said, "Hurry up and finish that drink.  You're on next."

        Cordelia joined the rest of her team at the table, throwing a glare at them as they made jokes at Spike's expense, then rolled her eyes.

        Buffy was standing near the bar still, where Spike was throwing back shots like there was no tomorrow, The Host having gone onstage to bid farewell to the demon with a voice that reminded her of nails on a chalkboard, with a dash of yowling cat thrown in.

        Spike tensed as the Host announced him, then shuffled towards the stage, his shoulders slumped, and Buffy sighed as she leaned against the bar, ready to be subjected to major torture as the Host took his seat next to her once more.

        "Don't worry, honey, he'll do well..." He said, and Buffy jerked in surprise, turning to look at him, finding his eyes directly on her face, her mouth dropping open, "Ho--how...?!"

        "Shh...he's starting," The host said, turning his attention back to the stage, leaving Buffy to stare at him in shock.

        Spike swallowed heavily, nearly blinded by the bright lights, squinting to see anything in the room.  He saw the Host at the bar once more, frowning when it looked like he was talking to someone, but then his attention was focused on the extremely uncomfortable blond vampire.

        Spike looked down at his feet, knowing he was expected to say something, but didn't, just cueing the music.  He looked up, feeling uncomfortable before closing his eyes and imagining himself somewhere else.

        "I see a red door, and I want it painted black.  No colors anymore, I want them to turn black.  I see the girls walk by  dressed in their summer clothes, I have to turn my head until my darkness goes."

        Buffy stared at Spike in surprise, as did the people at Cordelia's table, all obviously not expecting him to sing so well.  

        "He's a Stones man...Figured as much..." The Host said from beside her, with a small smile.

        "I see a line of cars, and they're all painted black.  With flowers and my love, both never to come back.  I see people turn their heads and quickly look away.  Like a new born baby, it just happens everyday.

        "I look inside myself and see my heart is black.  I see my red door and it has been painted black.  Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts.  It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black."

        Buffy's eyes widened when she noticed the blood tears slipping out from beneath pale eyelids, making tracks down Spike's alabaster cheeks, a startling black against his skin in the harsh lights focused on him, and then closed her eyes as his thoughts flashed into her mind.

        "No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue.  I could not foresee this thing happening to you.  If I look hard enough into the settin' sun, my love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes."

        Buffy reached out and unintentionally steadied herself against the bar, her knees buckling as his pain and grief hit her full-force, images of her face, laughing, smiling, sneering at him in hatred flashed by her closed eyes, and she opened her mouth, trying to take deep lungfuls of air, unaware that the tears being spilt now were hers.

        "I see a red door, and I want it painted black.   No colors anymore, I want them to turn black.  I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes.  I have to turn my head until my darkness goes.

        "I wanna see it painted, painted black.   Black as night, black as coal.  I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky.  I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black!"  

        As the last strains of the song ended, Spike opened his eyes, unaware of the tears on his face as he glanced around the silent room.  He looked down at his feet, then hopped down from the stage, heading towards the Host.  If vampires could blush, Buffy thought he would have been.

        The applause started slowly, and then the whole room was clapping and whistling, causing Spike to stop in his track, looking around in confusion as the demon's applauded him.  If they only knew who I was singin' too...Spikeshook his head at that, resuming his course towards the Host as Buffy started towards him, "Spike...I..." She forgot he couldn't see her, and let out a frustrated whistling sigh as he passed through her.  "GODDAMN IT!"

        The Host glanced at her in amusement before turning his attention to Spike, "That was great, honey..."

        "Yeah...right...info now..."

        "Tell him!"  Buffy stalked up to stand next to Spike, "Tell him you can see me!  And that I'm bound to him...and I know what he thinks about at three in the morning!  Llamas, all right?!  The guy thinks about llamas wearing pajamas!  Tell him!"

        "Llamas?"  Lorn repeated, trying not to giggle, and Spike glared at him, "That's the big info?!  LLAMAS?!"

        "No...sorry...um...never mind about the llamas.  As I was saying before...there's a way to help Buffy..."

        "TELL HIM!"

        Lauran glanced at Buffy, then back at Spike, "A trilithian crystal, and a simple book of mediations.  Believe me, it'll work wonders.  The rest you'll have to discover on your own..."

        "What?!  That's it?!  How's that gonna help Buffy?!"

        "Once you do it, you'll find out," The Host said, waving his hand with a sigh, "Now, go, before Angel attempts to take the stage..."

        Spike growled in frustration, then whirled, stalking out, Buffy hurrying after him after throwing a repulsed glare at the Host, who sighed.  "Young people," He muttered as Cordelia and the others looked after Spike in confusion.

        Buffy paced Spike's crypt as he slept, frustrated beyond belief.  He had hauled ass all the way from LA, opting to spend the day in his own home, instead of Angel's, if you could call a crypt a home...which...considering...it had almost become.

        When Spike had gone into his crypt, he noticed right away that it had been cleaned, and Willow had made good on her idea to get a bed frame.  Not only that, there was a brand new, wooden tv stand, with a cheap, but working, color tv on it.  As well as the old mini-fridge that had been in Giles' backroom at the store, stocked with blood and some beer.  His favorite was his current resting place.  A new chair, with no holes or dubious stains marring the brown fabric.  It was comfortable too, from the looks of it.

        Buffy had smiled when she had seen what all her friends had done for him, wondering why she needed to be bonded to him, since he had the Scoobies looking out for him.  They weren't there when he tried to kill himself, I guess...she reasoned, glancing around the crypt once more and sitting on the bed.

        She was extremely pissed off.  The Host could see and hear her, clear as day, and he had said nothing to Spike or Angel or anybody!  Instead, he had employed what every person associated with the PTB used.  Cryptic bullshit that did nothing to help her!

        She didn't know who was worse.  The Council or them.

        She shook her head, wondering what he meant by simple mediation.  For her?  For Spike?  And what the hell was the crystal thing he was talking ab--oh...right...the big one Giles had used when he had to drug her for the Crucimentum.  Right...that thing was just bounding with good memories!  Maybe he had another one lying around...

        She shook her head slightly, then glanced at Spike when he started to thrash a bit in his sleep, concentrating all her energy on keeping his thoughts from hers.  It was hard, and even exhausting, though how a ghost got exhausted was beyond her.  Probably all that metaphysical energy...and I really have to stop listening to Giles...

        Soon, Spike was groaning, and Buffy sighed as she stood up and went towards him, looking down at him before sitting on the arm rest of the chair, and resting one hand against his arm.  To her surprise, it didn't pass through, and immediately, Spike settled down, murmuring her name.

        She looked down at him as his features smoothed out.  She cocked her head slightly, noting he looked almost boyishly handsome, with his hair all tousled...and his full lips pouting just a bi--"WHOA!"  Buffy leapt to her feet, upsetting the chair, wincing when Spike pitched backwards.

        Spike scrambled to his feet, looking around in confusion, then swore, "God-Fucking-Dammit!  What the hell do I need?!  A fucking exorcism!?"

        "That's for demon possession, dumb ass," Buffy muttered, slumping down to the ground and groaning loudly, "Please...someone kill me...oh...right...damn."

        Spike righted his chair, and sat down again, looking around warily before sitting down again gingerly, as if the chair was gonna topple over again.

        Spike waited till all the Scoobies had left the magick shoppe the next night before going to it.  He went towards the back door that lead into Buffy's old gym.  He pulled out a key Giles had given him in case of emergency, since he preferred the vampire didn't break in everytime he needed something.  

        Spike hit the lights, looking around the gym, already covered with a layer of dust, boxes sitting in the corner, and all the training supplies looking neglected.  Buffy looked at the dummy Xander had made for her, standing forlornly in the middle of the room.  Spike sighed softly, striding across the gym and going into the shoppe.

        He hit the lights, taking a quick glance around, then headed towards the crystals.  "Trilithian...trilithian..." He grimaced in annoyance, "They really gotta label this crap!"

        He headed towards the cash register, and grabbed a set of record books, looking through them to find what he was looking for, then nearly groaned when he saw where the were.  "Great..." He looked towards the back room, where Giles kept the extremely dangerous magick stuffs.

        "Great...Slayer...if I turn into a poodle, you better thank me!"  Spike grumbled, closing the books and heading into the back.  

