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You've Bloody Well Got Mail
by Bridie and Mouse
ARCHIVE: Sure...just let us know where
PAIRING: Spike/Angel
RATING: R (language, implied M/M sex)
SPOILERS: None...Except Mouse's Old Friends...Imagine the same universe...in
email.
DISCLAIMER: Other people own them...We're not making any money...just having a
little fun.
SUMMARY: Email silliness
NOTE: Email addresses may appear as links, but only Spike's and Willow's are
*real*, and they belong to us.
From: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/18/01 10:52 PM Pacific Standard Time
(Thursday)
Subject: From Willow
Hi Spike!! So, this is like your virgin email! And I
don't mean anything by that, you know...just this is
(I think) your first email on your new PC. Even
though it isn't really new, it's actually old. Not
*really* old, like, not obsolete, everything works
very well. Or it should. You'll be sure and let me
know if you have any problems, right? Because you
know you have the official Willow Guarantee on parts
and services. Good for the lifetime of the computer,
because I won't be around for the rest of *your*
lifetime. What with you being a vampire and me being
a human. Unless of course you keep making Buffy mad.
Don't do that, okay? I mean, I know you enjoy it and
all that, but then you sweep off into the night with
your black coat, leaving us to deal with uhm...an
unhappy Buffy. Which is bad. So...is that your
point? That's really not nice. Which you keep
telling us you're not.
Anyway. Hope you're having fun with the new computer.
I'll be by tomorrow afternoon after classes to help
you with anything that comes up between now and then.
And Tara made cookies; I'll bring them by.
Bye for now!
Willow (aka Red)
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/18/01 10:59 PM Pacific Standard Time
(Thursday)
Subject: Wotcha Red! So tell me how this works. Let
me know if ya get this. Love, Me PS - Buffy has
stupid hair.
From: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/18/01 11:11 PM Pacific Standard Time
(Thursday)
Subject: From Willow
Hi again, Spike!
You're putting all of your text into the subject line.
When you want to send an email, you use the tab key
(upper left of your keyboard) and go from the To:
line, then the From: line, and then the Subject
line...something brief in there. And then tab again
and you'll be in the body of the letter. Then just
type away to your heart's content.
So...maybe I shouldn't say anything, but Buffy said
you used to be a poet when you were...you
know...human. Are you going to start writing again
now that you have the computer? I think you should.
And Buffy does not have stupid hair. Be nice!
Love and chocolate chip cookies!
Willow
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/18/01 11:11 PM Pacific Standard Time
(Thursday)
Subject: Re: From Willow
Red!! This makes loads more sense now. I tried to
write more, but it only gave me a little space to type
in before it stopped workin. Okay, yeah, so Buffy
told ya I was a poet, did she? Well, she musta told
ya that Dru was me Sire, too. Which is all true,
every bloody syllable. Now - why dontcha just have
her call Angel and tell him I said so. But YOU
don't do it, okay? Just her.
Now, about cookies - can you get me some oatmeal
raisin, too? That last batch ya brought me was the
dogs!! An about the part where you say yer human -
sorry about that, pet. I'd change it if I could.
Keep ya around forever, I would. In any case, lookin
forward to yer visit. Tell Tara I think she has great
jubblies, an' she should wear that blue dress more.
You too, Red, filled out nice. I'd fancy seein you in
leather... Right then, hafta Email the Poofter an
Saggy Bottom Boy.
Love,
Me
PS This is bloody fun!
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/18/01 11:20 PM Pacific Standard Time
(Thursday)
Subject: None
Oi! Peaches,
How ya been? Got me Email up an runnin. Red fixed me
up a big grey box from parts she had. Callin it
Frankenputer. Frank, for short. So Email me, or I'll
stake you.
Love or Sincerely,
Me
From: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 7:40 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: None
Spike - the address you sent your missive to is a
generic one for Angel Investigations, please refrain
from doing so in the future, since this is our
business account. We all have our own addresses,
Angel's is Angel@Angel_Investigations.com, and I will
forward your message to him. I would also suggest
that you not threaten Angel, he has not been in the
best of moods of late.
Congratulations on acquiring a computer.
Sincerely,
Wesley Windham-Pryce
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 8:33 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: You're A Wanker
Dear Ex-Watcher who got sacked... alot,
Oi! How ya been, mate? I've been tits, thanks. Got
me a right good set up, I do. And howcome yer
answerin instead of Legs? I thought she was the
secretary. Oh yeah... and I wasn't threatenin
Angel... go and ask him what I meant by "stake him"...
Go on, I dare ya. Right then, must be off... Baddies
to kill, innocents to debauch.
Sincerely,
Me
From: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 8:48 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Wanker
Spike,
I will thank you not to write to me ever. And for the
record, the Watcher Council did not fire me; we parted
ways by mutual agreement. And if by using the plural
you refer to Angel firing all of us, may I be so bold
as to remind you that your Sire now works for me?
Lastly, I have no desire to ask Angel about his
relationship with you. The less I know in that regard
the better.
For what I hope is the last time,
Wesley Windham-Pryce
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/19/01 9:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Get over it
Tosser.
Love,
Me
From: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 9:25 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Get over it
Really. I must insist, Spike. Stop this immediately!
Wesley Windham-Pryce
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: HelpingTheHopeless@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/19/01 9:44 AM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Get over it
OKAY! IF YA WOULDN'T RESPOND, I WOULDN'T HAFTA ANSWER
YOU! NOW SHOO! OFF ME EMAIL
LOVE,
ME
From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/19/01 1:25 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Life in the Big City!
Hey Xan,
It's me. I just got back from the Beverly Center, oh
my god, you have to see these new boots, they're
totally nouveau riche... Anyway, Angel's all holed up
in his cave - so I'm sending this from home. You
wouldn't believe what I found in his bathroom... a
bottle of hair bleach... I mean... "HELLO!!" I'm
guessing he's banging Buffy again. That's who we
thought of last time he did this, huh? But wasn't she
there? Oh well, it doesn't matter. I have to go. An
audition for a dishwashing detergent commercial... Yay
me! I hope I get it. I do. So tell the gang I said
hi, and that I miss everyone.
Luvz,
Cordelia
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 3:15 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Life in the Big City!
Cordelia! Queen C! The Cheerleader with the
most-est!
How are ya? Sounds like your working *really* hard
there....not! Things are the usual around here,
demons, mayhem and of course Spike, who fits into both
categories.
Uhm...Cordy....about the bleach...it's not Buffy's.
I'll give you a shiny penny if you can guess which
bottle-blonde it does belong to. Come on....you can
do it!
Good luck on the commercial thing....you must really
be a great actress, because....well - somehow I'm not
able to really imagine you doing anyone's dishes. Not
even for money.
Well, this is the Xand-man signing off in all his/my
greatness.
I'll pass along your love to the gang...we miss you
too....except Anya - she's still got that cute
jealousy thing working for her.
Xander The Magnificent
From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/19/01 5:31 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Perverted Much?
Hey Xan,
Oh... Whatever! You are NOT trying to tell me that
Spike and Angel are riding the hobbyhorse. That's so
passe... how Anne Rice can you get geek-boy?
Anyway... I didn't get the gig... Ugh... can you
believe this? They said I looked too *young*!!
HELLO!!! When has looking young ever been an issue in
Hollysucks... Never.. .that's when. Whatever - I
didn't want it anyway... I would've totally hated
seeing that on one of those "Before They Were Stars"
shows.
So... Anya's jealous of me, huh? Not like I blame
her. I mean, c'mon - total knock out here - the kind
of girl a guy like you only dates in his wet dreams...
and wow - you actually got close enough to touch me...
But I do miss your hugs, you know. Those were the
best. Even if you smelled like Old Spice, which
contrary to popular belief really doesn't get a girl
hot.
I'm gonna go take a bath now... And don't go thinking
about me in the water and the bubbles.
Luvz,
Cordelia
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 5:48 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Perverted Much? Yes!!
Cordy - let's just say I know more about your Caped
Crusader's sex life than I should. Spike talks *alot*
when he's drunk. "Riding the hobby horse"? Geez,
nice imagery there, Cord....L.A. corrupting you much?
And as for my gorgeous girlfriend, I don't think she
cares how you look, she has issues with anyone of the
female gender ever touching me, looking at me,
speaking to me....past or present. Yup...she's very
possessive of her Viking. (That's me!). But if you
come to visit I might get a short term leave to give
you the Xander Special hug...she's beginning to
understand about "good" touching and "bad" touching
(well, I had to make a list...don't ask). Now if I
could just get her to talk a little less about
Anya/Xander touching in public.
Enjoy your bath.....I'm sure you make your rubber
ducky very happy. What about your ghost....does
he.....watch???
Love in the platonic sense only,
Curious Xander
From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/19/01 6:13 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Perverted Much? Yes!!
Hey Xan,
Dream on! And don't *even* go there. Angel's my
friend - and I don't want to hear anything bad about
him. Oh yeah, and I don't care WHAT Spike says,
because he's so last season, it isn't even funny.
Oh yeah, and tell Anya to stop sending me hate mail -
she's not as innocent as she looks, is she? And look,
you're here trying to tell me she sends hate mail to
everyone... so, how does Buffy handle this? And tell
Buffy that if she wants to beat her up, I support her
in that decision. Really Xander... I'm gonna enclose
the last thing she sent to me, just so you know. And
she reads your email... so delete this after.
{I know that you're jealous that Xander and I are
together now, but you have to move on. He's giving me
orgasms now, not you. And I don't appreciate you
stalking him through the internet, or sending him love
notes. If you were a man, and I still had my powers,
I'd afflict you with a terrible disease that made your
genitals fall off}
Have a nice day.
Sincerely,
Anya}
Freak much? Control her, please. I have other things
to think about. Oh yeah, hey... did you hear that
Johnny Depp and his girlfriend broke up? Yay! Can
you say Mrs. Cordelia Depp? Cause I can!
Luvz,
Cordelia
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 7:35 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Really Really Sorry!
Cordy -
Uh...sorry about the insanely jealous girlfriend
thing. Anya and I had a very serious discussion about
PRIVACY. I don't think you'll hear from her again.
And if you do just let me know and I will withhold
sexual favors for a time of my choosing as punishment,
as per our agreement. I think I finally found
something that gets through to her that isn't cash.
Believe what you want about Angel, you know I could
care less about Deadboy, but if should happen to catch
him and Spike playing hide the sausage, don't say I
didn't try to tell you.
Again, sorry about Anya going a little psycho on you.
And congratulations on getting engaged to a man you
haven't even met yet. Reality is a boring place to
live, huh?
Love (and you better not be reading this or reading
anything into it, Anya)
your pal,
Xander
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/19/01 1:42 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: American Wanker
Yanno - I hate yer Email address, always think I'm
gettin more nasty love notes from my ex-demon lover.
HA! Okay, tonight it is... Yanno yer always welcome -
except when yer not. Everything going okay over
there, by the way? Yer not tryin' to run out on me
little bird, are ya?
Tell Cordelia she has bad hair and big teeth.
Love,
Me
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 2:02 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Huh?
1) Like your email address is anything to write home
about. But you do have the truth in advertising thing
going for you.