        Buffy glanced around, finding the book they needed and set it on the counter after concentrating for a few moments.  Spike came out with a large crystal, slipping it into his pocket, frowning when he saw the book, then shook his head, deciding not to ask as he slipped that into his pocket as well.

        Buffy followed him out, noting he was becoming antsy as they returned to his crypt, fingering the crystal in his pocket, and throwing looks over his shoulder every once in a while.  Fuck...fuck...if the Watcher finds out what I'm doing...he'll kill me...

        He popped into his crypt, slamming the door behind him, and Buffy rolled her eyes as she slipped through the door, "Geez...and you used to hold a doors open for me."

        Spike didn't answer her as he opened up the book, glancing down at it, frowning, "Chanting...?  There's no bloody way I'm doing chanting..."  He kept on flipping through it, trying to figure out which one he was supposed to use, then found one that needed a trilithian crystal.

        He set the crystal down in front of him, then sat crosslegged in front of it, glancing down at the book before rolling his eyes, "How in the hell is freakin' mediation supposed to help her?"

        He started to stand up, but Buffy concentrated all her attention on shoving him back down, and Spike's eyes widened as he looked around, then down at the book again, "Right...probably worth a go then..."

        He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as Buffy sat across from him, and he opened his eyes again, narrowing his eyes as he stared at the crystal intently.  Find the flaw...find the goddamn...stupid...flaw...Spike thought, his hand tapping on his knee in impatience.

        "Stop that," Buffy said, reaching across the crystal to rest her hand against his, her attention focused on the crystal, and Spike looked down as he felt something pressing his hand down to still it.  Fuck!  Right...concentrate...concentrate...

        He stared at the crystal, looking for the flaw, then finding it, narrowed his vision on that, and that only.  

        After a few moments, he shook his head, "This is not working..." He muttered, lifting his head...to stare straight at Buffy.

        He nearly screamed as he shot to his feet, "HOLY MOTHER FUCKING GOD!"

        "Spike!  You can see me?!"  Buffy jumped up, taking a step towards him.

        "No...no fucking way am I seeing this..." He backed away from her, his eyes wide as he held up his hands, "That's right...Spikey-boy...you've finally snapped..."

        "Spike!  Calm down..."  She tried to take another step towards him, but he jumped up on his chair, as if she was a mouse and he was a housewife.

        "Whoa!  You!  Stay!"  He ordered her, and Buffy rolled her eyes, tempted to bark sarcastically.  "I...don't know who the FUCK you are, but stay the hell away from me!"

        "Spike!  It's me!  Buffy!"

        "You're dead!  You're really dead...you're so dead, you smell!"

        "I don't smell!"

        "You're worm food!"  Spike shook his head, "I know what this is...this is because of all the acid I dropped in the Sixties...isn't it?!"

        "You dropped acid?"

        "Right...acid flashbacks...I'm having acid flashbacks...about the Slayer..."

        "Spike, you're not having acid flashbacks!  I'm a ghost..."

        "I need a drink..."  Spike looked around the crypt, then back at Buffy, holding up his hand, "You!  Don't...move..."

        Buffy rolled her eyes as Spike grabbed a beer out of the fridge, popping the top and Buffy watched as he chugged it in a mere few seconds, impressed despite herself, and Spike wiped his mouth as he looked at her, feeling a bit calmer, but looked nervous as hell.

        "Now...who the hell are you?"

        "I'm Barbie...who the hell do I look like?!"  Buffy asked in annoyance, and Spike frowned slightly, well...I know that look..."Stop screwing around, Spike.  You can see and hear me now, so let's get busy to making me unghosty!"

        "Right...acid...has to be the acid..."

        "Get off the goddamn acid, Spike!"  Buffy snapped at him, and Spike looked at her, frowning, "If you're the Slayer, prove it!"

        "Yeah...I'll just whip out my afterlife member card..."

        "Prove it!"

        Buffy sighed, shaking her head slightly, frowning as she tried to think of a way to convince him that she was her.  She finally looked at him, biting the inside of her lip.  

        "You were right, Spike...about the death wish thing.  That night on the tower...I just wanted it to end...for me to finally be at peace, to finally stop fighting...'cause I was tired of it.  Tired of having to go home to a house that my  mom was no longer in.  Tired of never being able too...too keep a man, like you said, tired of making the notches in the bedpost.  Tired of having to be the strong one, never being able too...too cry or just...not be the Slayer for a tiny bit..." She looked down at the floor as tears sprang to her eyes, "I was just...tired..."

        Spike stared at her in surprise as she sat down on the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest.  He hesistated, then sat down beside her, still looking unsure, and she sniffled, swiping at her nose with a wan smile, "By the way...nice singing..."

        "That was you in the car?!"  Spike groaned, covering his face, "Great...you saw that?!"

        "Yeah...and that freakin' green guy could see me and he didn't say anything to you!  What a bastard..."

        Cor...she's still so beautiful...Spike thought, I really hope this isn't an acid trip...

        "It's not an acid trip, dammit!"

        Spike blinked in surprise, and she smiled sheepishly, "Oh...yeah...and I can...kinda hear what you're thinking..."

        "Really?"  Spike's eyes widened, "Oh God...seriously, luv...um...those were ALL normal thoughts for a guy!"  Buffy snorted, and Spike covered his face again, "I'm in hell."

        "Um...one question...is that even humanly possible?!"

        "Uhhh...I heard that some Lafka demo--can we not talk about this?"

        "Sorry..."  They sat in uncomfortable silence, and Buffy glanced at him sharply, "If you don't wanna talk about it, then stop thinking it!"

        "I'm sorry!  Christ!  Don't plant thoughts in a bloke's head!"

        "You know...the first time I could do this...I'd thought it be fun.  Turned out to suck big time and I almost went nuts and I had to eat a demon's heart to get rid of it.  This is worse."

        Spike stared at her like she was insane, then looked down at his hands, "Um...Sl--Buffy...?"

        "Yeah?"

        "I just..." Spike bit the inside of his cheek, "I know you probably hate me...but...I'm...I'm sorry..."

        "For what?"  

        "For letting Doc get to her..."

        "Oh...right...Spike, that wasn't your fault.  You did the best you could..."

        "No!  I didn't!"  Spike stood up, shaking his head as he began to pace the room, "I didn't do the best I could!  I could've moved faster!  He was an old bastard!  I coulda done it!"

        "Spike..."

        "It's all my fault the Nibblet got cut...and then you had to jump...and...I should've...moved faster...I just..."

        "Spike!"  Buffy stood up and stepped in front of the vampire, gasping when he passed through her, getting his most intense feelings of guilt.

        Spike froze in surprise, before turning to look at her, and Buffy took  a slow step towards him, "Spike...it wasn't your fault..."

        "I just pas--"

        "Spike...shut up..." The vampire's mouth clamped shut as she shook her head slightly, "It wasn't your fault, Spike.  You did all you could.  It was destined to happen this way.  Death was my gift..."  She suddenly paused, muttering, "Death was my gift..."

        "Death is your what?"

        "My gift..." She frowned, looking at him, then shook her head, "Never mind...listen...can we go see Willow? I need to talk to her."

        "We?"

        "I don't think anyone else can see me.  The only reason you can, I think, is because I'm bound to you..."

        "You're what?"

        "Never mind," Buffy shook her head in impatience, gesturing at his duster, "Grab your coat, let's go..."

        Spike stared at her in a combination of confusion and hurt, but did as she asked, slipping it over his shoulders.  He glanced towards her, "How long have you been like this?"

        "Um...a little while..."

        "Since you...uh..."

        "No.  After that...before I was buried.  I just...came too in the basement of Giles' house...just when you were coming down..."

        "What?  You mean...?"

        Buffy gave him her patented annoyed Slayer-look, and sighed, "Never mind," He muttered, following her out the crypt door.

        Willow and Tara were snuggled up in bed, watching "The Crucible" on TV, which of course was just upsetting Willow.

        "Can't they tell she's lying completely?!"  She said, "I mean...come on!  It's so...so..."

        "Honey...Crocodile Hunter's on Animal Planet..."

        Willow pouted, then nodded as Tara switched the channel, and both witches jumped when someone was pounding on the door.

        "Who could that be at this time of night?"  Willow asked, grabbing a baseball bat from beside the bed.  The end was chiseled so that it was pointed like a stake.  

        Willow and Tara went towards the door together, peeking out the peephole, "Oh, it's Spike," Willow said with some relief, opening the door, "Spike, is something wrong?"

        "Yeah...kinda..." He said as Willow invited him in, and Buffy sensed his hurt at realizing that his invitation had been revoked from there as well, and sighed, "Spike...please focus..."

        "Red, it's about the Slayer..."

        "What about her?"

        "She's not de--well, she's dead...but she's a ghost..."

        Willow stared at him, then glanced at Tara, who only shook her head in confusion.  "Spike...Buffy's...dead..."

        "Yeah...I know."

        "Good...so she's not a ghost...?"

        "Red, you have to be dead to be a ghost..."

        "She doesn't believe you," Buffy stated the obvious, and Spike shot her a look.

        "Will you shut up?  I'm trying to explain here!"

        Willow and Tara stared at the vampire, who began arguing into thin air, waving his arms about, and Willow leaned towards Tara, "I think you should call Giles..."

        "You think...you think...it's residual of the sixties...?"  Tara asked, "I heard stories...."

        Spike stopped arguing with Buffy as both blonds, one invisible both shouted, "IT'S NOT THE ACID!"

        Willow took a step back, and Tara raised an eyebrow.

        "Ah...hell...Slayer!  They're not buying it...maybe the Watcher..."

        "He'll think you're even more insane then they do..." Buffy replied, and Spike gave her a look, "I told you they wouldn't believe me!  They're looking at me like they're about ready to whip out the inkblots..."

        "Rorshchat..."

        "What?"

        "They're called Rorshchat tests...."

        "Oh...bloody hell!  Like I give a damn what they're called!"

        "Spike..." Willow said, resting a hand on his shoulder, looking worried, "Have you been drinking...?"

        "No...yes...but just a...oh...fuck this..." Spike growled as he whirled and stalked out, Buffy protesting at his heels, and Willow shot a look at Tara, sighing, "We should call Giles..."

        Maybe I am insane...maybe all that fucking guilt and grief made me snap...she's a bloody figment of my bloody imagination...

        Buffy sighed as she sat in Spike's chair.  The vampire was sitting on his bed, steadily knocking back beers, facing the wall away from her, and throwing occasionally glances towards her as she flipped through the TV stations.  After the mediatiation, she found it easier to touch become solid, but unless she concentrated, her hands would slip through.

        Apparently, Spike had yet to grasp that she could read his thoughts, or had really convinced himself that she was real, and so didn't care what a figment knew about him, since it was obviously in his head.  Problem was, he was doubting her, and she didn't know how to prove it.  She could tell him memories till she was blue in the face, but it wouldn't do any good.  

        He seemed convinced now that his guilt over failing her had caused him to snap.  That much was evident from his current line of thinking.

        She sighed, "Spike...what do I have to do to convince you I'm real?"  She asked in frustration, and Spike glanced at her, "Don't know.  You have to prove it, don't you?"

        Buffy groaned in frustration, then looked towards the crypt door as it opened, and Spike flopped back on his bed as Giles came in, his hair mussed and eyes tired.  He must've been asleep when Willow and Tara called him.

        "Spike...Willow...called me...and told me...that you're convinced that Buffy's a...a gho-ghost?"

        Spike chuckled wearily, gesturing at the chair, "Hell yeah, can't you see her?  No!?  Guess that means I'm a thundering loony.  Knew Dru would get to me eventually..." He let out a giggle that sounded mad indeed, and Buffy buried her face in her hands.  Drunk!

        "I'm bound to a moron...fantastic!"

        Giles removed his glasses and polished them with a sigh, "Please tell me I didn't get out of bed because you're drunk..."

        "Sorry, Watcher...only had the one beer...scout's honor..."  You were a boy scout?  Parts of me...Buffy rolled her eyes as Adam's voice flashed across her mind, shaking her head at Spike.

        "Spike..."

        "Watcher..." Spike jumped to his feet suddenly, pointing at the chair, "It wasn' me! It was the bloody one-armed Slayer..."

        "Good God, man, you are mad!"

        "Probably...nuttier then chunky peanut butter..." Spike joked, "A few cards short a deck...a few pints low in the oil tank..."

        "You're absolutly sure you're seeing Buffy?"

        "Yep...don't know if she's a ghost though...can't prove it..." He narrowed his eyes at Buffy accusingly, "And she hasn't changed her clothes yet...makes me real supicious...she was always changing her clothes..." Spike's expression turned wistful, "She really liked those little tight sweaters...bloody strange, if you ask me...sweaters in California...but then again...Dru was always wearing those dresses of hers...even down in New Orleans where it was 'otter then a frog's balls..."

        "Spike..."

        "Christ, Watcher...you shoulda seen Dru then..."

        "Spike..."

        Spike whimpered, burying his face in his hands, "It's 'er fault, y'know..." He muttered, "If she 'aden't left, I wouldn't be in love wit' 'er..."

        "William!"

        Spike jumped at his real name being used, glancing at Giles in surprise, who cleared his throat, sitting beside the vampire on the bed, "It's...understandable your upset over this...but..."

        Spike glanced towards Buffy, then stood up and walked towards her, and Buffy grunted as he plopped down on her lap.  "OOF!  Get off, you fat bastard!"

        "I'm not fat, you're fat!"

        "I'm not fa--oh...get off!"  She shoved him, and Spike hit the ground with a growl.

        "Bitch..."

        Giles was staring at Spike in shock, then at the chair, "Do that again..."

        "What?  This?"  Spike stood up and fell again, and Giles rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Sit on the goddamn chair again..."

        "Oh...right..." Buffy tried to sit up, but groaned when she had Spike's butt on her lap again, "Christ!  You only drink liquids!  How can you be this goddamn heavy?!"

        "Watcher!  Tell her to stop calling me fat!"

        Giles was staring at Spike...hovering about six inches off the chair, his eyes wide, noting the large indention beneath him.  He gestured for Spike to get up, and as soon as he did, he went pitching forward with a yelp, glaring over his shoulder at the chair, "Bitch."

        "But Spike, I thought  you loved me!"  Buffy mocked him, and he scowled at her, "You're more annoying when you're invisible, you know that, right?!"

        "Good Lord..."  Giles stood up, staring in Buffy's direction, then looked around, "Spike...you have pen?  Paper?"

        Spike and Buffy groaned at the same time, and the blond dropped her head into her hands, "We're stupid..."

        "I'm drunk, what's your excuse?  You're not even naturally blond!"

        Giles snorted, then looked at Spike, clearing his throat again, "Paper?"

        "Yeah, yeah, just a sec," Spike disappeared down into the catacombs, and Buffy and Giles listened as he crashed down around down there, swearing.  

        He came back, carrying a brown, leather journal and threw it at Giles feet, stumbling up over the last few steps, plopping down on his ass as Giles shook his head, picking up the journal, and opening it.

        He saw Spike's slanted, elegant handwriting in it, and tried to find a clean sheet, then paused when he came to one page, his eyes widening, and Buffy glanced over his shoulder, then wopped Spike upside the head, "When have you ever seen me naked?!"

        Giles glanced over his shoulder as Spike yelped, glaring at thin air, and turned the page hurriedly, his face bright red.

        "Ow!  Never, Slayer!  I'm a bloody poet, I have imagination..."

        Giles jumped when Buffy took the journal from him, watching as the pages flipped by themselves.  "Damn!"  She glared towards Spike, who was looking embarressed, "You gave me superman breasts!  They're defying gravity!"

        Spike rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at Giles for help, forgetting he couldn't hear her.  "Look at this!  My back would break with boobs like that!"

        "Okay, can we give it back to the Watcher now, pet?!"  He pleaded, and Buffy gave him a look.  Spike grimaced, "Need another drink..." he muttered as he stood up, and headed towards the fridge.

        He paused on the way there, glancing at Buffy, "Superman breasts?!"

        Giles groaned, shaking his head and snatching the journal from Buffy's invisible hands and turning it to a fresh page and digging in his pockets till he found a pen.  He held it out, and Buffy took it, then glanced down at the page, then at Giles, "What the hell am I supposed to write?"