2) I've asked Anya about that once or twice and she
assures me that you and she never even knew eachother
before Sunnydale, and I know for sure I've kept her
too busy to do anything or anyone else since she got
here.
3) I'm not running out on Anya...just need a
break...I'm surrounded by women 24-7...which should be
a great, wonderful and happy-making thing. But
sometimes it's just too much. And I can't believe I'm
telling you that.
4) I am so *not* telling Cordelia that. I prefer to
keep my reproductive organs intact. Cordy'd give
Anyanka a run for her money.
5) And why do you sign your emails, 'love'?
Generally not a word in your everyday vocabulary
unless it's in reference to blood, violence,
cigarettes or "Peaches". And then, only when you're
very drunk.
Alexander Lavelle Harris From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/20/01 11:50 AM Pacific Standard Time
(Saturday)
Subject: I HATE L.A.
Hey Xan,
God I miss you guys. Sometimes it just sucks here.
And shut up about Angel and Spike already... you're
starting to freak me with all this homosexual
preoccupation thing you've got going on. Anyway... I
really miss you. I miss my room. I miss my cat. I
miss Willow and her ugly dresses. I miss Buffy -
don't you dare tell her. I miss Giles. I wish Giles
was here. Wesley's really cool, but he's not Giles.
I miss you... I guess I said that already.
Bye.
Love,
Cordy
PS: If you're wondering why I'm all blah - I went to
another audition... this time for a snowboarding
commercial. They said I was too tall. Too tall, too
young... whatever, I have a headache... gonna go take
a bath.
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/20/01 12:10 PM Pacific Standard Time
(Saturday)
Subject: Someone needs a vacation!!!
Cordy - Listen you....get your Hollywood butt back
here next weekend. I know for a fact (though my
sources shall remain bottle blonde) that you have the
weekend off. Come and hang out...there's always room
at the Scooby meeting for an L.A. psychic like
yourself.
Come on....you're missed here too, and I promise to
keep Anya from trying to rumble with ya.
Say yes. You know you want to. No one can resist the
Xand-man.
Come on!!!!
Irresistible Xander
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 3:15 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Try and behave
Spike - Please don't tease Wesley, he's very sensitive
about his previous employment. I'm glad Willow was
able to help you with the computer. It's good to know
that you're getting along so well with everyone in
Sunnydale. You are getting along with everyone,
aren't you? As for staking me...I'd like to see you
try, boy.
When will you be coming to L.A. for a visit?
Regards,
Angel
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/19/01 3:28 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: BLOODY THING'S BROKEN ALREAD!!
PEACHES,
IT WON'T TYPE IN LOWERCASE NOW. GOTTA GET RED OVER
HERE, SO TILL THEN, JUST READ IT LIKE THIS. DIDN'T
TEASE WEASLEY, ONLY SAID HI, THAT'S ALL. YOU BELIEVE
ME, DON'TCHA? OKAY, BACK TO MY LETTER. I'M GETTIN
ALONG FINE. SHAGGY WILL BE OVER HERE TONIGHT, THINKS
WE NEED SOME DRINKIN'/BONDAGE TIME... GUESS HE'S
GETTING TIRED OF ALL THE ESTROGEN ROUND HERE. SO...
YA MISS ME... DONTCHA? I CAN TELL... AN' WHAT'S WITH
THIS 'REGARDS' BUSINESS? YA WEREN'T SAYIN 'REGARDS'
LAST TIME WE MET UP. AS I RECALL ... IT WAS MORE
ALONG THE LINES OF 'LOVE YOU.. YES!.. YES!...' BUT I
COULD BE MISTAKEN... MAYBE IT WAS LAST TIME I WAS
DRINKIN' WITH THE SAGGY BOTTOM BOY.
ANYWAY, GOTTA RUN.
LOVE,
ME
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 4:15 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Instructions to turn off your caps
Spike - There is a button on the keyboard, it says
'Caps Lock'. Tap that once, and you won't be typing in
upper case. And no, I don't believe you. Just leave
him alone.
So...you're bonding with Xander? That must be...nice
for you. Just remember who you belong to. Or do you
need some reminding?
Angel
P.S. - Isn't he underage to be out drinking?
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/19/01 4:27 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Re: Instructions to turn off your caps
POOFter... it works. Poofter,
You're smarter than ya look. And yes... I need some
remindin... Tell me you miss me. Right now.
Love,
Me
PS - Yes.
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 5:30 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Do you keep your toothbrush there too?
Hey Fangless? Understand you're leaving personal
belongings at your boyfriend's place....very subtle.
Cordy knows, so the fecal matter should hit the fan
anytime now. Just thought I'd let you know.
BTW, we just got in a shipment of the weird beer you
like at the Circle K....should I bring some home after
work?
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/19/01 5:44 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Beer Boy
Oi! bring me a few pints! Who cares if Legs knows me
and Angel are together? Yeah... I keep me toothbrush
there, what of it? How do ya get this thing to send
pictures? I got me one of those digital camera
things. I can see meself in the monitor. Heh. Ya
think I'm hot, dontcha... Bloody right, I'm hot...
Love,
Me
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 6:08 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Get a grip on your ego
You're talking to yourself again, aren't you O
Bleached One?
Not to worry, Cordelia doesn't believe that you and
Batman are doing the deed because, and I quote,
"Angel's my friend - and I don't want to hear anything
bad about him. Oh yeah, and I don't care WHAT Spike
says, because he's so last season, it isn't even
funny. "
I think I can manage to let a case 'fall' off the
truck for you. Videos at your place tonight then. I
kind of need to get out of the house for a night.....
Cya then,
Zeppo with the beer
P.S. - Ask Wills about the picture thingie....she's
our resident propeller-head
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/19/01 11:08 PM Pacific Standard Time (Friday)
Subject: Where are you?
Spike - it's getting late. Is your computer broken
already? This is Angel...which you probably figured
out by the address. I'm concerned that you and Xander
might have run into some problems. Because it's late.
And you're not online. I'm sure you're just fine, and
aren't being attacked by demons or humans, and you
certainly don't have your tongue down anyone else's
throat.
Do you?
Where are you?
Angel
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/20/01 1:08 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Well aren't you the green eyed vamp... kinda like that
look on ya, pet. So I'm on now. Fixed me capitals,
like yer last note told me. Want me this weekend? I
have a few days to kill before Niblet gets back from
her Dad's.
Write back right now.
Love,
Me
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/20/01 1:17 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Want and need
Do I want you this weekend? I'd take you right now,
if I could get you. Yes, I miss you. I'm looking
forward to showing you how much. I'll get Wes and
Gunn and Cordy out of here early on Friday and give
them the weekend off. Barring visions, I'll stock up
on supplies, so don't plan on leaving the hotel once
you get here.
Understood?
Angel
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/20/01 1:28 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Re: Want and need
Got it... and howcome ya don't say "Love, Angel"... ?
Just a question... No need to get huffy. And... ya
really want me right now? Cause I can take Watchers
car and be there in two hours. Just a thought.
Love,
Me
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/20/01 1:39 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Re: Want and need
It's a good thought. It's an excellent thought. It's
the best thought I've heard in a long time. Rupert
really lets you borrow his car? You're not talking
about stealing it are you?
I don't care. I didn't ask. Drive. Now. Please.
I love you and I want you in my bed, on my floor,
anywhere I can get you,
Angel
Better?
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Subject: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/20/01 1:44 AM Pacific Standard Time (Saturday)
Subject: Re: Want and need
On my way.
Love,
Me
PS - Yes
From: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/22/01 4:44 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: From Willow
Hi again....just got a call from Giles, Scooby meeting
at the Box at 6 or so. Xander can't make it because
of the new job at Circle K. (He's had this one for a
week now, isn't that great?!!).
You know....I *can* tell when you're lying Spike, and
no, I won't suggest that Buffy call Angel. That's not
such a good idea, you know. They both get very sad
when they speak. It's just not fair! I know you like
to make fun of them both, but it's just so sad....and
I'm making myself all depressed thinking about it.
And hey! So not interested in being one of the
undead!!! Human Willow is a happy Willow....vampire
Willow tends to be very scary! But you'd probably
like her; she does the whole leather thing pretty
well. I tried it...it was hard to breathe and I kept
tripping.
Tara is very sexy, isn't she? I like the blue dress
too! I'm so lucky....did you know Vamp Willow was
bi-sexual too? Somethings don't change between
dimensions, isn't that odd? I wonder why that is. I
mean I wouldn't normally think that one's sexuality
was a constant or great truth....but....oh well...it's
getting late.
Please please please come to the meeting, I'll bring
the cookies! Hope we see you there!
Willow (not a vamp...yay! Nothing against vampires)
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/22/01 5:49 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: From Willow
I'll be there - tell Watcher I expect him to have
somethin palatable to swallow this time. Let me tell
ya about Vamp Willow - not that I met her, but I
certainly heard all the stories, and there ain't a
vamp from here to China that wouldn't have jumped into
a lake of holy water to get a shot at rogerin that
little bird. My my - but those stories did get
around... Wish'd I'da met up with her... Oh well,
another time. Don't you worry, though - nobody's
gonna make ya whilst I'm around.
Yeah, Tara's sexy - but too quiet... Nice rack,
though. What's she like in bed? She talk there? Oh
yeah - Angel's not too sad at the moment.
Love,
Me
From: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/22/01 10:12 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: From Willow
Sorry the meeting was so boring, Spike, but you still
shouldn't have said that about Buffy's exes. Which
doesn't make it okay what she said about Drusilla, but
still, you really made her mad.
So....Spike, are vampires really talking about me????
I mean, vamp me??? That's really disturbing, but I
guess kind of neat. Nobody every really talks about
Willow-me, which is good, I don't really want
strangers or strange demons talking about me...but I
can kind of get this vicarious thrill out of it...you
know?
I'm really really glad to hear that Angel's not too
sad. I always liked him, even after the whole Angelus
killing my fish thing. It's hard to imagine him happy
at all. All I can remember is him being all brooding
and dark and handsome with that big coat and....Don't
you dare tell anyone, but he's really sexy....I mean,
Tara wouldn't understand. She still gets weird when I
mention Oz. So I'd die, this is just between you and
me....promise??
Well now I feel guilty so I'm going to go make it up
to Tara. Even though I didn't do anything. Because I
never would. I really love her. She makes me feel
all warm and snuggly, like my favorite sweatshirt
times infinity.
That's enough sappy Willow...a big disappointment to
all those vamp-Willow fans out there, but totally okay
in my world. Yay me!
Love,
Willow
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/22/01 10:32 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Fwd: Re: From Willow
If ya want my body, an' ya think I'm seeexxxxxyyyy...
HA! Yer still workin' up a load of sexual tension
around here, an' yer all the way in LA. What ya got
to say for yourself, ya poofter?
Love,
Me
Oh, PS: So ya weren't happy, then? Ya sure seem
happy now... What's the difference between me and
Slayer?
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/22/01 10:53 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: From Willow
Spike! Do you have any idea how completely
thoughtless that is? Do you care? Willow apparently
thinks of you as a friend, and trusted you not to tell
anyone. Probably, no, especially not me.
That's why you did it, isn't it. Just a little
reminder that you're still the evil one, right? Okay,
I get it.