        "How 'bout Spike's not a complete loony?"

        Buffy rolled her eyes, tapping the pen against her teeth.  Spike glanced at Giles, "What you want her to write, mate?"

        "I...I don't know...is it even her?"

        Buffy suddenly smiled, and wrote down, "My mom thought you were like a stevedore during sex.  You still haven't told me what a stevadore is."

        She passed the journal back to him, and he glanced down at it, and then the journal slipped from his hands and he collapsed onto Spike's bed, holding his chest.

        Spike's eyes widened as he ran towards the Watcher, "Your heart, mate?!"

        "I...no...I'm..." He stared at the journal, tears springing to his eyes, "Oh God...she's here...she's still here...she's not dead..."

        "Well...she's a ghost..."

        "You can see her?!"  Giles grabbed the labels of Spike's coat, jerking him down to his level, "You can see her?!"

        "And hear her, mate..." Spike said gently, "She can hear you too...she's fine...she's fine, mate...she looks just as good as ever, I promise...just a little confused at the minute..."

        Buffy glanced at Spike, surprised at the gentleness he was exhibiting before the older man, and Giles let go of him, looking around desperatly, croaking out, "Where?"

        "Here, mate," Spike gestured for Buffy and took her hand, pressing it into the Watcher's, smiling, "She's here...it's her..."

        "Buffy?" Giles looked up at where her face should be at, and she sat down beside him on the bed, tears in her eyes, and he clasped his hands over hers.  Spike watched them, then backed away, slipping out the door to give them privacy.

        After about an hour, Giles exited, seeing Spike sitting on a tombstone outside, smoking a cigarrette, holding a beer limply between his legs, his head bowed.

        Giles sat beside him, "It's really her, isn't it?"  He asked softly, and Spike glanced at him, "I didn't think so...not really...but...but when she and you...it finally hit..."

        "Like it was just wishful thinking..." Giles muttered, "That it was just your mind trying to make it better..."

        Spike nodded, bowing his head to contemplate the grass at his feet.  "What are we gonna do?"

        "Uh...have...Willow look up some spells...I got some of her story from writing...she says she's bound to you...and that she can feel what you feel and...and...read your mind..." Giles glanced at him, "She can see what you're dreaming..."

        Spike frowned slightly, "I can't even remember what I dream..."

        "According to her...it's all about what happened...th-that night..."

        "It was her, wasn't it?"  Spike asked, "Who stopped me...from killing myself...?"

        "What?"

        "In...in your basement...an-and again in your living room..."

        "What did you try to do?"

        "Drink holy water...and then...open the blinds...the holy water was knocked out of my hand...and then I was shoved to the ground..."

        Giles smiled slightly, "That was why you were panicking in the basement..."

        "Yep..." Spike took a careful sip of his beer, then sighed, "Can't smell her, though...all this time...she's been following me around...and I can't smell her...it's...it's weird..."

        "How long has she been following you around?"

        "Since she came back," Spike shrugged, "Apparently, cause...the first night...I could kinda sense her...and hear her..."

        "Probably because of your emotional upset...it...it makes your sense things at a greater level, I suppose..."

        Spike snorted, "Shoulda known it was her when she kept messing with my radio," He muttered, earning a look from Giles, "Crappy pop station...who else would listen to that crap?"

        Giles grimaced, and Spike chuckled, "Oh, right...the platelet..."

        "Bloody boy bands," Giles muttered, and Spike smiled to himself, then glanced towards the crypt, "She going with you?"

        "No...she doesn't want Dawn to know she's back...no one else either...except for Willow and Tara, so they can find a spell to bring her back all the way..."

        "She doesn't want the Nibblet to know...?"

        "It'll just upset her.  Not being able to talk or see her sister...it's...it'll be hard to deal with..."

        "And if it doesn't work..." Spike murmured, "It'll kill her..."

        Giles nodded, "It appears you'll be the only one to see and hear her.  We tried the trilithian crystal, but it didn't work..."  Giles stood up, then glanced down at Spike, "Spike...whoever bound her to you...obviously thinks you're important in someway.  Please...try to keep alive..."

        "Yeah..." Spike nodded slowly, I have a reason too now...don't I?

        "Spike...?"  He glanced over his shoulder, where Buffy was standing, looking at Giles, "Tell him I said I'll see him later...and that I love him...please, Spike?  Tell him that..."

        Spike glanced at Giles, smiling sadly, "She says she'll see you later...and that she loves you, mate..."

        Giles smiled, looking towards the crypt, "I love you too, Buffy..."

        She smiled, turning and heading back into the crypt, and Spike watched her go, then cast his eyes down, "You're luckiest man alive, Watcher..."

        "How's that?"

        "You're one of the only men that she loves that deserves it...the whelp being the other..." Spike stood up, offering Giles his beer, and the Watcher took it as Spike started to walk into the cemetary.  He watched the vampire's slouched, defeated posture, whispering quietly, "Maybe one day, you'll be one of the lucky ones..."

        Buffy's eyes widened as she glanced out of the crypt as Giles glanced towards it one more time, holding up the beer in a half-salute before turning and heading towards his own home and she looked after Spike.  What the...?

         Spike slipped silently through the streets of Sunnydale, a specific location in mind.  

        He stopped outside a empty house on Revello Drive, staring at the dark windows, and closing his eyes and breathing deeply.  He glanced around him, making sure he hadn't been followed, then went up on the porch, grabbing the key taped beneath the mailbox near the door.

        He unlocked and then locked the door behind him, taking a moment to glance around.  Many of Dawn's things were boxed up, getting ready to be shipped to Giles', but the Scoobs had yet got up the nerve to box Buffy's things.

        Spike headed up the stairs, and paused outside Buffy's room.  No one had gone into it as of yet, as if afraid that it would be committing a sacriliege of sorts.  It was the Slayer's private domain, where she went after a hard day...eh...night...of Slaying and wound down.  Where she went when she needed to be alone, where she spent countless hours with both of her serious boyfriends.  A room Spike had only been in a few times, but always without invitation.

        He closed his hand over the knob, and popped it open, glancing around inside.  Everything was as Buffy left, including the black sweater she had changed out of before going off to face the Beast.  He ran his fingers over it, closing his eyes as he picked it up, and inhaled the scent that was soon to disappear forever.

        He put the sweater back down again, smoothing it back down on the bed before sitting on the edge and looking around once more.  He picked up Mr. Gordo, smiling to himself as he looked down at the stuffed pig, remembering the countless times he had watched Buffy snuggle into bed with the stuffed animal cradled to her chest.

        He dropped it on his lap before burrowing his face in his hands, and started to sob into them.

        Buffy paced Spike's crypt, watching the sky worriedly when he didn't return near dawn.  Soon, it was full light, and still there no sign of him.  She looked down in the catacombs in case he came through the sewers, but there was still no sign of him.

        If that asshole went and got himself killed...Buffy's eyes widened, "Oh God...he finally did it...he committed suicide..." She glanced around the crypt, "I don't care though.  Good.  Now I don't have to listen to his stupid thoughts any more..."

        She looked around one more time, then rolled her eyes as she stalked out of the crypt, heading towards the Magick Shoppe.

        "Cordelia said he just stalked out of there..." Willow said as she hung up the phone, "The Host didn't tell them what he said that upset Spike..."

        Giles shook his head, already guessing what was wrong with him.  "What about the spells?"

        "Well...it's gonna be hard for us to do heavy research...with...y'know..." Willow tiltled her head towards Xander and Anya, who were acting lovey-dovey near the cash register.

        "I know, Willow...but Buffy insisted that no one else knows, just in case we can't find anything..."

        "What's she planning on doing if it doesn't work?"

        Giles shook his head, not having any idea as the bell jangled, and he turned, "Welcome to the..."  He frowned, watching as the door swung closed, and then felt a hand gently tugging him towards the back room, and he glanced at Willow, gesturing for her to grab some paper, and she did so, glancing to make sure Anya and Xander didn't notice them, but they were too wrapped in each other to notice anything remiss.

        Willow watched in shock as the paper was taken out of her hand, and a pen removed from Giles' shirt by invisible hands, and then writing was scribbled rapidly on the paper.

        Giles took it and read aloud, "I think the asshole went and killed himself when I wasn't paying attention."