So...Willow thinks I'm sexy? I always thought she was
an extremely intelligent girl, this just proves it.
But I would just as soon not have anyone dwell on that
alternate reality. It wasn't a very nice place. And
despite the outfit and certain....assets it displayed
to great advantage, Vampire Willow made living with
you seem like a walk in the park. That girl would
have given Angelus a run for his money....She wanted
to tie me up and call me 'Puppy'!!
I can live the rest of my existence without ever
visiting that dimension.
And don't get any ideas, boy.
And what is it exactly that you were saying about
"Buffy's exes"? I'm certain you were referring to
Captain Cardboard and that Pecker person. For your
sake, I'll pretend that's true.
Love,
Angel
P.S. Yes, I'm happy. Yes, you make me happy. Also
insane and frustrated. I refuse to comment on the
last question.
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/22/01 11:03 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: From Willow
Yes, I have lotsa ideas, mate. Namely, Willow in
leather, you in a cage, on a leash... callin you
Puppy...Bloody Hell! Reckon I got my wank material
for the evinin...
And yeah, Willow's me chum, and she trusts me, and I'm
evil, and I wouldn't hurt her, and ya know it, and ya
just had to say somethin about it cause it was
required, cause yer a tosser. She is a smart one,
isn't she? I like her. Woulda shagged her if she
weren't all hearts and flowers over the blonde
witch... although - the blonde and the redhead,
Angel... remember the days?
Okay, yeah - so I made some comments about her ex's -
she had it comin. You weren't there, and ya don't
know. And I insist ya answer the last question, cause
I wanna sit here all smug, and entertain myself.
Especially after the way she talked to me tonight...
So answer the effin question.
Love,
Me
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: Reply All Address Book: Bsummers@hotmail.org
(Buffy), RednBlondeWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara),
AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org
(Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert),
LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn),
PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com (Cordy), SuckDeez@yahoo.org
(Gunn), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz),
WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley),
Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate), RudeBadMan@aol.com (William)
Date: 1/22/01 11:31 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: The Differences
I can't imagine you being any more smug than you
already are. And haven't I provided you with enough
entertainment for the evening, or morning?
But you won't let it rest until I answer you.
Smug and stubborn.
Buffy was a beautiful girl and is now a beautiful
woman. She is strong and smart and noble. She made
me feel like a young man in love. I wasn't.
I'm a vampire. With a soul. Who has occasional and
very violent flashbacks. And did I mention the
murderous past?
Buffy made me try to be the man Liam should have been
and never was. (And still, I don't believe my Father
would have approved).
You have a beautiful ass. An amazing ass. The rest
of you is very impressive too.
And before you can think anything sarcastic and biting
to say about my only wanting you for your body, (but
let me add that I've been around the proverbial sexual
block more than a few times and you have the most
flexible yet taut and willing body I've ever had the
pleasure of....pleasuring), I want you for more than
that.
You make me laugh. Whenever I thought about Buffy,
and whenever I think about Buffy, it hurts. I brood.
I angst. I'm very good at it by now. When I think of
you, I get hard. The sound of your voice tends to
have the same effect.
I enjoy remembering our past with you. I enjoy more
the memories we're making now. I want to talk to you.
I want to fight with you. I want to fuck you.
I get so damn excited when I know I am going to see
you that I think I would lose my soul permanently if
not for Willow's magic. You make me feel like what I
am. A vampire. With a soul. With a happy.
Love,
Angel
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/22/01 11:48 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Luv,
You just Emailed everyone and God, I reckon. Got ya
covered, though. No worries. You effed up. I fix
it. Same shit as always.
Love,
Me
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/22/01 11:52 PM Pacific Standard Time (Monday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
No! No...Spike...It's not possible. I didn't do
something that stupid, did I? Obviously I did Wait -
What do you mean, you'll fix it. I have to talk to
her! Don't do anything!
Love,
Angel
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Reply All Address Book: Bsummers@hotmail.org
(Buffy), RednBlondeWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara),
AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org
(Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert),
LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn),
PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com (Cordy), SuckDeez@yahoo.org
(Gunn), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz),
WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley),
Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate),
Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:01 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Tossers,
HA BLOODY HA! GOT ANGEL'S PASSWORD... HEH.. HOW YA
LIKE THAT?!
Love,
Me
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:07 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Will....thank you.
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:07 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Love you, poofter.
From: BSummers@hotmail.org
To: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara),
AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org
(Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert),
LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn),
PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com (Cordy), SuckDeez@yahoo.org
(Gunn), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz),
WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley),
Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate),
Angel@AngelInvestigations.com, RudeBadMan@aol.com
(William)
Date: 1/23/01 12:12 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Uhm - I don't even want to know what's going through
your sick mind, Spike.
Very funny. I'm sure everyone's getting a good laugh
right now.
Somebody please get this blood-rat off the internet.
Buffy~
From: BSummers@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:14 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Spike,
Thank you.
Love,
Buffy
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:22 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Uh, Spike...My official response is: that was evil
and incredibly rotten...even for you.
Unofficially: That was pretty cool, and nice of you.
Don't tell anyone I said so, but -
Your pal,
Xander
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:28 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Pillow Biter,
Ha! I'm a bad rude man. Just like the name says.
Love,
Me
From: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: From Willow...about your email
Spike...you know at first I was really really mad at
you. And then I thought for a while about what I
could do to you.
And then I realized that you didn't even know how to
send an email a few days ago (no offense), so what you
said you did, you didn't do. But what you did do, so
no one knew what Angel really did, was a really sweet
thing to do. People (Buffy) are going to be really
upset with you. But I understand, and I think it was
really really nice....in an evil demony kind of way.