        "It's really her, isn't it?!"  Willow let out a squeal, "Are you okay?  I mean...you're dead, so you're not okay, but...you're okay, right?"

        "Willow, you're cute when you babble, but shut up," Buffy said, sighing when she remembered they couldn't hear her, then wrote down, 'He hasn't come back since you left.'

        Giles sighed, glancing at Willow, "I don't think he killed himself..."

        "Remember when I was a ghost, Giles?  How come we could see and hear me?"

        "You weren't a real ghost, Willow..."

        "But those ghosts in the school could possess people..."

        "To act out a scene from their past...this possibly isn't the same thing..."

        The pen smacked Giles and then Willow on the head, bringing them back to the problem at hand, and both blushed, "Uh...sorry, Buffy..."

        "Right...I don't think the as--uh...Spike killed himself, Buffy," Giles said, "When he found out for sure it was you...he was...visibly upset...&="ma;

        'Why?'

        "He's...uh...a strange man..." Giles said, shrugging with a secret smile that disappeared rapidly.  "Possibly he's at Willie's...drinking again...or...uh...well..."

        "There's not that many places for a heart-broken vampire to go," Willow said, earning another thump of the pen from Buffy, and the witch sighed, then brightened, "I know where he went!"

        Giles and Buffy looked at her, and the witch blushed, "Well...it's more of a guess, really..."

        Buffy stalked up Revello Drive in annoyance, then slipped through the door of her own home.  She glanced at the boxes near the door, sighing deeply before heading up the stairs.

        She went through the door of her room, then paused, her eyes widening slightly.  Spike was curled up at the end of her bed, Mr. Gordo cradled to his chest, and she couldn't help but smile at the image he created.

        She knelt near his head, closing her eyes as images from his dreams slipped by her, frowning a bit at the strange surreality of them.  Mr. Gordo was chasing Giles through a field, the Watcher wearing a long, bright blue wedding dress and high-heeled boots.

        She giggled, and Spike started, his eyes shooting open to see the Slayer smiling at him.  Still have to be dreaming...

        "A wedding dress?  Do I wanna know?"  

        Spike sat up, glancing towards the window sheepishly, "Sorry...lost track of time..."

        "What are you doing in my room?"

        "Uh...I was..." Spike looked around in a panic, "I was just..." He grabbed Mr. Gordo, and thrust it at her, "I thought you'd like him..."

        Buffy raised an eyebrow, obviously not believing him as she took Mr. Gordo, smiling down at him, "Never thought I'd see you again," She said to the stuffed animal, kissing his head, then glanced at Spike as he stood up.  "What?  No snide comments?"

        "About what?  Your pig?  Why would I make fun of that?  My ex got her daily horoscope from a Barbie."

        "Good point..."  Buffy glanced around her room, "Has anyone been in here...since...?"

        "No...I'm the first...sorry 'bout that...I just..." He shook his head, "Right...never mind...not really important..."

        Buffy moved towards her desk, picking up a picture of her mother.  "I heard Willow and Giles talking today...didn't want them to know I overheard them, so I opened and closed the door..."

        Spike chuckled, "Sneaky..."

        Buffy shrugged with a smile, which fell almost immediately, "What am I gonna do if we can't find a way to bring me back?  Follow you around for the rest of my life?"

        Spike glanced away with a shrug as Buffy sat down on her bed, and he pulled out her deskchair and straddled it backwards.  Would that be so bad?

        She didn't answer his thought, sighing, "I mean...how many things can a ghost do?  Dennis has been stuck in that apartment for God knows how long...and he gets his kicks watching Cordelia shower...and uh...by the way, remind me to get you to give her a call later...I can't slay like this, now can I?  Plus, being invincible puts a major cramp in my schooling..."

        Spike nodded, and Buffy sighed, "I don't even want my sister to see me like this...uh...well...you know what I mean.  It'll kill her..."

        "Nibblet's strong, Slayer...think she can handle it..."

        "Still...I don't wanna do that to her," Buffy stood up, looking depressed as she glanced into a mirror, empty of her reflection.  "Great...can't even do my hair."

        "Welcome to my world," Spike said, "And it looks fine..."

        She glanced at him, raising an eyebrow, "I thought it was stupid hair."

        "No...it's uh...nice...hair..." Spike frowned, "Did that sound lame to you too?"

        "Very," Buffy said with a giggle, "Then again, 'You have stupid hair,' wasn't that sterling of an insult to begin with."

        Spike grimaced, "Remind me, why don't you?"

        Buffy smiled, then thought of his dreams from before, and it disappeared from her face, glancing down.  "Uh...speaking of insults..."

        "Oh..." Spike decided his feet needed inspection, "I didn' mean what I said 'bout you not being able to hold their interest...I didn't mean it...they didn't deserve yours...and...uh..." He looked at her, "You always held mine...and when I called you Slutty the Vampire Layer..."

        "No...I didn't mean that...I meant what I said before...you're not beneath  me...wait...you called me Slutty the WHAT?!"

        Spike grinned sheepishly, "Uh...apparently you haven't heard that one..."

        "No!"  She smacked him in the leg, "Slutty the Vampire Layer?!  Sounds like a porno."

        Only in my head...

        Buffy gasped, her eyes widening, and Spike looked at her, then swore, "Ah...fuck...I'm starting to think that this mind-reading thing is gonna be a strain on our relation--uhhh..." Spike looked away again before standing up, "I'm...going to go downstairs...watch my stories and all...uh...you do what you have too..."

        Buffy watched as he beat a hasty retreat downstairs, looking around her room, then cradled Mr. Gordo to her chest.

        Spike was in the middle of Passions when Buffy sat down beside him, and he pretended to be engrossed in his show, but was very mindful of the blond beside him, even if he couldn't never scent her coming.  If she was stuck like that forever, one of his losses would be her scent.  

        However, he was glad to be spending so much time with her...even if it was forced on her...who am I kidding?  It's not the same.  If she wasn't like this, she'd have nothing to do with me...

        "That's not true, you know..." Buffy said quietly, glancing towards him, and Spike swore as he glanced at her, "Dammit...can you stop doing that?"

        "I can't...it's not something I can shut off.  Believe me, I tried."

        "Oh...damn...and what do you mean it's not true?"

        Buffy sighed, "I know I'm going to regret saying this, Spike...but of everyone...this year...you were there for me most..." She glanced at him, "I'm sorry for being such a bitch...but it's been a tough year, and well...it's not looking to get any better..."

        "I'm sorry too, luv..." He shifted on the couch uncomfortably, abadoning all pretenses of being enganged in his show, "That...wasn't really something you needed...not that anyone needs being chained up, being told you'd become a meal for a crazy vampire."

        "Yeah...that kinda sucked ass...big time," Buffy replied, then shrugged, "Kinda understandable if I remember that you haven't dated anyone since Dru...well...there was Harmony...but I didn't exactly see you taking her out to dinner."

        "What do you think that frat party was?"  Spike asked, and Buffy pulled a face at him, then sighed, leaning back against the couch.

        "What are we going to do?"

        "Do about what, luv?"

        "About the chip...if you ever get that chip out, I'll have to sit there and watch you feed..."

        "Goddamn it..." Spike leapt to his feet and switched the tv off angrily, "You just don't get it, do you?!"  

        "Get what...?"  Buffy asked in confusion, confused.

        Spike growled in frustration, raking a hand through his touseled hair, "That it won't happen!"

        "That you won't get the chip out...?"

        "NO!  Dammit, Buffy!  Why won't you believe I'm changed, huh?!  Even if I had the goddamn chip out, I wouldn't feed!  Why don't you get that?!"

        "Why?  Because you think you love me?"

        Spike closed his eyes, obviously trying to reign in his temper, and thinking his words through before he opened his mouth again, surprising Buffy.  He never did that.  He was one to say exactly what he was thinking when he was thinking it.

        "No...yes...sorta...used to be about you, luv...but not anymore...if I ever got the chip out, I wouldn't start hunting and killing again..."

        "Because of me?"

        "No...not anymore, Slayer.  Not it's about the Nibblet...the Watcher, the Witches...hell...even the demon girl...and a tiny, little bit of the Whelp..."

        "What?"  Buffy frowned, not getting it, and Spike sighed.