Brownies will be in the oven in 10 minutes. Tara and
I will bring them by tomorrow.
Love,
Willow
To: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:18 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: From Willow...about your email
Red,
Someone's gotta take it in the shorts... Might as well
be me.
Love,
Me
From: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:24 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: From Willow...about your email
Don't worry, I won't let anyone know you're a big old
softie, marshmallow-centered demon. Your secret is
safe with me. Unless I need a favor. Just kidding!
Love, Willow
To: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:28 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: From Willow...about your email
Red,
Does it involve you in leather? Cause I reckon we
could work something out.
Love,
Me
From: WWP@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:00 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Your vile email attempt at humour
You are the crudest creature! Something you are no
doubt aware of...but I felt it needed saying. I hope
your computer is infected by a Xlothlar virus.
Wesley Windham-Pryce
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: WWP@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:07 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: My amazing wit
Ex-Watcher who always gets sacked,
You know you want me.
Love,
Me
From: WWP@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RupertGiles3@hotmail.org
Date: 1/23/01 2:10 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Fwd: My amazing wit
Ex-Watcher who always gets sacked,
You know you want me.
Love,
Me
Mr. Giles,
Do you think perhaps you could keep your pet vampire
in hand a bit better? This sort of behavior is
uncalled for and unnecessary. I don't believe the
Council would real approve of the rather mercenary
operation you are running in Sunnydale. But that's of
no concern of mine. Please see if you can reign in
William the Bloody's rather extraverted behavior. I
would deeply appreciate it!
Sincerely,
Wesley Windham-Pryce
From: RupertGiles3@hotmail.org
To: WWP@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 6:26 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Fwd: My amazing wit
Don't be such a prude, Wesley. We both went to public
school. As for the Council - I do believe I'm in still
in favorable standing with them. And as much as it
pains me to say, Spike is simply stating a fact.
I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you,
and I do hope you will attend to these sorts of
matters on your own. I've enough on my plate with the
current status of things, without being bothered by
such trivial issues.
Regards,
RPG
From: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
To: BSummers@hotmail.org
Date: 1/23/01 1:30 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Icecream to the rescue!
Buffy, I know you know we all saw the...emails.
Please don't be too upset, you know Spike was just
being...Spike. That's kind of his job. If you need
anything. To talk, or maybe eat alot of icecream, I'm
here. And Tara's here too.
We could all eat icecream and stuff. Don't be sad!
Love,
Willow
From: BSummers@hotmail.org
To: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:38 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Icecream to the rescue!
Hey Wills, I think I could use an ice cream fix right
now. Maybe a gallon or eight of Ben and Jerry's.
I'll come over after I make sure Dawnie's off to bed.
Love, Buff
From: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:33 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: From Tara - chocolate and stuff
Hi Spike, we added chocolate chips to the brownies
and there will be fudge frosting. That was really
nice what you did. But Willow said I shouldn't tell
you that. See you tomorrow morning...well, late
morning.
Tara
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:38 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: From Tara - chocolate and stuff
Ya got a nice rack. Wanna shag?
Love,
Me
P.S. You witchypoohs don't tell a soul... ya got me?
From: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:40 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: From Tara - chocolate and stuff
Thanks...I think. And Willow says, "duh" about the
trust thing. I agree. Believe me, I understand...
Tara
From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/23/01 12:29 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences....OMG!
OH MY GAWD! Did you just READ that? They really are
swapping spit. Oh... that's too disgusting to even
think of... I mean GAWD!! Angel? He's a total
Hottie!!
How did you know? I mean... how... you're not having
sex with Spike, too... are you???? answer me right
now.
Luvz,
Cordy
From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: Bsummers@hotmail.org (Buffy),
RednBlondeWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara),
AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org
(Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert),
LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn),
SuckDeez@yahoo.org (Gunn), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz),
WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley),
Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate),
Angel@AngelInvestigations.com, RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:31 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Whatever. Don't email me anymore Bleach
Freak!
From: SuckDeez@yahoo.org
To: Bsummers@hotmail.org (Buffy),
RednBlondeWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara),
AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org
(Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert),
LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn),
PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com (Cordy), Howl@moonstar.com
(Oz), WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley),
Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate),
Angel@AngelInvestigations.com, RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:31 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Yo. That's some sick-ass shit.
G->
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 12:48 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences....OMG!
Cordelia, Cordy old pal,
May I just take a moment to say, I TOLD YOU SO!! You
gotta listen to the Xandman, he is wise in the ways of
demon love. But only with Anya. Anya ex-demon love.
Only Anya. Sooooo not doing anything horizontal with
the Spikenator....or anything....
It's me...legs and breast man, you know?
And...uh...well, after that phone conversation we had
last week, how can you even ask that?? Have I
mentioned how great it was to "talk" to you again?
And by the way....TOLD YOU SO!
Love,
Xander
From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/23/01 1:08 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences....OMG!
Xander, Then how did you know? Start dishing, Only
Anya Demon Lover. Hey - I thought you were on covert
ops over there... the "talk"... smooth move, ex-lax.
Now I'm gonna have to worry about your
psycho-vengeance woman going all veiny on me again.
But anyway... I did enjoy it. It was great to hear you
again. You sound... bigger... ;)
Luvz,
Cordy
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences....OMG!
Cordy, the guy talks when he's drunk. And that's all
we do...drink and talk and grunt. Man-stuff. I tried
to tell you before, but nooooooo, your Dark Avenger
couldn't be doing it with Spike. Next time you will
believe, Grasshopper.
I *am* covert-ops guy....wanna see me in my uniform?