        "You know how the Council tells you to not get close to any vampire?"

        "Yeah...well...I'm a Slayer...I'm not supposed too..."

        "And I'm a vampire, I'm not supposed to get close to my food either," Spike replied, "You get close, you get too thinking.  I respect them, Slayer...a lot.  I know they're one of the reasons you've been alive so long...or had been alive so long.  They're strong people, most of them children forced to grow up too fast...and I respect them too much to just go around and kill again.  They changed me...you changed me.  You can't have seen the things I have in the last two years and not have changed."

        "And what did you see Spike?"  Buffy asked a bit harshly, "I wasn't aware you were paying attention to what we were doing when you were busy betraying us to Adam."

        "I..." Spike let out a hiss of frustration, "I didn't know then..."

        "Know what?"

        "That I lo--had feelings for you..."

        What?  Did you just wake up one day and decided that you loved me?   Uhuh, sorry...doesn't work like that..."

        "Sometimes, it does," Spike lifted his eyes towards her, trapping hers with his gaze, "What do you know about it, anyway?  You're the one who always compares it to what you had with Angel!"

        "I do not!  I loved Riley!"

        "Yeah...but were you IN love with him?  The way you were with Angel?"  Spike asked shrewdly, "You weren't...and it wasn't good enough for you, because you have a bloody standard that no man, the poof included, can ever live up too!  And frankly, I don't blame the boy for leaving...he just couldn't live up to your standards..."

        "Get the hell out..." Buffy ground out, standing up, and Spike glanced at her in surprise, "What?"

        "Get the fuck out of my house...now!"  

        Spike nodded stiffly, "But..."

        "GET OUT!"  Buffy whirled and grabbed a vase sitting on a table still, and flung it at his head, and he ducked out the door before it hit him, then roared in pain, falling back inside, beating at the flames on his hands and face, and Buffy's eyes widened.

        "You moron!  It's daylight!"

        "No fuckin' shit!"  The vampire hissed in pain, "I tried to bloody tell you that!"

        She went towards him to look at his face, but he waved her off, "Get the hell away from me!"  He snarled at her, standing up and stalking towards the kitchen to ice his burns.

        Buffy winced, following him, "Spike..."

        "Just...don't!"  He snapped at her, "Christ!  Maybe Soldier boy had the right idea!  You just fuckin' love to drive people away, don't you?!"

        "I don't..."

        "You do!  You've been doing it since bloody Angel left!  And even more since your mum died!  You think if you don't let people in, you can't get hurt!  But you're fucking blind if you don't see who you're hurtin' in the process."

        "I'm not hurting anyone..."

        Spike glanced at her sharply, then stalked past her to grab the afgan off the couch and wrap it around himself, "Be seein' you, Slayer..."

        He slammed out the front door, leaving Buffy alone, and she rolled her eyes, "Spike!  You dumbass!  You're the only one who can hear me!"  She snapped into the empty house before slipping out the wall just in time to see him drop into the sewers.

        She rolled her eyes, deciding that there was no way she was walking through the sewers, and went back into her house, sighing as she sat down on the couch.  Well...to hell with him!  I don't need him.  Willow will fix me.

        Dawn looked up as Spike came in the front door, throwing the blanket down on the ground and stomping out the flames as Anya threw the blinds and Giles looked towards him in surprise, then cleared his throat, "Is...uh..."

        "No," Spike growled shortly, ruffling Dawn's hair as he passed her, "Anything?"

        "Yes, actually..." Giles beamed brightly, "Willow has find some very promising spells, that need just slight modification...and with her level of aptitude with witchcraft...it'll be a breeze..."

        "Really?  When you doing it?"

        "As soon as possible.  We all want her back..."

        Spike nodded, "Right, just wanted to know...'fore...I left..."

        "What?!"  Dawn's head whipped around, her brown, doe eyes going wide, "You're leaving?"

        "Fraid so, nibblet..." Spike smiled at her sadly, "Figured it's 'bout time I moved on along..."

        "But...why?  I thought Sunnydale was your home..."

        Spike shook his head, then kissed the top of her hair, "Tell the wiccas bye for me, okay?  And Anya..." He glanced towards the demon, "Good luck with the whelp...you're gonna be needing it..."

        Anya smiled, "Bye, Spike," She said softly, and Dawn watched as the vampire offered the Watcher a nod, "You got things?  Won't be needing me then..."

        "No...yes, Spike...you don't have too..."

        "Believe me...I don't want too...but it's too hard..." A pained look crossed his face as he looked down at Dawn, "Take care of her, all right?"

        "Yes, Spike," Giles nodded, and they watched as the dejected vampire walked out of the shoppe and their lifes.

        Buffy stared down at hands in awe, then looked at Giles, "You can see me?"

        "Yes..." He smiled almost sadly, "All of you...you're back, Buffy..."

        She grinned, wheeling around to hug Willow tightly, "Oh!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!"  She gushed, then tossed her hair, turning towards the gym door, where, on the other side, Anya, Xander and Dawn were waiting to hear what Willow and Giles' big surprise was.

        She threw open the door, and all three of them shot to their feet.  Anya nearly screamed, Xander fainted, and Dawn cried out in surprise, then rushed into her sister's arms, knocking the Slayer over, tears pouring down her face, "You're back!  Oh!  God, Buffy...I was so scared..."

        "It's all right..." Buffy soothed with a gentle smile as Giles and Anya tried to revive Xander, "I'm back now, so it's all gonna be all right..."

        "Too bad Spike isn't here..." Dawn sniffled, swiping at her tears as Buffy helped her back to her feet, "He wouldn't have wanted to miss this..."

        "Where is blondie, anyhow?"  Buffy asked, glancing at Giles, "I haven't seen him since we got in that fight..."

        Giles looked at her in surprise, then glanced towards Willow, whose eyes widened, "You...didn't know?  We assumed he would have told you..."

        "Told me what?"

        Dawn frowned, looking between the Watcher and Witch, "But he hasn't seen her yet..."

        "Yeah, he could...but I was a ghost at the time," Buffy explained, staring hard at Willow and Giles, "Told me what?"

        "He...he left town, Buffy," Dawn supplied, "Just the other day...he said it was too hard...I thought he meant you being dead...but...if you fought with him...what did you say to him, Buffy?"

        "Me?  Nothing!"

        "Buffy..." Giles gave her a look, and she sighed, "Same thing as always, Giles...we fight, we say stuff we don't really mean..." She shook her head, "When's he coming back?"

        "Never," Dawn sniffled, "He said he wasn't coming back..."

        You just fuckin' love to drive people away...

        Buffy winced, then swore beneath her breath, "No wonder I couldn't hear what he was thinking anymore...I kinda just assumed he was passed out drunk..."

        "Buffy...?!"  Xander finally came too and he stared at the Slayer in shock, then glanced at Anya, "Ayn?  Remember that acid you accidently gave me...?"

        Buffy rolled her eyes, glancing at Giles, "Where'd he go?"

        Giles shrugged, and she looked to Willow who could only shake her head, not knowing either, and Buffy shook her head, "You know what?  Forget it.  We don't need him anyway."

        Willow's eyes flashed black, surprising Buffy, who took a step back, and the redheaded witch glanced away from her, her features tightening before she went back into the gym to clean up the remnents of the spell without a word, and Buffy frowned, "What was that about?"  She asked, glancing at her friends and sister, to see the same angry expressions on their face.  "What?"

        "Full of love, my ass," Dawn muttered beneath her breath, turning to grab her school stuff.  Buffy looked confused, mentally wondering where the hug-fest was.  Great...back for ten minutes, and somehow...I managed to piss everyone off...how the fuck did THAT happen?!

        Buffy sprang into the fray, her eyes narrowed as she attacked the vampires, the Scoobies at her back, loaded with crosses, holy water balloons and crossbows.

        A vampire backhanded her, sending her flying backwards into a weeping angel statue, and she shook her head to clear it before fending off the attacking vampire, driving a foot into his chest.  She heard Willow chanting out a spell with Tara and a bright light filled the cemetary, blinding them all, but hopefully dusting the vampires.  Go little ball of sunshine!

        The light disappeared, and Buffy had to blink a few times to clear her vision just as a vampire crashed into her, showing that the ball of sunshine was a bust.  There were still twenty or more vampires in the graveyard, gunning for the revived Slayer...and there was probably more coming.

        It was times like this that Buffy really wished that she still had her Slaying partner.  No...stop thinking about that...Buffy grimaced as she plunged a stake into a vamp's chest, turning when she head Anya scream.  

        A vampire was clinging onto Xander's back, trying to sink his fangs into the boy's neck, and Buffy swore, running towards him, then pitched forward as a vampire struck her in her exposed back with a tombstone, and she rolled several feet before stopping in a dazed pile.

        She tilted her head as Willow screamed as a vampire grabbed her and sank his fangs into her throat, and she struggled to get up, but the vampire that had hit her jumped on her and pinned her to the ground with a growl, and she tried to throw him off to no avail.

        Anya was slammed backwards and went toppling over, only to be jumped by another vampire.  Buffy watched as her friends were captured, and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as she felt the vampire leaning over her.  Oh Christ...

        There was suddenly a roar, and then she felt the weight lift off of her.  Her eyes shot open as a sifting of dust fell over her, and saw a whirl of black.  She rolled onto her hands and knees, watching in surprise as Spike used a tombstone as a catapault to fling himself at a group of vampires, knocking them to the ground.

        He was up on his feet in a few seconds, and the vampire that was draining Willow let go of her to attack the new comer and sprinted towards Spike.  Spike stood completely still till he was almost on top of him, then stepped to the side, his hand shooting out to rip out the vampire's throat, then grabbed the vampire's flying body to toss him at another group coming up behind Giles.

        Anya was back on her feet, and she shoot off a crossbow bolt, taking out a vampire trying to attack Spike from behind.  He saluted her, then grabbed the one on top of Xander's back and staked him quickly.

        Buffy was back on her feet, holding Mr. Pointy unsteadily, still a little dazed from being hit, and Spike barely glanced at her as he saved Tara and Willow from another large group, snarling as he made short work of them.

        Anya yelped as a vampire knocked her over as the others began to retreat, grabbing her crossbow.  

        Spike turned just as the vampire fired it, and Buffy screamed as it struck him in the chest, and Spike stumbled with a snarl of pain, tripping over a tombstone.

        "SPIKE!"  Willow started towards the place he had fallen when more vampires emerged from hiding and attacked, and Buffy's eyes narrowed as she struck fast.  They didn't know what hit them.

        Buffy flipped over one vampire driving a stake into his chest as she landed, then whirled, driving Mr. Pointy into another, dusting him.  She let go of the stake as Giles tossed her a sword, and she gripped it tightly, using one sweep to behead three vamps at once.

        She ducked as one of them swung at her, kicking his feet out from under him and beheaded him as well.  She did a back-flip, her feet snapping up into a vampire's face and she sliced him at the knees as she landed, and the vampire screamed in pain till Willow staked him, putting him out of his misery.

        Buffy straightened, her eyes narrowed dangerously as she sent a murderous look at the other vampires, and they started to retreat from the Slayer.

        As soon as they were gone, Buffy glanced around worriedly.  Willow was holding her neck, but was otherwise okay, Xander was looking a bit beaten up, as was Giles, and Tara was fussing over her girlfriend, as Anya was doing to Xander, sporting her own little shiner.

        She dropped the sword, looking around for Spike, then ran towards the place he had fallen, unaware of the tears streaming down her face.

        She nearly fell over the gravestones herself in her haste to make sure he wasn't a pile of dust.  She jumped over, sobbing in relief when she saw Spike lying spread-eagle on the ground, unconcious, but undusty at least.  

        Spike groaned, opening his eyes to see Buffy's face looming over his, tears pouring from her eyes and falling onto his face.  Right...I gotta be dead...

        "You're not dead, stupid..." Buffy said in obvious relief, and Spike's eyes widened slightly as he looked down at his chest, where a crossbow bolt was sticking out of it, maybe a few millimeters from his heart.  

        "Huh...I'm guess I'm lucky the near-sighted prat can't aim..." Spike said, then grimaced in pain as he dropped his head back down.  "Boy, am I glad to be back!"  He said sarcastically, still looking up into Buffy's face.  Bloody hell...and if I had dusted...woulda been worth it too see you looking at me like you cared...

        Xander peeked his head over the tombstones, then glanced over his shoulder, "He's fine, Anya...stop panicking..."

        Anya looked over and Spike weakly waved at her guilty look, "Sorry...but glad you're not dust!"

        "Same..." Spike tried to sit up, then winced, deciding that laying down at the moment was the lesser of two evils.

        "Why'd you come back?"  Buffy asked softly, fastening her hands over the bolt, and Anya and Xander retreated, not wanting to watch.

        You, pet...always you..."Got bored.  Bugged Peaches for a while, but he lost his charm after a while," Spike replied casually, "Figure I could wrack some havoc..."

        Buffy closed her eyes as she jerked the bolt out, and Spike snarled in pain, vamping out.  Buffy immediately pressed her hand over the wound, trying to staunch the sudden flow of dark, borrowed blood.

        "How bad is it, Doc?"  He joked weakly, "Will I ever play the violin again?"

        Buffy rolled her eyes, "Probably not...but I really doubt that you played it before."

        "Actually, I did..."  Spike smiled wanly as he sat up.

        Buffy blinked in surprise, shaking her head, "You're a mystery, Spike...you know that?"  She asked, and Spike glanced down at the hand still pressed over his heart, then closed his hand over it, "Not really.  You just never ask."

        "Oh..."  Buffy glanced down, and Spike sighed in disappointment as she took her hand away, but she wrapped an arm around his waist, helping him to his feet.  Willow and Tara smiled at him brightly as they helped Giles limp out of the graveyard, and Anya was leading Xander home, and Spike chuckled.  Demon girl wants a quick snog after all the violence, no doubt...

        Buffy giggled, "Yeah...probably..."

        He glanced at her in surprise, and she smiled, "Apparently, not everything went back to normal after the spell," She told him.  "For the past three months, I've been seeing your dreams and hearing your thoughts...even though you were no where near me..."

        "Really?"  Spike winced as he stumbled, and Buffy pulled him against her more firmly, allowing his weight to rest on her.  

        Buffy nodded as she steered him towards her house, "I was...afraid you weren't going to come back..." She said softly, and Spike's head whipped towards her, and she could read the hope in his eyes, and she swallowed heavily, looking down, "I wanted to apologize for what I said...you were right...I do drive people away...I don't mean too...really...but on some level..."

        "You feel the need to self-destruct your relationships?"

        "We don't have a relationship, Spike!"  She snapped unintentionally, then closed her eyes, letting go of him, "Dammit...that's not the what I meant..."

        Spike sat down on the front stoop, his hands dangling between his knees and his head bowed as he tried to not focus on the pain, and not the pain caused by his chest wound.

        Buffy hissed through her teeth, "Goddamit...don't you hate it when you know what you want to say and you pratice it over and over again...but when the chance comes, you can't say anything right?"

        "Yeah..." Spike chuckled, thinking of the time he had locked her in the catacombs, "I have a bit of an idea there."

        Buffy raked her hands through her hair, staring down at the vampire who was studying the pavement of the front walk intently, then sighed as she sat down beside him.  "What...I wanted to say was..." She sighed, shaking her head in frustration.  

        Spike raised an eyebrow, and she looked away, "Well...the thing is...I kinda...sorta...missed you."

        Kinda sorta?!

        "Fine...I missed you..." Buffy grimaced at him, "Why do you men always have to make it so difficult?"

        "Me?!"  Spike gave her an incredulous look, "I'm the one making it difficult?!  I've pratically thrown myself at your feet, and I'm the one making it difficult?!"

        Buffy gave him a look, "See?!  I can't tell you anything without you starting a fight!"

        "I didn't start a fight!"

        "Yes, you did!  Can't you just shut up for five minutes?!"

        "Hey, you were the one who said you only kinda sorta missed me!  What kind of cop out is that?!"

        "Cop out!?  It wasn' t a cop out you big...bleached...moro--"  She was silenced by Spike's lips crushing against hers, and immediately, she repripocrated, wrapping her arms around his neck, and pressing her body against his.

        He broke off with a hiss of pain, clutching his chest, "OW!  Ah...fuck!"