I will if you wear that cat suit again! Behold the
genius that is Xander Harris...After I found out Anya
was snooping through my email I had Willow do some
magic encryption stuff, so no one can get into this
bad boy except me. Totally safe. Kinda like phone
sex. So....bigger, huh? Yeah...growth spurt. And
geez but that came out ruder than I meant it.
But yeah. Kinda nice. I mean, I know you're not
leaving your career there, and I'm not leaving Anya.
It's just....nice. Lame, huh? Figured I'd just beat
you to it and say it for you. But it was you
know....nice I mean.
Love,
Xander
From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/23/01 1:35 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences....OMG!
Xan,
I don't think it's lame... Okay, maybe a little lame.
But that's only because... well it is. I don't know,
though... Not like I hate your veiny-psychopathic
schizoid of a girlfriend or anything... but I feel
like I was there first, you know? Okay, sounds
strange.. Whatever.. I'm always being accused of
being self-centered, so maybe sometimes it's true.
Not like I'm plexing over it... Which I'm not... Even
though I know it's wrong... even though we're like
totally bad... and it was really sexy when you said
that, you know... Gawd. How pathetic am I? Drooling
over the 'bad' comment... and yeah... the uniform...
gotta say - worked for me.
Ugh... So... are we gonna talk again soon? Miss you.
Luvz,
C~
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:48 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences....OMG!
Cordy,
Yeah...you were there first on Planet Xander....never
thought I'd hear you make it sound like it was
something you were proud of. So....thanks! And
yeah....we're bad....we know it! (Cue bad Michael
Jackson music).
We've got history, I guess....even if it is the
Hellmouthy kind, and even if most of it was spent in a
broom closet. Now *that's* the kind of closet I can
stand to be in! (no more Spike comments, please!).
Yeah....we're are most definitely going to talk again
soon. There will be talkage. *And* I have an
excellent long-distance plan (yep, always thinking
that Xandman is!).
So...Cordy....how do you feel about cyber sex?
Grinning like an idiot,
Xander
From: Howl@moonstar.com
To: Reply All Address Book: Bsummers@hotmail.org
(Buffy), RednBlondeWitches@aol.com (Willow & Tara),
AnyasViking@yahoo.org (Xander), MoNeeTalkz@yahoo.org
(Anya), RupertGiles3@hotmail.org (Rupert),
LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org (Dawn),
PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com (Cordy), SuckDeez@yahoo.org
(Gunn), Howl@moonstar.com (Oz),
WWP@AngelInvestigations.com (Wesley),
Klockley@LAPD.com (Kate), RudeBadMan@aol.com (William)
Date: 1/23/01 1:10 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
So. Why didn't anyone tell me the Hellmouth moved to
Los Angeles?
Peace,
Oz
From: MoNeETalkz@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com, Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Cc: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: Date: 1/23/01 1:28 AM Pacific Standard Time
(Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
Can Xander and I watch? I think it would prove most
educational for him. He has certain reservations
regarding the pleasantness of anal penetration. Which
is odd, considering how often he enjoys being the one
performing sodomy.
And Xander? Perhaps if we reclassified sodomy as
"good" touching, then it will be o.k. for Spike and
Angel to sodomize you, just like it's o.k. for you to
give Willow those long and very sensual hugs that
should be reserved only for me. I think we need to
review the touching list.
Love,
Anyanka
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com, Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:45 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Fwd: Re: The Differences
Please please please delete and disregard Anya's last
email. Please. Really. It didn't happen.
Xander
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: MoNeETalkz@yahoo.org
Cc: AnyasViking@yahoo.org,
Date: 1/23/01 1:48 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences
ExDemon who's shaggin Droopy,
Only if we can shag Droopy.
Love,
Me
From: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
To: Howl@moonstar.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Hey there Mister!
Oz, Hey Wolfie!! I've totally missed you! Oh my
god, howcome you don't write more? I mean, this is a
pretty crappy way for us to hear from you, but hey...
we'll take what we can get, you know? Anyway, I have
to talk to you - I'm doing this dog shampoo commercial
next week, and I need to know how you keep your coat
so shiny. Like do you use products? I've got to get
into character... give me something to draw from.
Luvz,
Cordy
From: Howl@moonstar.com
To: PradasNotJustShoes@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:24 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Hey there Ms.
Not a whole lot of recall on the whole wolf thing when
it happens. Which isn't often. I kinda have this
control thing going on. But good luck. Devon sends
you...well, he's doing something interesting with his
tongue. Says you'll understand. I'll let you know
when I'm in town.
Oz
From: RupertGiles3@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 6:36 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday
Subject: Re: The Differences
I'm not sure I understand what's happened here. I'm
also not certain I want to. Please refrain from
Emailing me. I dislike this machine enough as it is.
Regards,
RPG
From: RupertGiles3@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 6:40 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday
Subject: Re: The Differences
Spike,
One should really not answer one's email before the
first cuppa. Please disregard my previous missive.
You are nobler than you let on. You and I both know
what you did, and there's no point in dwelling on it.
However, I feel compelled to say that it was quite
gracious of you. I thank you, on Buffy's behalf.
You are also correct. Wesley is an insufferable,
sanctimonious pillock. Please feel free to send him
annoying emails. Often.
Cheers,
Rupert
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: RupertGiles3@hotmail.org
Date: 1/23/01 4:42 PM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday
Subject: Re: The Differences
Rupert,
Good to know everyone from the Motherland isn't a
complete wanker.
Ta,
William
From: LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences....and How!!!
You and Angel are gay??? That's so cute!
Love ya!
Lil bit
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org
Date: 1/23/01 2:21 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences....and How!!!
Lil Bit,
It's not cute. And you shouldn't be reading this
rubbish. Go to bed, you're up past your curfew.
Love,
Me
From: LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:28 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: The Differences....and How!!!
Nyah nyah nyah....you're the one in the dog house.
Buffy's stuffing her face with icecream at Willow's,
so I have the house to myself!
Hehehehe....what evil can I get up to? What do you
suppose I can find out on the internet, Spike? And
the great part? You can't tell on me to Buffy because
she won't be talking to you for like...forever!
Nyah nyah nyah....love you alot! Give Angel a big
kiss for me!
Say you love me too!
Lil bit
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org
Date: 1/23/01 2:32 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Go to bed!
Lil bit,
You're not so big I can't take you over my knee, you
know. Now off with you. Bed. Now. Or no more trips
to the crypt for story time. Now goodnight, and
forget you read this rot. You better listen to Sis,
or you're in for it. I may not be able to bite....
but Angel can.
Love,
Me
P.S. Yeah, I love you too Nibblet
From: LittleBitoAwright@hotmail.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 2:40 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Go to Bed!
No one *ever* let's me have any fun! It's not fair!
I *hate* being young! Fine, fine...I'm going. See
you tomorrow. And of course you love me....duh!
Lil bit
From: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
To: Howl@moonstar.com
Date: 1/23/01 1:36 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Hi
Oz! Hi! You have an email address! I didn't know
that. You just seemed to disappear. But here you
are...wherever here is for you.
Uhm...how's about some small talk? How are you? How
are the Dingoe's doing? Tara and I are doing
well...really good.
I miss you. Do you think next time you're in town we
could get together and talk?
Love,
Red Pez Witch
From: Howl@moonstar.com
To: RednBlondeWitches@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 7:02 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Hey
I didn't answer you right away. Needed to think. I
don't think I'm ready to see you right now. Funny how
I can control the wolf in me, but I can't manage to
look at you. Yeah...funny.
Let's just try this email thing. See how that works
out.
Oz
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:10 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Talk to me
Love,
You alright over there? Talk to me.
Love,
Me
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
I don't really know....I have to talk to her, but I
just called and Dawn said she was at Willow's with
some guys named Ben and Jerry. I'm pretty sure that's
some inside joke. I can't believe you did that for
me.
I'm going to owe you, aren't I? That's okay...you
made it easier for her.
I wish it weren't so close to daylight, I'd drive out
there. Do you think she'll be alright?
You know I love you, right?
Angel
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:19 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
Angel,
She'll be fine. She's alright. Strong girl. She's
eating sweet treats with her chums already... That's a
good sign. And just for the record... I love you
too.
Forever,
William
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:23 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
Will - there's been alot of wasted time between us.
No more, alright?
Love,
Angel
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:34 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
Angel, We're of the same mind here, pet. Tomorrow?
Love,
Me
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:42 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
Will - as soon as I talk to her. I need to do that
first. God, I'm an idiot and this isn't how she
should have found out, but I'm glad everyone knows.
And they do. I don't think you really fooled anyone.
Except maybe Xander. He's not too bright. So yes,
tomorrow. Sleep well, one of us should.
Love,
Angel
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 3:56 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
Angel, If you can't sleep - you know what to do.
Give yourself a happy for me, love. You can call,
too... I'll talk ya through it. Give ya a good seein
to on the phone, yanno. And Xander? He already
knows. He was just bein good about it for Slayers
sake.
Love,
Me
P.S. Can wait to touch you, love.
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:01 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Favors of a non-sexual variety
No, you do not get to shag Droopy. So...nice thing
you did there, Bleached Wonder. Need me to pick up
anything for you? I'm betting you have company coming
tomorrow. Take care, DeadBoy Jr.
Xander
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/23/01 4:08 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Favors of a non-sexual variety....you sure
about that?
Xanpet,
Come on... Just once. If ya don't like it, you don't
have to do it again. Yanno you're curious. I know ya
are, anyway. And, yeah.. Poofter's comin tomorrow.
Tonight... I could use some JD. Be a love and go pick
some up for me.
Love,
Me
From: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:10 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Favors of a non-sexual variety....yes I'm
sure!
Right. Whatever. Stop giving Anya ideas. Just shut
up and say thank you to the nice human. JD it is.
See ya manana you evil gay demon you.
Totally straight Xander
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: AnyasViking@yahoo.org
Date: 1/23/01 4:14 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Favors of a non-sexual variety....Fine!
Shaggy,
Like I'd shag you anyway. And ta pet. You're a love.
Love,
Me
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:15 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
Now I'm guilty and horny. Thanks, Will. And trust
me...I know how to give myself a happy, but it will be
nice to be thinking of you and tomorrow. Incentive.
Definitely.
Love you,
Angel
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:22 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
Angel,
Can't tell ya how much I wanna slip inside ya right
now. Could shag that sweet arse of yours for days.
Tomorrow.
Love,
Me
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:25 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
How do you do that to me? Type a few words and have
me in knots. I know...that gave you a visual. Think
about it. Me. Tied up. At your mercy. Begging for
you. And you know I would. Want you now.
Very very much. Be ready tomorrow. See you....
Angel
From: RudeBadMan@aol.com
To: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:27 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
Angel,
Bloody hell. Tied up? Bugger. Gonna have me a nice
wank thinkin on that.
Love,
Me
P.S. Will ya let me blindfold you?
From: Angel@AngelInvestigations.com
To: RudeBadMan@aol.com
Date: 1/23/01 4:30 AM Pacific Standard Time (Tuesday)
Subject: Re: Talk to me
The devil invented email, we're just perfecting it.
You know I'll let you do anything you want...because
then I'm going to be doing it to you. Now go to
sleep...and think of me. Chains. Sweat. Moaning.
God, I love email!
Love you more....
Angel
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