        "Spike!  God!  I'm sorry!"  Buffy said, horrified, and Spike grimaced.

        "Great...you finally bloody kiss me...and I got chest pains...how big of a wanker am I?"

        Buffy smiled at him, but he sighed, "What's going on, Slayer?  With you, I mean...I can't...I can't keep on doing this...just to have my heart broken again by you.  I constantly throw myself to the wolves for you..."

        Buffy didn't meet his gaze, falling silent for the longest moment of his life.  

        Come on...please..talk to me...

        She smiled as his thoughts invaded her mind, having gotten used to it in the time he had been gone.  It was familiar...like an old friend...and entertaining at times.  "You really have to stop thinking about llamas at night...it's distracting...and the dancing llamas...really freaky...your head is a very scary place."

        Spike glanced at her, trying to keep his face stern, but couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his throat.  "Yeah...it kinda is..."

        "But I...don't want it to go away..."

        Spike looked at her levelly, more then a little confused, "Come again?"

        "A lot of times...while you were gone...I just...wanted to lie down and die...I mean, it's better then being a ghost...but the slaying...it's always getting harder and harder...and...I keep looking for the next big baddy on the horizon...and I just get so...tired of it all."  She sighed as she glanced at him, "But...always, in the back of my mind, you were there...your thoughts...your dreams...your emotions...it was all there...you were always there."

        "Yeah..." Spike fished his pack of smokes out of his pocket, and popped one in his mouth, "Apparently, I'm a bitch to get rid of."

        "Like herpes...but cute herpes..." Buffy frowned, "Okay...imagery bad."

        Spike glanced at her sharply, "Did you call me cute?"

        "I was comparing you to herpes, and you only picked up on the cute?"

        "I prefer not to think about the rest of that sentence, but I like the cute...although, I'm not bloody cute...I'm handsome, I'm hot, but I'm not cu--"

        Buffy rolled her eyes, and grabbed his head, planting a forceful kiss on his lips, running her warm, moist tongue of his lips until he opened his mouth, and she plundered the cool cavern mercilessly, pulling him closer to her as he wrapped his arms around her.

        She broke the kiss after a few minutes, panting for breath, and smiled at the glazed over look in Spike's eyes, and she kissed his nose before bouncing to her feet, and opening the front door, throwing a coy look over her shoulder at the still dazed vampire.  "Coming?"

        He looked towards her, and then he shot to his feet, and Buffy screeched as he scooped her up in his strong arms, "Spike!"

        The vampire was grinning in mad delight as he swooped up the stairs with the tiny Slayer in his arms, "Door!  Spike!  Front door!"

        Spike glanced over his shoulder, then rolled his eyes, setting Buffy down on the floor, and he swatted her butt, "Count to twenty..." He told her, his eyes gleaming wickedly, and the Slayer actually felt a little weak-kneed at his look before trotting up the stairs.

        Spike hopped down the steps, and closed and locked the door.  He glanced around, counting in his head as he shed his duster and red shirt, then tore his black t-shirt over his head as he approached twenty, then raced up the stairs, intent on getting his Slayer.

        "Daddddyyy'ssss here!"  He called as he slammed open Buffy's bedroom door.

        Dawn screamed, and she picked a shoe off her floor and threw it at Spike before realizing it was him, and Spike yelped as it struck him in the forehead, "OW!  What the hell are you doing in the Slayer's room?!"

        "Buffy moved to mom's room, you FREAK!"  Dawn stood up, and then joy overrode her anger, and she raced towards the vampire, throwing her arms around his middle, "You came back!"

        "Yeah..." He ruffled her hair affectionatly, "Where else would I rather be?"

        Dawn stepped away from him, raising an appraising eyebrow at his bare chest, "Apparently in Buffy's room...it's down the hall."

        "Thanks..." Spike looked sheepish, and he closed the door.

        Dawn waited for him to start down the hall, then did a little happy dance, "Eeeee!"  She squealed, "He is so hot."

        Spike rolled his eyes with a grin when he heard Dawn squeal, shaking his head a bit.  He considered throwing Buffy's door open, then decided against it.  Dawn screamed and threw shoes...Buffy had stakes.  Wasn't shaping up to be a good plan.

        Instead, he opened the door, and was about to lay on the seduction, but was stopped in his tracks.  Buffy was lying on her stomach on the bed, completely nude.  Several candles were lit for ambiance, and she glanced up at him, her golden blond hair falling over her shoulders in a shining wave.  "What took you so long?  I got to sixty," She said with a pout.

        Spike didn't answer her as he stared at her, his mouth hanging open a bit, "Cor, pet...you have no idea how long I dreamed about this for..."

        A smile curled Buffy's lips, "I have a pretty good idea," She replied, and Spike let out a short growl before slamming the door closed behind him, and Buffy let out a small screech as he jumped at her with a small growl.

        She giggled as he rolled her over to her back and started planting small, fevered kisses all over her face and throat, playfully growling all the while, and Buffy's skin tingled at the sound only a vampire could make.

        His lips found her, and she felt like he was devouring her as his arms clutched her tightly to his body, as if he could melt into her by sheer will alone.  So bloody soft...fuck...my Slayer...fuck...

        She smiled as his thoughts pingponged in her mind, opening herself up to him fully as his emotions washed over her, and she arched her hips towards him as he licked along her throat before kissing down her body to her bared breasts, and he closed his lips around a peaked nipple, sucking gently as Buffy wove her hands into his short, soft blond locks, mussing it as she murmured his name.  

        He lavished similiar attention on her other breast before returning to her lips to kiss her deeply, slowly sliding a hand down her body, his fingers delving into her distended folds.  She pulled back a bit from with a small gasp as he slid one of his fingers deep inside her and began to stroke her tenderly, then nipped and licked along his throat, focusing most of her attention on the sensitive skin above his jugular.  She was awarded with a deep, throaty moan as he incited a fire deep in her womb as he slid a second finger into her.

        "Spike...please..." She said breathily, and the vampire chuckled beneath his breath.

        "Please, what?"

        Her eyes blazed as they met his, and then he gasped a bit when he felt her small, warm hand cup him through his jeans, and she gave him a none too gentle squeeze, feeling a small thrill of pleasure when she felt him jump beneath her hand.

        Slayer...she looked up into his burning eyes at her title, and then he was pulling out of her grasp, standing up to remove his jeans.  Buffy watched him through half-lidded eyes, watching the shadows play across the deep cuts of his lean body, muscles rippling beneath smooth, alabaster skin.

        Like sunlight...blond and golden and searing hot...made to burn me...to consume me and reduce me to dust...

        A smile curved her lips at his thoughts, the poet in him showing again.  Her eyes washed over his body as he peeled the tight jeans from his body, his erection jutting proudly from a nest of honey-blond curls, "You're a blond..." She observed, surprised.

        Spike raised his scarred eyebrow, giving her a wickedly naughty look, and then he was back at her side, running his hands along her warm, supple body, his lips dipping down to hers to give her a tender, lingering kiss, tasting of moonlight and a woodsy, spicy flavor.

        Spike ran his hands down her legs, and Buffy opened them up to him, his lips never leaving hers as he slid between them, moaning into her mouth when her feet kneaded the muscles in the calfs of his legs.

        He broke the kiss as he slid into her moist heat, watching as her eyes widened a bit, and she let out a small sound of pleasure that was between a gasp and sigh, and he hissed, closing his eyes as her nails raked down his back as she accepted his hard length.  Christ...it burns...

        Spike...he opened his eyes again, staring down at her unmoving lips, oh God...so hard...Spike...

        He smiled as he crushed his lips to hers, withdrawing a bit to slam back into her roughly, forcing a harsh cry from her throat, and he swallowed it with his mouth, wanting to drink it all down as his hips moved with hers in a primal dance older then time itself, older then even the first vampire.

        He listened to the cascading music of her crying his name silently, eyes flickering beneath his pale eyelids as her heat engulfed him, enveloping him in warmth he could only have guessed at before.

        As she came crashing around him, tears were slipping from beneath his closed lids as she called out his name in her mind, and as he climaxed, burying himself deep inside her, her words echoed in his mind, making his heart contract, then expand so fast it left him gasping for breath he didn't need.

        I love you...

        Christ...I love you, Slayer...always you...

The End